‘Over the account of Mrs Ann’s death, she lingered with that fearful feeling that a young adventurer experiences, who sees a noble vessel set out before him on a voyage of discovery, and wishes, while lingering in harbour himself, that he was already at the shore where it has arrived, and tasted of its repose, and participated in its treasures.
‘Mrs Ann’s death had not been unworthy of that life of magnanimity and high heroic feeling which had marked every hour of her mortal existence – she had espoused the cause of the rejected Elinor, and sworn in the chapel of Mortimer Castle, while Margaret knelt beside, never to admit within its walls the deserter of his betrothed bride.
‘On a dim autumnal evening, when Mrs Ann, with fading sight but undiminished feeling, was poring over some of Lady Russel’s letters in manuscript,53 and, to relieve her eyes, sometimes glanced on the manuscript of Nelson’s Fasts and Festivals of the Church of England,54 it was announced to her that a Cavalier (the servants well knew the charm of that name to the ear of the ancient loyalist) had crossed the draw-bridge, entered the hall, and was advancing to the apartment where she sat. ‘Let him be admitted,’ was her answer, and rising from her chair, which was so lofty and so spacious, that as she lifted herself from it to greet the stranger with a courtly reception, her form appeared like a spectre rising from an ancient monument, – she stood facing the entrance – at that entrance appeared John Sandal. She bent forwards for a moment, but her eyes, bright and piercing, still recognized him in a moment.
‘Back! – back!’ – exclaimed the stately ancestress, waving him off with her withered hand – ‘Back! – profane not this floor with another step!’ – ‘Hear me, madam, for one moment – suffer me to address you, even on my knees – I pay the homage to your rank and relationship – misunderstand it not as an acknowledgement of guilt on my part!’
‘Mrs Ann’s features at this action underwent a slight contraction – a short spasmodic affection. ‘Rise, Sir – rise,’ she said – ‘and say what you have to say – but utter it, Sir, at the door whose threshold you are unworthy to tread.’
‘John Sandal rose from his knees, and pointed instinctively as he rose to the portrait of Sir Roger Mortimer, to whom he bore a striking resemblance. Mrs Ann acknowledged the appeal – she advanced a few steps on the oaken floor – she stood erect for a moment, and then, pointing with a dignity of action which no pencil could embody to the portrait, seemed to consider her attitude as a valid and eloquent answer – it said – he to whose resemblance you point, and claim protection from, never like you dishonoured these walls by an act of baseness – of heartless treachery! Betrayer! – look to his portrait! Her expression had in it something of the sublime – the next moment a strong spasm contracted her features – she attempted to speak, but her lips no longer obeyed her – she seemed to speak, but was not heard even by herself. She stood for a moment before John Sandal in that rigid immoveable attitude that says, ‘Advance not another step at your peril – insult not the portraits of your ancestors – insult not their living representative, by another step of intrusion!’ As she spoke thus, (for her attitude spoke), a stronger spasm contracted her features. She attempted to move – the same rigid constriction extended to her limbs; and, waving her prohibitory arm still, as if in defiance at once of the approach of death and of her rejected kinsman, she dropt at his feet.
*
‘She did not long survive the interview, nor did she ever recover the use of speech. Her powerful intellect was, however, unimpaired; and to the last she expressed herself most intelligibly by action, as determined not to hear a word explanatory of Sandal’s conduct. This explanation was therefore made to Margaret, who, though much shocked and agitated at the first disclosure, seemed afterwards perfectly reconciled to it.
*
‘Shortly after the receipt of these letters, Elinor took a sudden, but perhaps not singular resolution, – she determined to set out immediately for Mortimer Castle. It was not her weariness of the withering life, the αβνωτoç βωç?55 she lived at her Puritanic aunt’s – it was not the wish to enjoy again the stately and splendid ceremonial of Mortimer Castle, contrasted with the frugal fare and monastic rigour of the cottage in Yorkshire – it was not even the wish for that change of place that always flatters us with change of circumstance, as if we did not carry our own hearts with us wherever we go, and might not therefore be sure that an innate and eroding ulcer must be our companion from the Pole to the Equator – it was not this, but a whisper half unheard, yet believed, (just in proportion as it was inaudible and incredible), that murmured from the bottom of her credulous heart, ‘Go – and perhaps’–
‘Elinor set out on her journey, and after having performed it with fewer difficulties than can be imagined, considering the state of the roads, and the modes of travelling in the year 1667 or thereabouts, she arrived in the vicinity of Mortimer Castle. It was a scene of reminiscence to her, – her heart throbbed audibly as the carriage stopped at a Gothic gate, through which there was a walk between two rows of lofty elms. She alighted, and to the request of the servant who followed her, that he might be permitted to shew her the way through a path entangled by the intersecting roots of the trees, and dim with twilight, she answered only by her tears. She waved him off, and advanced on foot and alone. She remembered, from the bottom of her soul, how she had once wandered amid that very grove with John Sandal – how his smile had shed a richer light on the landscape, than even the purple smile of the dying day-light. She thought of that smile, and lingered to catch it amid the rich and burning hues flung by the fading light on the many-tinted boles of the ancient trees. The trees were there – and the light was there – but his smile, that once eclipsed the sun-light, was there no longer!
