God, this is going to suck…I hope I can stay strong.
Ttyl,
Mads
Right after clicking Submit, I head over to Gio’s place. I’m let in their front gate, and I wipe at my tears all the way up the driveway to his front door.
Gio opens the door, and as soon as he sees my face, he guesses what happened. “She told you that you have to break up with me, didn’t she?” He looks more pissed off than I’ve ever seen him.
“She didn’t say I ‘have to,’ but she did tell me your relationship was real.”
“That is a lie and you know it!” He growls something else in Italian, but I hold up a hand.
“Gio, I…I saw the pictures,” I whisper through my tears.
Gio sighs and leans against the doorjamb. “I should have told you not to do that.” He rubs his forehead wearily, and then he looks into my eyes.
“Are you okay?”
“No…not really.”
“I’m so sorry you had to see that. Really, I am. I wish that nasty scandal would go away for good.”
I look into his beautiful face, so full of remorse, and I lose an ounce of my resolve. God, he’s so amazing…
No. Stay strong.
“Listen…whether or not it was real for her, it was real for you, and you cheated. The honorable thing to do would have been to break up with her before going out with that girl, but you didn’t.”
Gio nods. “I know that now, but back then, I wanted to hurt her. I wanted revenge. She crushed my soul, and I just wanted to give her a taste of her own medicine.”
Damn…I can’t argue with that response. What now?
“Madness, please don’t tell me you believe her over me.” His expression is laced with pain, and I feel my own soul crumpling.
“I don’t know what to believe, but honestly, being caught between Raven and you all the time isn’t going to work. She’s a part of my life now. We’re coming out as a family. I just need to keep the peace.”
Gio clenches his jaw, and his eyes water up. “So that’s it? You’re just going to throw us away to ‘keep the peace?’”
“Gio, this relationship—or whatever it is—was always going to end. It was only a matter of time. This is our expiration date. It’s just something I need to do. I hope you understand.”
He just stares at me in silence with disbelief.
“Please…try to understand,” I beg. “I couldn’t stand it if you hated me.”
He swallows the anger down, and the muscles in his face twitch as he tries to control his emotions. Hurting him like this is going to haunt me. I almost lose my resolve when a single tear slides down his cheek. “I knew she was going to do this. I knew she was going to take you away.”
“We can still be friends—” I start, but he shakes his head.
“No, we can’t…and don’t come crying to me when she destroys you.” He stomps into the house and slams the door shut, not even looking back over his shoulder.
Four days later, I stand alone by the window in my new bedroom that looks out over the pool. My old one looked right out at Gio’s house, and I couldn’t take the reminder of what happened with him, so Dad and Cass helped me move all my things. For the past three nights, I’ve heard nothing but partying and girls’ voices coming from Gio’s backyard. To cover the noise, I’ve been spending all my time on music.
I take Dad’s guitar from its stand and crank up the lone amp that’s in my room to the highest level. The only thing that makes me feel better right now is drowning in sound. Shredding along with my favorite songs is the only therapy I’ll ever need. It helps me forget the world exists for a while. I’ve also been sneaking shots of vodka from Dad’s liquor fridge to ease the pain and help me forget.
Dad knocks forcefully on the door, and I stop playing, hide the shot glasses, and yell at him to come in. “Hey, baby girl,” he says in a gentle tone of voice. Everybody’s been walking on eggshells around me lately. “You doin’ all right?”
“No, but what else is new?” I pause the music on my laptop, set the guitar down on the stand, and sit on the edge of the bed. Immediately, I hear the sounds of Gio and his friends partying next door, and I drop my forehead into my palms.
“Hey…don’t let him get to you.” Dad sits down beside me and wraps an arm around me. “You stood up for yourself and made the decision you thought was right.”
“Then why do I feel like the stupidest girl alive?”
“You are not stupid at all. You’re brave, you’re strong, and you’re going to get through this one day at a time.” I lean against him, and he smells my breath. “Do I smell alcohol?”
“Oh…yeah, I…I had to use some rubbing alcohol to get permanent marker off my hands,” I lie.
Dad raises an eyebrow. “Sweetheart, I know the smell of vodka well.”
I sigh and pull away. “Sorry.”
“Have you been sneakin’ my vodka up here?” “Just little shots…” I shrug.
He stares me down. “No more lyin’, and no more stealin’ my liquor, all right?” I nod, and guilt is added to the long list of emotions I’m battling. “Anyway, I came up here to tell you that because of the Redingers and Cass, we’re movin’ here for good. I’ve already talked to Momma and Melissa and they’re gonna make permanent arrangements over there, so we don’t have to go back except to pack our things.”
“Yay.” My voice is flat and emotionless. There was a time when that news would have excited me, but now it just sounds like a jail sentence. Am I ever going to feel free again? Anywhere?
“I know things are hard right now, sugar, but they’ll get better. You’ll see. We can find you a good school and let you have one year of high school before you go off to rock the world on your own.”
A corner of my mouth pulls up. It’s a small glimmer of hope in a dark world that my rock star dad believes in me. “Okay.”
“Be thinkin’ about which schools you’d like to go to, all right? I’m leavin’ it all up to you.”
