by Anna Zaires, Pepper Winters, Skye Warren, Lynda Chance, Pam Godwin, Amber Lin
He huffed. “I’m surprised anyone wants to deal with her after the lawsuit.”
“Yes, she’s just another uppity woman asking for what she’s due.”
“You know I don’t mean it like that, Tink.”
I stopped chewing. He wasn’t supposed to call me that anymore. I looked out the window. “One day, we’re going to get over this,” I said, looking again at the man I loved. “Until then, let’s avoid the small talk.”
He cleared his throat. “The thing with us, it hurt me. My numbers. Especially on the east side, where they’re really conservative.”
“Yes, I know.” God, the ice in my voice. It felt like someone else was talking. I could will myself quiet. I could will myself honest. But I couldn’t will myself warm.
“I don’t want you to think I’m just talking about what happened like it’s all about me and the campaign, okay? But that’s the business of the lunch. If you want to talk about it on a more personal level, I’m happy to.”
“You’re fine. I get it. Go on.”
“I have a Catholic Charities thing Thursday,” he said.
“Okay.”
“They’re supporting me because I’m not sitting still on income inequality, but the thing with us—”
“And Clarice.”
“And Clarice—who is gone—was a sticking point. They almost pulled out. So I’m here to ask for a symbolic gesture from you.”
“Of?” I asked, but I knew what it was.
“Of forgiveness. Christian forgiveness that’ll play with the San Gabriel Valley. Your family is a big diocesan donor. It won’t go unnoticed.”
“What does this symbolic gesture of Christian forgiveness entail?”
“If you could attend the fundraiser and stand by me.” He held up his hand as if warding off an objection I hadn’t yet made. “Not as my fiancée, obviously, but as a supporter. As someone whose priorities are my own.”
I chewed. Swallowed. Sipped water. I knew I’d agree, but I didn’t want to throw myself at his feet. He didn’t deserve it. Or I didn’t.
I’d heard a lot about what Daniel deserved. I’d heard that he was a worthless scumbag, and I’d heard promises to make his life in the mayor’s mansion a living hell. Those promises meant nothing to me. No one would hurt Daniel over infidelity. In five years, it would be forgotten. So I’d kept my venom to myself in public, and I released it around my family and Katrina.
But something came into my mind—a vision of Antonio beating Daniel’s head against a car. I smelled the blood and heard the crack of his nose as it broke from the impact. I imagined a tooth clacking across the metal, his contorted face as he said he was sorry, and Antonio and I partnering over the difference between his regret and his remorse.
“Why are you smiling?” he asked.
I changed the subject. “We decided the public appearances weren’t working.”
“And normally, I’d think it would just remind everyone of my weakness. But in this case, if people see you forgiving, they might follow. I can’t win unless I do something.”
I leaned back, appetite gone. “I can see the op ed pieces now. Another political wife forgives her overambitious man’s failings with other women. Judge her. Don’t judge her. She’s a feminist. She’s the anti-feminist. She’s a symbol for all of us. None of that falls on you. It’s all on me.”
“I know.”
“You are so lucky I don’t want Bruce Drummond in office.”
The air went out of him. He didn’t move, but I saw the slight shift of his shoulders and the release of tension in his jaw. “I can’t thank you enough.”
“We’ll figure something out.”
“I’d still marry you if you’d have me back.”
“Daniel, really—”
He leaned forward as if propelled. “Hear me out. Not as the maybe mayor. As me. Dan. The guy you taught how to walk straight. The guy who bit his nails. That guy’s going to be seventy years old one day, and he’s going to regret what he did. I want you back. After this campaign, win or lose, let me love you again.”
Joy, terror, shock, sadness all fought for my next words. None of them won the race to get from my brain to my mouth.
“I swore I wouldn’t do what I just did,” he said. “But I miss you. I can’t hold it in anymore.”
My words came out with no emotion in them. “I’m not ready.”
“I’ll wait for you, Tink. I’ll wait forever.”
I didn’t respond because I couldn’t imagine myself being ready, and I couldn’t imagine committing myself to anyone else.
Chapter Nine
On Monday, I had twenty minutes before my meeting with the fleet guy and the studio rep, exactly enough time to get briefed by Pam.
“Studio’s sending a courier,” she said, leaning into the screen. “They said you could handle it.”
“Wow,” I interjected, “they don’t even pretend to care.”
Pam dropped her voice to nearly inaudible. “Rumor is Matt got the cash for his short from a Hollywood loan shark, and Overland covered the note to the tune of way too much. So if there’s a bus coming, he might get thrown under it.”
“They need to get their own accountants to do their dirty work. They have the best of the best.”
She slipped her rhinestone horn-rimmed glasses halfway down her nose and looked at me over them. “What do you think you are?”
“Adequate, since you asked.”
She shook her head and went back to work. I cleared my desk of a few million in incidentals before going to the conference room to do Arnie his favor.