‘She advanced alone – the lofty avenue of trees still retained its magnificent depth of shade, and gorgeous colouring of trunk and leaf. She sought among them for that which she had once felt – and God and nature alone are conscious of the agony with which we demand from them the object which we are conscious was once consecrated to our hearts, and which we now require of both in vain! God withholds, – and Nature denies them!
‘As Elinor with trembling steps advanced towards the Castle, she saw the funeral scutcheon56 which Mrs Margaret, in honour of her grand-aunt, had caused to be affixed over the principal tower since her decease, with the same heraldic decorum as if the last male of the Mortimer family were extinct. Elinor looked up, and many thoughts rushed on her heart. – ‘There is one departed,’ she thought, ‘whose mind was always fixed on glorious thoughts – the most exalted actions of humanity, or the sublime associations of eternity! Her noble heart had room but for two illustrious guests – the love of God, and the love of her country. They tarried with her to the last, for they found the abode worthy of them; and when they parted, the inmate found the mansion untenantable any longer – the soul fled with its glorious visitors to heaven! My treacherous heart welcomed another inmate, and how has he repaid its hospitality? – By leaving the mansion in ruins!’ As she spoke thus, she approached the entrance of the Castle.
‘In the spacious hall she was received by Margaret Mortimer with the embrace of rooted affection, and by John Sandal, who advanced after the first enthusiasm of meeting was over, with that calm and brother-like good-will, from which there was – nothing to be hoped. There was the same heavenly smile, the same clasp of the hand, the same tender and almost feminine expression of anxiety for her safety – even Margaret herself, who must have felt, and who did feel the perils of the long journey, did not enter into them with that circumstantiality, or appear to sympathize with them so vividly, or, when the tale of toil and travel was told, appear to urge the necessity of speedy retirement, with such solicitude as did John Sandal. Elinor, faint and gasping, grasped the hands of both, and by an involuntary motion locked both together. The widow Sandal was present – she shewed much agitation at the appearance of Elinor; but when she saw this extraordinary and spontaneous movement, it was observ
ed she smiled.
‘Soon after, Elinor retired to the apartment she had formerly occupied. By the affectionate and delicate prévoyance57 of Margaret, the furniture had all been changed – there was nothing to remind her of former days, except her heart. She sat for some time reflecting on her reception, and hope died within her heart as she thought of it. The strongest expression of aversion or disdain would not have been so withering.
‘It is certain that the fiercest passions may be exchanged for their widest extremes in a time incredibly short, and by means the most incalculable. Within the narrow circle of a day, enemies may embrace, and lovers may hate, – but, in the course of centuries, pure complacency and cordial good-will never can be exalted into passion. The wretched Elinor felt this, – and feeling it, knew that all was lost.
‘She had now, for many days, to undergo the torture of complacent and fraternal affection from the man she loved, – and perhaps a keener torture was never endured. To feel hands that we long to press to our burning hearts, touch ours with cool and pulseless tranquillity – to see eyes in whose light we live, throw on us a cold but smiling beam, that gives light, but not fertility, to the parched and thirsting soil of the heart – to hear the ordinary language of affectionate civility addressed to us in tones of the most delicious suavity – to seek in these expressions an ulterior meaning, and to find it not – This – this is an agony which only those who have felt can conceive!
‘Elinor, with an effort that cost her heart many a pang, mingled in the habits of the house, which had been greatly changed since the death of Mrs Ann. The numerous suitors of the wealthy and noble heiress, now crowded to the Castle; and, according to the custom of the times, they were sumptuously entertained, and invited to prolong their stay by numerous banquets.
‘On these occasions, John Sandal was the first to pay distinguished attention to Elinor. They danced together; and though her Puritanic education had taught her an abhorrence of those ‘devil’s measures,’ as her family was accustomed to term them, she tried to adapt herself to the gay steps of the Canaries,* and the stately movements of the Measures – (for the newer dances had not, even in report, reached Mortimer Castle) – and her slender and graceful form needed no other inspiration than the support of John Sandal’s arms, (who was himself an exquisite dancer), to assume all the graces of that delightful exercise. Even the practised courtiers applauded her. But, when it was over, Elinor felt, that had John Sandal been dancing with a being the most indifferent to him on earth, his manner would have been exactly the same. No one could point with more smiling grace to her slight deviations from the figure, – no one could attend her to her seat with more tender and anxious politeness, and wave the vast fan of those days over her with more graceful and assiduous courtesy. But Elinor felt that these attentions, however flattering, were offered not by a lover.
*
‘Sandal was absent on a visit to some neighbouring nobleman, and Margaret and Elinor were one evening completely alone. Each seemed equally anxious for an explanation, which neither appeared willing to begin. Elinor had lingered till twilight at the casement, from which she had seen him ride, and lingered still when to see him was no longer possible. Her sight was strained to catch a glimpse of him through the gathering clouds, as her imagination still toiled to catch a gleam of that light of the heart, which now struggled dimly amid clouds of gloomy and unpierceable mystery. ‘Elinor,’ said Margaret emphatically, ‘look for him no longer, – he never can be yours!’
