by HL Nighbor
“It’s exhausting, but I try to remember we serve to protect our freedoms like the ability to participate in all the wonderful things we are this weekend and creating awesome memories. That makes it all worth it.” Austin brushes a rogue curl from my face. “I’m really glad we convinced you to hang out with us. You’re cool, Savannah, and it doesn’t hurt that you’re hot.”
My face heats at his compliment and I duck my head. Austin’s fingers gently lift my chin and his crystal-blue eyes stare into my chocolate-brown ones. His breath faintly ghosts across my face. An inch closer and our lips would be touching.
“So sweet,” Austin whispers as he closes the slight distance to bring his lips to mine in a hint of a kiss.
After a few seconds, Austin pulls back slightly and gazes into my eyes seeking permission to continue. When I don’t object, Austin brings his lips back to mine as he slips his hand from my chin to the back of my head to pull me in closer.
My back presses against the wall, being held firmly by Austin’s weight. He shifts until our entire bodies connect and raises his other hand to grip my hip firmly. My hands reach up to tangle in his dark-blond hair, and I deepen the kiss even further.
A loud crash behind us surprises me out of the kiss. Austin pulls back to rest his forehead against mine, both of us breathless. My heart pounds steadily beneath my breasts. Judging by the large erection pressed against my stomach, the intensity of our kiss affected him as strongly as it did me.
The sound of a car alarm brings me out of my memory, and with a sigh, I turn to head back into the building. With my memories occurring more frequently, I find myself wondering about the guys. Do they still serve as Navy Seals? Do they have girlfriends? Wives? How different would my life be if they never left?
Taking the turn in the hallway, I run into a hard body and stumble backward.
Two large hands grab my waist to steady me and a deep voice says, “Whoa there, gorgeous. I didn’t mean to run you over. I wasn’t watching where I was going. I’m sorry.”
I freeze, instantly recognizing the voice. No. No. No. My ears must be playing tricks on me. I take a deep breath to steady my nerves and lift my head to gaze to those unforgettable silvery-gray eyes.
“Savannah?” Bas questions hesitantly. The disbelief on his face mirrors mine.
In a pure panic, I don’t respond. Getting away becomes my biggest priority. I tear myself out of his hold and run down the hallway to the office to grab my purse and Mac’s stuff. As I barrel out of the office, Bas stares at me with a confused and hurt expression on his face.
“Savannah? What’s going on? Why are you ignoring me?” Bas yells at my fleeing back.
Continuing to disregard Bas, I head into the bar and find Jackson holding Mac. Next to him stand Chris, Cooper, and Beck. Two other guys stand in front of him with their backs to me. As I approach, the two guys turn around. The other two of the infamous trio stand before me – Austin and Finn. It all clicks into place. I’m the girl from the conversation earlier.
They knew.
With worry clear on Jackson’s face, I approach him. Mac immediately jumps into my arms with squeals of laughter, oblivious to the tension.
As I settle her in my hold, she grabs my cheeks with her pudgy little hands and with a huge smile says, “Kiss Mama.”
“I always have kisses for you pretty girl.” I lean in to accept a slobbery kiss from Mac. “Mommy loves you, princess.”
From behind me, Austin whispers, “Mama?” at the same time Finn whispers, “Mommy?”
Still without acknowledging any of the guys around me, I search for the quickest way to flee. I can’t ignore this new development forever, but right now I need to wrap my head around this turn of events.
Mac gets restless in my arms and reaches out for one of the guys. “Kiss Ka Ka,” she squeals out to Chris.
Her new fascination with kisses proves to be less than convenient for my plan to escape.
“Not right now, baby girl,” I tell her softly. “We need to go home. It’s time to say bye byes.”
“C’mon, Savannah,” Jackson says, catching my attention. “You don’t have to leave. Let’s talk about this.”
