“But you obviously need the money,” he started to argue.
She cut him off. “What part of ‘that’s final’ do you not understand? Trust me, my sisters and I will find a way to pay our debts and our bills. We’ll survive.”
“But you shouldn’t have to—”
She slapped a hand over his mouth. Doing so meant she had to lean over him, one hand resting on his shoulder as the other kept his mouth shut. “Just listen, okay?”
He froze for a second but then he nodded.
“I don’t want your money.” She kept her gaze fixed on his, willing him to see the truth there. Knowing that he would. “I don’t want the money but I am so glad that you made the gesture because it proved something to me, something I’d given up hope for.”
His eyes were fixed on her, his body still beneath her. She swallowed down a sudden wave of nerves. “It proved that you care about me,” she said. “You might be angry with me, and that’s okay. I can wait for your forgiveness. I’ll stick around however long you need to prove I’m serious.”
His eyes widened slightly and a flicker of something so heated flashed through his eyes, it momentarily took her breath away.
When she realized that his answering silence was possibly due to the fact that she was still covering his mouth, she dropped her hand.
He licked his lips and cocked his head to the side. “So you don’t want the money?”
She sucked in a deep breath and let it out. Really? That was all he’d comprehended? “No,” she said slowly. “I don’t want your money.”
His eyes narrowed slightly. He was reading her, seeing her. Seeing her clearer than anyone had ever seen her before, of that she was sure. “So then what do you want?”
She let out a short laugh and looked to the ceiling. “I thought I’d made that clear.”
He didn’t respond. Fine, he needed her to say it out loud then she would say it. She had no pride left at this point. But if pride was the price she had to pay for a second chance, it would be worth it.
“What do you want?” he asked again, this time there was no anger or defensiveness in his tone. He was asking. Just asking. The vulnerability that lay beneath the question made her chest ache.
“You.” That one word was so simple but so meaningful. She felt exposed and overly sensitive with that admission hanging out there. One harsh word would break her.
She watched his eyes as he processed that. Maybe it was her imagination but she was almost certain she could see the inner battle—the desire to believe her clashing with a lifetime of pain that told him not to be an idiot.
She might not have heard his life story but it didn’t take a genius to see that he’d been hurt before. That he wasn’t quick to trust. And that he was not at all used to handing out second chances once his trust had been abused.
What she was asking for…well, maybe she was hoping for a Christmas miracle, after all.
“You want me,” he said. He didn’t sound convinced. His voice alone would have made her fear the worst, but his eyes gave him away. He wanted to believe her.
She gave him what she hoped was an encouraging smile. “That’s what I said.”
He shook his head and looked away. “You’ve said a lot of things, Holly.”
Ouch. The words stung. But they were right. She’d lied to him. She was a liar. She’d said stupid things for stupid people to get stupid money. But her actions had never been lies. Every had been real.
She swallowed down the hurt and focused on the prize. What she was fighting for. “You’re right, I’ve said a lot of things. I’ve lied and kept secrets.” She licked her lips and moved closer. “So let me show you the truth of how I feel.”
His head snapped up as his gaze met hers. A distant part of her brain helpfully reminded her of her lessons in seduction. To make it convincing she was supposed to think sexy thoughts.
Her eyes focused on his lips, the stubble on his jaw. The hard muscle of his upper chest where her hand rested against him.
Sexy thoughts would not be a problem.
She moved slowly, leaning down until her lips were so close to his, she could feel the warmth of his breath on her skin. He didn’t push her away, thank goodness.
She kissed him and it was everything. His lips were warm, his mouth ready for her. He might not have initiated the kiss but he wasn’t passive either. His tongue slid between her lips as if it belonged there. She sighed at the rightness of it.
They fit.
Heat coursed through her as her brain shut down once and for all. There was no need to try. Her heart was telling her everything she needed to know. Get closer. Show him how you feel.
She obeyed. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she climbed onto his lap and held him tight. But his arms remained at his side. He might have been kissing her back but he was keeping his distance.
She knew he felt the attraction, there was no denying it. But apparently that wasn’t enough.
“Why?” she asked, the word coming out softly, little more than a whisper between them. “Why are you keeping me out?” She couldn’t come up with a better way to phrase it. He might not have been pushing her away but he was keeping a distance between them, and that distance felt like a football field at the moment because it wasn’t just physical. She could see it in his eyes. He was holding her at arm’s length emotionally. He hadn’t made his decision to trust her or to let her in.
She dropped her head down, her forehead resting against his. She wanted to kiss him again, to do something that would get through to him. “What will it take?” she asked instead. “Tell me what I need to do to make you happy.”
Chapter Nine
Spencer gripped the arms of his wheelchair to keep from reaching out to her. She made it sound so simple. Every part of him wanted to hold her close.
So what was stopping him?
Physically he was able to do everything his body was begging him to do, but mentally….
Ah heck, sometimes he hated his brain. Right now it was bombarding him with arguments. Instead of holding her close, he was listening to the litany of objections, the chorus of rationalizations. All of it creating a well-formed argument for why this should stop. It was a bad idea. A poor decision. He should end it now and be done.
