by Ashley Quinn
Natalie sighed. “You know, I understand,” she started. “I really do. My aunt Jane used to do a similar thing. The only difference was that she would buy Vicodin from an elderly neighbor whose Social Security checks weren’t enough to cover her living expenses. Granted, my aunt Jane had been through rehab and was sober by the time she met my aunt Celia but she’s always been honest about her past. I suppose mostly as a warning to me, but I’m proud of her. Jane hasn’t touched a drop of alcohol or a single prescription pill since she became sober, but she had to go through a lot of rock bottoms before she realized she needed to make a change.”
“Adderall helps me,” Tiffany replied insistently. “I’m the best version of me with it. I have an endless supply of energy and I truly believe I can change the world. But most of all? I’m so happy when I take it.”
Natalie swallowed and felt her heart go out to the younger woman. “But Tiffany, hasn’t anyone told you that the best version of you is...well, you? The real you that isn’t enhanced by anything else?”
Tiffany shook her head slowly. “Would you believe it if I said no?” She paused. “Look, Natalie, I appreciate your concern. I get where you’re coming from. I really do. But I promise I’m fine. Just please tell me that you won’t say a word to London. We’re just beginning to know each other.” She leaned back against the Prius and closed her eyes. “I don’t want her to be disappointed so soon, like everyone else in my life.”
What do I do? Natalie wondered helplessly. What can I do? “Fine,” she replied miserably. “I don’t think keeping anything from London is the right thing to do. I’m not comfortable with this, so will you talk to her soon? Please?”
Tiffany shrugged. “I mean, I’ll see what I can do...”
“You’ve got to talk to her. Or someone,” Natalie prodded gently. Her face lit up as she remembered a thick paperback that Jane had tucked away in a corner on one of their bookshelves. What is it called again? The Right to Make a Difference? No, it’s The Wisdom to Know the Difference. That’s it.
“Can I bring over a book tomorrow?” Natalie asked. “It’s one of my aunt Jane’s favorites and she flips through it often, usually for a refresher or if she’s struggling a bit. She’s kept it on the shelf for years. It’s called The Wisdom to Know the Difference and I promise it’s not a science book or, like, a cheesy self-help book. Will you at least glance through it when you have some time?”
Tiffany smiled and squeezed Natalie’s forearm. “Fine,” she agreed. “If it means you won’t say anything to London, then yes. I’ll look at the book. Whatever you want.”
Natalie nodded and felt pleased with herself that Tiffany had agreed. “Good,” she replied brightly. “Tell you what, I’ll go into the bakery late tomorrow and stop by on my way. Promise you’ll give it a chance? And then think about talking to London or someone else?”
Tiffany blinked and then smiled slowly. “I can see why my sister is so crazy about you,” she replied. “You have a good heart. Don’t let London fool you. She’s tough because she has to be. She’s been through a lot. But even I can tell that there’s something special between you two.”
She’s intoxicated Natalie told herself as she tried to ignore the pounding in her chest. “You should head to bed,” she replied carefully. “But for the record, I’m crazy about London too. I care about her and hope that she’ll give me the chance to show her.”
Tiffany took a few unbalanced steps toward the front door. She looks like a baby deer learning how to walk for the first time Natalie thought ruefully. She wasn’t sure what to do, so she waited and watched as Tiffany picked her keys out of her bag.
“She will,” Tiffany called over her shoulder. “Give you a chance, that is. She will.”
Natalie leaned quietly against the grill of her truck as Tiffany dropped her key noisily on the front step and picked it up again. She didn’t get back into her truck until she saw the front door close firmly behind her. Natalie sighed and chewed the inside of her cheek as she started the engine. A small pit of discomfort had lodged itself deep in her stomach at the thought of keeping a secret like this from London.
She bit her thumbnail as she pulled into the street and then she remembered the feeling of London’s body against hers as they relaxed comfortably together on the sofa. She thought of her intense, trusting gaze and the taste of her welcoming mouth.
