by Riley, Alexa
I play for the whole city, but no one knows I’m here. The music flows from me, and it makes me feel like I’m somehow connected to my mother. I’ve only ever seen a few pictures of her. She was long gone by the time I was four, and photos are all that remain. I remember nothing about her, just little fantasies I cultivate based on what the other girls at school have.
This is the only show I can bring myself to put on. I can’t remember my life without a violin in my hand. Always the shy girl, but something about it makes me feel like I come alive. Each note leaves me and enters the world. It’s a piece that I put out there and it belongs only to me. Saying so much without saying anything at all.
The music slides through me to my core, where I put everything I have into it, feeling the world start to lift from my shoulders and drop all around me. Normally I find peace here in this place, but today it’s like I can’t reach that spot. So close but still so far away. The loneliness pushes in and I don’t want to be alone. I feel myself lean forward, trying to get closer to the people below.
It does nothing; the peace doesn’t come. I play harder, moving my hand quicker, the movements pushing me towards it. But the harder I push and the faster I go, the farther away it moves.
“Beautiful.”
The deep word startles me, making me spin. A man grabs me, pulling me towards him. My body goes easily, melting into his. I stare up into the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen, finding a little bit of the peace I was looking for moments ago.
“You shouldn’t play so close to the edge.” His deep voice rolls over my skin, warming the winter chill that has coated me. His concern is sweet.
I should tell him he shouldn’t stand so close to me, but the words don’t come. I just stare up at him. His midnight hair is just a little long, such a contrast to the brightness of his eyes. Everything about him is a contrast to his eyes. The rest of him seems dark. From the hard set of his jaw to the little crook I see in his nose, and even the small scar that marks one of his eyebrows.
He looks nothing like the boys I go to school with, or even the professors. They carry a softness to them, and he doesn’t seem to have any. Except for those eyes.
I just stare at him, the words not coming. Not that they ever really do.
Then he moves, his mouth coming down towards mine. I gasp as his lips hit mine. One of his hands goes to my hair, grabbing hold and tilting my head back. I give him total control of the kiss, dominating and powerful as his tongue pushes into my mouth.
I don’t even kiss him back. He takes the lead and then takes it all. My body goes lax, his other arm catching me as he holds me to him, devouring my mouth. Devouring me.
The taste of sweet, smoky scotch fills my mouth. I don’t know if the moan comes from him or me, but I try to push my body into his. He’s so big he easily surrounds me. The loneliness falls away and peace drops over me as the kiss goes on. This. This is what I was looking for when I came up here.
All too soon he’s pushing back, pushing me away.
“What the fuck was that?” he asks. My hand comes to my lips, wanting to feel something there again. It’s my first kiss, and I want more.
I go to step towards him. It’s a bold move for me, but I can’t seem to help myself.
“Felicity?” At my father’s voice, I jump away from the man whose name I don’t know.
“Here, Dad.” He’s standing in the doorway that opens onto the balcony. I glance over to the man next to me, who cocks his head as if putting together who I really am. It’s now I really get a good look at him. The light from the open door spills out onto the balcony. It’s clear he comes from money, his suit shows every inch of that, but a tattoo peeks out from of his cuffs, as if trying to escape. Even though I’m farther away from him, he looks even bigger. He must have really had to bend to kiss me. He has at least a foot and a half on me and I’m in the heels that I’d put on for the party.
“Calder?” my father says, following my line of vision to the mysterious man. “I didn’t know you were here. I saw Sidney downstairs and was wondering if you were around.”
“Just stepped out for some air,” he replies, looking over at my father, then back to me.
“I see you met my daughter, Felicity. She’s home from school this week.” My father steps out onto the terrace and makes his way towards us. He stops next to me, picking up my bow—I must have dropped it during the kiss. My violin’s still held tightly in my other hand, the strings digging into my palm.
Sidney? my mind asks.
“Yes, I caught her playing.”
“You’re lucky then. She hardly plays for anyone, no matter how hard I try to get her to.” I can hear the pride in my father’s voice. He loves when I play, and I always do it for him.
I feel my cheeks warm at my father’s admission. I lick my lips. They suddenly feel so dry. Calder’s eyes track my tongue.
I know his name. Calder Cox. My father has mentioned him a few times in phone calls we’ve had. A new client of his. A big one. And that’s saying a lot. My dad has countless powerful clients, so if he’s using that word, he must be something special.
An awkward silence grows, as if Calder doesn’t want to comment on my playing, and I still can’t seem to find words myself.
I just stand there like a silly girl who has no idea what to do or say.
“Why don’t you go inside, sweetheart? You don’t have a coat on,” my father finally says. I’m wearing a knee-length dress without sleeves. The temperature seems to have dropped at least five degrees since I got out here. I hadn’t noticed until Calder stepped away from me, taking all that warmth with him. My father’s tries to dismiss me nicely, knowing I probably want to go. I do but I don’t.
I just nod and go to make my way past him, hoping Calder will say something. Anything. But he doesn’t. I hurry down the stairs and into the house. They lead right to the kitchen. I bypass the caterers as they hurriedly work in the kitchen, putting together trays of food and glasses of wine and champagne. I go straight to my bedroom.