I swallow hard. There’s only one school I’ve had my eye on, and I know it’s a longshot, but I have to try.
July 22
Mission Survival
I miss Ana. It’s been two weeks since she left, and I still have this gaping hole in my heart from the loss of my best friend’s presence. We are officially staying in L.A. with Cass now, which is great, but it sucks because I won’t be living near my BFF for a whole year.
On the positive side, most of my missions have worked out lately, so I’m hoping my new one is a sure win: Mission Survival. I decided I’m going to try to get into Wilcox High School. That’s where Raven goes, so I’m guaranteed to have at least one powerful alliance on my side. Unfortunately, Gio also goes there, so…yeah, this should be interesting.
My new mission is to keep on good terms with Raven so the most feared teenage girl in L.A. won’t be out to destroy me. I’m going to give her my answer when I see her in a week. That’s when we have the interview to trump all interviews: the big reveal of the Basket Baby’s mother. The show we’re going on has already advertised the reveal like crazy, but they haven’t given any clues about who my mother is. People everywhere are putting their theories out there and trying to assemble the puzzle for themselves before watching the interview. It’s kind of comical to watch. Do they really think those theories are going to have any effect on the truth whatsoever? I guess some people must just be really, really bored.
Anyway, that interview is the beginning of a “family press tour,” which starts in New York City in the first week of August. After that, Jess is taking me to meet her side of the family in London, which I am actually kind of excited about. Dad insisted on coming, of course…he’s not going to let me out of his sight whenever I’m with her.
Dad is still determined to stay off the stage, although I think it’s possible he might want to return after I graduate. We had a conversation about it a couple days ago, and I want to write down what he said, because I want to remember it
when I start feeling guilty about keeping him off the stage.
Dad said, “Sweetie, being a parent and an artist is really hard. One always has to suffer for the other. You’ve only got one year left before the world takes you away from me as an adult, and I don’t want to miss that year. Once you’re gone and doin’ your own thing, I’ll revisit the idea of going back to music, but until then, I’m your father first and forever. Nothin’ in this world could ever be important enough to take me away from my girl while she still needs me.”
He may have lied to me about a lot of things, but no one can say he doesn’t care about me. I guess I got lucky in the father department. The ending of my mother story remains to be seen.
Ttyl,
Mads
It’s July 29, and I’m waiting behind the scenes of the daytime TV show that is announcing my mother’s identity to the world. Raven is sitting next to me, and Dad and Jess are sitting on opposite ends of the waiting area behind the set. My pulse quickened as soon as Raven walked in the room, and now that she’s sitting beside me, I know exactly what she’s about to ask.
“So, have you considered my offer?” she whispers.
“I have.”
“What’s your answer?”
I take a deep breath. “Our alliance would have to honor certain conditions. First off, I will not participate in any scheme that inflicts physical, emotional, or psychological harm.”
Raven smirks. “But where’s the fun in that?” My eyebrows go up sternly, and she sighs and says, “Go on.”
“If you involve me without my knowledge in a scheme that inflicts harm, my immunity stays intact, even if I refuse to participate in any more schemes.”
“All right.” She seems hesitant about that one. “Is that all?”
“Just one more. There will be no speaking on my behalf or impersonating me. I might be your protégé, but I’m still an individual who has a voice.”
“Well, I suppose I will have to work with what I can get,” Raven says. “When the show starts, just play along. As I told you, I’ve already got a plan in motion.”
“All right,” I say, feeling a little tense.
Dad and I are called on the set to talk to the pretty brunette host. She gives the audience a little introduction to us, and then, once a sufficient amount of suspense has been built up, she announces, “Would Madison Daley’s mother please come on out?”
Jess and Raven step out, and the audience falls silent in shock before erupting into cheers. The Redingers wave in appreciation and then take their seats next to Dad and me. Jess tells the story in a condensed version, and at the end, she turns to me. “I cannot begin to make up for the years I’ve lost with this girl, but I’m so glad she has seen fit to welcome me into her life now.”
The audience claps for us, and Jess gives me a little side hug. It’s the first physical affection I ever remember receiving from my mother, so I end up shedding a few tears.
“What’s wrong, sweetie?” The host hands me a tissue. I know better than to tell her the real reason I’m crying.
“It’s just an emotional time for me, that’s all.” I force a smile.
“Well, it must be! Not only have you finally met your mother, but you’ve gained a sister as well. Same for you. Can you tell me a little bit about your end of this reunion?” She’s addressing Raven now, who is as poised and confident as usual.
“I couldn’t be happier to be reunited with the other half of my family.” Raven glances over at Dad, and they exchange smiles. The audience rewards her with a round of applause. “My father is terrific, and my twin sister and I have already formed a bond.” “Bond”…that’s an interesting way of putting it. “In fact, I have a feeling we’re going to be the best of friends, right, sis?”
Play along. “Of course,” I say. Raven reaches over Jess for my hand, and when we join hands, the audience bursts into enthusiastic applause. She raises her eyebrows at me, and I can almost hear her words in my head. Play it up. “It’s…like being reunited with my other half,” I say, eliciting another cheer, and Raven nods and smiles as if to say Good.
