I follow him into his room and dump my stuff on the oversized chair in the corner. After I change into my pajamas, my favorite Hello Kitty ones, I start to climb into bed.
“Nope. Huh uh. You are not sleeping in those.”
“Why not? I love these.”
“One, they’re ridiculous. You should be in silk. Two, they’re bulky. Three, I want you naked so I can feel your skin against mine.”
“Okay. One, you’re sick so no sex tonight. Two, only I get to decide what I wear to bed. Three, silk is expensive and I can’t afford it.”
“So, one, I’m not too sick for sex, but who said anything about having sex? Two, I’ll buy you silk. Three, you can decide. I’ll buy you a variety of things to choose from.”
“You are insufferable.”
“No, I’m a dick.”
“That too. Now, why did you do that when I came back?”
He turns to face me. “Carter, I’m trying to save you from me.”
“You’re being absurd.”
“Look at me. Do I look like your normal guy? I have more ink than the local tattoo shop. The only thing I haven’t had pierced is my dick, but I’ll get that done if you want me to.”
What the fuck? Pierce his dick?
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m telling you to take a good hard look at me. Am I someone you’d bring home to Uncle Foster? Yes, in a suit I’m fine because all my ink is covered, but what if Uncle Foster ever wanted to take us sailing? Huh? Have you ever thought of that?”
He’s right. He’s totally off the grid from someone I’d ever bring home to Mom and Dad. But then again, why should I care about what everyone thinks?
“Okay, so you don’t look like anyone I’ve ever dated, but you know what? I don’t usually date.”
“Carter, I’m not fifty shades of fucked up, I’m a million shades of it.”
“Maybe if you’d explain that to me, I’d understand it a little more.”
“You already know part of it. That my dad was a damn monster. He did things to my brothers and me—things you can’t imagine. It’s not something I choose to tell people.”
“Jesus, Kestrel.”
“Amen to that. Now get those ugly assed pajamas off.”
I do as he asks, but only because I want to. When I’m naked, I feel shy as his eyes skim over me.
“Don’t. Like I said earlier, own it. You are a goddess when you’re naked. If you had the right clothes, you would be one dressed, too. And soon, I’m going to see to that as well.”
It’s impossible for me to feel proud of my naked body. I’ve only been with two men. One never saw me completely naked. It was a one-night stand in college. Seems I’m famous for those. The only man that did was Simon, and he told me I looked like a boy. That kind of shit sticks with you forever.
“Come over here.” He motions to his side of the bed. When I get there, he pulls me so I’m sitting on top of him.
“We will not be having sex tonight. Just so you know.”
He chuckles softly. “Oh, Carter. You really don’t know me at all.”
“You’d take a chance in passing the flu onto to me?”
“You were exposed to it already. You know that. And if you were so worried about it, you wouldn’t be sleeping with me. Besides, we can do things that don’t involve kissing. If I recall, you quite liked it when I took you from behind, didn’t you?”
“Is nothing sacred to you?”
“Not when it comes to your pleasure.”
“I can see that.”
Tonight, his tattoos fascinate me. Maybe it’s because he brought them up. My fingers begin to trace them. They are everywhere, but they cover one entire arm. The other arm has a large number of them, and they are all beautiful art. Some are just black ink sketches, but others are colorful. His torso has a multitude of them, as well as his back. But there are several on his hips that have caught my eye. One is a cage with broken bars and sunlight gleaming through. There is a lot of script across his lower abdomen.
“Is this Latin?”
“Yes. This one says, ‘Auri sacra fames.’”
“Virgil’s quote about the cursed hunger for gold.”
“When I got that tattoo, it was intended more for my father’s cursed hunger for gold. He was such a greedy bastard. It was one of the first ones I got and he was furious with me. That’s what started it all.”
“So the one right above it?” I ask.
His chest rumbles. “He was really pissed at me for this one. Seneca’s ‘Si vis amari, ama.’ Its translation is, ‘If you wish to be loved, love.’”
