by Amber Hart
“You see now why I came,” Clovis says. “It’s too relaxing here to be angry.”
“How does no one see it from the outside?” I ask.
“A cluster of rocks disguises it,” Clovis says. “The cave is close to ground level—just underneath it, actually.”
“Will poachers find us here?” I ask.
“Doubtful,” Clovis replies. “None of them really cares to explore for the sake of it. That is not what this jungle is about to them.”
I can only hope that Clovis is right, that somehow everyone else has overlooked such a perfect place. It seems right that the poachers wouldn’t know about it.
There are also no animals here. With only a waterway and a small hole for an entrance, I’m not surprised.
“How much time do we have?” I ask.
“A few minutes,” Clovis answers.
I pull my long hair back. Wrap it up in a bun on top of my head.
I would like to be free of the poachers forever. But now that I’m at the compound, now that I have a chance to take them down, I can’t possibly leave until I do. I owe my dad that much.
“This was the place where I could forget how terrible my father was to me,” Clovis says.
I think about how difficult it must have been for Clovis. My father wasn’t there often, but at least he loved me. “Was he always bad?” I ask.
Clovis nods. “Mostly. And he became worse once my mother died.” There’s pain in Clovis’s voice. “She got an infection. It started as a small cut from some branch in the forest, nothing unusual. Normally we heal just fine. But my mother didn’t. The cut got worse—red around the edges. The red spread to her veins before we realized what was happening. Her blood was already poisoned by then. The antibiotics she was on weren’t strong enough to fight it.”
“Was she like your father?” I ask, hopeful that Clovis had at least one good parent.
“No,” he replies. “She was nothing like him; she was kind. Too good for my father, and he knew it. He didn’t bother to be nice to us when my mother was no longer around. He treated us like we didn’t mean anything to him.”
Clovis points to a scar on his arm. “My father could have stopped this from happening. It came from another poacher. My father watched the man slice me open, and he did nothing. He said that I should have been able to fight like a man, on my own. I was only a kid.”
I don’t say anything, mostly because I don’t know what to say. It makes me sick to my stomach to think a parent would just stand by and watch his son suffer that way.
“Thankfully another pack member killed the man attacking me,” Clovis says.
I don’t realize I’m touching Clovis until he sucks in a sharp breath. I run my finger along his scar.
“I’m sorry, Clovis.” I really am. “You’re too good for that. You know that, right? You are good.”
When a person is surrounded by evil, it’s easy to feel unworthy.
Clovis is silent.
“Did my dad know about your father?” I want to know how much he told Dad. How much Dad told him. Everything, anything, to keep Dad’s memory alive.
“Yes, your father was a good listener.” Clovis smiles. “He loved you so much, Raven. No matter our conversation, he found a way to bring you into it.”
This makes me both sad and happy. It’s a good feeling, to know that Dad loved me, that I was loved, unlike Clovis. But then I remember he is gone. That I’ll never have a chance to make things right with him.
Clovis doesn’t say anything more, and neither do I. Instead, I think about my dad. Us making a tree house when I was eight. Him teaching me how to Rollerblade, and me never being coordinated enough to catch on. Playing cards together when I stayed home sick from school. All before he left for the jungle.
Clovis sighs, shaking me from my thoughts. “We have to go.”
We’ve been gone long enough for Mr. Tondjii to send more men. Or maybe he’s waiting for our return. Maybe it’s not worth his manpower to oversee our little getaway.
“We’ll buy more time later, another chance to be free,” Clovis promises. “Maybe we’ll come at night next time. The cave is especially beautiful then.”
“I would love to,” I say, wondering if I could use the small hole in the cave like a telescope, peer up at the sky through a layer of rock.
I prepare myself to dive deep again. A few breaths, and I plunge underwater. The swim back seems to take less time. I use the tunnel walls to push myself along, running my fingers across its notched interior.
Clovis surfaces with me.
I can’t help but think how perfect it would be if Jospin were here, if he could share this day with us too.
“Do you think Jospin made it?” I ask.
Would Chloe have let him into the habitat if he did make it there? What would Jospin say to the other workers? How would he handle being around gorillas and not killing them?
“I don’t know,” Clovis answers honestly. “But chances are good, since Mr. Tondjii hasn’t mentioned him yet. That means they haven’t found him. Or his body.”
I cringe. I don’t want to think about other poachers finding Jospin or what they would do to him.
I swim to the edge and walk out. On the rock, my belongings are less wet. Clovis puts his shirt back on as I slip on my socks and boots. I look down at myself. My shirt sticks to my bra, revealing the outline. I’m a little embarrassed to be seen like that by Clovis, and yet I laugh. I laugh because, for a brief moment, I am free. I was just swimming with a friend who used to know Dad. Here, I’m free to think about his memory, and it feels right to remember him in a place like this.
Clovis smiles. The constraints of pretending to be a part of the pack have loosened now that we’re alone.
And then all of a sudden we are not alone.
Because Jospin steps out of the trees.
Chapter 16
Jospin
I’m having a hard time seeing Raven looking so content, with a smile on her face as if she’s not in any danger, as if Clovis makes her happy.
