by Susan Hayes
“Tell her, Rory. We’ve been dancing around this subject for years. You think I don’t know what’s going on?” Evan pushed at him. “I’ve been in your head for over fifteen years. I know what your problem is. I’ve just been waiting for you to finally admit it.”
“You want me to tell her I’m dangerous? That I don’t trust myself and that deep down I’m a dark, violent son of a bitch that’s descended from a long line of the same. There you go, I said it! Now when she runs, it’s on both our heads.”
Jess stared at him with tears still on her cheeks and he felt her grip tighten on his hand, and then she did the last thing in the world he expected. She burst out laughing.
“And all this time you’ve been telling me he’s the delicate one,” Jess sniggered and inclined her head toward Evan. “Did you just hear yourself, Rory?” Jess scooted out of Evan’s embrace and crossed the bed so she could wrap her arms around his neck and snuggled herself into his lap, still laughing softly.
“I got news for you, buster. You’re not that scary. You’re not your grandfather. Not even close. And Torin explained to me that Evan and I are supposed to balance you out, the same as you do for us. Yes, you’re bossy, but I happen to think that’s sexy. You’re going to be a leader one day, and that means you’re supposed to be stubborn and bossy, right? So sometimes you get off on spanking me and ordering me around. It might be a little kinky, but that hardly makes you a monster. It just means things in our bedroom are never going to get boring.”
“But—” Rory tried to interject and Jess just laid a finger across his mouth and shook her head.
“You hush, I’m not done talking just yet.”
“Yeah, you hush, big guy!” Evan snickered and then fell back on the bed, laughing hard.
“You behave yourself, Ev. I’ll be back to talk to you about the fact that you let him carry this around for years and never helped him before now.”
“Me? Aw man. We’re guys, Jess. We don’t talk about this shit. That’s why I was waiting for you.” Evan waved his hands vaguely. “It’s not my job to deal with the touchy-feely stuff.”
Jess turned back to Rory and kissed the corner of his mouth, the tears and hurt of before fading now. “I’m not afraid of you, Rory Frazier. The only way you could ever hurt me would be to leave me. I’ve had too many people walk out of my life, and I don’t think I could bear it if I lost you or Evan. Nothing else scares me the way that does. So I want to be bonded to you both, soon. That way I know that there’s no way I can lose you until we’re old and gray.”
“I love you.” Rory gathered her into his arms and hugged her hard as relief slowly undid the knot in his chest. “I’m still not sure you’re going to like what you find in my mind, but…”
“But I’m going to be in there anyway, so you better just get used to the idea,” she informed him pertly despite the fact that her voice was muffled against his chest.
“Just go easy on him in the beginning. He’s been locking away parts of himself for a long time, Jess.” Evan moved over so that he was curled around Jess’s back and then clapped a hand down on Rory’s shoulder and looked straight into his eyes.
“I love you like a brother, and we both love Jess. This is everything we ever wanted, and a hell of a lot more besides. Let it go, Rory. Stop worrying about your temper and your need for control and just be happy. For some insane reason, she loves us just the way we are.”
Evan slapped Rory once on the shoulder before leaning back. “There, touchy-feel crap done. Can we please go back to cuddling now?”
“I think so,” Jess said, looking relieved and slightly emotional as she looked from Evan to Rory.
“Ev, I love you, too. Now let us never speak of this again.” Rory grinned at his blood-brother and then kissed Jess until she was breathless. “I love you more, though, baby,” he whispered as he lifted his head to breathe, and she giggled.
“Love you, too.”
* * * *
Jess was back on the beach outside the cottage, but it was summer and as she glanced down at herself she recognized her pink-and-green swimsuit as one that she’d outgrown before she’d turned seven. The sun was beating down and the sand beneath her bare feet was almost too hot to walk on, so she skip-hopped all the way down to the water’s edge. Here the sand was cool and wet and the waves washed up to her ankles, tickling her toes. She started to play tag with the incoming waves, seeing how close she could get to the receding water before another wave washed up the beach and sent her scampering inland. When she saw the seals watching her from just offshore, she waved her hand and called out, excited to see them again.
