She nodded. “In the helicopter. He threw everything out the window; LCR couldn’t track me. When we got to his estate, I hoped Jamie would be there. She wasn’t. I asked him where she was. At first he denied that it hadn’t been her. Then when I told him I knew it wasn’t her, he just shrugged and said one girl was as good as another. And that he was the only one who knew where Jamie was.”
“That’s why you needed to keep him alive.”
“Yes.”
“‘I’m sorry’ sounds trite in the aftermath, but I am.”
“You’re right, it does sound trite. I know you didn’t intend to mess things up, but my God, Lucas, how could you have done this? Not only have you lied to me almost from the moment we met, you could have been killed.”
“First of all, I haven’t lied to you about anything. Yes, I kept some things from you, but I damn well didn’t lie. And I might have been killed, but getting him out of your life was worth the risk.”
“That wasn’t your choice. I fight my own battles, my own demons. I’ve never asked for your help.”
“Friends don’t have to—”
Her eyes blazed with hurt fury. “No. Stop right there. Don’t you dare use the friendship card with me. You want to talk about friendship? Let’s talk about sharing everything, including the fact that you’re obviously a trained assassin.”
Damned if he’d apologize for that. “I swore an oath, McKenna. One I take very seriously. When I left the agency, I was never to speak of it.”
“I understand all about promises, Lucas, but I also understand something you don’t seem to get.” She leaned forward, and the hurt he had glimpsed earlier was so much worse than what he’d thought. “I told you every single fucking thing about my entire life. Everything, Lucas. Even the parts that totally humiliated me, that tore me to pieces. I opened my soul and let you in.”
“McKenna, I—” Hell, what could he say? From her perspective, she was right. From his, the two weren’t even close. “The things you shared with me…your pain, humiliation. Those were personal, heart-wrenching things. My experience with the agency was a job. An important one, but still just a job.”
“A job that defined you. Just as my experience defined me.”
“Hell, no. Not in the same way.”
She blew out a sigh. “You took your former experience and used it to…” She rubbed the side of her head as if she had a headache. “Dammit, Lucas, I feel so damned betrayed, I can’t even speak my mind.” Dropping the toast she’d barely nibbled at, she stood.
“Where are you going?”
“I haven’t slept in almost a week.” She turned and shuffled toward the bed. Seconds later she was curling up on her side, facing away from him.
Pain wrenched deep within Lucas. The expression on McKenna’s face, the way she held herself…they tore at him. For the first time since he’d met her, she looked dispirited and defeated.
There were a lot of things Lucas wanted to say to her, wanted to do. He wanted to hold her and promise her everything would be perfect. That he would fix everything for her. He wanted to haul her into his arms and tell her she damn well should understand his perspective. He’d been trying to take care of a major problem for her. And he had solved one problem, but in the process he had screwed up a job, and another life was still on the line.
He closed his eyes. Hell, what could he say? He had fucked up, big-time. And now just what the hell was he going to do about it?
twenty-four
Warm arms surrounded her; McKenna snuggled back against the hard body behind her. She was only half awake, but her subconscious mind was aware enough to whisper a reminder of Lucas’s betrayal and lies. Her heart, though bruised and aching, told her to cherish being in the arms of the man she loved, no matter the cost. McKenna shut down her mind and listened to her heart.
Turning in his arms, she breathed, “Make love to me.”
The darkness cast his face in shadows, but she was able to see the tender desire in his expression. His lips, hot and wild, pressed against hers, seeking entrance. McKenna opened hers and moaned as his delicious, familiar taste filled her mouth. Only this one man had ever created this powerful, life-affirming feeling inside her. As if he was the key that unlocked every secret door she had. Every need met. Every longing answered.
He drew back, his breath feathering her face. “I know we still have things to sort out, but this here, between us…it’s real, McKenna. We are real.”
Unable to give him an answer, she pulled at his shoulders to bring him down for another kiss. She didn’t want to talk right now. If she did, she’d start thinking. And that would bring back the hurt.
Resisting her attempts to pull him down to her, he said, “Lie back, love. Let me show you how real it is.”
McKenna dropped her arms to her sides, but Lucas had other ideas. Pulling each arm from the sleeve of her robe, she thought he would let them go. Instead he held both her wrists in one hand and whispered, “Do you trust me, McKenna?”
Before today, the answer would have been a fervent yes, without even thinking. Now she hesitated. And though she couldn’t see his face, she could feel the hurt she’d just dealt him. Yet she had to answer yes. Because despite everything, she did trust him. Unwisely, perhaps. But there it was.
“Thank you, sweetheart,” he said softly. Then, still holding her wrists, he told her, “Wrap your hands around this post. Don’t let go. Okay?”
Her heart thudding in excited anticipation, she wrapped her hands around the post at the top of the bed.
“Close your eyes.”
Again McKenna complied. And then she felt soft kisses, starting at her forehead and moving over her closed eyes, her cheek, her chin. Moving as lightly as a feather, he once again used his lips as a paintbrush. Going lower, he stopped and softly kissed the savage bruises on her neck caused by Damon’s hands. Then he continued on. Heat bloomed, almost as if the sun blazed down on her; her body turned into a burning mass of aroused nerves. When he stopped at her breasts and instead of kisses laved first one nipple and then the other with his hot, moist tongue, McKenna gasped and squirmed.
