My hand trembles as I lift it to knock on the Lincourts’s front door. The shiny brass knocker pounds against its plate, reminding me of a drum beat.
The pastor pulls the squeaky front door open, looking hungover with sleep. His salt-and-pepper hair is ruffled and his glasses are all askew. He scrunches his eyebrows to study me in the dim lighting, and then he tightens his plaid robe around himself and smiles.
“Madison Daley, as I live and breathe. A certain daughter of mine is going to be delighted to see you.”
I sigh with relief. I worried he might toss me out the moment he saw me because of the mishaps of the summer, but I guess Ana explained to him that it was all an accident.
“Good morning, Pastor Lincourt. I’m sorry to barge in like this, but something happened in London and I really need my best friend right now. Could I stay here, at least for a day?”
“Sure! Come on in.” He steps aside and ushers me in with a hand at my back. Then he grabs my luggage and tugs it inside.
I step over to the staircase that leads to the upstairs bedrooms and gesture to Ana’s room with my thumb. “Can I?”
“Of course. She’ll be pleasantly surprised, I assure you.” Pastor Lincourt flashes me a warm smile and drags my heavy bags over to the side. I thank him quietly and tiptoe up the stairs to Ana’s room, my heart pounding with excitement.
I twist Ana’s doorknob silently and push the door open. I smile at her beautiful sleeping face. She always manages to look like an angel while she’s sleeping, while I more closely resemble a slaughtered possum in the middle of a two-lane highway. I sneak over to the side of the bed closest to the door and kneel beside her, grinning as I shake her awake. “Morning, Sleeping Beauty,” I whisper.
Ana groans and shifts in her sleep. “Mom, it’s not even light yet.”
“I’m not your mom. Don’t ever call me that again.”
Ana’s eyes fly open and promptly water up with tears. “Mads?”
“Hey, girl.”
“Mads!” Ana shrieks and throws her arms around me. “Oh my God, I missed you so much!”
“I missed you too.”
“Are you really here? Am I dreaming?”
“You are not dreaming.” I grunt against her vise grip around my neck. “But you’re really crushing me right now.”
“Sorry.” Ana releases my neck and grips my shoulders. “What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in London for a month?”
“Yeah, that definitely didn’t work out. Did you see the latest headlines?”
Horror contorts her face. “Yeah…I saw everything. Are you okay?”
I squeeze my eyes shut in an attempt to stop the tears, but it’s hopeless. “No. I really need an Ana hug.”
“Here.” Ana scoots over on the bed to give me room to join her. I pull off my Converses and settle into bed beside her. Ana wraps her arms around me and lets me blubber out the whole story—beginning to end—of how much my life has sucked for the past two weeks. She doesn’t interrupt, doesn’t shush me, just hands me tissues from her nightstand and listens like the amazing friend she is. After fifteen minutes of venting, she squeezes me tightly against her and tells me it’s all going to be okay. My phone rings for the tenth time since I touched down in the U.S., but I ignore it again, needing nothing right now more than I need some BFF therapy and to be left alone.
After a gorgeous breakfast spread courtesy of Mrs. Lincourt, I head outside with Ana and her siblings to play a makeshift game of baseball. The only team sports I’ve ever played or needed to play were with the Lincourts. There are so many of them they could form their own basketball team, and they often do at home. I’ve never been that great at any organized sport, but they’re gracious and let me stand in the outfield as if I’m actually good for something anyway. I have to admit, my throwing arm isn’t too bad. If only I could aim…
Ana’s little brother Andrew pitches a slow ball to their little sister Abigail, and she swings her stubby arms and misses. I chuckle at the cute scrunched up angry face Abigail makes whenever she misses the ball. She’s only nine, but she thinks she has what it takes to play with the big dogs. Hate to tell her, but I think she’s going to end up joining me in the outfield pretty soon.
She gets one more strike, and then on the next pitch—miracle of miracles—she smacks the ball hard with a ferocious swing and it soars up into the air in my direction. As she darts to first base, I lift my glove to shield my eyes from the sun and another miracle occurs. I actually catch the ball.