Jess knew for certain that she was dreaming when time jumped and she found herself waist-deep in the ocean, standing on tiptoes to try to stay upright as her life jacket buoyed her up over each wave, making it impossible for her to stand up. As she tipped into the ocean the seals appeared at her side and she reached for one, stroking it just as she remembered doing as a child.
As the seals pulled her deeper into the water, she laughed and squealed, just as before, but this time part of her mind struggled to remember something. Something important that she knew she should recall but couldn’t quite grasp. She returned to the dream just as the waves closed over her dream-self’s head and the sting of saltwater hit her eyes and filled her mouth and nose.
Panic set in and Jess struggled regain her balance, but the seals had her lifejacket tight in their jaws and they wouldn’t let her up to breathe. Jess fought and flailed, but the waves kept closing over her head. That was when the world went dark and something happened. Something she hadn’t remembered before. Her world shifted and she felt a difference to her body, to the way she moved. Jess opened her eyes and discovered that the saltwater no longer stung her eyes. She wriggled free of the life jacket, which suddenly didn’t fit her at all well, and swam into the open water. As her head broke the surface she screamed in terror, but this time Jess realized her screams were within her mind, and no sound came from her throat but a frightened bark as she tried to clear the water from her lungs.
As her mother splashed into the water and sent the other seals diving for cover, the truth was revealed to Jess for the first time as she finally saw what had really happened that day so long ago. Clinging to her mother, shaking and afraid, Jess glanced down at her dream-self and saw silver fur and flippers tipped with long, curved claws.
Jess came awake with a wail, her arms wrapped tight around herself as she sat bolt upright. Her mind reeled and spun as she tried to come to terms with what she’d dreamed, knowing somehow that it had been more a memory than a real dream. It was a memory long buried and forgotten. One where the details had been distorted because the child she had been hadn’t understood what had happened that day. It was the day she’d transformed, and the seals who had come to her that day hadn’t been seals at all. They had to have been selkies, and they had known who and what she was.
“Holy shit, my family tried to drown me!”
“What?” Rory was up first, his strong arms wrapping around her and drawing her up against his bare chest as he struggled to make sense of Jess’s sudden outburst.
“Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare?”
“More like a repressed memory,” she answered and snuggled into Rory’s embrace. It was so dark she could barely make out Evan’s face, but there was just enough moonlight to let her pick out their features.
“The last time we came here, when I was a little girl, I saw seals. I thought they wanted to play with me. Mom used to tell me stories about seals that played with children. I thought the stories were real, but these two didn’t want to play with me, they pulled me out into deep water and dunked me under.”
“Oh crap,” Evan breathed. “They were selkies?”
“I never remembered much about it until all this stuff came up about Mom and the cottage, but just now I dreamed about it and this time…” Jess shivered and she reached up to hold into Rory’s thick wrist as
he held her close. “This time I turned into a seal. When my mom came and pulled me out of the water, I’d already transformed into a seal. It’s all real. I remember now. The two seals that were there had coats just like my pelt looked. Silvery gray with dark bits.”
Rory sighed. “Then they weren’t trying to drown you, they were trying to force your transformation, and they succeeded.”
“Why would they do that?”
“I’m betting because one of them was your grandfather. You said your mom came back here every summer and you stayed at this cabin?”
Jess nodded. “Every summer until the year the seals came to play with me. After that we never went to a beach again, not ever.”
“Your mom was right here, every year and none of us knew about it. That’s crazy.” Evan chimed in.
“She used to dye her hair brown, and she kept it short until I was a teenager. She told me it was because she didn’t like being prematurely gray. Do you think she did it so no one recognized her? You’re right, it was risky for her to come back here when the cabin is so close to the colony.”
