by Harlow Layne
Worrying about my best friend who was hundreds of miles away only added to my depression. I couldn't help her, or her family and she wasn't here for me to cry to. More than once I thought about packing up and heading to Florida. I wasn't sure if it was more for me or her, but each time I talked myself out of it. But just barely. I knew if much more time went by with Taylor sick and no word from Luke, Mason and I would be hitting the road.
One night while I tossed and turned in bed, I vowed that if Luke ever talked to me again that I would answer every single phone call, email, or any other form of communication from him even if it killed me. A little dramatic, yes, but I was desperate.
On the fifth day, I was sound asleep when my phone rang, waking me up. Not looking at who was calling me before the sun had even risen for the day, I answered with a croaked, hello.
“Alex?” A hoarse voice asked before giving into a coughing fit.
“Yes? Who's this?” When there was no answer, but a continued bark of a cough, I looked at my phone to see who had called. To my utter surprise it was Luke. Sitting up in bed, I brushed my hair out of my face and looked again to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me.
“Luke? Are you there?” With no answer I started to worry. Finally, I heard a hacking cough coming closer to the speaker. “Luke?”
“Yeah, I'm sorry. Give me a minute.” He choked out. His voice sounded strained and weak.
“Take all the time you need. Are you okay?”
His only reply was something that came out as a half-laugh, half-cough.
While I tried to be patient, I knew I wasn't going back to sleep so I headed into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. I had a feeling I would need it as I checked the time on the microwave and it read a little after four in the morning.
When I heard Luke was back on the phone, I scrambled to pick it up and take it off speaker. I’d sat it down, so I could rinse out my coffee pot and filter.
“Alex?” he asked weakly.
“I'm here, Luke. I'm here.”
“I thought you might hang up it took me so long.”
“I could never hang up on you,” I said casually even though to myself it was a promise. A vow to not fuck up my relationship with Luke.
“Never say never,” he joked before coughing again. “As you can tell I’m as sick as a dog. I’m sorry it took me so long to get back to you, but I haven’t left my bed until this morning. The studio even called a doctor in to come see me.”
“What did the doctor say?” It couldn’t be good whatever it was because his voice sounded horrible, he could barely stop coughing, and he sounded weak.
“I’ve got bronchitis, and it’s kicking my ass. I can’t remember the last time I was sick and then this hit me. I can’t go back on set until my cough subsides. Luckily there are plenty of scenes they can film that I’m not in so I’m not delaying production.”
“I’m so sorry. You don’t sound like you feel well at all.”
A hacking cough filtered through the phone before Luke asked. “Is that you telling me I sound like shit?”
“You don’t sound good,” I answered with a slight laugh. It was hard to feel good when he obviously was still pretty ill and then there was the thing when I thought he was done with me.
“The cough and my voice sound bad, but I’m feeling better. I’m finally out of bed. I’d left my phone in the living area of my suite and when I found it this morning, it was dead. Once it finally charged up enough to turn on I saw all your missed calls and messages. I’m sorry if I worried you.”
“I was worried for a different reason than thinking you were sick. I thought you were done with having me in your life.” I admitted and then held my breath for his reaction.
“Nah, I wouldn’t do that. I’m still waiting for you to come visit me.”
Okay not the reaction I was thinking he’d have.
“I wish I was there now so that I could take care of you.”
“That would be nice,” Luke replied with a sleepy yawn.
“I was looking to see when I could come to visit you although that might not work now that you’ve missed so many days of shooting.”
“Really? That’s great. Hang on and let me start up my laptop to look at my calendar to see if we can make it work.” His words sounded as if he was excited for me to come, but there was no enthusiasm in his tone. I couldn’t tell if it was because he was sick, or he was just placating me and would then say that none of the dates I gave him would work.
“You still want me to come?” I asked unsure if I wanted his answer or not.
“Why wouldn’t I?” he asked absentmindedly as I heard the clack of his fingers typing on the keyboard.
“Because I’m stupid.” I replied bluntly. Was there any other word to use for what I’d done when I ignored his phone calls just because I was afraid to hear him tell me that he was falling for another woman? Well, any nice ones that is.
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re not stupid.” His tone was distracted almost as if he didn’t know what he was saying and maybe he didn’t or maybe it was that he was too sick to remember that I’d shut him out, and when he was feeling better he’d remember.
“Do you know one of the dates you had in mind? When is the soonest you could come?” Excitement filled his hoarse voice.
“Shit. Hang on. I should’ve got my planner out when I was waiting on you. Instead I’ve just been standing in my kitchen drinking coffee like a zombie.”
“No worries, I’ve got all the time in the world now that I’m not going to work for the next couple of days,” Luke said before he started to cough again.
“Although I’m beyond happy to talk to you finally, I’m not going to keep you on the phone for long because you need your rest so that you can get better.”
“I promise you that I’ll rest while I talk to you. As soon as you give me some dates and we decide when’s the best time for you to come then I’ll get back into bed, but don’t get off the phone. I want to talk to you.”