* * *
The conference room was huge, set into the office’s bottom floor. Two sides were glass, looking over the reception area, and the other two walls were glass, looking out onto Wilshire Boulevard. It was designed for big faces to be seen together by the rest of the agency and by whomever was waiting in reception. Appointments might be based around making sure Mr. Twenty-Million-Dollar-A-Picture Actor was seen shaking hands with Mr. Academy-Award-Winning-Director in front of Ms. Top-Agent just as Ms. Actress-Who-Refused-The-Nude-Scene waited for an appointment. Like everything in the entertainment industry, it was maximum drama, maximum visibility.
Every time I went into that particular conference room, I checked the smoothness of my stockings, the lay of my hair, the seams between my teeth, even when I was just meeting a messenger to pass over audit materials. What used to arrive in a banker’s box of paper and ledgers and folders now came in the form of a flash drive and a manila envelope with a few summary sheets, which were useless. They were delivered by a short man in shorts, sneakers, and a flat cap. Matt’s line producer.
“I’m Ed, nice to meet you,” he said as he shook my hand and slid the hard drive and envelope onto the table.
“Nice to meet you too. What do we have here?”
“Everything up to the minute for the whole production. Hope you can help with this. It was kind of unexpected.”
I was about to respond and open the summary schedules so I could ask intelligent questions. Then I was going to finish my work and pick up dinner. I was feeling a turkey sandwich, salad, and bottle of water.
But that got shot out the window in a storm of hormone shrapnel when I saw Arnie coming through reception with a man in a dark suit named Antonio Spinelli. They were talking, but through the window, I saw Antonio’s eyes flick up at me and a smile stretch across his face. I frowned when Arnie opened the door to the conference room.
“Ms. Drazen,” he said cheerfully, “how is the handoff going?”
I slid the papers from the envelope just to distract myself, but my hands shook with rage or nerves. Possibly both.
“Just got here,” said Ed.
“This is Mr. Spinelli,” Arnie said in full agent-smarm. “He rents exotic cars to the business.”
“I know,” I said, cutting off my boss in a way I never would. I immediately caught my faux pas and held out my hand. “We’ve met.”
“Ms. Drazen.” He took my hand, and I felt tingling heat between my legs. “I wanted to say hello before you started.”
“Hello,” I said flatly, releasing his hand but not his gaze, which seemed just as physical.
“Great,” Arnie said. “I’m heading into a meeting.” He shook Ed’s hand, nodded to Antonio, and left.
When the glass door clicked behind him, I spoke. “We’ve got it from here, Ed.” I shot him a look. We were on the same side. I was watching out for him.
As if he understood, he nodded. “Later.” Ed tipped his cap and left.
Only the pull of the air between Antonio and me remained.
“This is flattering,” I said, “but it’s not going to work.”
“You can’t prove they didn’t take care of the cars?”
“Oh, you name it, I can prove it.”
“Good, I wanted the best.”
“You got me instead, but that doesn’t mean you’ve got me.”
“So you say.”
I tried not to smile. That would only encourage him. The last thing the arrogant ass needed was encouragement. “I won’t deny I’m attracted to you. I’m sure I’m not the first. But I’m not a conquest. I don’t like being chased, especially not through the offices of WDE. This is my job, Mr. Spinelli, not a mousehole. You can’t stick your paw in and hope to catch me. I don’t care to mix business with displeasure. Now if you’ll excuse me.”
I reached for the flash drive and envelope, and he stood in my way, getting close enough for me to catch the forested smell of his cologne.
“I could kiss you right now,” he said.
“You wouldn’t dare.”
The windows suddenly felt like cameras. I felt the presence of everyone’s eyes as if they were pressure on my skin.
“I will. And you might push me away, but not before you kiss me back. You know it. I know it. And everyone else in this office is going to know it,” he said.
“Don’t.”
“See me then. Let me take you out Thursday night.”
I was relieved. That was the perfect out. “I have plans on Thursday.”
“Cancel them.”
“I can’t. It’s a fundraiser.”
“Catholic Charities?” He raised an eyebrow. If it was at all possible for him to look sexier, he did.
“Yes.” I stood straight. I didn’t want to have to explain it, but I had a compulsion to excuse myself I had to quell.
“Good.” He stood straight. “I was invited to that. We’ll go together.”
“No!”
“So we should see each other another time, then?”
Of course not. We should be together some other never. But I hesitated, and that was my mistake.
“I think I should see you before the fundraiser,” he said, “because I want to go with you and show Daniel Brower what he’s missing.”
“You going to take him out to the parking lot and beat him up for me?”
“He deserves far worse.”
Knowing better than to encourage him, I held up my chin. “I’ll decide what he deserves. Thank you, though.”
“Good. I’ll pick you up Wednesday at eight.”
“I’m busy.”
“I’ll have to kiss you now then.” He stepped forward.
I swallowed because his lips, a step closer to mine, were full and satiny, and more than anything, my mouth wanted to feel them.
“Follow me please,” I said like an automaton.
I brushed past him without waiting for a response, walking out the door and down the hall with the manila envelope in my arm. I nodded to my associates and knew he was behind me from the sense of movement and heat at my back. I slipped into a windowless, empty conference room and closed the door when he entered.