Leaving her breasts still aching, still wanting, he traveled down her torso. Stopping at her navel, he circled it again with his tongue, then pressed his tongue deep. An incredible erotic charge flared through her. Groaning with need, she opened her legs in invitation. The memory of how his tongue felt inside her created a hot, throbbing desire that only Lucas could ease.
His head moved lower, but much too slowly for her; the anticipation was almost more than she could bear. “Lucas, please…”
“I’ll give you everything you ask, McKenna, I promise. But for now, let me savor you.”
Instead of putting his tongue in the hot center of her need, he softly kissed the inside of her thighs and continued down her legs. At her feet, she was surprised at the rasp of his tongue on the sole of her foot and the answering erotic throb deep within her. A long, low groan emerged before she could stop it. When he picked up her other foot and did the same, McKenna was shocked to realize she was close to climax. No one had ever taken such care, concentrated so intently on every part of her body, and never would she have guessed that her feet had some sort of erogenous sensor that was directly connected to her womb. Her body arched as he laved the bottom of her foot, then took her toe inside his mouth and sucked. Lightning flashed behind her closed lids and her body undulated, searching for release that was barely a second away from exploding within her.
She was at the point of screaming when he pulled her toe from his mouth and started up her other side, once more whispering those soft, mind-stealing kisses. When he’d reached the top of her thighs again, McKenna opened her legs wide. Embarrassment disappeared; inhibitions vanished. She had to have his tongue inside her now.
“What, sweetheart? Tell me what you want.”
Brutally blunt in every area of her life except intimacy up till now, McKenna didn’t hesitate to voice her needs. “I need your t
ongue inside me, licking at me, eating me.”
“With pleasure.” And he followed those words with action. Her eyes still closed, she felt him move between her thighs. Cupping his hands under her knees, he lifted her legs, pushed them up and out till she was totally exposed, and then licked her once. McKenna exploded. Her soft cry of fulfillment didn’t stop him; he thrust into her over and over.
Unwilling to let go of the post, McKenna arched her body again and again, meeting each tongue stroke. Tension filled her body, lights flared; she arched up once more and came again.
She returned to earth to hear her own soft sobs of fulfillment. Lucas was once more bestowing hot kisses all over her body.
Her hands aching to touch and hold him, she whispered, “I want to touch you, Lucas.”
“In a moment, love. I promise.” And then his hot mouth was on her breast again, licking her nipple, then her entire breast. He pulled away and blew softly on her wet skin. McKenna cried out at the sensation. And then he gave the other breast the same treatment.
Frustration, desire, and an urgent, aching need built toward a crescendo inside her. Squirming, she gasped as his marauding tongue continued a path down her body, leading her toward a total destruction of her senses. She was to the point of either screaming at him to take her or throwing him to the mattress, jumping on top of him, and burying him inside her.
“Roll over for me, McKenna.”
She shook her head in desperation. “I need you inside me.”
“And you’ll have me soon. Please, sweetheart?”
Everything stilled within her. A sob caught in her throat as a stunning revelation swept through her. Lucas had never asked her for anything. The impact of that one word stole her breath. How stupid she had been; how unbelievably selfish she was. He had never asked her for anything. He had done nothing but give. And she had taken and taken. The secretive things he’d done were wrong and stupid, but he had done them because he cared. And what had she done for him? What had she given him?
“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
Going against his wishes, she let go of the post and threw herself into his arms. He closed them around her and just held her to him. His hard, naked, beautiful body felt so wonderful against her…so right.
Between gasping sobs, she said, “I can’t…believe how…stupid I’ve been.”
“What? How have you been stupid?”
“All the things you did…you did them for me. I’ve never had anyone care for me like that.”
“But I screwed everything up.”
Laughter blended with her tears. “Yes, you did, but you had the best intentions. Thank you, Lucas.” She pressed kisses all over his face, his chest.
“Aw, sweetheart, thank you.”
She pulled him down onto the bed with her, and with all the love and gratitude in her heart, McKenna opened her legs, and let passion take over.
Lucas gritted his teeth as he entered the hot, moist channel waiting for him. He’d been close to explosion for half an hour, and he didn’t know if he could hold on another second. But he wanted to make this as wonderful and memorable for McKenna as possible.
He had never been so focused on a woman’s pleasure, on her arousal, on her need. Sex had always been an enjoyable pastime. With McKenna, it reached heights he hadn’t known existed. Her sighs, gasps, and moans were music to his ears and fired his blood more than any erotic play he’d ever been involved in before. Pleasing McKenna meant more to him than pleasing himself ever could.
Thrusting deep inside her, he watched the play of emotions run across her face. She had never looked more beautiful to him than she did at this moment. Leaning down, he covered her mouth with his, plunging his tongue, mating with her mouth as he moved deep within her. Her inner muscles worked at him, pulling, clenching, sucking him even deeper. He didn’t want to let go but knew he had no choice. Electricity zipped up his spine, and with a long, low growl he buried himself to the hilt and exploded. McKenna climaxed seconds later, her inner muscles pulling at him again; Lucas ground his teeth as the sensation of a heated vise gripped him hard.
