‘It is,’ Madison said grimly. ‘To tell the truth, what with Gerard and trying to get the department up and running, I totally forgot about it. I haven’t prepared a thing.’
‘Just make sure you’re not too nice!’ Alanna said with a wry smile. ‘I sometimes think we bend over so far backwards to make people think that Emergency’s easy, in the hope of getting staff, that we omit to warn them how diverse and demanding the work can be. And in the end we both come out losers—we carry someone unsuitable for an entire shift and they in turn never want to set foot in the place again…’ A blush darkened her cheeks and Alanna gave an apologetic wince. ‘Sorry, I’ll get off my soapbox now. It’s nothing to do with me.’
‘But it is,’ Madison pointed out. ‘You’re a senior staff member, Alanna.’ Taking a deep breath, she eyed her colleague. ‘How would you feel about going to deliver the welcome? After all, you sound a lot more prepared than I am. Only if you don’t mind, of course,’ she added hastily, not wanting to pass the buck, but Alanna was good at this type of thing and if she wanted to do it, Madison was only too happy to delegate.
‘I’d love to.’ Alanna flushed. ‘So long as you don’t think…’
‘I can’t run this place on my own,’ Madison said softly. And somehow go to every last meeting and deal single handed with every crisis that blows up. I need senior staff that I can rely on, senior staff who are willing to take the lead. And you’re right up there, Alanna.’
‘I don’t give a damn,’ Guy shouted down the telephone, after three prolonged calls. ‘It doesn’t matter what she’s done in the past, the fact is this woman is ill, mentally and this time physically…’ He paused and Madison found she was holding her breath, watching Guy’s grim face on the phone as he insisted that the surgical registrar again drop what he was doing, again leave an unwell patient, to see a woman who had let them all down badly in the past.
‘Let’s cut the rubbish,’ Guy broke in. ‘You are a registrar, and, as of ten minutes ago, I am acting director of Emergency, and I am telling you to come down here urgently. In fact, I am going to hang up now and put out an emergency page for the surgeons to come to Emergency. And if you don’t run to get here, you won’t just have me to answer to.’
And he did just that. Terminated the call then punched in triple zero, telling the switchboard operator to urgently summon the surgical team.
‘Overkill?’ He grimaced replacing the receiver.
‘No.’ Madison shook her head. ‘The terrible thing is, I can see both sides. The surgeons have believed her over and over again, they’ve put her ahead of genuine patients and in some instances the consequences have been dire. But Trevor Jordan is a good man and he doesn’t deserve to carry the guilt that’s surely going to follow if he doesn’t treat Judith promptly. And as you pointed out, Judith isn’t just physically sick, but mentally, too. As hard as it is to give sometimes, she deserves our compassion and professionalism, whether or not she’s faking it.’
‘Did you rehearse that?’ Guy blinked, a smile breaking out on his worried face.
‘Sort of,’ Madison admitted. ‘I’ve been going over and over in my head how we should be dealing with Judith, and that’s the best I could come up with.’
‘Well, it helped,’ Guy said, grimacing as the overhead chimes went off and the loudspeaker boomed out that surgeons were urgently required in Emergency. ‘Thanks.’
Acting director?’ Madison asked as Guy swung down from his stool and headed into cubicle two.
‘I just found out,’ Guy said, his voice almost apologetic. ‘I was going to tell you well away from here. You deserved to hear it properly, given you’re the NUM. I just had to flex a few muscles to get Trevor down here.’
‘That’s fine,’ Madison said, and as he headed off, she managed a tiny croak. ‘Congratulations.’
‘Madison?’ A sharp rap on her office door was the only warning Madison had that Guy was coming in before the door opened. ‘Are you busy?’
It was a pretty stupid question, given she was head down in a pile of paperwork and juggling a telephone call to the nursing administrator, trying to get an extra nurse for the late shift. But instead of giving a smart reply, Madison gestured for him to sit down and attempted to finish her call. Attempted, because the brisk, efficient person she’d been only a moment ago seemed to have lost track of the conversation. Even though Madison was more than familiar with having her conversations interrupted and doctors arriving unannounced and requiring her attention, in this instance even the most mundane of tasks—breathing—was proving difficult. Brutally aware of Guy’s presence, she tried to refocus on the voice in her ear and block out the masculine scent filling her nostrils, the heavy scrutiny of his eyes on hers. When his pager shrilled, she had to physically drag her eyes away from the sight of his hand scribbling on a pad on her desk, suntanned hands with very short, very white, very neat nails.
