He started for the front steps and stopped as abruptly as he would have if he had walked into an invisible wall. He actually backed up, rocking on his heels for a moment. I brought my hand to the base of my throat and was unable to hold down a troubled “Oh.”
“What is it?” my mother asked, stepping toward me and the window quickly.
I shook my head and looked out at him again. He wasn’t moving. He was just standing there looking at the house. He brought his right hand to his temple, his left hand to his forehead, and looked down. What was he doing?
“Well?” my father said.
“Something’s wrong,” I told them, and went to the front door. He was still standing there with his hand on his forehead when I stepped out. “What’s wrong, Summer?”
He looked up at me and shook his head.
“I don’t know. I just got dizzy for a moment, dizzy and a little nauseated,” he said.
My parents came up behind me.
“What is it?” my father asked.
“He isn’t feeling well,” I said.
I started down the stairs. My father followed, but my mother remained in the doorway.
“Hey, what’s up?” my father asked.
“Sorry, sir. I just got very dizzy.”
“Well, come on in and have a glass of water. Sit for a while, and let’s see. Maybe you’re coming down with something like the flu.”
Summer looked at my mother. He saw something in her face that displeased him and shook his head. “I’m sorry, Sage,” he said. “Probably best if I just go home.”
“Well, you shouldn’t drive,” my father said.
“No, I’ll be fine.” He backed up, spun around, and quickly got back into his car.
“Let us call your father first!” my father shouted to him.
“I’m fine. Sorry,” he said. He started the engine.
“Summer!” I called.
He looked out at me. “I’ll be fine,” he said more confidently, and then he smiled and backed out. He acted like he couldn’t get away from us fast enough. It was as if a hurricane had passed right in front of our house and was gone in seconds.
“What was that about?” my father asked as Summer drove off.
I stood there looking after him and then turned and looked at my mother. During all of the occasions when she was upset with me or with something that involved me, she had never appeared as terrified as she did now.
My father saw it, too. “Felicia?”
“Come back inside,” she said, and looked ominously in Summer’s direction. “Now!” she screamed.
Both my father and I moved quickly to the steps. She backed into the house and closed the door as soon as we entered.
“What?” he asked her. “What’s wrong?”
“Didn’t you feel it?”
He shook his head.
“Feel what?” I asked.
“Didn’t you?” she asked my father again.
“He probably just has the flu or something, Felicia. You’re overreacting.” He placed his hand on her right shoulder. “Relax. Calm down. The boy looked very nice. Maybe he is shier than we think—or,” he added, looking at me, “than Sage thinks.”
She shook her head but looked like she was calming down because of the gentle way he spoke and stroked her upper arm.
“It’s all right,” he kept saying.
“I’m okay,” she said.
“What is it? What’s going on?” I asked—more like demanded. “What made you so upset?” I asked her. “I’m the one who should be upset.”
“Go up and change,” she told me, “and come down to help with dinner. Start on a salad.”
I turned to my father. He rolled his eyes and nodded. I looked at my mother again and saw she would countenance no opposition and no more questions. Her face had that cold, stony look, a look that had frightened me to the bone since I was a little girl. Disappointed but very confused now, I headed for the stairway and then hurried up to my room, closing the door sharply behind me and throwing myself on my bed.
What had happened to my first real date? It felt like it had been scooped out right from under me. All the excitement, the anticipation, was crushed in a few moments. The whole world seemed to spin on its head.
Was my father right? Summer had a flu? Was he simply ignoring it to keep our date and it just got worse? And why would that upset my mother to such an extreme? Did she think he had been irresponsible? What else could it be? He certainly looked sick. His face was pale when I first stepped outside. He did appear to recuperate quickly when he got into his car, however.
I doubted Summer was shier than I thought or than they had anticipated. I couldn’t imagine him getting cold feet when it came to meeting my parents, no matter how hard I had made it sound. Yet if he wasn’t really sick, it had to be something like that, something like stage fright. My mother’s reaction made me wonder what I was missing. What was it she saw that made her think it was something else, something threatening? What did she mean by “Didn’t you feel it?” Feel what?
I changed into a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, then slipped on a pair of sandals, still feeling terribly confused, even a little frightened because of how quickly everything had changed. I left my hair the way it was and hurried downstairs. There was no one in the kitchen or the living room. I realized they were both in my father’s office with the door closed. It sounded like they were arguing, but their voices were too muffled for me to make out any words clearly. I didn’t want to be caught listening in on them, so I returned to the kitchen and gathered the dishware and silverware to set the table before I started on the salad.
They were unusually silent when they came out. My mother went right to work on dinner. I stood beside her making the salad. Less than an hour ago, I’d had no idea I’d be doing any of this. Of course, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It had been very important for Summer to be able to take me out on a real date tonight. There was no way he would have backed out of it unless something serious had happened.
