by Emma Dalton
She tilts her head from right to left, thinking over my words like she’s never considered it. “But if he loves you, what’s he trying to hide?”
“We just got together a few days ago and everything is still so new. So please don’t post things about us.”
“Fine, you’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just so excited because there’s hope for us. I mean, you’re not cool or pretty or popular and you snagged him. And we’re prettier than you.”
They smile and get to their feet, hurrying back to their seats to continue watching the boys. I try not to let their words bother me, but of course they do. Honestly, I never thought I was pretty, but I always figured I was cute, cute enough for guys to notice me anyway. Now thanks to them, all I think about is what Brayden sees when he looks at me. A friend, someone to fake date. Never the real thing.
Coach blows his whistle, dismissing the guys for the day. Brayden’s eyes zero in on me and he waves again. I wave back, my heart thumping in my chest. Even when we’re pretending, that smile could shatter me into a million pieces and then paste me back together.
He motions toward the locker room, telling me he’ll quickly get changed and take a shower. I nod, letting him know I’ll see him soon. As he washes off, I start my homework. The cheerleaders are still practicing and I hear Teagyn yelling at her teammates to focus or they won’t win their competition.
The girls dare not answer back lest they fear her wrath. I feel for them, I really do. No one deserves to be yelled at like that, like they’re nothing more than ants on the ground.
They’re lucky to be cheerleaders, though. If Mom were still here, would she be disappointed that I didn’t follow her path?
“Hey,” a voice says from above.
Glancing up, I find Brayden standing there. His hair is wet and he smells so good I find myself leaning closer to get a better whiff of him.
He sits down and glances around. “It’s weird to see the field from this point of view,” he tells me. “To watch the show instead of starring in it.”
“But you go to pro games, don’t you?”
“Not really. I did when I was younger, but I don’t have time now. But yeah, I love going to games. There’s nothing like being in the stands, cheering for your favorite team. Being part of something.”
I smile. That’s exactly how I feel when I watch him play.
“Sorry I didn’t watch you much during practice,” I tell him. “These freshmen girls were talking to me about you.”
“Really? What did they say?”
My eyes widen. I can’t tell him they were so shocked that a girl like me snagged the sexy quarterback. I’ll look like an even bigger loser than I already am. “Oh, um. They just told me I’m lucky to be dating you, that’s all.”
He doesn’t say anything as he stares off at the field. And I watch him, trying to read his expression. What’s he thinking? Why did he suddenly grow so quiet? Is it something I said?
We must be sitting like this for a few minutes, him staring at the field and me at him, before he turns to me. “Kara, you are okay with this, right?”
I lean back, then quickly catch myself when I remember I’m not sitting on a chair but on bleachers. Brayden doesn’t seem to notice. Maybe he’s too distracted. “You keep asking me that.”
He nods, brushing his hand through his hair. “I know. I just want to make sure you don’t have any regrets.”
“Of course I don’t have regrets. We’re trying to get you into one of the top colleges in the country. Why wouldn’t I want to help?”
His smile is so warm and sexy and appreciative that I feel like I’m floating to heaven. “Thanks, that’s so nice of you.”
I don’t know why my heart dips a little. He called me nice, but maybe I was expecting more? Like what? A hug? That’s ridiculous.
“Yeah, that’s me. Nice,” I say.
He smiles again, then gets to his feet. “I’d better go home now.”
I stand, too, wishing we could sit out here a little longer, but I know that’s never going to happen.
My mind selfishly conjures up different excuses to try to persuade him to stay, but I glue my lips together.
Brayden gestures to the school and we head inside. I’m so tempted to lean closer to him to infuse myself with that delicious smell, but I force myself to get a grip. The last thing I want is for Brayden to think I’m creepy and call off the whole thing.
“What are you thinking?” he asks as we make our way to his locker to fetch a textbook he forgot.
I freeze for a second, not wanting to tell him I’m obsessed with his smell. Super, super creepy. “Nothing,” I casually say. “School, life, the usual. Why do you ask?”