“Mister Spinelli—”
On the way to the closed office, I’d prepared a short speech about respecting my boundaries, but I swallowed every word when those satin lips fell on mine. His kiss was a study in paying attention, reacting to me as I reacted to him with increasing intensity. When his tongue touched mine, I lost myself in desire. His hands stayed on my neck, and I became aware of their power and gentleness.
When I put my hands on him, he moved closer, and with a brush on my thigh, I felt his erection. Oh, to be anywhere else. To explore that rigid dick, to feel it in me while those lips hovered over mine. My legs could barely hold me up when he kissed my neck.
“Wednesday,” he whispered, the warmth of his breath and timbre of his voice as arousing as the touch of his lips.
“You don’t really care about the cars.”
“No, I don’t.”
“I’m not making it up. I told my friend I’d be on her set after work Wednesday. I can’t ditch her. Friday. We can do Friday.”
“I accept the spirit of your agreement.”
He reached behind me and turned the doorknob. I put my hair in place and thought cold thoughts. He left, and I watched him stride down the carpeted hall. I didn’t move until he was out the office door. I couldn’t believe he left it like that, without setting up a definite time and place for me to be flat on my back. I felt ill at ease as I scooped up the audit materials and headed back to my little window in my little office in my little corner of the Hollywood system.
Chapter Ten
“You want to fuck her.”
Michael nodded. He and Katrina sat on stools at the counter of a tiny coffee shop she’d rented for the scene with staff all around. I held my clipboard and waited, having been told to stay within Michael’s eyesight.
“Right,” he said.
“You know if you fuck her once, she’s yours.”
This conversation happened as if no one was around. As if there weren’t three gaffers playing with the lights and keys with clothes hangers clipping wires and aligning scrims. As if the assistant camera person wasn’t holding up his little light meter to every color of everything and calling out numbers.
“You have to fuck her,” Katrina said with real urgency. “You’re not getting it.”
“I’m getting it.”
Katrina hauled off and slapped Michael in the face. The sound echoed in the halls and rooms of my brain. I flinched and looked at them. I wasn’t supposed to. That was very personal actor/director business, and everyone else had the good sense to ignore it.
Michael made eye contact with me as it happened.
“That,” she said. “That feeling. Right now.”
“I have it,” he said, putting his hand to his lips as if he wanted to hide his face.
“Good. Get to makeup.” She winked at me as Michael strode off, then she called to the cameraman, “We’re shooting him from the right. Have the stand in mark it.” She walked off, barking more orders, and I marked the change in angle on my clipboard.
We would be filming late, and I girded myself with coffee and the knowledge that helping Katrina, even in the tiny role as part-time script supervisor, would right a great wrong that had been done her.
Michael played the scene, which did not include the woman in question, but her best friend. His character was about to bed her out of spite, like a man on a mission to save his testicles. He was riveting. He seized the scene, the set, the crew, and the mousy character who had no idea what she was getting embroiled in. He put his hands up her skirt as if he owned what was under it, but his character didn’t take an ounce of responsibility for what he was doing.
“Cut!” shouted Katrina.
I noted the shot and take, but only after the scene was fully broken. “There’s your Oscar,” I mumbled to Katrina.
“I just want someone to touch this thing with a ten-footer.” She took my clipboard and flipped through the pages on it. “We never got that last line on page thirty. I think we can ADR it.”
“I think WDE will get behind you. Honestly. As long as you promise not to sue anyone again.”
She made a pfft sound that promised nothing. “Dinner break, everyone!”
A production assis
tant ran up to me as I tucked my papers away. “There’s a man here asking for you.”
It took me about half a second to figure out who he was. “Dark hair and brown eyes?”
“Yeah. He brought dinner.”
“Of course he brought me dinner.” I had to process that while fixing my hair and straightening my sleeves.
“No,” he said. “He brought everyone dinner. He brought you wine.”
* * *
Movie sets that weren’t dependent on sunlight stayed up all day. So though I’d shown up at six p.m. to relieve the other script supervisor, the set had already been up for twelve hours. Because no one left when there was work to be done, meals and snacks were provided to the entire crew. Bigger productions got more services, with above the line crew (actors, director, producers) getting gourmet catering, and below the line crew (camera, grips, gaffe, PA, AD, on and on and on) getting something good but less noteworthy. On Katrina’s set, everyone got the same mediocre food from a truck wedged into the corner of the parking lot. A few long tables with folding chairs took up parking spaces. The day Antonio showed up for dinner, our French fry and burger habit was broken.
He had a bottle of red wine tucked under his arm and wore a grey sports coat with blood red polo. A woman in her sixties stood under his arm as he talked to Katrina. In front of them were four chafing dishes, plates, utensils, and a line of people.
“You do not get to invade my set,” Katrina said, but I saw her eye the food ravenously. It was peasant food—meaty, saucy deliciousness that would satiate everyone for another four or five hours.
“Mea culpa,” he said. “Your script supervisor accepted a dinner invitation, and Zia Giovanna thought it would be rude to bring only for us.”
“It’s my fault,” I said. “I forgot to tell you.”
She spun and gave a smirk just for me. “You lie.”
“If it means you can just eat, I’m guilty as charged.” I pointed at Antonio. “You, sir, are pushy.”