A terrible new thought occurred to me. Maybe it wasn’t just the beginning of some flu. Maybe he had a terrible pain in his head. Maybe there was some health problem that he had not yet revealed. It frightened me. Could he be seriously ill? Surely he realized how shocked and disappointed I had been. He would have to tell me the truth.
I kept expecting the phone to ring with him calling with some explanation, but he didn’t call before or during our dinner. The whole time, I was poised to fly at that telephone. My parents were talking about something else, but I wasn’t listening. I thought they had put it all out of mind by now, so I was surprised to hear my father suddenly insist that I let him know what had happened to Summer.
“As soon as you find out,” he added, and looked at my mother, who just ate as if she already knew the answer. Right now, I hated her for that look, that arrogant assurance that she knew more than either my father or I knew or could ever know.
“What did you mean before when you asked Dad if he had felt it, Mother? Felt what?”
I thought she would become angry again at my cross-examining her, but instead, she looked at me curiously and sat back. “You didn’t feel anything unusual?”
“I was concerned about Summer. It was certainly unusual for him to drive all the way here and, moments from entering, stop and get sick. Is that what you mean?”
“Not just that, no.”
“Well, then, what?”
“It’s not something I can explain. You have to either know or not,” she said.
My father looked down and shook his head gently.
What was she talking about? I searched my memory to find something that might have interested her and perhaps me, too, something else besides the shock and disappointment I had felt, but nothing came to mind.
“Why can’t you explain it?”
“Let’s not talk about it anymore until we find out something substantial,” my father insisted. From the way he was looking at my mother, I kn
ew he meant that for her, not me.
I really had no appetite now, but I forced myself to eat enough not to be criticized, and then, when it was time to clear off the table, I rushed at the opportunity to escape this funeral-like atmosphere.
“You know,” my father said, coming into the kitchen after me, “perhaps you shouldn’t wait to find out. Perhaps you should call his father to see how he’s doing. I feel I should have. Do you have his phone number?”
“Yes,” I said.
I was nervous about doing it, but I went to the phone in the kitchen and called. Summer’s father answered on the third ring.
“Mr. Dante, it’s Sage,” I said. “How is Summer?”
“Summer? I thought he was with you,” he said. “Why? What’s happened?”
“Oh. I . . . he said he wasn’t feeling well right after he pulled into our driveway. I thought, I mean, I just assumed he went home.”
“What was wrong?”
“He said he felt dizzy, a little weak. My father thought he might be coming down with the flu. Now I’m worried.”
“Well, don’t panic. He’s a very independent and resourceful young man. The moment I hear from him or see him, I’ll have him call you.”
“Please do,” I said. I stood by the phone, thinking. Where would he have gone? Was he in trouble? Did he go off the road?
My father waited in the doorway. “Well?” he asked.
“His father said he didn’t come home.”
“Really? Now I do feel bad about not calling him immediately.” He thought a moment. “Is his father calling the police?”
“The police? No. As a matter of fact, he didn’t seem at all concerned,” I said. “Even after I explained what had happened.”
“That’s odd,” my mother said, coming up behind my father. She had been listening to our conversation.
“Maybe he’s just embarrassed. He might have felt better and didn’t know what to do. He knew he couldn’t come back because you’d both be concerned about my going out with him now.” I spoke quickly, like someone who was desperately trying to find an explanation that would satisfy them.
“Maybe he did feel better,” my mother said coldly. She looked at my father. “Once he left here, that is.”
Did she believe he was that shy? Was that what she meant?
“Kids today,” my father said. “Who can understand them? Maybe it’s better not to try.”
She shook her head. “You always were the one with his head in the sand, Mark,” she told him. “Even when something is right before your eyes, obvious, black and white. I heard the alarms.”
“Stop it. You have nothing to go on.”
What were they talking about?
“Have you met his father?” my mother suddenly asked me. “You have, haven’t you?” she followed quickly.
“Yes,” I said. “He introduced me to him.”
“Where? Where?” she shouted before I could think of an answer other than the truth.
“His house,” I said.
“You left the mall with him last night,” she said, nodding, and looked at my father.
“Sage, how could you do that?” he asked.
“It was just a short visit,” I said, but I knew that wouldn’t justify or explain it in a way that would satisfy them.
“Mark,” my mother said, filling the sound of his name with alarm. She stepped closer to him. Her eyes were full of panic, wide, blazing.
My father’s own expression changed to become more like hers. “What is he like?” he asked, obviously fighting to remain calm.
“He’s very good-looking, elegant, and devoted to his work, his writing. He was very nice to me.”
“Where do they live?”
I described the area. “It’s an older house. He hasn’t done all that much to it. Maybe he’s thinking of getting something more substantial. It’s not very big, cozy, but—”
“Maybe he’s thinking he won’t stay long,” my mother interrupted. “Was there anything else about him that struck you as different, odd?”