But her question was still ringing in his ears. What will it take? Tell me what to do to make you happy.
If only it was that simple. If only he knew the answer.
Happiness wasn’t for him. It wasn’t in his genetic code. He wasn’t wired that way.
But thoughts of genetics brought unwanted thoughts of his father. With her breath tickling his cheek, her lips tempting him, it was impossible to keep up his guard. The defenses he’d spent a lifetime building were crumbling around him and he heard his father’s words.
He never took risks—for good reason, maybe, but where had it left him? He’d never minded his solitude before, but then she’d come along and now the idea of going back to that kind of isolation made his chest turn to ice.
He wanted her. He wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life. And she was right there for the taking. All he had to do was reach out.
His father’s words and Kate’s suddenly took on new meaning. He had built himself a prison, or a cage, as Kate put it. It was built with fiber optics and cables but it kept him just as safe and just as isolated as any jail. It kept the bad guys at bay…most of the time. But it also kept him from having Holly. His Holly, who was here, in his apartment, asking for another chance even after he’d thoroughly rejected her.
She was offering him everything he wanted. All he had to do was risk his heart.
“What can I do?” she whispered. The pain and longing in her voice were more than he could bear.
“Nothing.” The moment he uttered the word he realized how she would take it. Sure enough, he heard her hiss of breath as she winced and pulled back. She thought he was rejecting her, telling her there was nothing she could do to make things right.
His hands moved up to grip her arms, holding her in place. If there was any doubt about what he was about to do, it ended with the pain clearly written on her face. He never wanted to hurt her. Ever. He wanted her happiness more than his own. He might have been hurt but he’d forgiven her ages ago without even realizing it.
He took a deep breath. “There’s nothing you can do,” he said, then shook his head and started over. “There’s nothing you need to do. You’re perfect as you are.”
Her pretty features scrunched up in confusion and he couldn’t blame her.
“It’s me,” he said. “I’m the one who needs to do something.” That was putting it mildly, but with her in his arms he was having a hard time putting it all into words. It wasn’t every day his entire philosophy of life and living was flipped on its head and he would need time to process all that this entailed.
“I don’t understand,” she whispered.
He echoed her words unintentionally. “Then let me show you.” He crushed her to him, holding her tight and kissing her hard. He tried to convey everything in his heart in that one kiss and he hoped and prayed that it worked.
He needed her to know that he wanted her. He needed her. Nothing less than need could make him take the risk he was taking now. With his kiss he tried to tell her he was putting his heart in her hands.
After a stunned moment, she met his passion with a fire that took his breath away. Her arms wrapped around his neck as she molded her body to his. But even then it wasn’t enough. When she pulled back for air, he heard her whispered, “Wow.”
She’d felt it. She knew.
It was done.
Pleasure shot through him as joy overrode everything else, washing away the fear and insecurities that had kept him from pursuing a life outside his apartment. He wasn’t naïve enough to think it would always be that easy. But it was a step. A first step. And from here on out he’d have her by his side, pushing him.
And he would be there for her. For the first time in his life someone else’s happiness would be in his hands.
Before he could stew over the weight of that responsibility, he was brought back to reality when she pulled back from his embrace to face him. Where was she going?
Turned out she wasn’t going anywhere. Still sitting on his lap, she gazed at him with a smile that was sweet, sexy, and dazzling. All thoughts about self-imposed prisons were wiped away.
He’d taken a chance, stepped out of his comfort zone, and now he had everything he wanted right here, in his arms. For a moment he was too overcome with awe and gratitude to speak. Maybe his father was right. Maybe sometimes the risks were worth the reward.
“You are so beautiful,” he said finally, his voice hoarse and raw, like he hadn’t spoken in a decade. He was rewarded with a smile and he couldn’t resist adding, “And you are all mine.”
Her cheeks turned a pale pink but her smile grew as she nodded. “So is this how it’s going to be?” she asked, a teasing note in her voice. “Are you going to be the bossy boyfriend?”
The word boyfriend had him holding her closer still. He loved the sound of that. Who would have thought?
He shrugged. “Maybe. Is that a problem?”
She pulled back then and he released his firm grip so she could sit upright and meet his gaze. “Only if you expect me to obey.”
He laughed. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”
She patted his shoulder. “Good.”
He pulled her back into his arms so she was resting against his chest, her head on his shoulder. They sat like that for countless minutes. He was in no rush to move.
“Will you stay the night?” The question was out before he could stop himself. The last thing he wanted to do was pressure her but he couldn’t stand the thought of her leaving that night. Or ever, come to think of it. When she pulled back to face him, he hurried to reassure her. “We don’t have to move fast, I just want you here. Just like this.”
She sighed but it was filled with happiness. “I’d love to stay, but I can’t.”
He frowned up at her. “Why not?”
She rolled her eyes but she was laughing as she pushed herself out of his grip and came to stand. “I have to go. My sister would kill me if I’m not there to celebrate Christmas.”
