by Tasha Fawkes
Since Ethan was asleep and I’d picked up the baby monitor, I slipped out the sliding glass door to give Joel some privacy. Sitting outside on the covered lanai, knowing Ethan was safe and warm and well-fed, it was easy to imagine myself living like this—in a gorgeous mansion, with a loving, caring husband.
I shook my head, staring into the deep end of the pool. Get real, Sarah. This world did not belong to me. None of it.
I glanced down at the monitor at a sleepy sound from Ethan, feeling torn. Guilty. And more than a little bit like a con artist. Joel had been a good guy up to this point. He’d shown true affection for Ethan. True concern for my comfort here. How long would this fairytale last?
How long would it take for him to realize this was nothing but a ploy for Kelli to slink back into his life? What would he do when he found out Ethan wasn't his?
Four
Joel
It was hard to process, no matter how many times I said it to myself.
I'm a father. I'm a father.
I’m a father!
Over the past few days, I had become convinced of one thing, if nothing else. Ethan was mine.
How else to explain the near immediate connection I felt with the baby? His hair was the same color as mine, his eyes, while not quite as azure blue as mine, were blue nevertheless.
Today was the first day I’d left my son alone with Sarah, but I felt comfortable doing so. She was more than capable of taking care of Ethan, and I felt I could trust her. After watching her with him, I saw the genuine affection, concern, and care she gave him. It was nothing short of perfection. No one could ask for a better nanny. I'd always considered myself a good judge of character—until Kelli—and knew that Sarah was someone I could rely on. I wouldn't have to worry about Ethan while he was in her competent hands.
Nevertheless, my judgment had been skewed in the past, considering the way my affair with Kelli had ended. What exactly did that say about my good judgment of character?
I shook my head, not wanting to think about Kelli, at least not right now. It was hard enough to process the fact that she’d been pregnant and borne my child, and had never contacted me until now. Perhaps because of my own desperation to be the father my own had never been, I’d spent the past days juggling work at home so I could be with Ethan for as many minutes as possible. If I was honest, I didn’t know whether it was because Ethan had worked his way into my heart, or if I was out to prove to my father—an emotionally distant man—that I could be a better man, a better father, than he’d been.
I'd never felt close to my dad. He'd been stationed on the USS Stark in the Persian Gulf when it had been attacked by an anti-ship missile manned by the Iraqi Air Force. The incident killed nearly forty sailors and severely wounded my dad. He'd come home different. Withdrawn. Hot-tempered. Sometimes, in my mind, downright crazy.
By the time my mom died when I was ten-years-old, my dad was done with trying to hide his trauma, which today they called PTSD. After Mom's calming influence was gone, he had little patience with me. Highly critical of every move I made, he ignored my successes and focused on my shortcomings. My dad and I rarely saw eye to eye.
I often found myself gazing down into Ethan's cherubic face, looking for signs of me, of Kelli, maybe even my parents’ features. Before I held Ethan for the first time, I thought that all babies looked alike. Wondered how in the world someone could say "he's got my eyes" or "she's got my nose" when they all looked the same. Now I could glimpse my features in Ethan’s face.
It felt good to be in my office again, even though my company was right in the middle of a potential hostile takeover. It was good that I was here. I needed my employees and peers to know that I was here for them, that I was fighting back. Being here was also helping me clear my head.
I needed to process what was going on, not only in my personal life, but my professional life as well. One reason I’d come into work today was that I wanted to talk to Eric, one of my best friends since… well, it seemed like forever. To say I was confused about recent events was a misappropriation of the term. Before Kelli had hurt me by sleeping around with one of my other former good friends, I thought she was going to be "the one." Her screwing around left me not only deeply hurt, but wary of her reentering my life.
While I felt myself bonding more with the child every day, I wasn't sure how any proposed relationship with Kelli would be beneficial. If I took her back, if I gave her another chance, would she just hurt me again? I wasn't sure I could trust her, or that I ever would. Not completely. She'd done a number on me, no doubt about it. Another thing to talk to Eric about.
Eric had known Kelli about as long as I had. He was not only my COO in the software development company, but someone I frequently turned to because he often played the role of devil's advocate. Unlike me, at least recently, Eric was a popular and experienced man when it came to women. He played the field. One-night stands were his forte, but due to our friendship and the amount of time we all hung out together, he knew Kelli almost as well as I did. Which, as it turned out, wasn’t well. He’d been among the first to support me when I divulged that she’d slept around. He was the first to hear that I'd kicked her out of the house. He'd told me that I was doing the right thing, that I didn't deserve to be treated like nothing more than a bank.
I glanced at my watch. Fifteen minutes before I was to met Eric.
I quickly organized the papers on the desk and left the office. I stepped into the elevator of the fifteen-story glass and chrome building in downtown Los Angeles that housed numerous companies, and waited as the car took me downstairs to the large lobby, its glass windows and marble floors reflecting bright sunlight.
Exiting the building, I was met with a blast of typical Southern California midsummer heat. Hot, but not extreme, at least not yet. I sighed and turned to walk down to the corner where I was meeting Eric at a bar and grill popular with the lunch crowd.
