“Well, I’m thankful to have you here, even if the circumstances aren’t good.”
Ten minutes later, another person buzzes in on the intercom. Ana is still distraught and doesn’t hear the name, but I hear it and smile. Jerica must have booked it over here as soon as she got my text. It warms my heart how in love these two are. Their love would be so uncomplicated and breezy if it weren’t for Ana’s family, but alas, everyone has to have hardships.
After parking her car, Jerica barrels in the front door in a pink sweatsuit and makes a beeline for the love of her life. I pull away from Ana, who looks up with confusion.
“Mads, what—”
Her words are cut short by the first touch from Jerica in four and a half long months. Ana turns toward the hand on her shoulder, seemingly knowing who it belongs to before she even sees her. Jerica leans down next to Ana’s ear and whispers, “I’m proud of you, my angel.”
Ana clasps Jerica’s milk chocolate hand and leans against it, letting one final tear of relief fall. Coming around to face her, Jerica takes a seat between us on the couch and pulls Ana into a tender embrace. For a long time, Ana clings to her, unable to speak or even move.
“I love you,” Jerica whispers, pulling back from Ana to catch her lips in a brief kiss. Ana lengthens the kiss by returning it. I start to get up to give them their privacy, but then Jerica catches me and pulls me back down on the couch.
“Wait, Madison. I want you to be here for this decision.” She looks into Ana’s eyes. “I want you to know you can stay here or with me, it’s completely up to you. No matter what, from this point forward, you’re going to be treated like a queen. I’m going to make sure you have everything you ever wanted and then some.”
Ana looks between the two of us and then at her luggage, which is still in our entryway. “You mean it, J?” She turns back to Jerica. “You want me to move in with you?”
A soft smile takes over Jerica’s face. “Of course, silly.”
Ana leans around her to look at me. “I’ll still see you, right?”
I laugh. “Duh.”
“Madison is welcome to come over any time,” Jerica says, smiling back in my direction. “Without her, I wouldn’t have known you were back in town.” She looks back at Ana. “Why didn’t you tell me what happened?”
Ana shrugs. “I guess I didn’t want you to feel pressured to take me in if you weren’t ready to live with me.”
Jerica takes Ana’s hands in hers. “Ana Grace Lincourt, I was ready to marry you the night we met. I’m still biding my time.”
All the air in Ana’s lungs leaves her in a rush. “Wow…well, I guess the decision is obvious then.”
November 27
Black Friday
Today was truly a dark day for Ana. She has lost her entire family just because of how she was born. I can’t even imagine getting kicked out by my own parents. By a grandparent, yes—thinking of Grandmum—but not by Dad or…
Well…I guess Ana and I now have more in common than I ever imagined we would.
Jess didn’t “kick me out,” per say, but she did drop me off at Dad’s doorstep, which is the same basic concept. What is it with parents and giving you the boot? Parents have so much influence over who you are and what you become. Being rejected by one makes you feel like a failure as a human being. A lost cause. Worthless. Being superstar Jacie Redinger’s castoff daughter is still ego-shattering at times. Ana probably feels like she didn’t make her parents proud, and therefore, she failed. I’m starting to realize it’s not our fault, though. It’s the parents’ fault. Sadly, mothers and fathers are also human and make big mistakes. And guess who gets to pay for those mistakes?
The kids. Always the kids.
This is so sad. Ana was so close to turning eighteen. Just a few more weeks and she would have made it. I like the Lincourt family, but after this I doubt I’ll ever see them again. That’s probably a good thing. I would not be trustworthy anywhere near her parents right now.
At least she has Jerica and I have Logan. We’ll be okay as long as we have our lady and knight in shining armor.
Ttyl,
Mads
All through band practice Saturday afternoon, I can’t stop glancing back at Logan. My stomach aches with suppressed giggles by the time we’re almost done. We were silently thrilled to see each other again, and Logan noticed me stealing looks in his direction early on in the practice, so he started making a different funny face each time we made eye contact. They got more and more twisted as we went along. I was trying not to give us away, but at the end of our “Riot” cover Logan distorts his face so hilariously I can’t reign in a loud, snorting laugh.