I start to celebrate my little victory, but then I notice Abigail’s horrified expression and the tears that are welling up in her eyes. Before it’s too late, I loosen my grip and let the ball fall to the ground. The others cheer her on to run to second base. I “scramble” for the ball and wait just long enough to throw it so that Ana’s brother Aaron can’t tag her out.
As the others cheer for Abigail, Andrew glares at me under his ball cap the way only a thirteen-year-old can. “Mads, can’t you do anything right?”
My chest clenches and heat rises up my neck. I wait until the inning is over and then I rip my glove off and stalk to the side.
“I think I’m done,” I mutter loud enough for them to hear.
Ana leaves her position at first base and follows me to the front porch. We sit down side by side on the porch swing. She threads her arm through the crook of my elbow.
“Mads, just ignore Andrew. He’s a jerk. I saw what you did for Abbie. That was really nice of you.”
I turn to examine my best friend’s face and can’t help but mirror her smile. “Thanks. I couldn’t stand making a nine-year-old cry.”
Ana snuggles against me and leans her head against my shoulder. “You’re a good person, Mads, and you do a lot of things right. You play a rockin’ guitar and I know you can sing. You just need to show the rest of the world that drunk singing incident was just a fluke.”
I nod and lay my head on top of hers. “I guess you’re right. I don’t want to be seen by the world right now, though.” Ana just nods and lets the conversation fade.
About two minutes after that exchange, two rental cars pull up in the driveway. My heart falls into my stomach. It’s Dad and Cass… And Jess and Raven.
They came all the way out here to get me. Dad and Cass I don’t mind, but the last people in the world I want to see right now are the ones I’m not sure I can trust.
I clench my fists at my sides as I stand from the swing and approach the steps to await the inevitable uproar. I know I screwed up by leaving like that, but when Grandmum didn’t stop me, I figured I was doing the right thing. The devastated look on my father’s face right now as he springs out of the driver’s side is absolutely making me question myself. He slams the car door shut and runs at full speed up the sidewalk to meet me. I cringe, but then he throws his arms around me and stifles a sob in my shoulder.
“Madison…sweetheart, what were you thinkin’? Flyin’ by yourself? You know how dangerous that could have been!”
“I…I just wanted to get out of everybody’s way—”
“Stop.” Dad jerks back and pins me by the shoulders. His brown eyes drill into mine. “Don’t you ever insinuate you are ‘ruinin’ my life’ or ‘in my way.’ You know you mean everything to me. I don’t give a shit what anyone else says.”
The waterworks start up again. I sniffle like a scolded kindergartener. “Dad, I’m sorry. I read the headlines and just panicked—”
“I know.” Dad pulls me back in and cradles me against his chest. “I’m sorry people are so cruel. I must have failed as a parent if you can’t see I would never hold this against you.”
“No…” I squeeze him back for all he’s worth. “It’s not your fault. I just don’t know if I can do this anymore.”
“Do what?”
“Be in the public eye. Open myself up for all the world to see.”
Dad smoothes my hair and kisses the top of my head. “Like I said before, we’ll do whatever y
ou want to do. I’m just glad you’re safe. Don’t ever run away like that again, do you hear me?”
I nod against him and let the pain wash away in a flood of relief.
August 17
Returning to L.A.
Things have been pretty peaceful here in Kentucky for the past week. The Lincourts enjoyed meeting Jess and Raven and Nana seems to have latched onto them already. In fact, it seems like she gets along with Raven better than she ever did with me. She clearly has no idea what she’s really like, but whatever keeps her off my case. I took advantage of the solitude to reconnect with Maggie and show her I still love her. I don’t know how I’m going to say goodbye again tomorrow. I can see in her eyes how much she’s missed me and how confused she is that I keep going away.
After a long talk with Dad, I decided I need to face my fears and head back to L.A. in a few days. My music dreams are still alive and well. I can’t give up before I even try. Dalton assured me he still wants to do this band thing with me no matter what, so that’s what I’m going to pour myself into in the weeks before school starts. These two and a half weeks without my guitar have been pure torture. I can’t wait to lose myself in music again.