Natalie ran a hand through her hair. “What in the world am I doing?” She asked out loud. Her voice sounded strange and unwelcome in the humming stillness of the truck as it rumbled along the empty road. Falling for an outsider, that’s what. And if you’re not careful, you’re going to screw this up before it even has a chance.
CHAPTER 12
The next morning, Natalie took a deep breath and stared at the familiar double French doors in front of her. The white-hot sun was blinding and a still morning heat permeated the air. She swallowed hard and stood on the wide front porch for another moment. She gripped the paperback in both hands and tried to work up the nerve to ring the doorbell.
This is what I get for making a promise against my better judgment she thought. Now how am I going to get this book to Tiffany without London knowing?
Guilt crept into Natalie’s stomach at the idea of sneaking around right under London’s nose. She glanced down at the book and then back at the doors before shaking her head slowly.
“I can’t do this,” she whispered to herself as she turned. “I’ll give the book to London to pass along to her. If Tiffany gets upset with me, then so be it.” At least someone will be watching out for her and encouraging her to get help she thought.
Natalie took two sure steps down the front walkway before hearing the door swing open.
“Natalie!” An excited voice called. “I thought I saw someone standing out here.”
Shit. The single curse rang through her mind as she turned and forced a smile. “Hey, Tiffany,” she replied uncomfortably. “I didn’t know you’d be up so early.”
Tiffany grinned. “I didn’t sleep much. I’m making pancakes.”
Natalie blinked. “You...You’re making pancakes?”
Tiffany nodded and stepped aside. She gestured for Natalie to come in. “Of course,” she replied easily. “My dad usually has a housekeeper that cooks meals for us, but he gave her four weeks off to visit her family in Greece. He’s been traveling a lot anyway. I slept for a few hours and woke up feeling awful. So I doubled the Adderall just to get me through this morning and now I feel like a superstar. I feel great!”
Natalie followed Tiffany warily through the house and into the kitchen as she half-listened to her rapid chatter.
“...So you should definitely stay and eat,” she finished. Natalie’s mouth dropped open at the large stacks of pancakes towering on the granite countertops.
“Oh no, I can’t,” Natalie replied quickly. “That is a lot of pancakes, but, um, I’m actually running late to the bakery. I wanted to drop off the book before London wakes up.”
“What book?” Tiffany asked. She poked at a sizzling pancake with her spatula and glanced at her quizzically.
Natalie was caught off-guard. She really doesn’t remember she realized. “It’s called The Wisdom to Know the Difference and I mentioned it to you last night. Remember? My aunt Jane swears by it and says it’s helped her quite a bit. You promised to read it...”
Tiffany’s face fell. “Oh,” she replied flatly. “Yeah, that book.” She sighed. “I’ll give it a try, but I really don’t think I have a problem. Look, I know last night looked bad. I was in a weak spot and you caught me. But I feel great now. I mean, check this out...” she paused and flipped the pancake with ease. “Would some desperate junkie be able to do that?” She grinned.
Natalie gently placed the book on the table as she realized the magnitude of Tiffany’s issues. Jane always said that most addicts are in denial she silently recalled. And easily defensive.
“Flip through it by the pool or something,” she replied. “Maybe you
’ll find it interesting.”
“Sure, I will,” Tiffany went on flippantly. She turned from the stove and shoved the book into her backpack. “It’s too bad you have to leave. I may have misjudged how many pancakes London and I can eat between the two of us.” She stepped back and surveyed the kitchen thoughtfully.
“Look, I really should go...” Natalie started quietly. She froze as the fine hairs on her arms stood. She felt London’s presence before she even said a word.
“Hey, I didn’t know you were coming over today,” London spoke happily. The sleep was evident in her voice. Natalie closed her eyes slowly.
No she thought. She refused to turn around. Don’t look at her. I can’t lie to her face. If I look at her, she’ll know. She’ll realize something is wrong and I can’t keep this from her. I don’t want to keep this from her.
Natalie listened as London padded closer and stopped just behind her. She laid her hand lightly on the small of her back and suddenly all Natalie was aware of was how fast her heart was beating.
