So right to be held, to be kissed, to move her mouth with his, yielding to him, the delicious feel of his hands on her back, the tangy scent of him close up. It had been so long since she’d felt like this, so long since she’d been held with such passion and longing, and if they regretted it tomorrow, regretted it this day even, right now she didn’t care. Right now all Madison wanted was to give in to her body, to dissolve in his arms, to be led by this delicious man, to let go of the pain that surrounded them for even just a little while.
‘Madison?’ His question was a throaty gasp. ‘I want you…’
‘I want you, too,’ she whispered, taking control now.
She pulled at his tie, kissing him hungrily, the tiny buttons of his shirt somehow managed easily, exposing a delicious toned torso. He had a smattering of blond hair across his chest and circling the dark mahogany of his nipples. Slowly he slid the zipper of her camisole, his warm hand taking the weight of her breasts as the other undid the metal clasp of her bra. He made her feel beautiful. With every touch, every moan, every stroke of her flesh he dragged her reserve away, peeled away the inhibitions as easily as he peeled away their clothes. His trousers were tossed in a rumpled heap of hastily discarded clothing and need fuelled them, a need to see each other, to touch, to explore. Naked, he was so beautiful she almost wept at the feel of male flesh beneath her fingers, the quiet strength of being held, caressed, kissed, the salty taste of his skin, the thickening hair that directed her to his most intimate place.
Kneeling, she lifted her bottom as he slid her skirt down over her hips, his hand stroking the curve of her buttocks, twisting the knife of desire so taut she let out a low needy moan as his fingers slipped into her warmth, the pad of his finger pushing her in tiny deliberate strokes that had her head arching back, delicious tension tightening every muscle, filled with a need she hadn’t known existed, had denied even to herself. Yet with one stroke of his hand, one taste of his cool, experienced mouth, he kindled a wantonness that had been kept in check for so long now, and revealed in a heartbeat the woman beneath the façade.
She revelled in it, so much that it was Madison who took things further, taking his manhood in her hands, feeling the heady weight of his erection nudging the sensitive skin of her inner thighs, and all she knew was that she needed more. Guy sensed it, holding her buttocks, guiding her down on his delicious length, moving her slowly, guiding her as she held on to his shoulders, the sheen of skin beneath her, the full swell of him within her. And it was like nothing she had ever felt before, an exquisite closeness she could never have imagined. Their bodies were in gentle tune, a deep knowing cloaking them, moving them to deeper union, guiding them to the very peak of pleasure. And he wasn’t guiding her any more, his hands lost in her hair as they moved in sync, faster, deeper thrusts that made her cry out as a deep knotting tension grew inside her, her thighs tightening. Her hands moved to his shoulders as this elusive pleasure rippled through her body, gathering force as it went, a flood of heat dashing along her spine, stinging its way to the back of her neck, her whole body shuddering with the sheer delicious force of her orgasm.
It should have been over, she needed to catch her breath, to collapse on him in blessed relief. She’d given all of herself to him, but she wrestled to somehow still stay in control, fought for her head, but it was Guy pulling tightly on the reins, Guy taking the lead now. She could feel him tensing deep within her, feel deep, hard thrusts that filled her further, and instead of regaining control she lost it, years of holding it together deliciously abating as her pleasure grew, painful almost in its intensity, sheer abandonment in every pore as she gave in to him again, letting him take her higher, further, deeper than she had ever had been until her short neat nails dug into his wide shoulders as she cried out his name, gave that last piece of herself no one had ever witnessed until, gasping, exhausted, but sated with pleasure, she finally relaxed against him, heard the thudding of his heart as it beat loudly in her ear, the feel of his skin on her cheek as the world slowly stopped spinning.
‘Guy?’ Madison’s bewildered voice was barely a whisper, but he heard the question behind it, heard the doubt, the embarrassment, the regret in the single word.
‘It’s OK,’ he said quickly, but she shook her head, unable to look at him, completely unable to lift her head, to stare into his eyes and acknowledge what had taken place. But he pulled her back, lifted her chin to force her to look at him. ‘It’s OK, Madison, there’s nothing to regret.’