Sleeping in my old bed has reminded me just how spoiled I am now. This twin mattress feels tiny, rigid, and lumpy compared to my king-sized memory foam mattress at home in L.A. I need to be reminded often how lucky I am. When the media makes me feel like running back here, all I need to do is remember this feeling and maybe I’ll think twice. I’m so glad I only have to spend one more night here.
Yesterday, Dad explained something to me when I asked why he needed money so badly Cass suggested selling things from the mansion. Seventeen years of taking just enough money from his accounts to run a farm drained his finances some, but really it’s because he gave so much away to charity. I had no idea there’s a building named after him in New York. He didn’t even take me to see it. The money we’re using now is actually Cass’s money. She chose to invest hers and is now a billionaire. She gave Dad way more than he asked for as soon as we got to L.A. We’ll never need to make money again, although I plan to give some back to Dad when I start my own career.
I’m torn between wanting to be like Dad and wanting to be like Cass. Dad was generous with his money, but Cass was effin’ smart. Maybe I could do both—give some to charity and keep some for myself to invest. I dunno. It’s something to think about.
Before I can finish my post, a sharp knock comes at my door. I rub my eyes and press the home button on my iPhone to check the time. It’s two in the morning already. I can’t imagine who would be bothering me at this hour.
“Come in?”
Much to my surprise, Raven peeks her head around the door. “Hey, can I join you in here? I noticed a light on under your door.”
I chuckle. “The Redinger insomnia strikes again, eh?”
Raven responds with a dramatic eye roll as she sinks down on the side of my bed. “More like impossible sleeping arrangements. I’m really missing the gigantic beds at Grandmum’s right now.”
“Tell me about it.”
She pokes her head around the side of my screen and I promptly slam the laptop shut. “I didn’t know you had a blog.”
Nosey. Snooping on my laptop screen…I guess I’m not allowed to keep anything a secret anymore. “Uh…it’s private. I don’t share it.”
“What do you write in it?” Raven presses.
“Just stuff…life…experiences…”
“So it’s a diary?”
Fuck. She guessed it. Now Raven knows about my diary. I see many, many ways this could come back to bite me in the future. Now that she’s seen it, I can’t exactly lie.
“Yeah, it’s a diary.”
She chuckles condescendingly. “How adorable. I suppose that’s a slight step up from the diaries you lock with a key.”
I set the laptop to the side and sigh. “Did you have something you wanted to talk to me about?” Raven twists her hands in her lap. “Actually, I did want to ask you something. I overheard you talking to Mike about your music dreams.” She glances up at me with a questioning gaze. “You can actually sing?”
My arrogant half-grin creeps onto my face.
“That’s not the half of it. I play guitar too.”
Her eyes widen. “What happened in London, then?”
“I got drunk. Dad sings badly when drunk, and apparently I do too.”
“Wow…so you’re just like him, then.”
“Well, sort of.” I cross my legs and lean forward, finally enjoying a conversation with Raven for once. “I want to be a lead guitarist instead of a lead singer. I can sing, but I consider myself more of backup vocals.”
She studies me intently. “Why haven’t you fixed this yet, then?” “Fixed what?”
Raven angles her body to face me straight on. “Why haven’t you released another video of your real singing voice? You could have redeemed yourself the day it happened.”
I gnaw on my lower lip. I had thought of that, but it’s hard to explain why I haven’t done it yet. “I dunno…I guess I just didn’t want my musical debut to be a solo video.”
“Isn’t it a little late for that?”
I shrug. My twin does make a painfully valid point. “I’m starting a band with Dalton Jacobs. I just wanted to wait to make music again in front of the world until that happened.”
Pain sparks across her features at the mention of his name. “Dalton Jacobs?”
“Yeah. He’s the front man and I’m the lead guitar. We don’t have anyone else yet, but—”
“No.”
My eyebrow arches with surprise. “Excuse me?” “You cannot be in a band with him. I forbid it,” Raven growls, her eyes shooting bullets.