Regret and remorse clearly show on Chris, Beck, and Cooper’s faces. Jackson stands there with indifference on his. I walk over to him, full of anger and fear. My hand, acting on its own, connects with his cheek. Betrayal courses through me as I remember the conversation I overheard earlier.
“You son of a bitch. You knew and didn’t tell me. I thought we were friends. I opened up to you. I spilled everything and you didn’t say a word,” I whisper through heavy tears as I stare into Jackson’s eyes. “I don’t know if I can ever trust you again.”
As I turn around, I notice the quiet room as everyone watches the train wreck currently taking place. I shift Mac in my arms, adjust the bags in my hold, and walk quietly through the bar, down the hall, and out the back door. As I get to my car, I dig my keys out of my purse, unlock the door, and clip Mac into her car seat.
I walk around the car and meet seven pairs of eyes watching me warily. Bas, Austin, and Finn’s presence causes the tears to stream down my cheeks in full force – as strong and beautiful as I remembered. Finn takes a step forward with his arms wide open in invitation. Immediately, I rush to him and throw my arms around his waist as sobs overtake my body.
“Shhhh, Savannah. I got you.” Finn’s arms squeeze me even closer. “This is a shock for all of us, but there are definitely things to talk about it.”
He says the final part as I catch him glancing in the car window at Mac. Unable to speak, I nod in acknowledgment and burrow into his chest even further.
After a few moments, I step back and peek at the crowd surrounding us. I walk over to Austin to give him a quick hug and then approach Bas hesitantly. Bas stares back at me with an emotion on his face I can’t decipher. Placing my hands on his cheeks, I pull his head down to me and give him a soft kiss on his lips.
Still gazing into his eyes, I whisper, “We’ll talk. I need a little time. I’m in shock. I promise, we will talk.”
Stepping back, I ask Beck, “Can you please give them my phone number?”
Beck nods his head in affirmation and opens his mouth to speak.
I hold up my hand and stop him. “I need time. I don’t know how to feel right now. Give me a few days to wrap my head around this. Please.”
Without waiting for any acknowledgment, I get in my car and drive away.
My mind spins with conflicting thoughts. I need a moment to come to terms with everything. I glance in the rearview mirror to find Mac sleeping. She’s completely unfazed by the events of the last thirty minutes.
I spend most of the night tossing and turning, trying to process this twist in events. Fear keeps me awake. What if Bas, Austin, and Finn push for a paternity test and Mac’s father tries to take her away from me – whichever guy it may be? Will my lingering feelings and attraction for them interfere with my ability to make the best choices for Mac and me? I don’t want to be placed in a situation where I fall head over heels for them, which would be easy to do since I’m almost already there, and then be forced to choose between them.
The list of worries goes on and on, leaving me a jumbled mess of emotions.
Regardless of what happens, Mac will be fine, and hopefully I will be, too.
CHAPTER SIX
The last several days passed in a blur of anger, fear, and hope. Anger at the foursome, especially Jackson, for not discussing their suspicions with me even though a part of me understands their reasons. Anger with myself for how graceless I handled the situation in the bar. Fearful of the conversation that needs to take place regarding Mac and how Bas, Austin, and Finn will react to my failed attempts at getting in touch with them. Hopeful Mac will be blessed with three new male figures in her life who will welcome her with open arms. Hopeful I will finally find peace in my life since finding out about my pregnancy.
Two days after the family day a
t the pub, Jackson, Cooper, Beck, and Chris paid me a visit. They explained their reasons and why they didn’t tell me. They explained how Bas, Austin, and Finn are the silent partners of the pub and the trio was visiting them on leave two years ago. They knew their friends met someone and basic details about what took place but until my breakdown and confession, they remained clueless as to the identity of the mystery girl. Even then, they held some doubts and didn’t want to stir up unnecessary emotions for me.
After many tears and bouts of screaming on my part, I forgave them. How could I not? I couldn’t bear to lose them and their amazing friendship due to this. To make it up to me, they told me to take two weeks off paid to give me time to work through everything. I took them up on the offer without hesitation.