So this is her plan. The “twin bond” angle.
I guess it could be worse.
To be continued…
Diary of Jane – Breaking Benjamin
American Idiot – Green Day
Whisper – Evanescence
Fire and Ice – Within Temptation
Victim – Avenged Sevenfold
Unholy Confessions – Avenged Sevenfold
Meant to Live – Switchfoot
Extraordinary Girl – Green Day
Let’s Get Rocked – Def Leppard
Beverly Hills – Weezer
The Best Damn Thing – Avril Lavigne
Madness – Muse
I Love Rock N’ Roll – Joan Jett
Sweet Child O’ Mine – Guns N’ Roses
Dani California – Red Hot Chili Peppers
Rockstar - Nickelback
Riot – Three Days Grace
Complicated – Avril Lavigne
Titanium – Madilyn Bailey
Oceans – Evanescence
You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid – The Offspring
Famous – Puddle of Mudd
Lost in Paradise – Evanescence
Afterlife – Avenged Sevenfold
Welcome to the Family – Avenged Sevenfold
To all my sisters…
Especially AJ, my only sister by blood. Thank you for all the good times. For being my crazy lunatic BSF—Best Sister Forever—and not anything like Raven.
I set my laptop down on the table beside my window and lean down to plug the power cable into the wall. Behind the crisp, embroidered beige curtains, I can still hear the reporters’ clamor drifting up fifteen stories from the front side of the hotel. Pulling the sheer inner curtain aside, I gaze down at the paved area in front of the hotel where the paparazzi are gathered around. I chuckle at the irony of my spying on the paparazzi—since they never seem to stop spying on and stalking us—and shake my head at their dogged persistence. I have to give it to them—they’ve all done their jobs well since Dad, Cass, Jess, Raven, and I arrived in New York City. A little too well.
I shift into a comfortable position atop my cushioned chair, press the power button, and watch my laptop come to life, smiling at the piece of outdated technology I can’t seem to bring myself to get rid of. I wrote my first lyrics on this laptop. I penned my first private blog post. I found out a lot about myself, my family, and our past, which everyone in the entire world seemed to know about before me.
I open the blogging site and gently crack my knuckles before plunging into my usual round of word vomit. Thank God I’m the only one who can see this diary. If this blog ever became public somehow, I’d hate to think what would happen.
July 30
The Aftermath
The shockwave that resulted from coming forward with Jess and Raven surprised even me. We’ve become the biggest entertainment news story to hit the U.S. since…well, ever. The paparazzi are beating down our gates as we speak. Luckily, security at the Flintlock Hotel in NYC knows how to handle stars in their midst. Jess hired bodyguards for all of us this week, so we’ve got that protection when we go out in public, plus my Papa Bear is going to be trailing me everywhere, even when I go out with Raven tomorrow.
Right at that moment, a knock sounds at the door of my lush hotel bedroom.
“Come in!” I call out.
Dad peeks his head through the doorway. “You doin’ okay?”
I sigh and humor him with a smile, an ironic head tilt, and a thumbs-up. He’s asked that question at least ten times since we came in from the airport. “Fine, Dad. Thanks for asking. I’ll be out in a little bit.”
He flashes me a smile and a nod, creeps back out, and closes the door gently behind him.
I turn back to the laptop to re-read what I just wrote.
Where was I? Oh yeah…
Dad, Cass, and I flew to New York in Jess�
��s private jet at her insistence. On the way here, Raven sat next to me and laid out our plan for this press tour. She somehow talked me into getting a makeover with her tomorrow so that we’ll look more alike. I mean, I guess it makes sense, since we’re identical twins. If we want to be the biggest twins in entertainment news, we’re going to have to play every card in the deck.
That’s the plan, by the way. Raven explained everything to me in detail on the jet. We’re going to play on the emotions behind the twin bond to get everyone to fall in love with us. Then we’re going to use our new status as the hottest twins in Hollywood to our greatest advantage. What she gets out of this, I’m not sure, since she’s not currently looking for acting jobs, but she told me exactly what I’ll get: a first-class ticket to the top of the L.A. music scene.
I’m not very excited about losing my beloved blue streaks, but I know it’s not forever. The only reason I’m even playing along with her game is because I figure the more publicity I get, the better. My only goal in life is to be a rock star. Being one of the Redinger-Daley Twins—as they’ve already labeled us—is a surefire way to make sure everyone knows my name and is curious about me. It’s a classic “ends justify the means” scenario.
I guess there’s another reason…she is my sister. I don’t know if she’s worthy of my trust, but she’s the only twin sister I’m ever going to have. I have to at least give her a chance. If this is what she wants from me, so be it. It’s not like it will kill me to sit through some interviews and look pretty.
Speaking of which, I have a plan of action for the press tour this week. People are curious about me, so I’m going to tell them everything they want to know as long as it’s not damning information. My plan is to keep these interviews light, cheerful, and drama free. They’re all probably looking for my next dork-errific mistake, but they’re going to be terribly disappointed, because I plan to wow the entertainment world this week.
D.O.R.K. Series Box Set Page 21