“It sounds like your father was a harsh man.”
He makes a choking sound. “Something like that. I despised my father. All three of us did.”
“I’m sorry.”
“So am I.”
My fingers follow his tattoos further and then I ask, “How many piercings?”
“Ears, nose, eyebrows, both nipples. I took them all out when I moved here.”
“I noticed the holes in your ears, but not the rest. Were you punishing yourself?”
He laughs. “No. I was rebelling against my father. I liked them.”
“Even the nipples?”
“Especially the nipples.” His voice is husky when he answers. Again, the need to clench my thighs is overwhelming.
“Hmm. Can you put them back in?”
“Yeah.”
“Why don’t you?” For whatever reason, I’m very curious about these nipple piercings.
He narrows his eyes. “You mean the prim and proper Dr. Drayton has a wild side to her?”
“Maybe. And what about this dick piercing thing?”
“You really are intrigued, aren’t you?”
“I guess I am.”
“Apparently, from what I’ve heard, pierced dicks give pleasure to both partners.”
“Interesting.”
“Don’t look so clinical when you say that.”
“Sorry. I was trying to picture it.”
The vibration of his phone interrupts us.
“Hart.”
He chats for a few minutes and then ends the call. “That was Anne Crosby, the realtor. The inspection and appraisals are in. She’s going to set the closing date. Your Uncle will be handling it?”
“His firm will. Real estate isn’t his thing, but someone at the firm who does that type of law will.”
“How long after the closing date can you be out?”
Wow. It all smacks me in the face. It’s really happening. My home—the only home I’ve ever known is being torn away from me. Tears fill my eyes and my hands cover my mouth as I bite down on my lips to stem the sob that threatens to bust out of me. I turn away from him because I don’t want him to see how weak I am. I feel so exposed, so vulnerable right now. And why the hell shouldn’t I? I’m sitting on his lap, naked, for Pete’s sake, talking about pierced dicks! What in the world is wrong with me?
“That was terribly insensitive of me. I’m sorry.”
Jumping to my feet, I say in a muffled voice, “No. It’s fine,” as I swipe my hand across my face. I’m on the other side of the bed before I know it, snatching up my Hello Kitty top and putting it on when I feel his arms around me.
“Come back to bed.” His breath is warm on my neck and he pulls me tight to his chest.
“I haven’t dreamed of her. I haven’t dreamed of Ells since I met you. She used come to me and tell me not to worry about her anymore because she was safe and happy. And she hasn’t come in a while now.”
He turns me around and holds me against his chest. “Shh. It’s okay.” He pats my head, comforting me as I cry. I’m a mess. And I’m the one supposed to be taking care of him.
“It’s already happening, isn’t it?”
“What?”
“She’s going away. Leaving me forever. I knew this would happen. I’m losing her.”
“Angel, you lost her four years ago.”
“Y
eah, but I held on. I held on to her memory.”
“You’ll always have her memory. You can’t lose that,” his voice and hands soothe me.
“Then why doesn’t she come to me in my dreams any more?” My voice cracks as I ask him the question.
“Maybe she knows you’re moving on, like you’re supposed to.”
A deep and profound sense of sadness cloaks me as I lean into him. He walks us back to bed and I don’t protest, but follow him like a blind child.
He pulls me against him and turns off the lights. I don’t know, nor do I care, what time it is. His heart beats steady against my ear as I let my thoughts turn to Ells. Eventually I drift off, but dreams of my precious child evade me once again.
In the middle of the night I’m awakened by something. Unsure of what it is, I lie there and listen. Then I hear it again. It’s Kestrel moaning. My first thought is his fever has returned. Pushing myself to my elbow, I stretch my hand over and touch his forehead. He jerks away from me and screams. It frightens me so much, I scream in response.
“Don’t touch me!” he yells.
It’s so dark, I can’t see his face.
