Ex-Daredevil

by Zoe Lee

  By the time we turned into a city park, my jaw wasn’t clenched anymore and my muscles were starting to unlock. I’d never been here before, so I swiveled my head, trying to see through the helmet’s visor and limited field of vision. It was big and seemed pretty empty, and there was a lagoon in the middle as we drove in a sort of loop around the park. While it wasn’t the Chicago Botanic Garden, it wasn’t like it was a race track either.

  The basic terror of the ride subsided and left me enough brain capacity to notice the thrum of the motorcycle under me. I supposed it would have been sexier in an obvious way if I were a woman, with the vibrations. But there was still a man’s ass snuggled into my groin, between my thighs, his taut, lithe body under my hands angled forward.

  My fingers dug into him reflexively and my cock stiffened again.

  Gavin rotated his hips like he knew exactly what my change in grip signaled, and I wanted to growl in his ear that he was a glorious tease and I couldn’t wait to get in him—

  But there were the small matters of these absolutely necessary helmets and the fact that we had never discussed anal sex, so I had no idea if he liked it at all.

  It didn’t make me any less stiff as he made a few more circuits of the park before he came to a stop near a huge glass greenhouse, which turned out to be a conservatory.

  In my excitement over the gardens, I got off the motorcycle too quickly.

  “Shit,” I exclaimed when my knees almost buckled. It was like getting off a roller coaster you’d never ridden before, except I hadn’t been anticipating it at all.

  He caught me around the waist with a joyful laugh, getting my helmet off so that we were looking at each other, the tip of his nose brushing my chin. His braid was disordered, some pieces pulling loose and forming whorling shapes, but he was red-cheeked and… free.

  I grabbed his face and kissed him hard, my zealousness sending him staggering back a few steps, but I stayed with him, unable to stop myself from rubbing my cock against his.

  “I want to take you into those trees and fuck you,” I groaned.

  “I fucking told you!” he exclaimed triumphantly.

  Forcing myself to focus, I cocked an eyebrow and countered, “Yeah, everyone’s instinct is to fuck after they survive a near-death experience, Gavin. This is not the same as you telling me that you skydive because it makes you want to have sex. Not remotely.”

  “But you said you do want to have sex with me,” he argued immediately.

  “Of course I want to have sex with you—look at you!”

  “Oh.” His red cheeks got even redder, the color extending down to his upper chest.

  I touched it, almost surprised that it wasn’t burning hot, and felt his breaths come fast and choppy. “It’s not because I just took a motorcycle ride. You must have gone on hundreds of rides, lessons, a test to get your license, with friends or your cousins, right? So you know it’s true, even if there is something… illicit about riding behind you like that.”

  “Do not mention my cousins right now,” he said, his face momentarily uncomfortable.

  “Sorry.”

  “But… yeah, you’re right,” he conceded, and I wondered if he knew it sounded like he was talking about something much more serious than the terms of this bet. “I wouldn’t have hit on you at that diner only because I went skydiving and it makes me horny and you were the one I almost hit. I could’ve almost hit a woman’s car, for example, or a gross old guy’s.”

  That made me chuckle. “No women? I didn’t know how you identify.”

  “Just plain old gay,” he said cheerfully, groping my ass. “I kissed a girl once at a concert, but it was by accident. I thought she was a cute femboy, but nope.”

  “I kiss a woman once every five years,” I admitted, my feet starting to wander down the path from the parking lot towards the conservatory, drawn to its drowsy beauty.

  “Why?” Gavin asked in horror. “I mean, no, you can kiss whoever you want, but… why?”

  Snorting, I explained, “My mom thinks the most important thing you can do for yourself, and by extension the people you love, is know who you are. But we change all the time, so she thinks it’s important to reevaluate yourself too, so you don’t get too stubborn or complacent. I was twelve the first time I started to understand what the hell she was saying, and I asked her how often. She said every five years. She told me years later that she just threw out the number of years it’d be until she thought I’d have sex for the first time.”

  Gavin dissolved into hysterics at that. I had to smile too, although when I’d confronted her about it when I was twenty-two, after I’d dutifully kissed a woman again, just to make sure, she’d had the same reaction as he was right now. I hadn’t talked to her for a month, I’d been so mortified that the number had been bullshit and I’d fallen for it.

  “That’s cute,” he finally gasped out as we got inside the conservatory.

  He immediately took off his sexy leather jacket and picked a direction, reaching out to touch a leaf or a flower delicately now and then.

  “I wasn’t born a lawyer in a suit,” I pointed out sourly.

  He looked at me sideways. “I can’t imagine you before this though.”

  I breathed in the humid air and then just shrugged.

  We walked quietly for a while, winding through the flora and fauna. Now it had the air of a date to it, especially since the sexual tension hadn’t entirely faded for me yet. It was down to a relaxed simmer though, and I enjoyed the way it pulsed through me, keeping me tied to the moment so that none of the annoyance over dates had the chance to rise up.

