by Becca Lee
"Should I be sensible and start saying this is all too much too soon?" I asked. I hated the words, but they were genuine, and I needed to voice them. I wasn't a teenager, nor was I a lovesick idiot—in theory.
"I'm yours," he replied. "I have been for a long time. With the connection we have, the lives we've led, if we're sure, why doubt or wait?"
His words took me by surprise. For all the time I'd known Mace, I knew for sure he was a man of few words and only spoke when he had something he truly needed to say. He didn't bullshit. Tears stung my eyes as my heart fluttered. "Can it really be that easy?"
Mace quirked a brow and dotted a kiss at the end of my nose, making me wriggle it. "You call years of waiting, years of watching you and lusting over you easy?" He shook his head, eyes serious, mouth smiling. "Lena, you're mine. It's the way it is and the way it will continue to be. You good with that?"
I nodded, not daring to speak for a moment in case my bubbling emotions broke free. His emotions mirrored my own and we were finally on the right path to make this work. I released a breath and said, "You're mine, too."
His smile dropped, his face as serious as his eyes. "Always." He pressed his mouth to mine and proceeded to kiss me silly.
Holy shitballs! Always sounds pretty perfect to me.
Chapter Eleven
MACE
I wasn't quite sure what to expect after staying that first night with Lena at her place. While Diesel had effectively given me the go-ahead to date his little sister, I couldn't help but remain on edge and wait for him to change his mind. Two weeks in, it was yet to happen.
Like me, Diesel was buried in work, and stress. This came as no surprise to anyone, especially me. Between a new job coming in at work and all the bullshit with Nox, it seemed far too many hours were spent buried in research and working out what the fuck Nox was offering to try for release. I even had been in touch with Enfield to try to figure out what was going on. He seemed reluctant at first to talk with me, but still, I knew he would come good in the end.
Trying to find a balance between the past and present, at first, seemed difficult, impossible almost. Lena, however, very quickly put me straight. I loved that she didn't take any crap from me. There were a few times after I'd first heard the news about Nox that I'd spent hours in the office, digging through files and history, that left me exhausted and late to bed. It didn't take long before she demanded my attention, making it clear that she'd support me with all things Nox, but not at the expense of my own "mental health" or our relationship.
I’d scoffed when she'd worried about me, but understood her concern for the two of us. She'd helped me put it in perspective when she'd forced me to look in the mirror, at the exhaustion evident under my tired eyes. It helped that she'd followed it up with a sexy-as-fuck massage intended to relax me. Hell, all it did was rev me up so much that by the time she asked me to turn over on the bed so she could work on my chest, my cock was standing at attention and desperate for her heat.
She didn't disappoint. When her mouth wrapped around my cock, I only allowed her two deep sucks before I flipped her over and drove into her from behind. Lena was one hell of a woman, and for her, I made sure I mastered the elusive balance that I'd been initially struggling with.
I had a big job come up with a personal security detail for some bigwig from overseas. There were another two weeks of his contract left, which included 24/7 security. I'd pulled in some of Diesel's crew for support, those who had specialist training and experience in security or were ex-military, as well as used my own guys, grinning when they'd donned suits. The gig was worth a lot of cash, so they did it willingly, smoothly following instructions and doing their job well. While I took a few of the high-profile shifts, I tried to stay close to the office as much as possible.
I had no issues when Kid called me pussy-whipped. It was a status I loved. Every night since I'd appeared outside Lena's door like some lovesick kid, we'd spent our nights together, usually in bed, and occasionally heading to her place so she could catch up with Diesel.
We'd fallen into a pattern so effortlessly that it was easy to question it, wondering when something would come along to screw it up, but at those times, Lena would roll her eyes at me, sometimes without even asking what was going on in my head, like a damn mind reader. She often commented that I grounded her, eased her anxiety, but I swore black and fucking blue it was the other way round.
My phone rang, causing me to look away from my computer screen. I picked it up, looking at who was calling before I answered. "Enfield, what's up?"