It was just after two o'clock in the afternoon as I entered and caught the eyes of the hostess, gesturing toward ‘my corner booth’, the one I typically occupied at least three days out of the week for a business lunch, sometimes a dinner with a potential client. The waitress, Cindy I thought her name was, nodded a hello and led me to the table.
I’d just sat down when Eric entered. In looks, we're complete opposites. When he wasn't wearing a business suit, Eric looked like your typical California beach bum. Sun-bleached hair and eyebrows, a perpetual tan, and an almost lackadaisical style of walking. Outside of work, his common attire consisted of t-shirts, baggy shorts, and flip-flops. Today he wore casual business attire, a short-sleeved Polo pullover and olive-green slacks.
"Hey, buddy!" Some of the tension in my chest unfurled just at the sight of him.
He smiled, sliding into the booth across from me and offering a knuckle bump. "Where've you been the past couple of days?" He waved to the waitress, and she gave a finger wave.
He grinned at me, then winked. "I'd like to ask her out."
"The hostess?"
He nodded. "She's… nice."
I just rolled my eyes and said nothing, knowing that no matter what I said, Eric would ultimately do what he wanted. Before getting to more personal issues, I had a couple of questions for him. "Have you reviewed the paperwork?"
"I have, and I'll tell you, Joel, if they think they have options to take control of the company without a fight, they're sadly mistaken. I've gone over our contracts and agreements several times, and I'm not finding any loopholes that they can squeeze through."
"Good to hear," I said, although I was still worried. "They're getting inside information from somewhere. Have you double-checked everyone's background? If I have to, I'll get the police involved."
He shook his head. "I've been reviewing corporate e-mails, correspondence, and recorded phone conversations, which as you know, our policies mention we can do in our employee guidelines, but nothing's turned up so far."
I nodded and lifted my first two fingers, gesturi
ng toward Cindy. She nodded in understanding. Moments later, she brought over two glasses of scotch.
"Can I get you gentlemen anything to eat?"
Eric looked at me, and I gave a slight shake of my head. He grinned up at her. "No thanks, Sandy."
She blinked down at him, tapping her name tag. "It's Cindy.” She turned to me, smiled, and then left our table.
“Awk-ward," Eric chuckled in a singsong voice. "What's going on, Joel? You worried about Graphica?"
Graphica was the company trying to take over mine. They’d made several offers to buy me out over the past couple of years, but I always refused. My company. My baby. Which reminded me of my latest predicament.
"I have something to tell you, Eric, but I've got to swear you to secrecy, at least until I figure out what I'm going to do."
He frowned, but nodded.
I told him everything. About finding the baby on my doorstep—cliché as that might sound—and then Kelli's note, followed by a sleepless night, and Sarah's arrival. By the time I was done, Eric had drained his scotch and was eyeing mine, still sitting untouched on the table in front of me.
"Hot damn!" he exclaimed. "I don't know whether I should say congratulations or offer condolences."
“The kid is adorable," I said. "I'm already attached to him. But the problem is that I can't let this get out, at least not right now. I can't have anyone on the board or our staff thinking that I'm distracted by my personal problems."
Eric nodded in agreement. "I get it. You've got to portray supreme confidence and leadership, no matter what's going on in your personal life. You know I'll support you in any way that I can." Another knuckle bump, and then Eric grinned again, shook his head, and stared at me in amazement. "You, a daddy. Hard to believe, huh?"
"Remember, no one can know, at least until I've worked out something with Kelli. Especially my dad."
"So what are you going to do? About Kelli, I mean?"
"I'm not sure. Whatever the outcome with Kelli, I want to be involved in the Ethan's life. He's my responsibility…"
"But?"
"But the timing sucks, big time. Here I am… here we are, in the middle of the biggest fight of my career to save the company I built from scratch, trying not to be distracted by the arrival of a child I never even knew I had."
"Things will work out all right," Eric said, supremely confident as ever.
I wasn't quite so sure. Gesturing for him to finish my drink, I scooted out of the booth. "I need to get back to the office. Coming?"
Eric nodded, reached for my glass of scotch, and downed it in one gulp. He pulled a twenty out of his wallet and placed it on the table. As we left the bar and grill, he offered a wave and a wink to Cindy.
Back at my office, I settled behind my desk, Eric comfortably ensconced in one of the chairs in front of it.
I felt a little better. Sharing my news with someone had eased some of the tension, and I knew I could count on Eric to provide some balance. I leaned back in my chair and gestured to the paperwork surrounding me, about to speak when he beat me to it.
"I'll tell you something," Eric said without preamble. "It may be stressful at first, and more than a little confusing, but I have confidence that everything is going to work out just fine. Let this nanny take care of the kid for now. You said you trust her and she's good with him, right?"
"Very good with him," I agreed. "She has a unique ability to know what he needs before he needs it. When she's around, he never even cries."
“Good." Eric nodded. "That's one worry taken care of. I don't have to tell you how important all this is." He gestured to the paperwork. "It's going to need your full focus and attention."
A knock on the door interrupted my response. I glanced up, stunned speechless as Kelli entered. What was she doing here?