He shakes his head. “No reason. You’re just quiet.”
I laugh. “So are you.”
“Guess I’ve got a lot on my mind, too. We’ll be seniors next year.”
“Yeah.”
Quiet.
He grabs his book and we leave the building, parting for the day. He wishes for me to have a good day, tells me he’ll see me tomorrow, and walks to his car. I stare after him, wondering if I’ll ever have a chance to ride in that car with him. To be in an enclosed space with him, maybe listening to music. His car probably smells like him.
As if he feels me watching him, he turns around before getting inside. My body goes still. Crap. He caught me ogling him. Now he’s going to think I’m the biggest loser in the world.
But he smiles and waves, sending a calmness over me. Maybe he doesn’t think I’m a loser after all. Maybe it’s time I stop thinking of myself as one.
I wave back, maybe a bit too frantically, and then he climbs into the car. I sigh as I imagine the two of us riding into the sunset like I’ve seen in romance movies.
That’s all this will ever be—as though I’m living a romance movie.
Chapter Thirteen
The lunch lady gives me an extra scoop of spaghetti and meatballs. I thank her before making my way to the popular table, where all the jocks are already seated. There doesn’t seem to be a cheerleader in sight.
Brayden’s face lights up when he sees me approach, a large smile conquering his lips. I return the smile, ordering my heart to stop beating wildly. He’s not actually glad to see his fake girlfriend. It’s all part of the act.
I wish it weren’t.
“Meatballs,” DeAngelo says with a pleased smile. “You’ve got taste, man. All the other girls eat salad, salad, salad. Boring, boring, boring. I like a girl with an appetite.”
Brayden smiles at me. “Me, too.”
Calm down, heart.
All the guys at the table have a heaping pile of spaghetti and meatballs, too. I know they’ll go for seconds, and maybe thirds. Don’t athletes have to eat like ten thousand calories a day or something?
I twirl some spaghetti with my fork and bring it to my lips. “You only live once, right?”
DeAngelo winks at Brayden. “I like your girl.”
He smiles at me before cutting into his meatball. I try not to let the disappointment wash over me that he didn’t say something like “I like her, too.” But what can I expect? The terms of our agreement were very clear. This is all an act. No one is supposed to have actual feelings for the other one.
“Where are the cheerleaders anyway?” I ask.
“They had an emergency meeting,” Jerry tells me. “They’ll probably be here soon.”
I guess I should bask in this cheerleader-free meal, however long it’ll be. It’s not that I have anything against the cheerleaders here—my mom was one, too—I just wish they were a little nicer to people on a lower social tier than them.
We continue eating our spaghetti and meatballs—which is delicious, by the way—discussing music and TV, and of course football. About fifteen minutes later, the cheerleaders file into the cafeteria with looks of death. Seriously, it’s like all of their grandmas died or something. Some of them go to buy food while others come straight to the table, including
Teagyn. She’s carrying the worst expression of all—it looks like she’ll burst into tears any second.
“Hey, ladies,” Jerry says. “Missed you.”
They ignore him as they settle down at the table.
“Was the meeting okay?” Brayden asks, gaze moving from one cheerleader to the other.
“No!” Teagyn whines. “Everything is ruined!”
“What happened?” DeAngelo asks.
“Clarrie broke her leg during practice yesterday.”
“Is she okay?” Brayden asks.
“She’s fine,” Teagyn cries, close to tears. “But now we’re short a cheerleader.”
“What are we going to do?” another asks as she roughly bites into her tomato. The thing squirts everywhere, causing some of the other girls to shriek.
“Mom wants to have tryouts,” Teagyn tells the guys. “We had them the first week of school and could barely find anyone decent.”
“Harsh, Myers,” DeAngelo says.
“It’s the truth!” she cries. “That’s why we have no alternates.”
“Maybe you’ll find someone good this time around,” Brayden suggests.