“She came over for my pancakes,” Tiffany cut in confidently. She winked at Natalie. “I couldn’t sleep, so I started experimenting with the Bisquick and whatever we had in the cabinets. I think I might really have a knack for the culinary arts, you know? Natalie, you’ll have to let me know if you agree.”
London stood next to Natalie and glanced at her. “You...came over for pancakes?” She raised an eyebrow.
Natalie felt herself flush under London’s questioning gaze. She looked at anything but her. “Uh-huh,” she squeaked nervously. Dial it back, Natalie she thought warningly. She took a deep breath. “Yup. Pancakes.”
“Those ones are peanut butter and cheddar,” Tiffany said as she pointed to a burnt stack in the corner. “And those are banana and creamed corn...”
London wrinkled her nose at the pancakes and Natalie finally met her eyes. They shared a slow, smoldering grin. London gently grabbed her hand. “Come with me to my room. I have a...a...question about my iPad.”
“Wait, what does Natalie know about computers?” Natalie heard Tiffany’s voice trail after them in confusion. “Don’t you want breakfast?”
Natalie stopped short behind London as they reached a bedroom door. London quickly pulled her inside and resolutely shut it behind them. They dissolved into giggles as London took a step toward her.
“Are you okay?” London asked breathlessly. “I’m sorry if Tiffany was bugging you. I don’t understand her. Sometimes she sleeps for days at a time and other times it’s like she doesn’t sleep at all,” she paused and smiled. “But I’m really happy to see you.”
Natalie looked back at her, torn. I think I understand why Tiffany is so scared for London to find out she thought. She’s incredible. In that moment, she couldn’t take it anymore. She had to be close to London, to feel her lips against her own and their bodies pressed together.
It’ll be okay she decided. Tiffany promised to read the book and then talk to her.
Without another thought, Natalie leaned in quickly and kissed London. Her body reacted instantly to the other woman’s gentle tongue as their kiss deepened. Stepping back, she bumped against the closet door and felt London grin through their kisses.
“I missed you,” Natalie finally replied between breaths. It’s true she realized with a start. I did miss London last night. I missed her the second I walked out the door. I wanted to fall asleep next to her and wake up with her close to me.
“I missed you too,” London whispered as she toyed gently with Natalie’s bottom lip between her teeth. “I’m sorry I dragged you away like that. But I...” she released her lip and worked kisses up her jawline. “Couldn’t stop thinking about you all night...” Natalie nearly fell over as London’s fingertips danced beneath the hem of her t-shirt and up her spine.
“...And then I woke up, came into the kitchen and it was like I conjured you up with thought or something,” London went on as she nibbled at her neck. Natalie tilted her head back in response and stifled a moan. “Because here you are, you’re gorgeous and I can’t take my eyes...or lips...off of you.”
Natalie’s knees buckled as the heat continued to spike between them. London led her confidently to a suede chaise near a window overlooking the swimming pool and backyard. With one tug, she pulled the blinds shut and knelt over Natalie as she continued her exploration of her neck and shoulders.
I’m in heaven Natalie thought as she closed her eyes and gave in to the sensations. After a few moments, she blinked as the kisses paused.
“What time do you have to be at the bakery?” London whispered. A smile played at her lips as she watched her face carefully.
Natalie let out a small groan. “I usually get there around 5 A.M. But I told Celia and Jane I’d be there closer to 7:30 this morning.”
London laughed. “It’s 8:15.”
Natalie quickly shot up but she snaked her arms around London’s waist to keep her from falling off the chaise. “This weekend,” she started with a smile. “I want to take you somewhere. I want to take you to my favorite place in all of Texas. Are you up for a small road trip?”
“With you?” London replied. “Of course I am. Where are we going?”
“My aunts have a country house in Haskell,” Natalie replied as they stood. “Actually, it was the house that Celia and my dad grew up in. It stayed in the family after my grandfather passed away and Celia took it over. I spent a lot of time out there growing up. Nowadays, my aunts use it as a weekend getaway.”
“So I get an entire uninterrupted weekend with you?” London asked with a grin. “Sounds amazing.”