  Everything we’d shared so far was important and was giving me hope that we could be compatible outside of sex and banter if I worked at it. But somehow, maybe because our first date hadn’t gone how I originally planned, we still hadn’t had the usual back and forth about our core beliefs. I agonized over what I’d do if we had opposite views for a few minutes, until I remembered all of the important things we’d shared with each other so far. I didn’t regret a second of being with him, and it was always better to know the truth.

  “I love the way flowers and other aromatic plants smell, but perfume makes me sneeze,” I said, trying a new tactic for me because I didn’t want to cross-examine him.

  “That sounds like one of your texts,” he replied, “like the one where you swore up and down that white wine makes you silly while red wine makes you, and I quote, maudlin.”

  “Maudlin is a fantastic word.”

  “Indubitably,” he teased. “It was an observation. But I love everything you tell me.”

  It was said so easily, I had to lick my suddenly dry lips. Appreciation and affection didn’t come that easily to me, and most of my exes hadn’t been free with their appreciation or affection for me either, if they’d felt any. “Thank you,” I said a touch hoarsely.

  “Was that your opening shot for trying to find out more about me?”

  I laughed a little self-consciously as we passed an elderly couple shuffling along. “We’re doing things all out of order. We didn’t really cover the basics first. But I love what I’ve learned about you so far, even if it’s really different than what you’ve learned about me.”

  He considered me, then nodded. “Okay, let’s do all the awkward ones. I’ll say a biggie, like, do you believe in god, who did you vote for, and we’ll both answer at the same time.”

  The unique approach made me really hope we held similar values, because I’d hate to have to call a halt to it just because I found out we were mortal sociopolitcal enemies.

  “Here we go!” he exclaimed, and then we started. After we more or less agreed on all the so-called biggies, Gavin started throwing out random topics, until he burst into guffaws when I looked horrified that he didn’t have a retirement account. “I didn’t go to college, so I had to bust my ass to even get a job that paid much over minimum wage. I’ll get there.”

  My struggle to look understanding instead of horrified m
ust have been obvious, because he patted my cheek and said, “Looks like we should debate the education system.”

  I didn’t waste the opportunity, diving into it, and we made about a hundred circuits of the conservatory by the time Gavin led us out and back towards his motorcycle.

  Chapter 17

  Eliott

  He helped me put on the helmet again, and I put the visor down, feeling the newness of the gesture, while he put on his helmet and jacket and checked in, “Ready?”

  We got onto the motorcycle again and it already felt a little more familiar as my weight settled and I put my arms around him again. When we started riding, I was still hypervigilant, keeping my eyes on every car and light. He took a roundabout route, giving us more time on the road, and I couldn’t help but enjoy the swoop in my stomach this time.

  He parked in my driveway again and I got off more carefully this time so that I kept my balance. I took off the helmet myself and handed it to him, watching him put it away.

  Then there came the awkwardness of a normal date again. He was still sitting on the motorcycle, the engine off but his helmet still on, and he lifted his visor. His purple eyes were even brighter and easier to get sucked into when most of the rest of his face was hidden.

  “Are you going to ride off into the sunset, or do you want to come in?” I asked.

  After he took off his helmet impatiently, he hooked a hand around my neck and reeled me in, licking my bottom lip and nipping it before he kissed me hard.

  “Just waiting for an invitation,” he told me.

  I punched in the code for the garage door so he could wheel in his bike, then almost made a vampire joke. But he hurried his bike inside so fast, eyes aimed the other way, and I wondered if he was just being honest. The morning after he’d first come over, he’d fled after saying he hadn’t meant to fall asleep. At the time, I’d been in my own head and assumed it hadn’t been as good for him as it had been for me. But now I wondered if he was so used to hookups, where it was bad form to stay the night or linger in the morning.

  “This was a dare, but it was also a date,” I finally explained as we went upstairs. “I might accept a dare from someone I don’t like, but I wouldn’t ask someone out unless I like him and want to get to know him more, Gavin. So I’m glad you’re here. You thirsty?”

  He took off his boots while he answered, “Yeah, I’d love some water.”

  I got two glasses and we sat on the couch, and then he drew one knee up and looked at me. It seemed like he was about to ask something serious, but then a sly, knowing grin crept across his face.“So I know the date is going well, but what’s the verdict about the dare?”

  I crossed my arms. “It was very dangerous.”

  “Yes.”

  “But it wasn’t reckless.”

  “Not many roads to be reckless on, unless I took you on the interstate,” he pointed out.

  I shivered at the idea. Chicago drivers were aggressive, always drove at least twenty over the speed limit on highways, and loved to change lanes suddenly and without warning. I hated driving near motorcycles, afraid they’d do something just as dangerous as the cars, only they could be crushed so much more easily.

  He draped his wrists over his bent knee and chuckled. “I want you to try new things, not be terrified, Eliott,” he said in exasperation, but the words were still considerate.

  Since he hadn’t actually made fun of me for considering this a dangerous hobby, I admitted, “It seemed dangerous until I got used to it. I guess it’s like airplanes. The idea of them is horrifying and as a passenger, I have zero control over how it’s going to go. But once I started getting used to the noise and the way we moved a little, it was… doable.”

  “I’m going to count this as a win,” he said after a moment. “One for three.”