Her world flipped upside down just over a week ago, but you wouldn’t be able to tell by looking at her. She’s laughing.
After meeting Leahcim, I decided my period of lying low was over. I’ve been searching the jungle for two days now, hoping to catch a glimpse of Raven outside the compound. And here she is. Though I expected to see her eventually, I didn’t expect to see her smiling and laughing and, from what it looks like, swimming with my best friend.
It fucking kills me: How her shirt is skintight, outlining her beautiful body. How she’s been swimming with a guy who isn’t me. How he, my best friend, is the one getting her attention. I should be making her laugh.
I step out of the trees.
Clovis flinches. He must know how this looks to me. Has she chosen him, after all? Is that what’s happening here?
“Jospin!” says Raven.
And she’s running to me. Throwing herself against me. My shirt absorbs the water off her skin, cooling me down but heating me up at the same time.
My arms automatically close around her, but I look at Clovis. He stands his ground. Watching Raven as if she means something to him.
I want to bury my fist in his face. But I can’t, because he did, from what I can see, keep Raven safe.
I push away from her.
“What,” I say, wondering if I really want to finish my sentence, “is going on here?” Wondering if I want to know.
“I’ll give you a minute.” Clovis speaks to Raven. “I’ll be close if you need me.”
“She doesn’t need you,” I say before I can catch myself.
Raven’s smile falters.
Ignoring me, Clovis says, “I’ll keep watch in the trees.”
I have so much to say to him. I want to ask why he betrayed us. I want to know how close he and Raven have become. And what’s happening at the compound.
Clovis disappears into a clutch of leaves.
“Have you,” I
ask, looking directly into Raven’s eyes, “been swimming with Clovis?”
Raven seems perplexed.
“You’re laughing with him and he’s looking at you like—” Like he’s hungry for you. “Like I do.”
I’m hoping for some explanation. I’m not expecting Raven’s reaction. She pulls my head down roughly and kisses me. She kisses me like she’s missed me for years. Like I’m everything, everything.
But still I doubt. Because why wouldn’t I?
I begin to kiss her back. My hands travel to her hips, where my fingers dig in, grabbing hold, before they move to her shirt, bunching the fabric in tight fists. I want to take off her shirt and every other piece of clothing she’s wearing. Raven moans into my mouth, arching into me. She rubs her tongue against mine, and I feel a groan deep in my throat. I want to keep kissing her, to never stop kissing her, but my thoughts won’t be quiet. So I pull away.
Raven never told me about her father. Never told me that she knew Clovis. Kept the fact that she’d figured out who I really am, that she had uncovered the part of me that I wanted to protect her from, a secret. She came bursting through my door and kissed me and let me lose myself in her. She told me she loves me, but she kept so much from me. She knew I planned to find Clovis. She understood the implications, what would happen to him because he betrayed the tribe. And she chose him. She came looking for us and she begged me to please spare his life. What does that mean?
I watch Raven’s expression turn. Her lips part slightly, surprised that I would break our kiss.
“What is going on between you and Clovis?” I ask.
I need her to be very clear. I am still desperate to take Raven away from the compound. Desperate to be with her. She’s all I’ve thought about since my banishment. Since before my banishment. But first I need to be certain that Raven is still mine. Jealousy pulses under my skin.
“Do you honestly think—” She doesn’t finish. She shakes her head.
I’m suddenly petrified. I lost everything for Raven, to save Raven. And I realize then that even if Raven does pick Clovis, I would still do it all over again. I wouldn’t change one single thing, because I love her. I love her like I love the sounds of the jungle in the morning. She is as essential to me as the rich earthy air I breathe. She’s my top-of-the-trees, nothing-better-than-this-moment. And I want that moment to last forever.
Raven plants her fists on her hips and says, “Do you think I’m with Clovis?”
Yes. “Maybe.” And then, “Are you?”
She touches two fingers to her lips, hip cocked, looking me over. Her eyes linger on my mouth. I want to kiss her. She needs to answer me.
“Why would you ask me that?” she says.
“Don’t I have a right to ask?” I reply. “Aren’t you supposed to be mine?”
I meant it when I asked her to be mine. Did she mean it when she said yes?
“I am yours,” she says. Drops her fingers from her lips and places a palm on my chest. Over my heart.
“I have always been yours,” she continues. “From the day you offered to help me. You stole my breath the first time you smiled at me, and you have never given it back. You have taken a part of me. How could you even think I would choose Clovis? Don’t you trust me at all?”
And that’s when it hits me. No, I don’t trust her completely.
I doubt and I wonder about who Raven will choose, what she’s been doing, who she really is outside what she’s shown me. Yet somehow I still love her. I love every single part that I am sure about. But I want to be sure about the other parts so I can love them too.
Her eyes widen. “You don’t,” she says. “You don’t trust me.”
“I do trust you,” I say. “To an extent.”
She needs to hear the truth. I need to be totally honest with her if I want her to do the same with me.
“I want to trust you completely, but I can’t. I get that I didn’t tell you I was a poacher, but that was to protect you. I knew my pack would kill you if they found out, so I protected you. But why didn’t you tell me earlier about your meetings with Clovis? Don’t you see how that kills me?”