‘The sudden address, and the imperative tone of conviction, had upon Elinor the effect of being addressed by a supernatural monitor. She was unable even to ask how the terrible intelligence that burst on her so decisively, was obtained.
‘There is a state of mind in which we listen thus to a human voice as if it were an oracle, – and instead of asking an explanation of the destiny it announces, we wait submissively for what yet remains to be told. In this mood, Elinor slowly advanced from the casement, and asked in a voice of fearful calmness, ‘Has he explained himself perfectly to you?’ – ‘Perfectly.’ – ‘And there is nothing to expect?’ – ‘Nothing. ‘ – ‘And you have heard this from himself – his very self?’ – ‘I have; and, dear Elinor, let us never again speak on the subject.’ – ‘Never!’ answered Elinor, – ‘Never!’
‘The veracity and dignity of Margaret’s character, were inviolable securities for the truth of what she uttered; and perhaps that was the very reason why Elinor tried to shrink most from the conviction. In a morbid state of heart, we cannot bear truth – the falsehood that intoxicates us for a moment, is worth more than the truth that would disenchant us for life. – I hate him because he tells me the truth, is the language natural to the human mind, from the slave of power to the slave of passion.
*
‘Other symptoms that could not escape the notice of the most shallow, struck her every hour. That devotion of the eye and heart, – of the language and the look, that cannot be mistaken, – were all obviously directed to Margaret. Still Elinor lingered in the Castle, and said to herself, while every day she saw and felt what was passing, ‘Perhaps.’ That is the last word that quits the lips of those who love.
*
‘She saw with all her eyes, – she felt to the bottom of her soul, – the obviously increasing attachment of John Sandal and Margaret; yet still she dreamed of interposing obstacles, – of an explanation. When passion is deprived of its proper aliment, there is no telling the food on which it will prey, – the impossibilities to which, like a famished garrison, it will look for its wretched sustenance.
‘Elinor had ceased to demand the heart of the being she was devoted to. She now lived on his looks. She said to herself, Let him smile, though not on me, and I am happy still – wherever the sun-light falls, the earth must be blessed. Then she sunk to lower claims. She said, Let me but be in his presence, and that is enough – let his smiles and his soul be devoted to another, one wandering ray may reach me, and that will be enough!
‘Love is a very noble and exalting sentiment in its first germ and principle. We never love without arraying the object in all the glories of moral as well as physical perfection, and deriving a kind of dignity to ourselves from our capacity of admiring a creature so excellent and dignified; but this lavish and magnificent prodigality of the imagination often leaves the heart a bankrupt. Love in its iron age of disappointment, becomes very degraded – it submits to be satisfied with merely exterior indulgences – a look, a touch of the hand, though occurring by accident – a kind word, though uttered almost unconsciously, suffices for its humble existence. In its first state, it is like man before the fall, inhaling the odours of paradise, and enjoying the communion of the Deity; in the latter, it is like the same being toiling amid the briar and the thistle, barely to maintain a squalid existence without enjoyment, utility, or loveliness.
*
‘About this time, her Puritan aunt made a strong effort to recover Elinor out of the snare of the enemy. She wrote a long letter (a great exertion for a woman far advanced in years, and never in the habits of epistolary composition) adjuring her apostate niece to return to the guide of her youth, and the covenant of her God, – to take shelter in the everlasting arms while they were still held out to her, – and to flee to the city of refuge while its gates were yet open to receive her. She urged on her the truth, power, and blessedness of the system of Calvin, which she termed the gospel.59 – She supported and defended it with all the metaphysical skill, and all the scriptural knowledge she possessed, – and the latter was not scanty. – And she affectingly reminded her, that the hand that traced these lines, would be unable ever to repeat the admonition, and would probably be mouldering into dust while she was employed in their perusal.
‘Elinor wept while she read, but that was all. She wept from physical emotion, not from mental conviction; nor is there such an induration of heart caused by any other power, as by that of the passion which seems to soften it most. She answered the le
tter, however, and the effort scarce cost her less than it did her decrepid and dying relative. She acknowledged her dereliction of all religious feeling, and bewailed it – the more, she added with painful sincerity, because I feel my grief is not sincere. ‘Oh, my God!’ she continued, ‘you who have clothed my heart with such burning energies – you who have given to it a power of loving so intense, so devoted, so concentrated – you have not given it in vain; – no, in some happier world, or perhaps even in this, when this ‘tyranny is overpast,’60 you will fill my heart with an image worthier than him whom I once believed your image on earth. The stars, though their light appears so dim and distant to us, were not lit by the Almighty hand in vain. Their glorious light burns for remote and happier worlds; and the beam of religion that glows so feebly to eyes almost blind with earthly tears, may be rekindled when a broken heart has been my passport to a place of rest.
*
‘Do not think me, dear aunt, deserted by all hope of religion, even though I have lost the sense of it. Was it not said by unerring lips to a sinner, that her transgressions were forgiven because she loved much? And does not this capacity of love prove that it will one day be more worthily filled, and more happily employed.
Melmoth the Wanderer Page 67