“Odd? No,” I said. “I could see that he and Summer have a close relationship.”
“What did he ask you about us?”
“About you?”
Was I going to tell them how not only Summer and his father but all my friends thought they were too strict with me? Was I going to mention the way to hold a rapier so as not to crush the bird? I was sure that would all just add fuel to this fire that was burning around me, around them.
“Yes,” my father said. “About us.”
“No. He told me about his work. He was very complimentary. I think he works so much out of loneliness.”
They stared at me.
“It’s just a feeling,” I added.
“Then what did you do?” she asked.
“Returned to the mall to wait for Dad. I was with the girls, who waited with me,” I said, looking at my father.
“Yes, that’s true.”
“Nevertheless, you disobeyed us. We specifically told you not to go anywhere else.”
“I know, but—”
“Don’t ask to go anywhere for a month,” my mother said.
“A month?”
“You were quite disobedient. Just go up to your room and do your homework, Sage. I’m disappointed in you,” she said.
I looked to my father for some reprieve, but he just shook his head.
“This isn’t fair,” I muttered, and ran out of the kitchen and up the stairs, practically charging through my bedroom door and then slamming it hard behind me. For a moment, I just stood there, fuming. I could feel the tears building in my eyes. I closed them to press the tears back. I would not cry. I would not moan and wail and sulk like a child.
I took a deep breath and held it.
Something made me open my eyes slowly. It was a warmth, a glow washing over me.
He was standing there, right before me, smiling, and I wasn’t imagining it.
19
“How did you get up here?” I asked in a whisper.
For a moment, I thought I was imagining it, that my powers of visualization were so strong that I could not only imagine him in a mirror but conjure him up right before my eyes. As if he knew I was questioning reality, he leaned forward to kiss me quickly on the lips. It was like a firecracker snapping me out of a daze. My heart began to race as the realization set in. I listened keenly for any sounds to indicate that my parents were rushing up the stairs because they knew he was here.
He simply smiled and leaned forward to kiss me again. I pushed him back.
“Stop. How did you get up here? How long have you been here?”
“Not that long. I slipped in the back way while you were having dinner,” he said. “I learned a long time ago how to walk on a breeze.”
I moved him and myself farther away from the door. “Are you insane? If they find out, I’ll never ever be able to see you again.”
“Except for in school, you won’t for a month anyway, if your mother has her way.” He went to my bed and sat, still smiling calmly.
“You heard all that?”
“Every syllable.”
“From up here?”
“Well, I was hovering on the stairway for most of it. They’re like jailers or something. I’m surprised you’re as stable as you are, having lived under the same roof with those two all your life. I bet you can tell me plenty of weird stuff.”
I looked at the door. “I’m so frightened that they’ll hear you and find you in here, Summer.”
“They won’t. I’ll fly under the bed if they come to the door. Don’t worry.” He looked like he could fly. He didn’t look sick and pale anymore.
“What happened? Why did you get so sick out front when you came for me, and where did you go? I called to see how you were. Why didn’t you go home or at least call your father and tell him what happened?”
“I really felt a lot better after about ten minutes, but I knew I couldn’t come back. They wouldn’t let
you out with me after what had happened, so I circled around for a while and then decided I just had to see you, to be with you. It was going to be our night, a real date. I knew how disappointed you were. It was all my fault, and I couldn’t stand the thought of that.”
“You should have called to let us know how you were.”
“Wouldn’t have done any good. Even if I said I felt wonderful now, they wouldn’t have let you out and maybe not even let me in, thinking I might give you the flu or something. One look at both of them, and I knew what it would be like, what it will be like. I saw the way they were looking at me. Here’s the boy who’s going to steal away our little girl. You’ll always be a little girl to them. You’re never going to reach your potential until you’re free of them, Sage. I know it was nice that they adopted you, but you might have been better off growing up in an orphanage.”
“No, Summer. Don’t say that.”
“Okay. This is a realization you’ll have to come to yourself.” He leaned back on my bed and gazed around. “This room isn’t you,” he said. “It lacks imagination. Any other mother would have done much more with the curtains, the walls, and the furniture. Most mothers and fathers dote on their daughters, adopted or not.”
“Look who’s talking. You practically live in a barracks,” I replied.
He started to smile and then stopped. “You’re right. We’re both in the wrong place.”
“What do you mean? What place?”
“We don’t belong here. This town’s too small, too provincial. None of the girls you hang with or the guys I’ve met is in the least interesting. It’s like they were all cut from the same cloth, clones. The last original thought they had was their first. There’s nothing to challenge us, no discoveries to make. We need to be where we can breathe, explore, and experience so much more. I know. I’ve been to places like that. I know what’s out there for us.”
“So why did your father bring you here?”
“To meet you, of course.”
“Very funny. Listen,” I said. “You’ve got to go. You’ve got to leave before they come up to go to bed.”
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