‘Oh, but there is…’ Pulling herself up, she rummaged for her clothes, pulling on her knickers, trying to force her damp, flushed body into her camisole, to pull up her zipper, and somehow avoid his eyes. ‘Guy, I’ve got a five-year-old daughter. What just happened was beyond irresponsible, it was completely out of character—’
‘It was inevitable,’ Guy broke in, pulling on his boxer shorts before standing up to face her. ‘Madison, you can’t deny that there’s a huge attraction between us.’
‘There isn’t.’ Vehemently she shook her head, furiously she denied it. ‘I’m not attracted to—’ Madison started, realising the sheer futility of her words. The evidence was irrefutable and as her voice trailed off Guy gave a slow lazy smile.
‘So you usually make wild, uninhibited love with men you’re not in the least bit attracted to, do you?’ A very reluctant smile wobbled on her lips, her eyes closing in embarrassment as Guy carried on talking. ‘Madison, I’m not even going to try denying that I’m attracted to you, I’m not going to pretend for a moment that I didn’t want to sleep with you, but what I will tell you is that not for a moment did I expect it to happen today. I didn’t come here with the intention of sleeping with you. I came here because I wanted to be with you, wanted to get to know you a bit better.’
‘Then how?’ Genuinely bewildered, she blinked back at him, scarcely able to comprehend what had just taken place, how in the space of an afternoon her safe ordered word had disappeared, that she had slept with not just a man she barely knew but a man she would be working with. A man whose respect she should command, a man who, day in day out, she would have to face.
‘It just happened, Madison.’ Guy answered as if that were explanation enough but, seeing the confusion in her eyes, he crossed the room, took her stunned face in his hands and continued, ‘Madison, sometimes these things just happen…’
‘Not to me!’ Appalled, she wrenched herself away. ‘Not to me they don’t, Guy. Look, I know you think I’m overreacting, I know I was a completely willing participant, it’s just that…’ Her mouth snapped closed, trapping feelings she didn’t want to reveal, trying to save herself from exposing more than she already had.
But Guy refused to accept her silence, refused to accept her rejection. He put his hands on her shoulders and guided her to the sofa.
‘Am I the first person you’ve slept with since your husband?’ His hand tightened on her shoulders as she nodded reluctantly. He watched as a tear tumbled down her cheek despite her best efforts to squeeze it back, his thumb collecting a damp, loose strand of hair plastered to her forehead and smoothing it gently behind her ear. And if he hadn’t been in his boxers he’d have tried to locate a handkerchief, but instead he watched as Madison gave a rather inelegant sniff and attempted to compose herself. Gently he ploughed on, trying to say the right thing. ‘I wish I’d known that, known how hard this was for you—the guilt you must be feeling. All I can say is that I know this happened quickly, but it doesn’t have to cheapen things. We just did it the wrong way around. Madison, I want to get to know you, all of you, I want to get close to you…’ She frowned up at him, as if he were speaking a foreign language that she’d barely even started to grasp. But occasional words filtered through and, despite her utter confusion, somehow she understood what it was Guy was saying—because she wanted to get close to him, too, wanted to get to know him, all of him. Staring back at his gorgeous face, for a slice of time it almost seemed possible that with a man like Guy maybe they could w
ork it out, maybe they could learn this language together. Perhaps sensing the shift in her, he pushed just a touch harder.
‘Tonight.’ He stroked her hair slowly. ‘Tonight we’ll…’
And like a balloon popping the hope, the possibility that had hung in the air dispersed and with a frustrated sob Madison wrenched herself away.
‘How, Guy? Are you intending to take me out for dinner, to the movies perhaps, or maybe we can go clubbing? Did I omit to mention that I’m way out of babysitter tokens for the next six months?’ He opened his mouth to object, but Madison was going full steam ahead, reaching for her shoes and pulling them on, as bitter, angry words spilled out of her mouth. ‘Or perhaps I should go and pick up Emily and tell her that mummy has got a new boyfriend, why doesn’t she come home and meet him?’