Breath rasping from his labored lungs, he rolled over, taking her with him. She settled into his arms, her head on his chest. For several second he just held her, absorbing her warmth, the wonderful strength of McKenna.
“Lucas?” she said softly.
“Yes?”
“Why did you do it?”
She didn’t need to explain what it was. Denying the truth never entered his head. “Because I couldn’t stand the thought of you having to face him again one day.”
“But you could have stopped the photographs from being published.”
“Yes, I could have.”
“You didn’t even try?”
Lucas released a ragged breath. “I had them delayed. Hoped that my investigators could find Hughes and I wouldn’t have to use them. They came up dry. The photos seemed the best way to lure him.”
“Why?”
“The bastard needed to pay for what he did to you.”
“But why was it so important to you?”
“Because, dammit…I love you, McKenna. Haven’t you figured that out yet?”
Releasing a soft sound between a sob and sigh, she propped her arm on his chest. Leaning over him, she whispered, “Thank you, Lucas. I love you, too.”
Cupping her face in his hands, he drew her down and took her mouth, thrusting his tongue in over and over again. Then, pulling back slightly, he whispered, “Forever?”
“Yes. Forever.” Her smile was sweet and sexy at the same time as she settled back against his chest.
Lucas stared up at the dark ceiling of the hotel room. A desperation he’d never felt before washed over him. McKenna was special. From the beginning that had been apparent. What he hadn’t expected was this incredible vulnerability he felt with her. Control had been a part of his life for so long; McKenna challenged that control. She had shared everything with him; he had known that and had accepted it, admiring and appreciating her honesty. What he hadn’t expected or acknowledged was her need to know everything about him.
Yet if the positions were reversed, would he not expect to have his questions answered? McKenna was right—she had bared her soul. Could he do anything less?
He loved her; she loved him. Loving meant sharing the deepest part of yourself with someone else. Lucas had never understood that so completely until now.
He drew a breath. He was about to speak of something he’d sworn an oath never to divulge. His loyalty to the agency was strong, his love for his country undying and deep. His love and loyalty for McKenna went realms beyond.
“When I was a young man, no more than twelve, my father and I would shoot skeet. It was a mindless, fun pastime. I was excellent and even won a few awards as a teen. Yet I never expected it to be more than an enjoyable activity. While I was at university, I belonged to a shooting club. After practice one day, I was approached by two men who said they admired my skills. We went for coffee. Had a long conversation that lasted into the night.”
She rose up on her elbow. “These men were with the British government?”
“One of them was; the other was American.”
“That’s unusual, isn’t it?”
He chuckled. “IDC is an unusual organization.”
“IDC?”
“International Deep Cover. It’s composed of men and women from fifteen different countries.”
“What is its purpose?”
“Safety, security, freedom.”
“Can you tell me what you did?”
“I can tell you a few things. Much of it was research, going deep cover occasionally.”
“And I guess your shooting skills came in handy?”
He blew out a sigh. “Yes, my shooting skills were in high demand. When the agency had a need, I was usually the one they called. Brutal dictators who thought nothing of massacring their own people, a suicide bomber standing in the midst of a busy marketplace filled wi
th women and children, tribal leaders who perverted their beliefs to justify some sort of sadistic ethnic cleansing…those and several more.” He shrugged. “I was damn good at it.”
“And this is a government agency?”
“One agency, approved by all governments that participate.”
“So I guess the secrecy comes from the need to be deep cover?”
“There’s that, but there’s also a philosophy held by many that governments should only see to the welfare of their own. IDC bucks that thinking by being able to work without those restrictions.”
“How long were you with them?”
“It was supposed to be a ten-year commitment. At least, that’s what I had planned. It didn’t work out that way.”
“Your father died?”
“Yes.”
“Do you miss it?”
“Every damn day.”
She rose on her elbow again. “What do you miss?”
“The knowledge that I’m making a difference, saving lives.” He shrugged. “The usual things.”
“And the adrenaline rush of danger?”
He smiled. Should’ve known McKenna would understand that mentality. “That too.”
Sighing softly, she settled back into his arms. “I wish you had told me.”
“Looking back, I wish I had, too.”
“I’m still furious about the photographs.”
“I know.” He closed his eyes. Everything needed to be revealed. Even if it made her furious again, he had to tell her. “Remember the first time you came to my home?”
“Yes.”
“I knew that you were hiding from someone…that you were frightened.” He swallowed hard. Looking back on it now, it seemed so damned devious and seedy. He’d never meant it to be. “I took your fingerprints from the dishes and ran a trace on them.”
She stiffened in his arms. He waited, knowing she was remembering all the things that happened after that.
“So when I told you about my family…you already knew.”
“I knew some. Not all. And I didn’t know that Hughes was still alive. The reports said he died in a fire caused by a riot at the prison.”
Last Chance Page 27