After putting my violin away, I flop back on my bed and listen to the sounds of the party outside my room, wondering if Calder is out there now or if he’s still on the balcony with my father. Had he caught us kissing? I don’t think he did but I can’t be sure.
That kiss. I’ve never felt anything like it in my life.
I wonder if all kisses are like that. I try to think about the time Mark from university tried to kiss me. I’d turned my head right before and got an awkward kiss on the cheek. He just laughed it off. I didn’t get any kind of fluttery feeling with that kiss. Not compared to what I’d just felt on the balcony. Almost like the world had stopped for a moment.
I should have kissed him back. Will this be one of those moments I look back at and always wonder about? But even greater than my regret is my curiosity about Sidney. Her name keeps floating around in the back of my mind.
I sit up and slide my heels back on before going over to the mirror. I pick up some lip gloss and slick a little on. I wonder what I tasted like to him, if I’d left a taste in his mouth like he’d done to me.
Dropping the gloss back down onto the vanity, I try to tame my hair. The wind had gotten a hold of it and it looks pretty wild. Maybe it’s wrong to want to try and sneak another kiss from someone my father works for, but I’ve never wanted anything like this before. Maybe it’s time to push some of my shyness away.
Would he even want to kiss me again? His cold indifference after the kiss makes me feel unsure. Did he feel what I felt, or is he one who kisses every girl he sees. I know a lot of men in New York get around. Some of my father’s friends have been married a number of times and the whispers of mistresses are always around.
The woman’s name pops in my head again. Is she his wife? The thought makes my stomach cramp. I should have looked for a ring. I still can.
I slip from my room and make my way back to the kitchen, picking up a glass of champagne and drinking it down before grabbing another and doing the same thing
. I’ve maybe had a sip of wine or two in my life. In England, where I go to university, you can drink at eighteen, but I’ve never felt the draw. But maybe a little liquid courage could help a girl out.
Chapter Two
Calder
I watch her go, the sound of her music still playing in my head, the feel of her lips still on mine. I don’t know what to do. I have this overwhelming urge to follow her and push her against the nearest wall. Jesus. What’s happening to me? It feels like I’m boiling inside and that curvy little kitten is the only thing that can soothe the ache.
Her long dark hair and gorgeous green eyes have me in a trance. I want to knot my fingers in her hair and see her eyes light up with desire. I want to have her under me while I thrust into her little body.
My lips are still tingling from where I devoured her. To call it a kiss wouldn’t do it justice. No, that was a claiming. I took her and marked her as mine, and all I want to do is finish marking her in the most animalistic way possible.
“Having a good time?”
Bill’s words shake my attention away from Felicity, and I reluctantly pull my eyes from the doorway she disappeared through.
“Yes, thank you,” I answer as politely as I can with all the other questions screaming in my head. Where did she go? Where has she been? Will you know if I pull her into a dark corner and have my way with her?
“They grow up so fast. I can’t believe she’s in college. It feels like yesterday I was walking her to kindergarten.”
I breathe a sigh of relief to find out she’s over eighteen. I had heard he had a daughter in college, but for a second there I had a moment of panic. I was too far gone and too blinded by lust to stop myself. If she hadn’t been legal, I still don’t know that I could stop myself.
“She’s just like her mother.” Bill’s words are a little wistful as he turns back towards the house and I follow him.
I never met Bill’s wife, but I had heard a lot of stories about her.
I heard she’d only married him for his money. Bill had once told me he only married for Felicity’s sake, but he soon found out that was a mistake. The women cared nothing for her daughter. She only cared about herself. She was out the door when he offered her a few million to sign over her rights.
Apparently she slept her way through most of his colleagues and some of his clients before someone finally told him. I’m sure Bill knew of her indiscretions, but as he’d married her only for Felicity, it’s likely he didn’t care. Bill doesn’t miss much. She saved her worst behavior for parties, I’d heard. She always had to be the center of attention. If that’s the case with Felicity, then I’m sure she’s getting all kinds of male attention.
The thought makes me grit my teeth and clench my fists. I don’t want to envision anyone else’s hands on her, but the way she looks makes me think she’s had plenty. Her body is made for a man’s grip. She’s short but has thick curves in all the right places.
Why am I even thinking these thoughts? I can’t do any of this. Bill is my company’s attorney, and this is his daughter. I need to stay away from her. I need to keep my distance. This could be very bad for everyone involved, so I’m glad I just took a kiss.
Fuck, I wanted to take more. And if the throb in my cock, which refuses to go down, has anything to say about it, I still would. Jerking off in a bathroom crosses my mind, but I push the thought aside. I don’t want my hand. I’ve got something soft and warm I want instead, and I’m trying like hell to not think about her.
As Bill and I descend the stairs, I try to think back to what I know of his personal life. There isn’t much, other than rumors. I remember hearing that his wife left him some time ago. I wonder how old Felicity was when that happened.
I shake my head. I need to clear the thought. I can’t think about her like that. I can’t fantasize about my attorney’s daughter, no matter how much I want to. This would be very bad for business, and I can’t imagine what people would say.