For a moment, I’m stunned speechless. Then I scoff and fold my arms tightly across my chest. “You can’t control who I do or don’t start a band with, Raven.”
“If you associate with Dalton Jacobs, our deal is off. That disgrace of a person is dead to me and he should be to you too.”
My jaw hangs wide open. Did she really just call him a disgrace? I swing my legs off the side of the bed and spring up to pace the room.
This is so unfair. I’ve done so much, given up so much for this deal, and now she’s trying to take away the one thing I was looking forward to after getting out of this dump. No way is she getting away with this. It’s time to exercise my rights in this relationship. She said we could do this according to my terms, and so far we’ve only been going by hers. I spin around to face her and let her have it. “You know what? No. I broke up with Gio for you. I changed my appearance for you. I faked a magical fairy-tale twin bond for you. You have dominated nearly every aspect of my life for the past three weeks, and I have been cooperative, but this?
This is my dream, and I’m not going to let you stomp all over it.”
I ball my fists at my sides and stand firm in front of her, feeling a surge of confidence from somewhere deep in my core.
“Do you have any idea how long I’ve dreamed of being in a band? Half my life. Yeah, I could do it with someone else, but I gave my word to Dalton and
I’m not about to disappoint him. Besides, I know he’s the one I’m supposed to do this with. I felt it in my gut the first day we met, and I’m not a person who can say ‘no’ to destiny. You can tell me who to date, what to wear, what to say, and how to act, but you cannot tell me what to do with my life. Dalton and I are going to be band mates. If that’s unacceptable to you, then fine. This deal is over.”
I stalk to my bedroom window to stare out the open blinds at the soft silver moon illuminating the hills. My jaw is clenched and my arms are folded in front of me again. She just touched a part of my life
I won’t allow anyone to dominate.
I hear Raven stand from the bed and rustle in my direction. When she speaks, her voice is soft and resigned.
“Fine.”
I whirl around to face her, shocked. “Huh?”
She shrugs. “You win. I won’t interfere with your music dreams again. Just don’t let this band overrun your school responsibilities and I won’t say another word about it.”
That was too easy. I eye her with skepticism. “You mean that?”
She forces a smile and nods. “Of course. I understand how much you’ve given up for me. I won’t bother you any more tonight.” She turns around without another word and exits into the hallway, leaving a closed door and a flabbergasted sister behind her.
In the morning, the smell of Nana’s fresh-baked cinnamon buns kisses my senses and I immediately spring into action. I take the fastest shower in the history of mankind and get dressed, not bothering to dry my hair before twisting it into a braid. When I look in the mirror, I smile, seeing the carefree Southern girl from just a few months ago again. It’s nice to know I can still be that Mads even though I don’t want to be her all the time anymore.
I race down the stairs, happy to see I’m the first one there. Nana patters through the kitchen, grumbling something under her breath as she brings plates to the table.
“Can I help you with anything, Nana?”
“Hmm?” Her frizzled head pops up as if she just noticed I’m here. “Oh no, Mads. Thank you.”
That was an uncharacteristically polite response coming from her. “Everything all right?”
“Yes, it’s just…” Nana huffs and halts in her tracks, attaching her knobby hands to her hips. “That twin of yours is insufferable.”
My jaw drops. “What did she do this time?” “She saw breakfast wasn’t ready and demanded to know when it would be done. I told her it takes as long as it takes. She asked what kind of cook I am if
I don’t know the timin’ for my own recipe. I said the kind of cook who won’t serve disrespectful turds who don’t appreciate what they’re given, and she stormed out the door.”
Holding my aching stomach, I explode with laughter. Poor Nana had no idea who she was dealing with. As soon as I’ve gotten myself under control, I cross into Nana’s no-pass zone and engulf her small frame in a hug. She tenses against me at first, but then she squeezes me back and whispers in my ear: “I think I’ve been spoilt all these years with you.” I tighten my grip around her shoulders. It’s nice to know I haven’t been replaced around here.
D.O.R.K. Series Box Set Page 26