“Oh right, Christmas.” He’d never been a fan of the holidays and right now Christmas was keeping him from enjoying his new girlfriend.
Girlfriend. Heck yeah, he liked the sound of that.
She gave him a pout as she reached for her jacket. “Oh shoot. I didn’t get you a present.”
She’d made a strategic mistake and moved too close to his chair. Close enough that he could reach out for her hand and tug her back into his lap where she belonged. “You’re my present.”
Her eyes widened and she let out a choked laugh. “Oh my. Maybe I got it wrong. Is this how you’re going to be as a boyfriend? All romantic and sappy?”
He grinned up at her. “Maybe.” With a shrug he added, “This is all new to me. I’m not sure what kind of boyfriend I’ll be. Are you all right with that?”
She pursed her lips and tapped her chin before collapsing against his chest with a laugh. “Yeah, I think I can deal with that.”
Epilogue
Holly’s new boyfriend was not having fun. But then, dragging Spencer to a New Year’s Eve party was kind of like throwing a new swimmer into the deep end. There were a lot of people, most of whom Spencer knew because it was his friend Mackenzie’s party. Apparently, Mackenzie was somehow related to his friend, Andie, who’d surprised them all by showing up with her boyfriend. Holly still hadn’t figured out how exactly they were related and when she’d asked, Spencer had rolled his eyes. “Don’t ask.”
Andie and her boyfriend, Cole, had surprised their friends by coming back from their travels for a couple of weeks and Holly half suspected that she was the reason why judging by the way Andie sought her out and befriended her. Holly’s new bubbly pink-haired friend told her and Spencer all about their travels after she’d showered them with kisses. Spencer, because she’d missed him—he was her best friend, after all. And Holly because…well, as Andie put it, because Holly was the best thing to ever happen to Spencer. She’d said it more than once. Several dozen times, actually. And Holly fully planned on reminding Spencer lest he ever forget.
It had only been a week since they’d made it official but so far he hadn’t forgotten. And tonight he didn’t argue Andie’s declaration. Instead, he’d smiled smugly and reached out to hold her hand.
But now Andie and Cole were off catching up with her sister, Jenna, and Spencer was getting antsy. “Is it time to leave yet?”
“We just got here,” she reminded him.
He glanced at his watch. “We’ve been here for an hour.” His gaze roamed over her and she caught a wicked glint in his eyes. “If we head back now, I’ll make you brownies.”
She pursed her lips to keep from laughing. He’d not only discovered the full extent of her sweet tooth but had learned to abuse that knowledge over the past week. Brownies, he’d keenly surmised, were her ultimate weakness.
“Tempting,” she said. “But we should probably stay till midnight.”
He grumbled under his breath but didn’t argue. When he turned to her again, he asked, “What is the point of all this again?”
She leaned over and rested her head on his shoulder. Truth be told, she was getting tired and the idea of cozying up in their little love nest was extremely tempting. But she’d told Spencer she was going to teach him how to enjoy being out and about around people and this party had seemed like a good excuse. It had also been a good way for her to get to know the people he was closest to, even though he stubbornly refused to admit he had friends other than Andie.
“Weren’t our little outings to Giorgio’s enough for one week?” he asked.
She patted the arm she rested against. “That was a good start, but those were all strangers in that restaurant. This is different. You’ve got t
o get used to the idea that you’re not alone anymore. You’re not living in a bubble.”
He turned his head so his lips were pressed against her hair and a shiver ran through her at the vibration of his low voice against her skin. “But what if I like our bubble? What if I think we should never leave that bubble? What if I were to tell you that I had a plan to—”
Laughing she brought her head up and turned to face him. “Nice try, my friend. Not gonna happen.”
He sighed and let his head drop back but she knew it was just for show. He’d been embracing the idea of getting out in the world and living life rather than watching it from the sidelines.
Sometimes he just needed a little reminder that this was what he wanted.
Besides, that change of heart hadn’t instantly transformed him into a people person and she had a hunch he never would be. Which was fine by her. She’d fallen for him just the way he was.
“What’s not gonna happen?” Andie asked. She’d come to stand beside them without Holly realizing it. Jenna was at her side, Hunter and Cole coming up behind them. It seemed they were no longer in their own little world in the corner. The party had come to them.
“She’s not going to let me go home early,” he answered bluntly. “Even though I hate parties and she knows this is torture.”
Much as he moaned, his eyes were laughing and so were his friends. She shrugged. “The man’s got to learn how to survive in the wild at some point.”
“Holly has been trying to teach me how to enjoy being in public,” Spencer explained. “Just the other night we went out to dinner. At a restaurant.” He paused meaningfully and Andie gave the requisite gasp of shock that had them all laughing.
“And you survived?” Hunter asked.
Spencer feigned a grave air. “I managed. But Holly taught me a valuable lesson.”
Everyone waited to hear what he was going to say, including Holly.
“Being in public isn’t so bad. You just have to mock everyone around you.”
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