"Nox is offering names to Narcotics, looking for relocation and low security." There was no preamble as he skipped his greeting.
I closed my eyes, slowing my breathing, attempting to get my shit together. "But he got life imprisonment for murdering a fucking police officer. He can't appeal."
"He's not," Enfield interrupted. "Nor is he looking at a release deal, which was what we originally thought. The bastard knows there'd be no chance for release."
"So why make the deal then?" My brows dipped in confusion. I'd seen Nox kill Abigail, and I wasn't the only one who'd witnessed the nightmare. Hell, even in court he'd admitted it with a grin, throwing me a fucking wink. It was not surprising that I regularly dreamed of wrapping my hands around his throat, wiping the fucker from this earth.
Enfield sighed into the phone, the sound of his chair creaking hitting my ears. "I have no idea yet. He wants to be moved to Hartley's Low Security and to offer up names involved in drug trafficking and production. Plus," he continued, this time with hesitancy in his voice, "he's also saying he's got the intel on his inside man."
I sat bolt upright. "Inside man? You mean in the department?"
"That's what he's saying. Mentioned Abigail and the setup."
I stood abruptly, my chair scraping back. I looked ahead, through the open doorway to see Lena's concerned gaze on me. I turned away from her, staring out the window, sweeping my free hand through my hair.
"Part of the deal is he wants a meet with you."
"What the fuck for?" My voice was low and fierce.
"Don't know. Says there's something he wants you to hear first. But I don't know, Mace. He's a sick fuck, a sadistic one at th—"
"When?" I asked. Part of my brain screamed at me that I was making a mistake even contemplating seeing him, but fuck, the opportunity to find out what the hell went wrong that day rode me too hard to refuse.
"Mace"—his voice was filled with defeat—"I don't think you should. This whole thing is messed up and smells like bullshit to me. He's playing at something."
I absolutely agreed with him. Five years later, causing a stir and dragging up the past while apparently making offers that the narcotics team would no doubt be shooting their loads over went against everything I knew about Nox; and I knew a lot about the fucker, enough to write a damn biography. "When?" I asked again, my voice hard.
"Next week. I'll get back to you with a time and date."
"Okay." I nodded once, allowing the news to sink in.
"Any way I can talk you out of it?"
I gave a humourless laugh. "No."
Sighing once more, Enfield gave a grunt. "I'll be in contact soon then."
"Thanks, Enfield." I ended the call before he was able to respond and placed my phone in my pocket.
Even though my brain was a fog of confused and pissed off, I still knew the moment Lena entered the room. Her sweet scented shampoo reached my senses, that damn peach smell I loved so damn much. Her heat pressed against my back a moment before her arms circled me, her hands pressing on my chest, her face on my back.
We remained quiet and still for a few beats. It allowed me time to gather my shit. I still hadn't talked to Lena fully about Abigail's death, and even though the thought of telling the story caused a knot in my stomach, she needed to know.
I turned around in her arms and tugged her towards me, pressing a kiss on the top of her head. "Can we get out of here?" We nee
ded to sit and talk things through. The office wasn't the place to do it. Hell, I also needed a beer or five.
Lena nodded against my chest and looked up at me. A frown sat between her brows. Raising my hand to her face, I smoothed it out. Her sigh at my touch made my dick twitch and my heart constrict. Everything about Lena was fucking amazing, and I just hadn't seen her coming, stepping into my world and tearing it wide open, making me feel again.
Before I could talk myself out of what I had to share, I pressed a small kiss against her mouth and stepped away. In less than five minutes, we'd locked up and were heading to my house.
#####
Abigail and I had left the house together that day, me giving her a final kiss at the doorway before I locked up behind us. If I'd known it was going to be our last, I would have done everything differently.
I would have made sure I'd inhaled the fresh scent of her lavender shampoo and truly captured it in my sensory memory. I would have stroked her cheek when I'd brushed my tongue against hers, allowed myself to absorb just how soft her skin was.
There was so much I wished I had done. The main thing being I would never have included her in the mission in the first place. Then again, Abigail wouldn't have listened anyway. She had been as stubborn as she had been beautiful. Fuck, I miss her.