“Fine even if I don’t think it’s what’s best for you,” I huffed out, even though I was smiling. “Okay, let me see when the earliest I could come is… how about… Mason is going to be with his dad next weekend for a long weekend before school starts. I could come on that Friday if the plane tickets aren’t too expensive.”
Luke cleared his throat in annoyance or from his cold, I couldn’t tell which. “If you don’t remember, I said that I was paying for your plane ticket and hotel so don’t worry about the cost. Do you have an airport in your town or do you have to drive elsewhere?”
“Luke, I don’t feel comfortable with you buying my ticket and paying for my hotel room. Let me look…”
“No,” Luke cut me off with a stern voice. “I won the bet fair and square, and the agreement was for me to pay. I want you to stay at the same hotel that I’m at and it might be a little out of your price range. I’d hate for you to waste your money when I want to do this for you.”
“Ugh, why do I give into you?”
Luke let out a shaky laugh. “Because I’m so charming.”
“That must be it. Maybe I should pick another time since the ticket will be so much more expensive this close to the date.”
“No,” he called out. “No, I want you to come next Friday. It’ll be perfect.”
“Why do you want me to come so badly next Friday? I promise I’ll come and visit you when we have more time to plan it and it’ll be cheaper.”
“No,” Luke said so quietly I could barely hear him. “Next Friday is my birthday. You coming is the perfect gift.”
“It’s your birthday? Why didn’t you say so?” Knowing it was going to be his birthday and that he’d most probably be alone otherwise, I couldn’t say no. Not that I wanted to.
“I don’t know. It never came up. When’s your birthday?” Maybe it was the sickness, but Luke seemed a little vulnerable that morning.
“My birthday isn’t until May. It’s the twenty-fifth. Ho
w old will you be?”
“Thirty,” Luke yawned out.
“We’ll be the same age. If you’re tired, I can let you go. Did you lay down yet?”
“Not yet,” Luke yawned again. “I’m looking at airline tickets. It doesn’t look like you get a non-stop flight and your layover would be in Chicago. I think your layover is going to be longer than the flight. Would you rather fly in the morning, afternoon, or early evening?”
“Well, if I’m coming in on your birthday then I want to be able to spend time with you and not get there when it’s almost over. Do they have any late morning flights? I need to get Mason over to his grandparents and it’ll seem strange if I do that too early.”
“Okay, so no flights at six in the morning.” He let out a laugh that then led to coughing. “There’s one that’s around eleven, would that work?”
“Probably, I should boot up my computer and be looking at these with you instead of you telling me every flight. That would make this much easier on you.”
Luke was silent except for a couple of coughs as I went into my office and started up my computer. If I was going to see Luke next week, then I was really going to need to get a lot of work done since I’d been utterly useless on the work front for the last few days.
Once I got my computer started and a site up that would show me all the flights from here to New York, I relaxed against my office chair.
“There aren’t a lot of options which is what I expected. There aren’t many non-stop flights from Fairlane to anywhere. Do you know if you have to work that Friday?” To say that I was a little nervous about flying into LaGuardia was an understatement. I’d flown more in the last year than in my entire life but landing in big cities was nerve wracking for me. Fairlane was a small town that was just big enough to have what I needed and always wish for a few of the stores that were in the bigger cities like St. Louis and Kansas City.
“I have a half day… let me look through my email and see if they’ve sent the schedule for next week and when I’ll have to be on set. The latest is at six and we have such long days that a half day won’t matter too much.”
“It’s okay. We’ll work something out. Don’t worry about it. Right now, you need to think about you and getting better. My trip won’t be any fun if you’re still sick or run down.”
Luke laughed down the line. “You are so a mom.”
“I am. Sorry, it’s hard to turn it off sometimes. I was at lunch with a friend one time and unwrapped her gum for her. It’s engrained into my brain after all these years.”
“It’s not a bad thing, except for making me homesick. Normally if I’m not shooting a movie, I go home for my birthday and it’s been almost a year since I’ve seen my family.”
“What about them coming to visit you? Is that at all possible?” I wondered if Luke’s family knew how much he missed them and how homesick he was.
“Not this year. I guess you could say that none of us planned our year very well because everyone is too busy to make it. Maybe one of my brothers can come visit me in LA when I’m shooting Night Shadows, but it’s hard to spend quality time when I’m working so much.”
“I don’t think the public realizes how hard actors work when making movies and TV shows. I know I’ve learned quite a bit since meeting you, Anna, and Jenner. It makes me respect what you do so much more.”
“Thank you, I feel like I’m constantly complaining about my work to you, but this set is nothing like any other I’ve been on. You’ll see a difference when I’m filming Night Shadows, I promise.”
Night Shadows would start filming in January and Luke planned for me to be around for the filming. I was one part astonished that he saw me being around that long and the other part giddy with the thought.
“Did you find out what time you have to be on set next Friday? You really need to get into bed and rest.”