“I’m sorry. I thought your fever returned.”
“No! Don’t! It’s so dark. Don’t leave me.”
“What?” I’m confused.
“No! Let me go!”
His hands claw at his neck and it’s only then I realize he’s dreaming.
“Kestrel, wake up. You’re dreaming. Kestrel!” I shake him and he yells before jerking awake.
He sits up, grabs fistfuls of his hair, and then moans.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
He takes a few long breaths before saying, “Yeah. It was only a bad dream.”
“It took me a while to figure that out, but I did.” I hold out my hand to him and he takes it. When he lies back down, I notice he’s perspiring. “You sure you’re okay?”
He rubs his face and says he is. Then he kicks off the covers. Still worried his fever has returned, I get out of bed and hunt for the thermometer. When I find it, I stick it in his mouth. After it beeps, I’m happy to see it’s normal.
“It’s just the nightmare, angel, that made me sweat. Happens a lot.”
“I know that now. I just wanted to make sure. Do you want me to turn on the fan?”
“No, I’ll be fine.”
“Wanna tell me about it?”
“Fuck, no.”
Reaching for his hand, I begin talking. “After Ells and my parents died, I would dream that they were being sucked up by that giant wave and I was standing a foot away from them, yet I couldn’t reach them. I had all sorts of things next to me, like rope, and a broomstick, but nothing would work. Every time I threw something out to them, they would miss it, or it would be too short. And every time I had the dream, I watched them drown. It was awful. I dreamed that for months and months.”
“Christ. That was torture.”
“I know. Then I started therapy. I attended this group session for mothers who lost children. Once I started talking about it, I stopped dreaming it. It was strange how it all ended so abruptly. Maybe if you talked about yours, it would help.”
“You sound like my shrink.”
“Ah, I see. Been there, done that, huh?”
“Yep. Angel, you wouldn’t believe where I’ve been and what I’ve done.”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe one day, you’ll trust me enough to find out.”
“I trust you.”
“No, Kestrel. You don’t at all. I don’t think you trust anyone. But that’s okay. I’m not sure I would’ve told you all that crap about me if the situation had been different. And for the record, don’t feel bad about buying the house. I’d rather it be you than anyone else.”
“You say that now. What if we end up hating each other?”
“That’s life, baby. You never know what the future holds, do you?”
“Then, take this for whatever it’s worth. I’m glad we met, Carter.”
“So am I.”
Chapter Twelve
Kestrel
Getting sick is not for sissies. This flu has nailed me. For someone who never gets sick, being down and out for three days is ridiculous. It’s now Wednesday, and Kolson is on his way here. We have a shit ton of work to do and I still feel like crap. He’s staying until the weekend and I hope by tomorrow I’m up and around.
The day speeds by and he’s not very happy. At around two, he decides to take off and go to the office.
“Maybe I’ll get some concrete stuff done. Your head is in the clouds,” he says.
“Sorry, man. I’m out of it. This cough medicine has me so doped up my head is twirling.”
“Yeah, go to bed, dude. You look like hell.”
As soon as he’s out the door, my ass hits the bed and I’m out. Like someone flipped the light switch off. I don’t even hear Carter check in on me. I don’t wake up until the next morning. She spent the night and tells me she gave me my medicine and I that even took it. I don’t remember a thing. The good news is I’m feeling much better.
“Do not over do it or you’ll be right back where you were with a relapse.”
“Count me out of that. This stuff sucks.”
“I know. So you’re going in today?”
“Yeah. I have to.”
“Here’s the thing. No more than eight hours, or I’m coming to get you. Are we clear here?”
“Are you always this bossy?”
“Only when you’re sick. I’m not kidding, Kestrel. I’ll come and drag your ass out of there.”
“I hear you, loud and clear.”
“Invite them all over to my place for dinner tonight. They can see the house, too.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yep. But what are you going to tell them about us?”