I'd sensed something was off immediately when gathered with my team at the rendezvous point. I'd always listened to my gut instinct in the past, and voiced it. That time was no different. I'd triple-checked the intel, scrutinized my team, and told my second, O'Leary, as well as Abigail that I didn't like it one fucking bit.
As soon as I voiced my concerns, O'Leary agreeing that the whole bust felt off, the team knew we'd back off and regroup.
That didn't happen.
The choice had been taken from us when Toxic appeared in the doorway across the street, carrying a handgun. When he'd stepped outside, his hand was latched on a young woman's arm. The blonde-haired girl couldn't have been more than seventeen. Dirty stains streaked her cheeks, while sobs wracked her body. A fresh red mark sat across her cheekbone, raw and swollen, and blood was smudged across her lips. The fucker Toxic had always lived up to his patch name.
When his voice pierced the air, I knew we wouldn't be backing away. "You piece of shit. You won't argue with a client a-fucking-gain. You hear me?"
He'd then forced her to the ground and slammed his foot against her stomach just as Nox joined him.
My team had tensed around me, just waiting for my go-ahead. Nothing about the situation was good. If anything, it had become a whole damn lot worse, and unpredictable. I'd always hated unpredictable.
I nodded to O'Leary. We had no choice but to act. I had no doubt either Toxic or Nox would kill the girl unless we stepped in. While my team took their positions, Toxic aimed his gun at the cowering form. We then moved in as one.
All it took was our shift in movement betraying our positions for all hell to break loose. Screams and shouts erupted around us as I took the barest of seconds to take in the new play.
It was a set-up, that much was obvious by their swift reaction and the extra men appearing. As the reality settled heavily in my gut, Toxic had leered directly at me, Nox a side step behind him. Nox had winked before he took aim and fired.
My life altered in that moment. It was when I'd wished for death, wished I could take it all back for a do-over. Instead, I'd watched in slow motion as Abigail fell to the ground to my right. I'd followed the direction of Nox's gun.
The fucker had known she was mine.
Shots filled the air while I launched at Abigail's still form. She'd worn a vest. I'd known because I'd helped strap her in. But a bulletproof vest did nothing to stop a bullet to the brain. I'd struggled to look away from her when I heard my name shouted on repeat. Refusing to drag my eyes from her lifeless body, I'd remained fixed at her side, my hands roaming her face, refusing to register the blood on her skin and on my hands.
Nox's voice cut through the pounding in my ears. "What are you going to do now then, fucker?"
My arm had moved before my brain had the chance to catch up. Barely two seconds later, Toxic hit the ground, having moved in front of the shot, protecting his cock-sucking pres. One clear shot between the eyes, a virtual mirror injury to Abigail's. I didn't bother looking at Toxic's motionless form, my focus on a smirking Nox. He seemed unfazed that I'd just taken out one of his men.
Rage turned my sight hazy when I re-aimed, my hand shaking, tears also brimming my eyes. My finger rested on the trigger, but before I had the chance to pull, O'Leary had charged into Nox, throwing him to the ground and straddling him. He was muttering something close to his ear. I hope it was the promise that I'd make sure he burned for this.
I'd known I'd shouted my fury, my voice hoarse with broken sobs of agony. Nox's laughter had then reached my ears as I'd cradled Abigail to my chest. I'd made a vow then to not rest until the fucker was dead. He'd known exactly what he was doing when he took Abigail from me. He'd thought he'd won, but I'd promised myself that he'd pay. Prison was too good for him.
It was after the inquest, one that ruled me taking down Toxic was self-defence, courtesy of my team's statement, that I found myself back on duty. But my focus was off, my commitment changed. A fierce desire for justice used to fill my days on the job. Since Abigail's death, I'd become hollow. No longer was I thirsting to take down the bad guys for the good of it. Instead, my mission had changed. I focused on taking down every fucking arsehole connected to Nox, while still trying to discover who'd betrayed us.