‘If I don’t have an extra nurse, we’ll have to go on bypass,’ Madison insisted, referring to a situation where ambulances were rerouted to another hospital, a situation that was clearly far from ideal. ‘I need a nurse by three p.m. at the latest,’ Madison went on, rolling her eyes at Guy. ‘Of course I’ll let Dr Boyd know the situation. I’d appreciate it if you can get back to me as soon as possible.’
He gave a wry smile as she replaced the receiver.
‘That was the nursing supervisor,’ Madison explained, ‘trying to give me a valid reason why we can’t have one nurse to cover the three staff that I haven’t got tonight. Given you’re the consultant in charge today, she asked me to let you know what was going on.’
‘Do you think we’ll have to go on bypass?’
‘No. They can “maybe” get a nurse to come at six p.m., but they’re not prepared to pay overtime.’
‘So how can we cover the department?’ Guy frowned. ‘The early staff finish at four…’
‘I can stay back.’ Madison shrugged.
‘Shouldn’t you be at home?’ Guy frowned and so did Madison. The insinuation that she was putting the department before her daughter stung deeply, but just as quickly as it had started the tiny confrontation was over. Guy swiftly and appropriately moved the conversation from personal to professional. ‘How come we’re short?’ As Madison opened her mouth to answer he put up his hand. ‘That was probably the dumbest question I could have asked.’
‘Probably,’ Madison replied. ‘Not all of the staff that have been recruited could start straight away, I’ve got one nurse who hurt her neck during the “back safe” demonstration, not to mention the staff we haven’t yet been able to recruit. There’s actually an advert coming out in a British newspaper this weekend, trying to wow nurses to come and nurse in sunny Australia.’
‘Which smacks of robbing Peter to pay Paul. Sorry.’ He gave a weak smile. ‘I worked in the UK for a year and, believe me, their problems are much the same. Anyway…’ his smile faded ‘…that isn’t what I came in here to talk about.’
‘About Judith?’ Madison asked, but Guy shook his head.
‘Nope, she’s finally in Theatre.’
Taking a deep breath, Madison looked squarely back at him. ‘You’ve heard from the pathologist about Gerard.’
Guy nodded.
‘Have you spoken to Yvonne?’
‘The pathologist rang her first with his findings. I’m not going to make this public, that has to be Yvonne’s call, but given you were the one who was there when it happened and were involved in the attempted resuscitation, I figure that you deserve to know what happened as soon as possible.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Gerard suffered a massive cardiac event.’ He closed his eyes for just a fraction too long, his voice slightly hoarse when he carried on. ‘There was absolutely nothing that anyone could have done.’
‘Nothing?’ Madison checked, because it mattered, mattered more than she had let on yesterday, because Gerard had deserved the very best.
‘Nothing,’ Guy confirmed. ‘I
started to ask the pathologist that if we had somehow managed to revive him, what the outcome would have been—but he stopped me right there. He told me in no uncertain terms that Gerard had had a massive fatal heart attack, that there were no ifs or buts. He could not have survived under any circumstances. There was absolutely no chance of reviving him, none whatsoever. As you said yourself yesterday, Gerard was dead before he even hit the floor.’
‘He didn’t even complain of chest pain.’ Madison’s voice was dazed. ‘If he had, if I’d thought for a moment—’
‘Don’t.’ Guy shook his head. ‘Don’t go there, Madison.’ His pager buzzed again and Guy grimaced as he read the message. ‘Damn.’
‘Problem?’
‘Only that the CEO of the hospital shouldn’t have to page me twice. Can I borrow your phone?’ Picking it up without waiting for her answer, he punched in the numbers and listened more than spoke, finally putting down the receiver.