“That we’re dating, of course. What else would I tell them?”
“I’m not sure. That I propositioned you and that I’m a first class nerd. And you were totally put off by me.”
“Yeah, well, that was before I saw you naked. And kissed you.” And then I grab her, nuzzle her neck, and say, “And fucked you.”
She elbows me in the ribs. “I need to get a shower.”
“Hey, so do I. What a coincidence.”
“You’re a mess.”
“The worst there is.”
We take a shower, though we don’t have time to do what I really want to. And off we go to work. When I tell Kolson about dinner at Carter’s, his brows shoot up.
“We’re sort of dating,” I explain.
“Sort of? Either you are or you aren’t.”
“Then I guess we are.”
“And you’re buying her house. Isn’t that a conflict of interest?”
“We don’t see it that way. She needs to sell and I want to buy it.”
“What if you end up hating each other?”
“We’ve discussed that. It still doesn’t change the fact that she needs to sell.”
He waves his hand. “It’s your deal. You’ll have to manage a vengeful ex-girlfriend.”
“Vengeful? Wow. That’s a little severe.”
“Well, if it doesn’t work, don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.”
“Fine. So let’s get going here.”
“Jack will be here in ten. Let’s wait on him.”
We chat about our mom and his wife until Jack breezes in. Then it’s balls to the briefcases. By the time lunch rolls around, I’m starting to drag. They go out and I stay in for a little nap. They bring me something back.
I’ve had my power nap and eat while they talk about what our next steps are. Contracts are already pending for several companies, albeit smaller ones. But Kolson is sending two dynamos down for this office as sales reps. I tell them about the contacts I’ve made at the party I went to with Carter. We have meetings set up in two weeks with companies in Charlotte. Jack will attend those with me. That pushes us close to Thanksgiving.
“It looks li
ke the house closing is on schedule too. The realtor called last night. Maybe a month out.”
Kolson says, “So, we’ll all be celebrating the holidays in Charleston, huh?”
“Yeah, maybe. By the way, dinner tonight is at seven.” I give them both the address so they can tell their drivers. Then we get back to work on accessing the Carolina Panthers. We’re drawing up our proposals for business when I hear a loud commotion outside my office. I look up in time to see the door open and Shayla arguing with someone. Initially I can’t see who it is, but then I hear her voice. I look at my watch and shake my head. Kolson and Jack give me a “What’s this all about?” look.
“It’s okay, Shayla. Let her in.”
Carter enters and stands there, arms akimbo, hair every which way but right and points at me. “You were supposed to work for eight hours. Those were your orders.”
Kolson stares at me with one brow lifted and I know there’s going to be hell to pay for this one.
“Sorry, angel, I lost track of time.”
“You’re sick. You have the flu.”
“I’m fine. Come over here and meet my brother and his right-hand man.”
She stomps across the office, and when she gets to me I grab her around the waist and pin her onto my lap.
“Gentleman, I’d like you meet the most brilliant woman in the world, Dr. Carter Drayton, who will most likely be the reason behind the cure for cancer. Carter, this is my brother Kolson, and his assistant Jack McCutcheon.”
“It’s a pleasure,” Carter says, as she squirms a bit.
“The same. Curing cancer, huh?” Kolson asks.
“Well, that’s a bit of an over simplified explanation of my research, but yes. At least that’s what I’m shooting for.”
They ask about what she does and after she elucidates, it’s easy to see how impressed they are. Kolson starts drilling her with all kinds of questions because she’s sparked his interest and she answers a few. But then she cuts him off. I laugh to myself because no one ever does this to my brother. Well, no one except his wife and me.
“I’m not trying to be rude, but your brother has been really sick and he needs to rest. We’ll see you both tonight at the house for dinner. Seven-ish. Very casual. And I hope you like seafood.” She smiles and they return it. She stands and holds out her hand. She makes it impossible for me to refuse her.
Kestrel Page 14