Rustling was in the background before Luke coughed and grunted. “I brought my laptop to bed with me, but you’re right I do need to rest. I’m already getting tired. Now, let’s see. Next week’s schedule says I have to be on set by four, but since it’s a half day for me, I should be done around one. That would be perfect if you took the 10:45 flight. You would get in around three so even if I was held up some I could still come meet you at the airport.”
“You don’t have to meet me at the airport if you’re busy. I can take a taxi to the hotel it’s no problem.”
“Let’s plan on me meeting you at the airport and if something comes up, I’ll message you and let you know. I’ll also have your room ready at the hotel so that all you’ll have to do is get your room key.”
“Thank you, Luke. This is all very sweet, but it makes me feel bad because it’s going to be your birthday and you’re going to all this trouble.”
“I’m doing it because I want to. Don’t feel bad. What day would you need to head back to Fairlane? Do you want an early morning flight then?
“I need to come back on Monday and an early morning flight would be great that way it won’t be too late when I pick up Mason.”
“Are you going to tell Mason where you’re going?” Luke asked in a strange tone.
“Yes, I’ll tell him and my friends where I’m going, but I don’t want my ex to know otherwise he’ll come up with some excuse to cancel or to make me come home just to ruin my trip. He’s been even worse about me going anywhere when Mason is with him after the wreck I was in. Not that it's any of his business, but he likes to make my life a living hell as much as he possibly can.”
“He does sound like an asshole. Do you think he’ll ever leave you alone?”
“Probably not and the only way that would happen is if he met someone and I don’t think anyone is stupid enough to get involved with him.”
Luke hummed thoughtfully. “Okay, I bought your ticket, and I sent you the information so that you can print out what you need to take to the airport. Although I hate to let you go, I feel like I could fall asleep at any moment. Can I call you later?”
“Of course, you can. I’ve got a lot of work to finish before I come visit you, but if you call, email, or text I promise I’ll answer.”
“Okay,” Luke yawned. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Luke.”
After getting one of three projects done that day, I took a break and started calling all the friends that I had blown off the last few days. Anna and Taylor were both busy but promised to call me back later. Luckily, Jenner had been busy and had no clue that I’d stopped talking to everyone, so I didn’t have to explain anything to him. Ryan on the other hand was another matter.
“Finally decided to see me, huh,” Ryan answered his door in his dusty work clothes. The annoyance in his tone told me that I’d hurt his feelings.
“Actually yes, I wasn’t in a good place and I knew that if I talked to you that I’d be a crying mess and you know how much I hate to cry in front of anyone.”
“That bad huh,” he grunted out, leading me into his living room.
“Sort of,” I laughed nervously as I took a seat. “I guess you’d call it a misunderstanding.”
“You don’t know? What happened? Wait! Do I need to sit down for this?”
“Doubtful, but does it matter since you’re already sitting down?” I laughed, eyeing him in his recliner. “Anyway, you know how I told you that I met a guy the last time I was in LA and we’ve been getting to know each other?”
Ryan narrowed his eyes. “Yeah, did he already fuck things up?”
“Would you believe it was me?” My laugh was bitter as it escaped.
“You? No, I don’t believe that.” His smile told me he was joking.
“Well, you’re obviously biased because twice now I have almost fucked things up with Luke.”
“What’s going on with you and this Luke?” Ryan asked, his voice tight.
“I have no idea and I’m too afraid to ask him.” This time my laugh came easier.
“That doesn’t sound like you.”
&
nbsp; “Well it is me, and I’m so afraid I’m going to continue to fuck things up. I need to be honest with him and let him know what I’m feeling, but what if he feels the opposite and finds it too awkward to be around me after I tell him?”
“How are you feeling about him? It hasn’t been that long since Matt.”
“You don’t have to remind me of Matt. Luke is nothing like him. I don’t know what’s going on. It’s hard to explain, even to myself. First, I’ve never been more attracted to a man in my life. I swear I acted like a total idiot when we met because all I wanted to do was drool and stare at him. Well, I wanted to do more than that, but we won’t go into all that I wanted to do to him.” My cheeks pinked up at the thought of what I’d imagined doing to Luke since the day I’d met him. “We’ve been getting to know each other for the last month through phone calls, messages, and emails, and with each one I learn a little bit more about him and he seems perfect. I know he’s not, but everything about him is what I want in a man, and the complete opposite of Decker.”
“Maybe that’s why you’re so hung up on him, and I don’t blame you, but no one is perfect.”
“I know no one’s perfect, but maybe he’s my perfect. Maybe Luke’s the one. My fairytale.”
Ryan let out a frustrated breath and put his hands on his knees, “And maybe he isn’t. I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”
“That’s not fair. Matt didn’t hurt me emotionally. I got hurt because he was an asshole who took out his problems on me.” Maybe Ryan wasn’t the person I should talk to about this, but he had asked and was one of my best friends.
“Would you rather me not tell you how I feel?” I asked confused.
“I want to know how you feel, but… it’s strange hearing you talk about a guy like this.”
“To be honest, it’s strange feeling like this about a man, but I can’t help it. It probably won’t matter anyway because I seem hell bent on fucking it up.”