Brittany and her mom provided me a sounding board to vent and work through my feelings, as well. They allowed me to talk and they listened without judgment or unwanted advice. However, something Jenna said as I left her house reconciled the conflict in my mind.
She embraced me in a motherly hug and whispered, “Savannah, dear, open your heart and mind to the possibilities. These guys consumed your thoughts over the years. Whether you want to admit it or not, each of them holds a special place in your heart.”
With a single comment, Jenna changed my outlook on the situation. The forgiveness and acceptance came quickly and the hope set in.
Jenna picked up Mac a couple hours ago for an overnight visit to give me a needed break. Now I sit on my couch in the dark mulling over everything and how I need to proceed. Bas, Austin, and Finn texted me over the last couple days but I have yet to reply to any of them. I know they will eventually force the issue if I don’t act soon.
Picking up the television remote, I flip through the channels to find something to take my mind off things for a little bit. I pause on some cheesy chick flick, getting lost in the overly dramatic storyline and characters. When an emotional, tear inducing goodbye scene happens in the movie, I find myself reliving my own heartbreaking goodbye.
The last three days passed too quickly. Now it’s Monday morning and time to say our goodbyes. After checking out of the hotel, I decide to head to the ferry terminal with Bas, Austin, and Finn, not ready for this to be over. The connection and draw to these three wonderful guys is nothing short of amazing.
I immediately become choked up when the announcement sounds for boarding. I don’t know why my emotions are running rampant over three guys I met four days ago. With them being deployed into a classified, highly secure war zone, it will be impossible to keep in contact due to the communication blackout procedures they need to follow. We already discussed this but it doesn’t keep me from wishing things could be different.
Bas, Austin, and Finn quickly went from being three complete strangers to being mine. Despite my mind knowing they would never actually belong to me, my heart didn’t get the memo.
“Well, I guess that’s us,” Finn says quietly while avoiding making eye contact.
Suddenly, Finn sweeps me up in his arms and he lays a gentle kiss on my lips. I peer up into his emotion-filled face and lose it. The tears brimming in my eyes spill over, and I give him a tight hug. Finn sets me on my feet without another word and walks away to board the ferry.
“He’ll be okay, Savannah. We all will. This is a little tougher than any of us thought,” Austin says from behind me.
I spin around and meet his somber gaze, the fun-loving, goof of the group gone. Austin takes several slow steps forward and tugs me in for a hug. Pulling back slightly, he tries to wipe away the steady stream of tears pouring down my face. He leans in for a quick kiss and leaves me watching his back as he boards as Finn did moments ago – without any warning or goodbye.
Two down and one more to go. Perhaps I’ll be able to say something this time. When I turn toward Bas, I break even further. A single tear falls from his eye and down his cheek. Witnessing a guy as tough and bad-ass as Bas, filled with such emotion, proves my feelings regarding the sadness of the situation are shared.
Bas opens his arms, and I launch myself at him. My body shudders with each uncontrollable sob. We hold each other for a few brief moments knowing our time is limited. A finger lifts my chin and Bas kisses me with such intensity and passion, he brands me forever his. He steals a piece of my heart and I recognize I will never be the same.
The final boarding call interrupts our kiss and slowly we pull apart.
“Please be safe, Bas,” I whisper. “Thank you for a great weekend. Please tell Austin and Finn thank you, as well.”
“Will do,” Bas replies somberly. “I better get going.”
He gives me one final hug and places a kiss on my forehead. With the softest of whispers, he says, “Sweet, sweet Savannah, you have ruined me. Be sure to take care of you.”
Without any other words, he walks away and I crumble to the floor in emotional misery. He’s not the only one who was ruined by this weekend. They each take a piece of my heart with them and I’ll never be the same. Nobody will ever compare.
The music of the rolling credits snaps me out of my memories. Deciding my radio silence benefits nobody, I grab my phone to reply to the guys. Pulling up my messaging app, I create a group text, type two simple words, take a deep breath and push send.