“I can’t imagine how hard it was for her to give up the ocean most of the year. It would kill me to be away from the sea,” Rory said. “Maybe she came back because she was homesick, or because she wanted you to know at least a little bit about where you came from. We’ll never know now. But obviously one day your family recognized her, and when they had the chance to test you, they took it. Once you changed they had all the confirmation they needed.”
Evan broke in, “I bet it was Jack, your grandfather. If your grandmother or Michael had known, they would likely not have said anything, and Michael’s pelt is jet black, not gray. If the seals you saw were grays, then you must have seen your grandfather and your uncle Martin that day.”
“It makes sense. They’re the only two who would have considered it acceptable to half-drown a child just because they suspected she might be a selkie,” Rory agreed.
“Back up a bit. Who is Michael again?” Jess asked, confused.
“Michael is your grandmother’s other mate. Your grandfather died a few years ago, but Alicia and Michael are still here. I know this is a lot to take in at once.” Rory sighed. “And they are going to be heartbroken to know that your mother’s gone. Alicia never stopped hoping she’d come home one day. We’ll take you to see them as soon as my parents have let them know what’s going on.”
Jess closed her eyes as emotions welled up and threatened to swamp her sense of calm. “Let’s not talk about my family right now, please? I’m not sure I’m ready to deal with all of that. It’s either very late, or very early, and I think I need a few more hours of sleep first.”
“Sorry, sweetheart.” Evan settled back onto the bed and opened his arms to her. “If you want to share the love, I could use a hug. Then we can all go back to sleep for a few hours and we can explain more about all this after we’ve had coffee.”
“Sleep and then coffee sounds like a brilliant plan,” Jess muttered under her breath. She gave Rory a soft kiss before untangling herself from his arms and nestling in beside Evan. “Will you two teach me to change? Later today, I mean. I think I’ll understand it better if I have done it. At least now I remember how to do it, sort of.”
“If that’s what you want, then that’s what we’ll do,” Rory stated and stretched out beside her. “We haven’t got a charter booked until this weekend, so we have a few days to spend together. Why don’t the three of us take the Storm Lord out and we’ll give you the Introduction to Selkie Life crash course.”
“Sounds good.” Jess relaxed as the warmth and comfort of being cocooned between her two men settled her nerves. “Love you guys.”
“Love you, too, sweetheart.”
“Always.” Rory added his sentiments to Evan’s and Jess let herself drift back off to sleep.
Chapter 21
“So this is what you guys do all day?” Jess asked, her voice raised so she could be heard over the boat’s engine. “Drive around and point out amazing scenery and animals to city folk who have never seen the ocean before?”
“You make it sound so glamorous!” Evan laughed and spread his arms wide. “People pay us to know where to find the animals, get them there and back safely, feed them, and keep them entertained. Which is why I do most of the talking, of course. Rory would bore them all to tears.”
“And Evan couldn’t navigate his way out of a paper bag without a GPS to help him. The man can get lost in a mall, there’s no way I’m letting him plot a course for a tour. We’d end up in Japan!”
“I only got lost in the mall once. Once! He’s never let me forget it.” Evan shrugged. “Truth was I wasn’t lost, I was following these two women…” he trailed off as Jess arched a brow at him.
“Oh, do tell.”
“Would you believe it was two really ugly women who I thought needed keeping an eye on in case they were actually men in drag and they were casing the place for a robbery?”
“You are so busted.” Jess shook her head. “Did you spend all your spare time chasing women before I came along?”
“What spare time?” they both asked at the same moment and all three of them laughed.
“You’re just seeing us in the off-season, baby.” Rory turned around so she could see his face. “Right now we’re just handling a few charters a month because not many want to come out when it’s this cold and stormy. Once spring arrives we’ll be going non-stop. You haven’t met the twins yet. They’re down south surfing in Bali right now, but they’ll be back by March. They run the coastal zodiac tours for us while Ev and I take out the whale watching tours. We’ll be going out every day for most of the summer, and then the gray whale migration starts and that takes us up to October.”