“It’s a tiny West Texas town and there’s hardly any cellular service,” Natalie rushed. “I understand if you’d rather go to the city. It won’t offend me if you tell me you’d rather spend the weekend sightseeing in Dallas. But this...” she shrugged and smiled shyly. “It’s the real Texas and it’s somewhere new for you. We’re having a barbecue for my best friend’s daughter’s birthday on Saturday. You and I could stay through to Sunday. It’ll give us a chance to spend more time and really get to know each other.”
London looked at her for a moment and reached over to brush a lock of hair behind Natalie’s ear. “I feel like I already know you,” she murmured. “It’s strange. As much as I thought I would never be saying this even a short time ago, there is nowhere I’d rather be this weekend than Haskell, Texas.”
Natalie let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding and admired London’s form as she padded into the walk-in closet. “Give me two seconds to get dressed and I’ll walk you out,” she called over her shoulder. “I hope your aunts won’t hate me too much for making you late.”
Natalie leaned back against the chaise for a moment. “They’ll get over it,” she called back with a laugh. Somehow, I’m breaking through all those carefully placed defenses that she’s had since she arrived Natalie thought proudly. Gut feelings don’t lie. And mine is telling me that maybe this was meant to be something...special.
“London, I...” she started happily and then paused. How do I articulate what I’m feeling for her?
After a moment, London poked her head through the door of the walk-in closet and shot her a curious smile.
“Sorry, I didn’t catch the last of what you said,” she replied.
Natalie willed herself not to blush. “No, I just...I was saying that I’m looking forward to this weekend with you.” She forced herself not to roll her eyes as she stammered. Good save, Natalie she thought sarcastically.
London wriggled into a faded Abercrombie & Fitch t-shirt and walked over to her. She smiled again and pecked her lips. “You know what? I’m finding that any time I spend with you is time I’m looking forward to.”
Natalie stood, loathing to leave the darkened bedroom that smelled of London’s perfume. She tried in vain to smooth her shirt. Last thing I need is Celia looking me up and down and knowing exactly what I’ve been up to she thought dryly. But duty and family
calls.
---
A few hours after Natalie’s surprise appearance, London wandered onto the back patio. The wide deck was paved with smooth tan bricks and housed beneath a black fence station. In one corner, a built-in fire pit took up most of the area closest to the backyard. Inviting wicker furniture was arranged around the fire pit in a lazy semi-circle. An oversized electric barbecue grill and grilling station was shrouded in a rare bit of shade at the opposite corner.
A row of padded outdoor chaises were scattered along a lengthier side of the kidney-shaped swimming pool. The water was clean and sparkling as the afternoon sun reflected from its ripples. Tiffany laid across the furthest chaise and tipped her sunglasses from her head over her nose.
London relaxed into the lounger nearest her and sighed happily. “This is nice,” she murmured. “I bet you had some awesome pool parties here.”
For a moment, London thought Tiffany might be asleep. She finally smiled in response. “What happens at the pool parties, stays at the pool parties.” She flipped her sunglasses up for a moment and winked at her.
London nearly did a double take. Her eyes are so red she thought as she bit her lip. She looks...bad. A shadow of the pancake-making energizer bunny from this morning.
“Are you okay?” London finally asked. She casually tossed a cold bottle of water to her. “Drink up. You’re going to shrivel up like a prune in this heat.”
Tiffany smirked but uncapped the bottle of water and took a long swallow. “I wasn’t feeling so great,” she admitted. “I got queasy about an hour ago. Every time I moved, I felt dizzy. Laying by the pool is relaxing. The nausea is almost gone.”
London took a deep breath as she recalled her recent memories of Tiffany taking pills. Too many memories in the short time I’ve been here. “Is there anything you want to talk to me about? Anything at all?” She ventured.
A strange look passed over Tiffany’s face but she quickly shook her head. “No,” she replied slowly. “Why are you asking me that?”
London shrugged. “You know I wouldn’t judge you,” she hedged. “I think I’ve finally realized that I’m not really in a place in my life to judge anyone else’s. I don’t know, I’ve been thinking about a lot of things differently lately. Maybe it’s Natalie’s effect on me. She’s so unlike anyone I’ve met. She makes me see things in a new perspective.”