It had been clear to all of my team that the whole bust was a sham. There was no doubt we were set up. The consequence to that was irrevocable, and Abigail's death lay at my feet. I should have got us the fuck out of there as soon as my gut instinct had spoken. Instead, with blood on my hands, after her murder I'd been on a course for destruction, happily taking down every affiliate of Riots in the process.
#####
Lena hadn't interrupted once as I told her about Abigail. She'd listened intently, sometimes her eyes misting in tears, while allowing me to stand and pace when I needed to. I ended sitting in front of her, elbows on my knees. Finally finished, I stared at her, half expecting the familiar hollowness to settle in my chest, as it often did when I was buried in the memory and guilt of Abigail. But it hadn't. Looking into Lena's eyes, seeing her emotions transparent, her breathing controlled, it was the first time I'd not felt alone or struggled to breathe.
I had no idea what to do with that.
Exhausted, I rubbed my hands over my face, only to quickly remove them when I heard her move. She stood in front of me, reached for my hand, and tugged. Obediently, like some lost fucking lamb, I stood and followed her to my bedroom.
Stripping her clothes from her body, she moved to my bed, pulled back the sheets, and patted the empty spot beside her. My spot. I released a sigh, expelling the heaviness sitting there. I removed my clothes, offered her a small smile, and headed to the bed. Once pressed on the soft mattress, she curled around me, half her body moving and covering my own, her head on my chest, with one of her hands against my neck, soothingly stroking my skin.
I couldn't remember the last time I'd accepted comfort. Even at Abigail's funeral, I'd remained alone. Things had not been right with me and my brother back then, and especially not with Jo and how I'd let her down. I hadn't felt like I'd deserved anything other than the pain that had consumed me.
"Thank you." Lena's breath washed over my chest, warm and comfortable.
I angled my head to press my lips against her hair. I knew it was important, sharing all the horrors of our pasts, the shit that made our nightmares all too real.
"So…." She cleared her throat. "What's happening with Nox now?"
"My old boss, Enfield, said he's not looking for early release." She nodded against my chest, signalling that she was listening. "But he's looking to share information for a deal to be moved to a low security prison," I continued. "I just have no idea
why, what he's up to."
Lena pressed her lips against my chest for a moment, then settled herself back against me with a small sigh. "Have you worked out how you're going to find out?"
I quirked my lips, surprising myself considering our discussion, but she was so resolute and unwavering, I couldn't help but feel as if the future finally held something more. "I haven't quite figured it all out yet, but I can't let this go." I needed Lena to understand the truth of my words. The promise I'd made five years earlier stood true. Nox wouldn't be getting away with breaking open my world. "I'm seeing him next week though." Stiffening in my arms, Lena remained silent, no doubt waiting for me to continue. "He said he wanted to speak to me and share some shit."
"And you're going." It wasn't a question. She already knew me well enough to know I'd be all over him.
"He's saying he's got the name of the rat in the department. The one who warned them of the sting."
"And you believe him?"
"I believe he knows who it was since he was no doubt the one dealing with it all. But do I think he's going to give it up? No chance. I just need to work out what his angle is."
Leaning back from me slightly and rising to lean her head on her hand and perch on her elbow, Lena looked down at me, her eyes filled with concern. "Can I ask you something, about that day?"
I nodded.
"I don't understand why he did it, what he was hoping to achieve." She blanched. "That sounds so callous. I'm so sorry." Panic flashed across her face.
I reached up and stroked her cheek. "It's okay, baby, I get what you're saying. Why'd he take the shot knowing he'd go down for life?"
Giving a slow nod, she opened her mouth to speak but held back.
"What're you thinking?"
"It's just, I've heard so many stories about Nox. Even met him a couple of times by happenstance when I was younger, which was enough for me to know he was dangerous. But I also know from Diesel that he's smart. By taking Abigail's life"—I clenched my jaw on instinct, only to ease up when she cupped my face, her eyes pleading—"he would have known he'd either end up in prison for life or dead if you'd been able to get to him first, right?"