“So what you’re saying is that I shouldn’t be worried about getting enough quiet time to write my next book?”
“You’ll have plenty of time for writing, and we’ll be home every night to make sure you don’t get lonely.” Evan winked at her and then waggled his brows. “You’re never going to go to bed alone again, sweetheart.”
Rory groaned and both Jess and Evan looked over at him.
“What?” Evan asked.
“You and I are going to go out of our minds if we’re both on the Storm Lord and she’s back home, alone.”
“Oh shit.”
“What are you two talking about?” Jess demanded. “What’s wrong with me being alone? I’ve managed pretty well at it up until now.”
“Are you forgetting how we met? You know, when you went out on the rocks alone and ended up doing an impression of The Little Mermaid?” Evan held up a hand to fend off her rebuttal. “That’s not really the problem, though. The problem will be us. Once bonded, selkie men get all twitchy if they leave their mate alone for very long. It’s programmed into us to be very protective of you, since selkie females were often hunted by men looking for sexy, obedient wives. It almost never happens anymore, but the instincts are still there. If we both go out on an eight-hour tour and leave you home alone, neither of us will be in our right mind by the time we get back.”
“Well, fuck. How do the others deal with this?” Rory looked at Evan and then his face softened into a smile as he glanced over at Jess. “And don’t you even start thinking this is because we don’t want to be with you.”
Jess smiled back and was grateful Rory understood her well enough to know that was just the sort of comment her Negative Nelly voice would come up with. Not that she’d heard much from the self-doubting side of her personality lately. She’d been too happy to listen to those voices, and so they had faded away.
“Maybe it’s time to buy that second boat like we’ve been talking about,” Evan mused. “The twins are ready to step up. They’ve been dying for a chance to do more with the company. We could have them do the full-day tours on the bigger boat, and you and I can manage the half-day tours.”
“And who’s going manage the zodiacs?” Rory asked, but he wasn’t frown
ing and Jess took that as a good sign.
“We’ll ask around. I bet some of the younger ones would be thrilled to do it. It’s good pay, decent hours, and it beats working for your dad at the marina.” Evan shuddered. “You think Darius is cranky at home? Try working for him. Rory and I couldn’t wait to scrape together enough cash to start our own business just to escape him.”
“Do you guys have the money for a bigger boat?” Jess asked as she did a bit of quick mental arithmetic.
“Not yet, but we can get a loan. We’ve got about half of what we need, but another boat would really help get us more business so we could pay it off pretty quickly.”
“How much do you need?”
Both men looked at her and Evan said, “About sixty thousand dollars, give or take a few grand.”
“You don’t need to take out a loan,” Jess told them. “We’re going to be together forever once this bonding is done, right? And I’m moving in with you guys, so I want to do this. Let me pay for the other half of the boat.”
“How the hell do you have sixty thousand dollars lying around?” Rory demanded.
“Some of it’s from the sale of Mom’s house after she died, but…” Jess ducked her head as her cheeks heated. “I got a really nice advance on this book I’m working on, and I have royalties coming in on the others.”
“Holy crap, we bagged a rich woman!” Evan stood up and high-fived Rory, who was looking at Jess with a dazed expression.
“So I’m not the only one who really likes your books, huh?”
“You’re still my favorite fan, though, big guy.”
“Damn skippy I am. Anyone else tries for that position and I’ll tear their head off.”
“You’re really that loaded?” Evan asked as he came over to hug her.
Jess nodded and Evan grinned. “Well then, I guess you’re going to be a partner in Pacifica Tours. Welcome aboard!”
“We’ll need to have a lawyer draw up the paperwork and make sure everything is legal, but if this is what you want to do, then who am I to say no. You really are the perfect woman for us.” Rory dropped the engine into neutral and came over to hug her, clapping Evan on the back at the same time.