‘The funeral is going to be on Thursday at ten a.m. Doug has said that any staff who want to go can attend and not to worry about the budget, to arrange cover…’
‘That’s a first.’ Madison managed a wintry smile. ‘We should be OK. Only a few of the staff worked with Gerard, most had only just met him. I’m sure everyone will be willing to shuffle the off-duty for one day, and I can always work the floor.’
‘You?’ Guy’s voice was slightly incredulous. ‘You’re not going to go?’
‘I’m needed here,’ Madison said stiffly, but, realising something more was probably called for, she gave a tight shrug. ‘I don’t like funerals. I don’t do very well at them.’
‘Nobody likes funerals, Madison,’ Guy responded sharply. ‘But you’re the nurse unit manager, for goodness’ sake. Of course you have to go. You’re expected—’
‘Expected to what?’ Jumping up, Madison clutched the desk, her knuckles as white as her pale lips, her fight-or-flight response so extreme Guy actually ducked back in his seat, his eyes wide as she continued. ‘Expected to stand there and shed a dignified tear, to get up and give a speech about how he touched so many lives, expected to represent the hospital…’
‘I know he was your friend.’ Visibly shocked at her tirade, Guy’s voice was kinder now, trying to calm her, trying to say the right thing. ‘I know what happened yesterday was awful, I know that Gerard was more than a colleague to you, that he was a friend as well, but given that surely he’d want…’ And on and on he went, trying and failing to say the right thing, missing the mark over and over until finally she halted him in utter defeat, sitting back down on her chair, appalled at having lost control like that, appalled at letting Guy, letting anyone, glimpse that painful, raw part of her soul, but knowing it deserved explanation.
‘This isn’t about Gerard.’ She couldn’t even look at him, so instead she closed her eyes to allow herself to continue. ‘As selfish as it sounds, it’s all about me.’ She could feel the sweat beading on her forehead, feel her breath coming in short, unyielding gasps, and even though she’d never experienced a panic attack, this was as close as Madison wanted to come to having one. Almost choking to get the words out, infinitely grateful when Guy came over, sat on the desk right in front of her and took her trembling hand, she attempted to continue.
‘The last funeral I went to was five years ago.’
‘Go on,’ Guy said, but it wasn’t urgent. He handed her a glass of water from her desk and waited as she took a sip. ‘Whose funeral was it?’
‘My husband’s,’ Madison answered, her voice curiously detached now. ‘He was killed in a motorbike accident.’
‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Emily was just a baby.’ Urgent eyes turned to his. ‘I haven’t been to a funeral since. I’m terrified how I’m going to be. I feel awful because since yesterday, instead of mourning Gerard, I’ve been worrying about me…’
‘Madison.’ Guy’s voice was firm. ‘You don’t have to go. I was talking through my hat before.’
‘You’re not wearing one.’
‘No.’ Guy smiled softly. ‘Would you rather I said I was talking through my backside?’
‘No.’ Only then did she realize he was still holding her hand. His was dry and warm, hers cold and horribly, embarrassingly clammy, and she pulled it away. But even if they were talking about nothing, it helped more than she could believe, his vague, gentle teasing enough to bring her back to earth, a tiny interlude as everything settled, if not quite as it had been before, at least back into some sort of order.
‘I’ve got to get back out there,’ Guy said, gesturing to the door but clearly reluctant to leave without offering some sort of solution. ‘Look, it’s impossible to talk properly here. Why don’t we go out for a drink tonight, grab some dinner?’
‘There’s nothing to talk about,’ Madison answered coolly, but inside she was horribly flustered. The thought of facing him socially, away from the safety of the hospital, terrified her.
‘I think there is,’ Guy answered, looking directly at her. And something in his eyes, his voice, his stance told her he wasn’t referring to Gerard, or funerals, or work, but to them—to the chemistry that had sparked between them, to the irrefutable tension that crackled whenever they were together. ‘I’d like to get to know you, Madison, away from here. It’s only dinner…’
But it wasn’t only dinner, Madison knew that, knew that despite the casual offer, despite his attempt to soften the offer with an only, it had all the hallmarks of a date. A real-life grown-up date. Staring back at him, watching his soft blond hair falling over his forehead, those gorgeous hazel eyes taking in every flicker of her reaction, the delicious male scent of him filling the room, for a frighteningly long moment she was tempted to accept, to throw caution to the winds and just move with her feelings. But as the reason she would have to decline popped into her mind, it was as if a bucket of icy water had been poured over her—feelings, emotion that had struggled towards the surface firmly quashed as common sense took over, as the practicalities of being a mother, a widow, a working woman mocked her temporary moment of recklessness.