‘Madison! You’re being—’
‘Ridiculous?’ She nodded her head. ‘Because it’s ridiculous to even think for a moment that this could work. And you’re wrong, Guy, it’s not because of some rose-coloured view of my late husband that I haven’t slept with anyone since he died, it’s not because of some misguided sense of honour that I haven’t hit the singles bars or nightclubs. It’s because of the mess my husband left me to pick up when he died. The mess I’ve spent the last five years extricating myself from. Yes, I’m attracted to you, yes, given the emotion of today, perhaps the outcome was inevitable, but if you think I want flowers and meals to somehow dignify it, you’re wrong. All I want is to put this behind us.’
‘To pretend it didn’t happen?’ His voice was incredulous, scarcely able to comprehend the change that had taken place, that the warm, loving, sensual woman he had held only moments before could just get up and walk off, but Madison wasn’t going to give in.
‘We slept together, Guy. We’re two consenting adults who slept together. It’s no big deal.’
‘You’re a useless liar, Madison. That wasn’t just sex for the sake of it, and you know it as well as I do! Where are you going?’ he asked, following her out to the kitchen as she marched out and pulled on her shoes, headed to the hall mirror and dragged a comb through her dishevelled hair.
‘I’m going to pick up my daughter, Guy.’
‘Surely you’ve got five minutes?’
Madison glanced at her watch, appalled to see that she was already five minutes late—confirmation if ever she’d needed it that what she had contemplated for that brief moment was impossible. Emily deserved better. ‘Actually, I don’t.’ Frantically she rubbed in foundation and tried to calm her flushed cheeks.
‘Tomorrow, then?’ Guy asked. ‘When it’s your lunch-break, we’ll meet and talk.’
‘I’ve got an appointment with my life coach tomorrow lunchtime.’
‘Life coach?’
‘Yes.’ His bemusement irritated her. ‘My life coach,’ she repeated, as if it was self-explanatory.
‘What is that? Come on, Madison, I’ve spent the last few years wandering the globe—what the hell’s a life coach?’
‘Someone who helps you to outline and achieve your goals.’ He was standing behind her, frowning at her in the mirror, and Madison sucked in her breath, dragging out the words as if she were reading them from the glossy brochure that had dropped on her mat more than a year ago. ‘Most people don’t achieve their full potential, most people wander through life with no plan. Kerry and I meet monthly and we work out my priorities, set goals, formulate a plan so that I can optimise my emotional and physical wellbeing.’
‘You pay someone to work out your dreams?’
‘No, Guy, I pay someone to help me achieve my goals.’
‘Which are?’
‘It’s in the singular, Guy. I only have one goal and that’s stability.’ Madison stared back at him. ‘Stability for my daughter.’
‘And where do you come into this?’ His lips were almost a sneer. ‘When your life coach is busy working out your financial, physical and emotional wellbeing, where does Madison Walsh come into the picture? Where does the woman I held back there come into it?’
He had a point, but Madison had an answer.
‘That comes under emotional wellbeing and, yes, we’ve addressed it, but I decided to put that on hold until I’d sorted out more pressing matters.’
A mirthless smile ghosted his lips. ‘So a quick one will have to suffice for now?’ His crudeness had Madison biting on her lip but she refused to let him see how much his words hurt. Instead she turned around and finally managed to face him.
‘I guess it will. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to collect my daughter.’
‘Of course. I’ll be out of here in a moment.’ As she wrenched open the front door to flee down the drive, Guy caught her shoulder. ‘Just think about us tonight.’
‘Us?’ She almost choked the word out—couldn’t even turn around to look at him, every muscle rigid with tension.
‘Us,’ Guy repeated, as if ‘us’ already existed. ‘Just think about what you’re walking away from.’
Dashing over to Helen’s, her trembling hand knocked on her friend’s front door. Racked with guilt, she waited for the accusing stares, the suspicious looks, as if everyone must somehow know what had just taken place. But it was Madison’s eyes that widened as Helen flung open the front door, wearing a dressing-gown that had seen better days and a vivid green face pack.
‘It’s supposed to shrink my pores,’ Helen offered by way of explanation, padding down the hallway. ‘The kids are just finishing up their homework so let’s grab a quick cuppa while we’ve got time.’
‘I’m sorry I’m late…’ Madison said, blinking at the normality of it all, hearing the kids chatting in the lounge room, the evening news droning on, everything as it should be.