Me: I’m ready
I find myself staring at the screen and wait impatiently for a reply. It seems like an eternity but it takes only a minute before the replies come through.
Bas: Good
Austin: It’s about damn time, woman!
Finn: Are you sure? We don’t want to push you.
After reading the replies, I can’t help the smile spreading across my face. Some things never change. Bas seems as direct as always, Austin still uses humor to lighten a situation, and Finn appears as sweet and caring as ever.
Me: I’m sure, Finn. Sorry I took so long. I needed to get my head on straight.
Finn: We understand. I don’t want to pressure you. We can do this at your pace.
Austin: Okay, does this conversation over text seem weird to anyone else?
Bas: Can we get together to talk?
Me: Yes.
Bas: When?
Me: Now?
I give the guys my address and run around to straighten up the apartment a little before their arrival. A knock on the front door comes before I can make myself more presentable. I guess my leggings and oversized hoodie will have to do. I pull my hair up into a loose bun and open the front door.
Before I can invite them in, Austin rushes me with a huge smile on his gorgeous face and pulls me into his tight embrace. As he hugs me, he whispers in my ear, “I was so excited to get your text. Bas has been one broody bastard. Impossible to deal with.”
Giggling, I give Austin one last quick squeeze and wiggle out of his arms. “Why don’t we sit in the living room and catch up. Do any of you want a drink?”
After getting everyone situated with some drinks, we head into the living room. All three guys squeeze onto my couch, while I take a seat on the chair. I try my hardest to make eye contact with each of them but the idea of this conversation petrifies me. While being with them again excites me, I hold no enthusiasm regarding the bigger matters that need attention.
Before I can completely gather myself, Bas launches right into a round of twenty questions. “Where’s Mac?”
“Jenna took her overnight so I could have a break for a bit,” I reply, giving no further details. Cooper told me he and the other guys filled Bas, Austin, and Finn in on my life and what details they knew.
“Is she one of ours?” Bas fires off.
“Yes, which I’m assuming you already knew or you wouldn’t be asking.”
“Are you sure?”
“There hasn’t been anyone else since you and there hadn’t been anyone else for almost a year before you. So, yes, I’m sure.”
“Are you keeping her away from us on purpose?”
“No. I decided this conversation needed to happen without
her here.”
“Why in the fuck didn’t you try to track us down?” Bas yells at me.
The intensity causes me to cringe in my seat and my eyes immediately fill with tears.
“What the fuck, Bas?” Austin shouts back in my defense. “We talked about this. Why are you attacking her?”
“Cooper and the guys told us all of this already, Bas,” Finn adds calmly. “What do you hope to gain by yelling at her? We can’t change the past.”
Bas stands up and paces the living room. He erupts in a loud growl as he drags his hands down his face. When he suddenly stops in front of me, I flinch.
“Shit, Savannah,” he says in an apologetic tone. “I’m frustrated. I’m not angry with you. The whole situation pisses me off.”
The tears brimming my eyes spill free, and I choke out my biggest fear. “Please don’t take her from me. I wouldn’t survive. That little girl’s my whole world.”
Bas tugs me into his lap and holds me tight while he reassures me. “Savannah, we would never take her from you. Calm down, baby.”
He gently rocks me as Finn and Austin offer their reassurance as well.
I take a few moments to calm myself down before I climb off Bas’s lap and back into my chair. After a few silent moments and several cleansing breaths, I manage to stop the tears and compose myself to continue the conversation.
“I didn’t know what to do, Bas, being only twenty and pregnant. Besides your names and what base you were stationed out of, I had no other information. By the time I found out, you were already deployed. When I tried calling the base to get in contact with one of you, they wouldn’t give me any information,” I explain quietly.
“We know all this,” Austin replies. “Fuck face over here likes to open his mouth without thinking. You don’t need to explain or feel guilty.”