Thank God I pulled away when I did. I didn’t know who was interrupting us at the time, and I’m thankful not to have been caught. I wanted her so badly I didn’t think about the consequences of who she was and where we were. Who knows what I would have done if we weren't interrupted. I have to get better control of myself.
When we finally make it back down to the party, I nod to Bill as he blends back in with the crowd. My balcony antics haven’t been mentioned. It’s as if it never happened. I wish someone would tell that to my cock because he sure as fuck knows it happened. And he’s looking for more.
I grab a glass of red wine from one of the passing caterers and stand by the fire, surveying the crowd. I feel her before I see her. I turn towards a darker part of the room. Felicity is in the corner while a man I don’t recognize leans down to talk to her. I see her look my way and then look to him, a deep blush creeping across her cheeks.
I feel a snap between my fingers and look to see the stem of my wine glass has broken in two. A server comes over and takes the broken glass out of my hand, passing me a clean towel. There only seem to be a few minor cuts, so I wave him off.
When I look over at Felicity, I see her gazing over at me with concern on her face. Is she worried I’m going to tell her father what happened upstairs? Because that would be the last thing I’d want to do. She should be more worried about me going over there and pushing that guy away from her and pinning her in that corner with the lower half of my body.
Gritting my teeth, I grab another glass of wine, careful this time not to crack it in my hand. I also try—unsuccessfully—to not stare at Felicity. I keep my eyes on her, watching as she blushes and nods, hardly speaking a few words to the man. She’s so shy that I can see it from across the room. This doesn't jibe with her father’s words. As the man leaves, I take a step forward and then think better of it. Keeping myself rooted to the spot, I chant over and over in my head that I must not go to her. No matter how much my body wants it.
I see her eyes light up, and she starts to take a step, only to be cornered by another man. This time I want to smash my wine glass on the floor and scream obscenities until I blow the roof off this place. I want to scream that she’s mine, but she’s not. I don’t even know where these barbaric and crazy ideas come from.
She gives the new man a smile, and I stifle the rage in me at the gesture. Why do I even care that she’s smiling at someone? It’s no business of mine. Except for the fact that I’ve marked her mouth and now I feel as if I own it. How dare she use what I own to make other men happy? That mouth is mine and should only be used for my desires.
‘’Calder, are you okay?”
Looking to my left, I see Sidney walk up and put her hand on my shoulder. It’s not the hand I want. The one I want is on the other side of the room, and I hate it.
I nod, accepting her comfort, and try not to be so obvious about my newfound obsession with my attorney’s daughter.
“Are you ready to go? I think I made the rounds for us, and I’m dying to get home. My feet are killing me in these shoes.” She leans on me a little, lifting one and giving it a squeeze. “But they’re so pretty I couldn’t bear not to wear them.”
I just hum as I sneak another look at Felicity. I feel heat flood my bloodstream when I see her with a big smile on her face as she leans into the man in front of her. I guess her father was right. Maybe she is just like her mother, always needing attention. No matter who it’s from. I’m bitter, and I can’t look at the scene much longer.
I take Sidney’s hand and pull her out of the living room. “I’m ready,” I grit out as we exit the penthouse.
When we get downstairs, my car is waiting at the curb. My driver helps Sidney in, and I go around, nearly slamming my door as I get in.
“Calder? What happened?”
Sidney and I have known one another since the fourth grade. She was allergic to peanuts and so was I, so we had to share a lunch table. There was a big sign above the table that declared we had allergies, and it was really emba
rrassing at the time. So we ended up bonding over it and became best friends.
People always assume we are a couple, and we’ve used that to our advantage. It’s helped me out with social climbers and keeping out of the single spotlight, and it’s helped Sidney keep her sexual orientation from her family. They’re strict Catholics, and having a lesbian for a daughter would be the end of the world to them. So instead, Sidney tells them we’re an item and I just won’t commit. I’m fine with being the asshole to her family and taking all the shit they dish out at the holidays. I’d walk through fire for her, and I know she’d do the same for me.
“Nothing. I’m okay.” I take a deep breath and try to clear my head. Maybe now that I’m not around her, this need will dissipate. “I’m good. Just have work on my mind. Are you staying at Lori’s tonight?”
I try to change the subject to her girlfriend, knowing this will pull her attention away from me.
She sighs and leans back in the seat, and for a second I feel bad about bringing it up.
“No. She told me last week that if I went to another event with you as your girlfriend, then she wanted to break up. I told her that we work together and it’s complicated, but she knows it’s bullshit. She’s asking for something I can’t give her.
I nod, thinking about exactly that—wanting what I can’t have. I look out the window, holding my fist to my mouth as I try to quell the growing desire for Felicity. It’s as if the farther away I get from her, the stronger the urge is.
“Richard, drop me off at my place,” Sidney says, and I look over at her.
“You’re not coming over?”
We’d agreed before the night started that she’d come over and play the new Madden with me. She’s one of my closest friends, but she’s also a badass when it comes to playing football.
She looks over at me and raises an eyebrow. In that one look, I can see everything she’s not saying. That look is telling me I know you’re full of shit and you’re hiding something. I know you need the night to yourself. So unless you want to talk about it, I’m going home.