‘Are you?’ Helen gave a vague shrug. ‘Don’t give it a thought. How was it?’ When Madison didn’t answer, Helen pulled out some mugs and switched on the kettle, her face pack cracking as she gave Madison a sympathetic smile. ‘It must have been hard—saying goodbye to someone you care about.’
‘It was,’ Madison said quietly, immersed in double meanings, her mind spinning from the emotionally draining day. ‘It really was.’
CHAPTER FIVE
‘YOU’VE had an exceedingly challenging week.’ Kerry, Madison’s life coach, leant back in her very nice navy leather chair and crossed her very neat legs. ‘But you’ve coped admirably.’ Shuffling through Madison’s papers, she ticked off some boxes. ‘Madison, you’ve done amazingly well. Your salary has increased enough to send your daughter to your chosen school, you’ve your own parking space, and you’re even managing to go to the hospital gym for a workout twice a week, as well as walking with Emily some evenings. You’ve attained everything you set out to.’
‘I guess.’ Madison stared out of the massive window into the busy street below, watching an ambulance weaving through the early afternoon traffic, the thick, double-glazed window muting the wail of the siren. But Emily could see the flashing lights, the urgency of the vehicle as it picked its way around the slowing cars, and Madison wondered what was coming into the department, wanted to be down there, finding out. Instead, she darted her eyes away and looked over at Kerry. ‘The thing is—I don’t actually need a parking space,’ Madison gulped, watching as Kerry gave her a slightly perplexed look. ‘I mean, it’s nice and everything but, given the fact I’m not arriving with all the other early staff, I could quite easily find a spot to park. I don’t really need my own parking space.’
‘But it shows how well you’re doing,’ Kelly pointed out. ‘The same way you can now comfortably afford to move Emily to the school you’ve chosen for her.’
‘Even though Emily’s happy at the school she’s at?’ Madison was as confused as Kerry. ‘Maybe taking her out isn’t such a good idea after all. I don’t know why it seemed so important.’
‘It was one of your goals,’ Kerry pointed out, tapping the paperwork in front of her then handing it over to Madison.
Madison stared at her own handwri
ting, which said exactly the same thing, trying to remember a time when two yellow lines to park her car between had seemed so important, when a posh school with a boater for Emily to attend had seemed so vital, scarcely able to believe that the date above was only a month ago. ‘And you’ve attained them. You should be feeling pretty pleased with yourself.’
‘And I am.’ Madison nodded, more to convince Kerry than herself, watching as she shuffled the paperwork in front of her and silently dreading what she knew was about to come.
‘Now, we’ve addressed the financial and physical side of your life. You’re in great shape in both areas, but it’s time we looked at the emotional side of things. What are your goals there, Madison? Where do you see yourself in twelve months’ time?’
‘Coming off my shift to a graffitied car in my personal parking space and signing cheques to a school I can’t actually afford, which my daughter doesn’t want to go to…’ As Kerry crossed and re-crossed her legs, stumbled for an answer to her client’s inappropriate response, Madison gave a rather helpless laugh.
‘I think the goalposts just moved.’
‘That’s why we meet regularly,’ Kerry responded quickly. ‘Life is an evolving process. Now that your financial and health needs are being met, now that there’s order in your life, we can deal with the emotional aspects, find out what it is that Madison Walsh wants.’
‘You mean, write out another list.’ Madison frowned. ‘List my ideal partner?’
‘Not necessarily,’ Kerry said. ‘I’m not for a moment suggesting you can only be emotionally complete with a partner by your side. But your emotional needs do need to be addressed. Yes, you’re a mother, yes, you have a demanding career, but you still need to nurture yourself. We can start off slowly, perhaps just meeting friends for coffee at the shopping centre, inviting some people over for a dinner party…’
But Madison wasn’t even listening any more. As much of a help as Kerry had been, as much as she herself had needed the support to get her life in order, setting goals with her friends just sounded too clinical for words. Relegating her emotional wellbeing to a neat list of objectives took all the fun out of it somehow. She picked up her bag and stood up.
Needed: Full-Time Father (Medical Romance) Page 8