Teagyn rolls her eyes like he said the most idiotic thing in the world. “We don’t want someone good. We want someone amazing. We need to go to nationals this year.”
“You shouldn’t put so much pressure on yourself.”
My eyes widen to epic proportions when I realize those words escaped my lips.
Teagyn’s head snaps up and she looks at me like she hadn’t noticed me sitting here all this time. Narrowing her eyes at me, she says, “Who are you again?”
“Uh…Kara Gander. I’m with the Edenbury High Times.”
“And my girlfriend,” Brayden adds.
Yeah, as if I could forget I’m his fake girlfriend.
“No, I don’t mean that,” Teagyn says, still glaring at me. “I mean, who the heck do you think you are?”
“Uh…”
“You’re not part of any team or any competitive sport. You don’t know what it’s like to have a dream, a goal. You don’t know what it’s like to have everything you worked for snatched away from you because of someone’s stupid mistake.”
“It was an accident, Teagyn,” one of the girls says in a low voice, like she’s worried the queen will slice off her head.
“She was careless,” Teagyn snaps at her. “And because of that, we might not qualify for the competition.”
“You should hold tryouts,” Brayden says. “You never know what will happen.”
“Whatever. I need air. Come.” She grips the sleeve of the girl next to her and yanks her off her chair, not caring that she was about to take a bite of her salad. She drags her out of the cafeteria.
Jerry whistles. “Intense.”
“You have no idea,” one of the other cheerleaders mumbles.
“I know what she’s going through,” Brayden says with a thoughtful expression. “Her mom’s the coach. She won nationals when she was a junior. It can’t be easy to live up to that.”
It feels like I just got buried under layers and layers of dirt. Does Brayden…like Teagyn?
“Let her cool off,” DeAngelo suggests. “She’ll be fine.”
A short while later, Coach Myers’s voice sounds over the loudspeaker. “Attention, please. Due to an unfortunate accident, one of the cheerleaders sustained an injury. She will not be able to perform during the games or participate in the upcoming competition. The cheerleaders are down a member and will be having tryouts tomorrow after school. If you think you have what it takes, please come to the gym after school.”
I wish I had what it takes. Wish I had my mom’s cheerleading genes. But I’ve never been coordinated enough. Or pretty enough. Or confident enough. For a few seconds, I imagine what it would be like if I followed in her footsteps. Dressed in the cute blue and gold outfit with matching pom-poms, waving my arms and shaking my body, cheering for my boyfriend Brayden as he scored the winning touchdown…
Okay, maybe the last bit is too much, but…would Brayden and I date for real if I was a cheerleader?
Before I have a chance to dwell on it, the bell rings and we all leave for our classes.
***
“I don’t see him as a hero,” Charlie says. “I see him as a villain. And honestly, I don’t even know why some women love him. I don’t find anything even remotely attractive about him.”
My time with the girls during the book club is a moment I cherish and look forward to every Monday and Wednesday. But I can’t concentrate on anything. All I think about is how proud my mom would be if I followed in her footsteps and became a cheerleader. We had a lot of things in common, but one thing I swore to her I’d never do was be a cheerleader. But that was before she died. Now it seems like I want to grasp onto anything related to her, just to keep her memory alive. Because one of my greatest fears is forgetting her. Forgetting how she looked like, how she smelled, the way her eyes sparkled when she smiled, or how intoxicating her laugh was. When she laughed, you had no other choice but to join her. It was so contagious. And it had the magical power to make me feel better, no matter how upset or sad I was.
“He does have some redeeming qualities,” Ally says.
“Yeah? Name one.”
Without meaning to, a massive sigh shoots out of my lips. Ally’s mouth snaps shut as she and the other two turn to me.
“Yeah, I’m a little bored with this, too,” Dani admits. “Let’s talk about something else. The Hunger Games!”
“Again?” Charlie says with a groan. “We discussed that book to death. Any more and I’ll turn into a zombie and eat your brains.”