Dalton glares at us under his thick eyebrows. “What the hell are you two doing over there?”
“Nothing,” I say through my giggles. “Logan’s being a weirdo.”
Shaking his head at his cousin, Dalton smirks. “You mean he’s being Logan?” Logan flips him off and Dalton returns the gesture. Then he turns back to me. “Anyway, Mads, would you like to lead for a little bit? We need to start practicing for the talent show.”
“Talent show?” Max and Logan ask in unison. Dalton and I briefly explain that we’re performing together to try and beat Raven.
“But Mads could do that by herself,” Logan protests. “Her voice is amazing.” He shoots me a glance heavy with heat and admiration.
I smile and blush at the compliment. “Thanks, Lo. Unfortunately, you might be wrong this time. Raven has the voice and charisma of a pop queen. I need all the help I can get.”
“We can use you guys as our ‘accompaniment,’” Dalton explains. “I already checked with Ms. Juarez, who’s running the talent show this year. If we win this, there’s a chance we could get a contract before we’re done with high school, and all on our own.”
Max shrugs. “Well if that’s the case, I’m in.”
“Obviously I’m in too.” Logan winks at me. I can’t hold back the cheesy grins he’s drawing out of me today. He’s being so cute and naughty. Going out with him tonight is going to be a much-needed release of tension for me.
“Mads, what do you want to perform? I’ll be your backup for this one,” Dalton says.
“Hmm…” I give it a moment of thought. “I think I have an original song that fits this situation perfectly.”
After practice, I head home to change before Logan picks me up in his ‘Vette. He told me to dress “pretty yet casual,” so I’m dressing in an asymmetrical V-neck black sweater, skinny jeans, and boots. It’s a conservative ensemble, yet subtly sexy. The middle of the sweater hugs my waist just right so he’ll immediately want to put his arms there.
Since Halloween, I’ve been eating a lot of candy and doing pushups for P.E., so my bust is a solid B cup now. I don’t even have to try to get a hint of cleavage to show above the neckline. Fluffing my hair, I smile at myself in the mirror, finally feeling like a woman for the first time in my life. I’m going out with a twenty-one-year-old. If he went to college, he’d be a senior. Not a bad score for a senior in high school if I do say so myself.
I still have my misgivings about us, but I’m trying to push those to the back of my mind. Seeing him today lifted my spirits and I instantly forgot about Claire and Gio. When we’re together, it’s like everyone else fades into the background. We’re on our own plane of existence where no one else can hurt us.
Logan buzzes in and drives around to the front of the mansion just as I’m applying one last round of mascara. He beeps the horn twice in a friendly way to let me know he’s here. I wave at him from the window, grab my clutch off the bed, and rush out the door as fast as I can in high heels. Dad meets me at the bottom of the stairs for a quick hug.
“Be home by ten,” he says with a firm glare. “And tell Logan if he so much as touches you inappropriately before the third date, I know where to find him.”
A chill passes through me. “Yes, Daddy.”
He sends me off with a triumphant smile.
/>
On my way to the car, I strut my stuff, grinning and twirling when Logan rolls down the window and whistles appreciatively.
“There’s my hot date,” he shouts, sending my heart soaring. He lets me open the door myself this time and climb in. “Sorry I didn’t open the door this time, but I’m a little anxious to get going. I’ve barely eaten all day.” After I close the door and buckle myself in, he speeds back toward the gate.
“No worries,” I tell him. “I’m a twenty-first century woman. I can open my own door.”
Once we’re on the road, Logan takes in my appearance again. “Damn, you’re smokin’ hot. I’m almost afraid to touch you for fear I’ll get burned.”
I let my eyes wander his frame. He’s wearing a casual black button-down and jeans that hug his hips. “Same to you. I think we inadvertently matched.”
“Yeah, we did. Our telepathic vibes must have connected back at the studio.”