‘In case it slipped your mind, I’ve got a daughter, Guy. I think I used up all my babysitting tokens long ago.’
‘Tokens?’
‘Favours,’ Madison briskly corrected. ‘I can’t just pull a childminder out of thin air.’ Satisfied she’d given a dignified no, Madison picked up her pen, effectively ending the conversation, but still Guy remained.
‘Bring her along,’ Guy offered.
Madison’s pen froze mid-signature, internally damning him through gritted teeth, but forcing a smile instead.
‘I don’t think so.’
‘You don’t think so?’ Guy smiled, ever the optimist. ‘Is that a maybe?’
‘It’s a no,’ Madison said firmly.
‘So you’re just going to sit home alone tonight and mull things over, work yourself into a tizz about the funeral—’
‘Again,’ Madison broke in, ‘you exemplify how little you know about my life, Guy. After I’ve collected Emily, made her dinner, helped her with her homework, bathed her, set out both our uniforms for tomorrow, listened to her read, then read to her, maybe, just maybe, I’ll have half an hour to myself before collapsing into bed, only to get up a few hours later and do it all over again!’
She was painting a picture, trying to show him the impossibility of her situation, to scare him off perhaps, but infuriatingly he still stood there, still smiled that lazy smile at her.
‘Anyway,’ Madison carried on, ‘I’ve made up my mind and I’m going to go.’
‘To dinner?’
‘To the funeral,’ Madison said, despite her words, somehow smiling.
‘You don’t have to.’
‘I actually want to,’ Madison admitted. ‘I want to say goodbye to Gerard and I want to lay a few ghosts of my own to rest. I’m just worried I’ll make a fool of myself.’
‘I’ll stay with you,’ Guy said firmly, and Madison frowned at the possibility,
frowned at the prospect of actually leaning on someone. ‘I’ll stay with you the whole time. You don’t have to do this on your own.’
‘I’ll be fine on my own.’
‘You probably would,’ Guy responded. ‘Only you’re not going to get a chance. I’ll make sure that you don’t have to do a reading or anything like that—all you have to do is be there. I’ll pick you up at nine-thirty on Thursday.’
‘You don’t even know where I live.’
He stood up, shot her just a tiny glimpse of that devastating smile. ‘Ah, but as acting director, I’m sure I’ll be able to find out.’
CHAPTER FOUR
‘IF THERE’S a heaven, why do people cry when someone dies?’
‘Because they miss them,’ Madison answered, her throat thickening, wishing Emily would just buckle up her seat belt so she could get her to school.
Wishing that this whole day was over with.
‘Do you miss Daddy?’
Aware of two very beady eyes staring at her in the rear-view mirror, Madison resisted the urge to grimace. Instead, she took a deep breath and then gave a long, slow nod. ‘Of course I do. And,’ she added, because this conversation wasn’t really about her, but about her daughter, ‘I’m sure that Daddy misses you, too.’
‘But can he see me?’
‘He can.’ Madison gulped.
‘He knows I’m OK?’
‘He does,’ Madison said, wishing fiercely that Emily would change the subject. ‘And I’m sure he’s really proud of you.’
‘You should get a new boyfriend—Mummy, you’ve stalled the car!’
Be careful what you wish for, Madison thought, slamming her foot on the clutch and restarting the engine.
‘Helen’s got a new boyfriend.’
‘Has she?’ Madison asked, frantically revving the car. ‘Who told you?’
‘Richard—but he’s not allowed to know yet, so you mustn’t say a word. All the grey hairs on Helen’s head have gone blonde and Richard heard her talking on the telephone, saying that she’s going out on Friday and that she hopes it’s somewhere expensive! He’s got the same job as Jesus.’
Needed: Full-Time Father (Medical Romance) Page 6