I put it all out there. Clovis is listening too, I’m sure. But I don’t care. He should know how much Raven means to me.
“You’re right,” she says. “You’re so right. I get how it looks, the fact that I was meeting with Clovis in secret. I don’t know how I’d feel if you met another girl in secret, whatever the reason. I should have trusted you enough to tell you about him. I want to be honest with you from now on. I promise I will be.”
She steps closer, hand still on my chest, undoubtedly feeling the erratic beat caused by her nearness.
“How are you alive, Raven?” I ask, voicing what’s been bothering me. “How have you been safe at the compound with my father? What lie did you have to tell?”
Raven clears her throat. “Clovis has convinced your father that I am his lover. That’s how I’m safe at the compound.”
It’s the best I could have hoped for, yet it stings. “Have you kissed him?”
I know she must have, but I want to hear it from her.
“Yes.”
I turn away. Walk a few steps in the opposite direction, because I don’t know how to handle the fact that Clovis has kissed my girl. Again. I turn back to Raven.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers.
My hands reach for her. I don’t let them get far. Not until she tells me what I need to hear.
And then she does.
“There is nothing, nothing, going on with Clovis. It’s all for show for your father, for the pack. Clovis is only a friend,” she says. “What you saw today was us happy for a brief moment because we managed to get away from the guard your father assigned to watch over us. I needed a break from it all.”
I let my hands touch her this time. One winding around her back. Another cupping the base of her neck.
“Do you believe me?” she asks nervously, as if maybe I still wouldn’t trust her words. But I do.
“Yes,” I say.
I pull her into my arms. And, without reservation, I kiss her.
Chapter 17
Raven
“Raven.” Jospin whispers my name.
Lips against my lips. Hands everywhere. Sneaking up my shirt, peeling away wet layers. Weaving through my drenched hair.
And I’m desperately kissing him back. My teeth nip his lips, then bite down. Jospin groans into my mouth. I want more and more and…
“Jospin,” I say, breathless. “I’ve missed you.”
“Missed you too,” he says.
“Did you make it to the habitat?” I ask. “Are you safe?”
“Yes.” His fingers crawl up the sensitive spot on my outer thigh. “Chloe’s looking out for me. She knows who I am, but she hides it from the others.”
At this, I look at him. Realize he needs to know right away. “There’s a spy at the habitat who’s been feeding information to your father about gorilla releases.”
Jospin nods, as if he’s not surprised. “Sounds like something Father would orchestrate.”
“Be careful,” I warn.
“Don’t worry, I’ll find whoever Father planted.”
I believe with all my heart that Jospin will do just that.
Jospin slowly—so slowly it’s torturous—kisses me again. Until my stomach quivers. Until my legs spread wider and I wish to do things that I wouldn’t normally do out in the open. His fingers run through my hair, over my neck, and down to my breasts. He cups one. Kneads into me. I moan and press harder into him because please, please don’t stop. Please, whatever you do, keep touching me like this.
His thigh slips between my legs and I whisper, “Yes.”
I bravely take his hand and glide it under my shirt. Up to the rim of my bra, and under. Onto soft flesh and the pebble of my nipple.
“Fuck,” Jospin groans.
I can feel him hard against my hips. I reach for him.
He pulls away
.
“Don’t stop,” I beg.
“I wish I didn’t have to,” he says. His voice is rough. “There’s no time left. I need to get you out of here.”
Get me out of here? “I can’t leave yet,” I say.
I don’t want to leave yet. I want him to keep touching me and kissing me. I want him to love me and ravish me, and we have time, I’m sure.
“You can’t be around my father a minute longer,” he says. “We need to escape now, before anyone from the compound catches your trail.” He looks around to double-check that his words haven’t already come true.
That’s when I know that no matter how many times I kiss him, he’s not giving in to me today. Jospin wants me out of this jungle, out from under the watch of his father, and I don’t blame him.
“You don’t understand,” I say. I grasp his face in my hands, looking into his eyes, willing him to listen, really listen, to me. “I cannot leave.”
Jospin’s face falls. “You’d rather stay at the compound?” His words are laced with confusion.
“No. But I have to. I have to destroy them, Jospin,” I clarify. “And I’m finally starting to infiltrate the pack.”
“No,” he says. He shakes his head—pulling free of my hands—and slams his palm against the trunk of a tree. “No, Raven, listen to me. You can’t do this. Please.” His voice softens. “We can run. We can go anywhere you want. Another part of the jungle, a different jungle altogether, you name it. I don’t know how to live in the city, but if you really, really want to, I’ll go with you.”
It kills me to hear Jospin’s words, to know that he’d leave the jungle for me. That he’d pick up and leave the place he loves after everything he’s already done for me.
“Jospin,” I say, pulling him close. I kiss him softly. Once. Twice. “I have to go back.” My voice is barely a whisper. “I wish we could take off—really, I do—but I can’t—I won’t—until I find a way to break your father’s empire.”
“You’re making a mistake,” Jospin says, wrapping an arm tight around my waist.
“My dad’s plan wasn’t a mistake. He gathered information on the poachers. He intended to shut them down for good. I need to see his plan through.”