“Telepathic vibes, huh?” I laugh at the Logan-ism. He has a lot of those—phrases he makes up off the top of his head that are technically incorrect but adorable.
“You know what I mean,” he says through a smile, looking in his rear-view mirror.
Twisting my thumbs in my lap, I sit for a little while in silence, trying to think of something to say. We talk so easily when we’re not on a date, but now all of a sudden it’s awkward. I don’t want to say anything too committal or anything that would sound like we’re moving too fast, even though I want to tell him how much I love the hint of a beard he’s growing. His hair is getting longer, too, and the way it falls slightly over his ears has my heart pounding. Everything about this guy makes it hard to keep my hands off him, but I know I need to wait. This date is for us to get to know each other on a deeper level. Kissing is on the table, but it’s supposed to be more of a dessert than a main course.
“So where are we going?” I finally ask.
“There’s this place near where I live that’s supposed to have the best pulled pork around. For some reason I’ve been craving barbecue lately. You can get whatever you want here. It doesn’t have to be—”
“I love barbecue,” I gush. “I haven’t had it since spring back in Kentucky.”
“Really?” His smile splits his face. I nod. “Well then, we’ll get the ‘half hog’ plate. It’s supposed to be more barbecue than two people can handle, but we can always take the leftovers home for sandwiches.”
“Sounds delicious. I can’t believe they have barbecue here in L.A. and I didn’t know about it. That’s something I should have hunted down like a wolf.”
“Well, there are a lot of good places around, but to be fair, you were a little distracted over the past few months.” He chuckles. “Now that I’m living alone, I’m finding the bachelor life to be kind of boring. I have nothing to do except game, play the drums, and look up random stuff. I’ve found just about every type of restaurant known to man in L.A. and there’s still a lot more to be discovered.”
“At least you’re using your time wisely,” I remark. “Some guys would stick with gaming, drumming, and ordering a pizza every night.”
“Pizza’s great, but I’m a food lover. It’s like collecting Pokémon. I can never get enough recipes.”
I laugh at the comparison. He’s even more serious about cooking than I realized.
For the rest of the ride, Logan goes off on a spiel about TV chefs and which one is better than which. If he asked, I’d have to admit I’m not listening to what he’s saying. I’m too busy looking at him. Just watching him talk does weird things to my chest. I want to squeeze him and kiss his lips the more I watch them move. If he wasn’t driving, I’d lean over and kiss him right now, but I don’t want to be the reason he wrecks his prized car. There’s no telling if I’ll make it through the rest of this night without attacking him, though. One little peck is not going to be enough. I want the full make-out treatment like I got on Monday night.
“Sorry for talking your ear off,” Logan says after a while. “Claire never let me talk like this. It always had to be about her.”
The reminder of Claire sends a pang to my chest. It makes me wonder if he’s subconsciously comparing me to her. Everything was going well, and now all my doubts have come rushing back. I’m on unleveled ground, and it’s making me feel vulnerable. She had him before me. She made her mark on him. Will she be the reason I eventually lose him? What if she comes back with a contrite apology and wins him back?
“It’s okay,” I lie. I wait for him to drive past the restaurant and pull into a parallel parking space out front before saying anything else.
It takes Logan a hot minute to get wedged into the parking space correctly. Adjusting to the size of a new car is always tricky. I always thought it would be harder to go from a small car to a big one than the other way around, but it doesn’t seem that way for Logan—possibly because he’s afraid of damage occurring to this car. After a fair amount of jerking and swearing, Logan finally gets his car angled to his satisfaction, and then once we’re parked and Logan turns off the ignition, I turn to him.
“Hey, before we get out, I need to talk to you about something.”
His face falls as he turns his head to meet my gaze. Regret clouds his eyes. “I screwed up by mentioning the bitch, didn’t I?”
A smile tugs at my lips at him calling her a “bitch.” “No…actually, we need to talk about her, and Gio too. It needs to be before we go any further.”