My heart skipped a beat, not only because of her unexpected presence, but how great she looked. As lithe as ever, she displayed no signs of the aftermath of childbearing. She was one of those fortunate women who had bounced back and regained her figure, and what a figure! I felt my dick come to life even as I frowned at her unannounced appearance. Her ample breasts were accented by the hot pink cashmere sweater, just a touch of nipple showing. Gray hip-hugging leggings showed off her toned legs, which I recall wrapping around my waist more than once during hot sex. My cock woke completely. The ensemble was completed with expensive-looking black ankle boots with silver buckles.
Hey, Joel," she said, slowly approaching. She paused to glance at Eric with a smile.
Eric smiled back, not appearing to be the least bit surprised.
I frowned at her. "I was just in a meeting—"
"Your secretary told me it was Eric in here," she interrupted with a shrug. "You can come back in a few minutes, can't you, Eric?"
He glanced at me and then nodded, slowly rising from his chair.
I’d barely been able to take my eyes from her, my heart thudding in my chest. She looked good. Damn good. It was hard not to remember the good times we'd had, in bed and out.
"Well, I'll be going," Eric said, turning toward the door. "You just keep in mind what I said, okay?"
I nodded as Eric gave Kelli a grin and then left my office, closing the door softly.
Kelli slid into the chair he’d just vacated. "Joel, I know you're surprised to see me, and I'm sorry for coming unannounced, but I thought… I hoped it would give me the chance I need to tell you that I made a big mistake hurting you the way I did. Something that will never happen again." She paused, blinking her thick black eyelashes. "If you can see it in your heart to give me another chance, that is." She rushed on. "The thing is, the pregnancy changed my perspective on life. I—"
"Why didn't you tell me?" I interrupted, still admiring the way she filled out that sweater. She had chosen her wardrobe carefully before coming to see me. I knew that, and it worked.
"I didn't know how to tell you, especially following my behavior… the… indiscretion. I couldn't bring myself to tell you before, but over the past few weeks, as… as Ethan got bigger, I realized it was unfair. It was wrong of me to keep him from you. He needs a father, Joel." She paused again. "I want to try. To start over. With you."
I said nothing for several moments, still stunned by her sudden appearance in my office and her waltzing back into my life. Would things be different this time? Would a child make things better?
"All of this has been quite sudden," I admitted. I stood, gesturing for her to also stand.
"I understand that this is all sudden and you haven't even had time to process Ethan, let alone a decision to restore our relationship," she said. "But I have. I've been thinking about it for the past year."
Restore our relationship? One way to put it. And apropos. "I need time to think, to work things through in my head. I'll call you, okay?"
She nodded.
"Do you want to pick up Ethan, take him home with you, or do you want him to stay with me?"
"No, no, no," she said. "Let him stay with you for the time being. Give you a chance to get to know him better. To bond. Besides, Sarah's great with him, isn't she?"
I didn't give it a second thought. "Yes, she is." I moved toward the door and opened it.
She slinked toward it, pausing in front of me. I got the impression that she wanted to reach out and touch me, but I turned my shoulder slightly and took a half step back. I wasn't ready for physical contact yet.
Her bottom lip puckered out just slightly. "I'll call you tomorrow, all right?"
I nodded. "Sure."
When she was gone, I was confused and desperately needed to clarify my thoughts. I decided I would go home, my conversation with Eric forgotten for the moment. Maybe Sarah would join me for a walk in Griffith Park.
The thought startled me. I wasn't quite sure why the idea popped into my head, but I had already become convinced that Sarah was a levelheaded, down-to-earth, kind and stable individual.
Maybe I would even mention my situation with Kelli. After al
l, she worked for Kelli. She would know where Kelli was emotionally, especially with a new baby in the picture.
Five
Sarah
Holding Ethan in my arms and rocking slowly back and forth, I stood in the living room of the mansion, looking out over the lanai and pool. Once again, I counted my blessings. Not without a little bit of guilt, but blessings nevertheless. Joel had gone back to work today for the first time since I had arrived. I guess that meant that he was learning to trust me.
Trust. If he only knew.
I glanced down at my boy, sleeping contentedly, wishing that, just for a little while, I could know such contentment. For now, I had a roof over my head and plenty of food to eat, so I couldn't ask for more, could I? Not for myself and not for Ethan. Joel, even if Kelli said he was a jerk, was a good provider.
In the time that I had been here, I’d seen the way Joel looked at Ethan. With affection and… something else. Was he looking for similarities? Last night, just before I put Ethan to bed, I saw him watching the both of us, gazing first at Ethan in my arms, then at me. Did he see the resemblance between us? Or was he just curious?
In the few days he'd been around Ethan, I felt he was adapting pretty darn good. Not a lot of guys would so readily accept a child into their home, let alone the child's nanny. Joel had done so. He seemed distracted, which was certainly understandable. He’d sequestered himself in his office with the door closed much of the time. When he did come out, he was polite and friendly with me. Every time he reached for Ethan, his features softened.
That worried me. What would he do when he found out Ethan wasn't his? Would he? Would Kelli ever tell him? I certainly didn't want to.
I wondered how all of this would come to an end. It had to, at some point.