“But there’s so much to talk about! And we can compare them to the movies.”
“Didn’t we decide we were going to focus on the classics for this semester?” Ally asks. “And if we’re going to pick something more modern, can we please go with the A Lady of True Honor series?”
“Regency?” Charlie makes a face. “I hate regency romances!”
“You like Jane Austen,” Ally reminds her.
“That’s different.”
“How is it different?”
“I don’t know. It just is.”
“Guys, quiet a second.” Dani’s eyes focus on me. “Something wrong, Kara?”
I shake my head. “I’m fine.”
Now Charlie and Ally study me, too.
“Something is wrong,” Charlie says. “You’re never this quiet.”
“Thanks,” I mutter.
“I like when you talk,” she says. “You always have something interesting and unique to say.”
“I agree,” Ally says. “If you want to talk about what’s bothering you, we’re right here. You can tell us anything.”
I lower my head on my desk and turn it toward the window, where none of them can see my face. Because I’m scared I’ll cry any minute. “I’m just…sad. I miss my mom. A lot.”
They’re quiet for a bit, and then Ally says, “I’m sorry you lost her. It must have been so hard. Sorry for saying sorry. I know some people hate that.”
“I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better,” Dani says in a sympathetic tone. “But I won’t pretend and say I know what you’re going through.”
Charlie rubs my shoulder. “Just talk to us, Kara. Tell us how you feel.”
“Most days I’m okay,” I whisper, so low I’m not sure they can hear me. “Some days I hurt. Then there are days where I’m in so much pain, I don’t know if I can move on. And today…” I blow out a breath. “I just wish she were here.”
I hear all of them stand and then they wrap their arms around me. It causes more tears to pour out of my eyes. We haven’t been friends for long, but they’ve become my best friends. Feels like I’ve known them my whole life.
I turn my head in their direction and give them a small smile. “Thanks. I’m glad I can talk to you guys about her. I don’t have anyone else to talk to.”
“What about your
dad?” Dani asks.
“We talk about her sometimes, but I don’t want to hurt him. He always gets sad—he loved her very much.”
“Sorry.” Ally rubs my arm.
I swallow and lift my head off my desk, wiping my eyes. “She was a cheerleader for Edenbury High. Her team won a trophy for the school her junior year. She’s in the picture in the hallway.”
Charlie’s brows come together. “Wait, isn’t that the same year Coach Myers won that trophy?”
I nod. “She and my mom were best friends.”
Dani’s eyes snap open wide. “No kidding.”
“Yeah. But they grew apart after they graduated. Her mom cheered for a college team and my mom studied nursing. Then they both got married and lived separate lives. It’s funny they both ended up here in Edenbury. But I don’t think they were able to rekindle their friendship. Or maybe they didn’t want to.”
“Sucks that happens,” Ally whispers. “I hope we’ll stay friends forever.”
“You kidding?” Dani exclaims. “We’re going to marry quadruplets and raise our kids together.”
“Quadruplets?” I say with a laugh.
“Well, it was triplets before,” she admits. “But you’re part of us now, Kara.”
I smile. “Thanks, guys. I feel better already. I just wish…” I sigh as I push some hair away from my face. “I wish I could follow her legacy.”
“You mean…be a cheerleader,” Dani says.
I nod.
“Why can’t you?” Ally asks.
“Um, have you looked at me?” I point to myself. “This is not a cheerleader’s body. Or face.”
“What are you talking about?” Charlie says. “You’re beautiful.”
“You can be the greatest cheerleader in the history of cheerleading,” Dani says.
I shake my head. “I have no rhythm or coordination. Or stamina.”
“Have you ever tried?” Charlie asks.
“No. In middle school, my mom asked me if I wanted to try out, and I told her a hard no. Me shaking pom-poms? Then she died and I couldn’t even bear…” I swallow as tears prick my eyes. “And now…”
“Now you’re ready,” Ally says.