  I rolled my eyes and replied, “If you’re free this Thursday night, it can be my turn.”

  “Let me check with Barley on whether or not I need to be at a thing he’s going to then,” he said. “I’ll let you know by Monday night. Is that enough time to plan if I am free?”

  “Yeah,” I said.

  “Good.” He relaxed into the couch a little more. “I forgot to ask one biggie.”

  “Cats all the way,” I declared immediately.

  He grinned and then it faded to something softer. “Do you want kids?”

  For some reason it felt horribly intimate, even more personal than our opinion on marriage or everything else we’d discussed earlier. “I see, right for the jugular. I’m not sure.”

  “You have a pros and cons list about it?” he guessed.

  I hummed and chewed my lip before explaining, “There have always been so many practical reasons it wasn’t the time to think about it. I was in school, next I was working way too many hours to even have a plant, let alone give a child enough time. No one I dated wanted kids, and honestly I wouldn’t have wanted to tie myself to any of them through a child anyway. And now I’m thirty-four and I know it’s not old, but the window’s closing.”

  There was a faint, sweet flush on his cheeks. “I love kids,” he told me quietly, his eyes dropping to his hands. “My mom raised me alone and never made me feel like she regretted me for a second. But I’ve been so afraid of commitment, or even being really into someone and then finding out they’re a liar. And my jobs weren’t secure enough before I started to work for Barley.” He sucked in a slow, steady breath and admitted, “But I’d like to, someday.”

  “I know going out with me, instead of a hookup, is a risk for you. But even though we’re only right at the start of whatever this becomes,” I reassured him, leaning over to catch his hands, “I hope you know that you can trust me to be honest, bare minimum.”

  His head snapped up so our eyes met, his look piercing and hot. “I trust you. My grandpa said that dating can’t be harder than skydiving. It was one of those dry, old man comments that makes you guilty because you’re panicking about maybe asking someone out, while he fought in Korea. But it made me think, like, I trust my instincts and myself when it comes to skydiving, so maybe I should try to do the same thing with… you.”

  The smile that stole over my face was probably cheesy as hell, but I didn’t care.

  “Feelings,” he groaned, moving to turn on the TV. “I’m putting on a dumb action movie.”

  “You pick,” I told him, snagging him so he was snuggled up half on my lap.

  We didn’t talk about anything other than the movie, but that cheesy smile was fixed to my face the whole time, except when an explosion startled me. It had only been two hookups and two official dates, but this was a really great day and I was feeling optimistic.

  After the movie, Gavin had to go, so I walked him down to the garage, kissed him once he was on his bike, and then couldn’t help but order him, “Be safe riding back to your place.”

  “Think about me when you jerk off later,” he ordered back with a sharp grin.

  I had no zippy comeback for that, just shook my head as he drove off.

  “Fuck,” I muttered once he was out of sight, but I could still hear the motorcyle, and discretely adjusted my jeans as I hurried inside, taking the stairs two at a time.

  Chapter 18

  Gavin

  Barley had explained to me that when Barnyard was in the studio, he usually encouraged his PA to take vacation time, since he needed less help. But since he was in the middle of getting a divorce this time—the first time they were recording since I’d started the job—things were unique. I spent a lot of time with the band’s publicist to keep Barley’s social media full of snapshots of Barley happy and hard at work, anything but pining.

  It wasn’t my favorite thing to do, but luckily it was offset by getting to see Eliott a lot too. Not just to take another motorcycle ride or meet up to eat the city’s best hot apple pie with ice cream, but also in our official capacities as a lawyer and his client’s PA. My idea to schedule our meetings around lunch so I could sweet talk him while we ate tog
ether had turned out perfectly so far.

  Fall in Chicago could be a little spooky and rainy, orange and yellow leaves in soggy piles in the gutters and in drifts against walls and tree trunks. But it was my favorite time of year to walk around the city, my hair and a scarf flying in the chilly wind, wearing boots with heels that made satisfying thuds on the sidewalks and hardening muddy ground.

  “I’m sorry last Thursday didn’t work out,” I said as we walked towards the lakeshore carrying hot chocolates. I licked up some whipped cream and gave him a smirk when I caught him watching my tongue avidly. “But this weekend is wide open, if it’ll work.”

  “I can make it work,” he replied. “You’re still not getting any hints though.”

  I pouted, then tripped on a wet plastic bag hidden under some leaves. Hot chocolate splashed on my hand as I wobbled, and Eliott hooked his arm around mine to steady me.

  “If I were in high heels, I would’ve broken my ankle,” I laughed.

  “Do you wear high heels?” he asked, not letting go of me.

  Warmth radiated out from where our arms were linked, even through our shirts and jackets, and I felt like a teenager daring to hold someone’s hand for the first time. I hadn’t had too many chances to be demonstrative in public, unless I counted grinding and making out in clubs with hookups and strangers. This was light years away from that though, because it wasn’t about sex. It felt natural, despite being brand new, and I soaked it up.

  “Gavin?” he prompted.

  Looking over at him through some flyaways that had come loose from the wind, I gave him a big smile, hoping he was enjoying our closeness as much as I was.