His knuckles turn white as he death-grips the steering wheel. A mixture between a grunt and a sigh escapes him, but he reluctantly nods, angling his body more toward me. His shirt pulls tightly across his wide chest, outlining his pecs. It tests my resolve to talk instead of kiss.
“Okay, let’s talk,” Logan agrees. His green eyes hold my gaze with honesty and willingness.
Struggling against his pull on me, I force myself to bring up my insecurities. The last thing I want is to ruin this with talk of the past, but I can’t forget about it forever.
“I’m excited to be here with you,” I start off, “but I have to admit I’m worried about myself. Things happened so fast with us in the beginning, and now…well, I know we’re supposed to be going slow, but…”
“It feels like we’re in a roller coaster car plummeting toward the ground with no brakes,” Logan finishes for me, trying to suppress a grin.
“Exactly.” I let out a breathy chuckle. “It doesn’t feel like I can go slow.”
“I know I can’t,” he admits with a serious expression, sending a flood of relief through my body. His admission gives me the courage to proceed with the question I’ve been needing to ask.
“But…I’m scared that our previous relationships are still going to make this complicated. Be honest, do you think about Claire a lot when you’re with me?”
“Not much at all,” he responds easily. “If I do, it’s only in the sense that I’m so glad I’m going out with you now and not with her.” His tender smile is contagious.
“Really?”
“Yes.” Logan takes my right hand in his, brings it up to his lips, and kisses each one of my knuckles. He lowers our hands down between us and keeps level eye contact.
“Are you sure you wouldn’t have rather stayed with her if she hadn’t cheated?” I feel my heartbeat pounding in my throat as I wait on his response. What if I’m just a consolation prize to him? I can’t live like that, not again. That’s all I was to Gio…someone to act out his love for my sister with. If that’s what I am to Logan, this relationship is going to be off before it even begins.
The muscles in Logan’s face work, delaying his response. He studies me, almost looking inside my very soul. I feel naked and exposed in front of him even though I’m fully clothed.
“Madison…” He breathes in deeply and lets it all out in a sigh. “I’m about to say something that’s going to put my heart on my sleeve. Since you need reassurance, I’m going to lay it all out here and hope you don’t get scared and run away.”
“You need to know you are a dream come true for me. You’ll never have to worry about me wanting someone else. The moment I first kissed you, you ruined me for every other woman on the planet. No one is ever going to compare with you. You’re stuck with me until you break up with me or I die, one or the other. I don’t care what we call ourselves. I’m not going anywhere. I can’t even look at another woman. You’re all I see wherever I go, almost literally, and that’s why I’m so amazed and floored that you might be mine someday.”
My eyelids flutter. I sway in my seat, swooning. Normally he acts so goofy and lackadaisical I didn’t even have a clue he could be this romantic. I knew he liked to spoil me. I didn’t know I was the personification of his dreams.
“I’m not going anywhere either,” I whisper, my voice almost getting lost in the space between us.
His eyes fill with desire and apprehension all at once. “Do you think of him?”
“Who?” I ask before my mind can even process the question. The smile that spreads over Logan’s face lets me know he appreciated that answer.
Leaning toward each other in the same moment, our lips meet, and I let myself get lost in him, finally believing he doesn’t want anyone but me. I sink one hand into his thick brown hair and touch his jaw with the other, loving the rough hairs that cover it and sharpen it even further. Logan brings his arms around me, squeezes my waist, and pulls me in so close I can barely tell where I stop and he begins. Empty stomachs all but forgotten, we surrender to each other’s spell, falling fast in a roller coaster car that doesn’t need any brakes.
November 28
Love in the Air
Tonight was the best first date I could have ever asked for. It started off with a great conversation in the car that led to the hottest make-out session I’ve ever had. We fogged up the windows and got yelled at twice by people walking by that thought we were being dirty on the street. The truth is we were just kissing—not even touching each other that much—but the steam on the windows made it look suspicious.
D.O.R.K. Series Box Set Page 48
