by Liz Johnson
He’d have done anything to join them, to wrap his arms around Ashley and hold on to her until she knew she never had to be afraid again. But he couldn’t make promises like that.
Tristan had made sure of that.
And for good reason. Matt had nothing to offer her. He couldn’t give her the life she deserved. His world was unstable and often chaotic—which suited him and suited the past that had made him into the man he was today. Hers was lists and cubbyholes. Simple and sweet—and way too ordered for him.
That’s why Tristan had been so upset. He’d known that Matt wasn’t the right fit.
But it didn’t matter how many times he reminded himself of that. His heart still longed for her like no one else he’d ever met.
“Senior?” Will waved his outstretched hand. “You okay?”
No.
“Yes. I’m fine. Just have to finish this report. You boys have a good time. Don’t do anything stupid.”
Will smirked. “You already said that.”
“It bears repeating for you guys.”
Will disappeared down the hallway, leaving him alone with his report and the images of Ashley that just would not leave his mind. The way she looked lying on the couch after being shot at. The determination in her face when she insisted on going first into the Infinity. The peace in her eyes after he kissed her the first time.
How long would the images last?
Unfortunately he already knew the answer.
At another knock on his door, he bit down on the end of his pen without looking up. “I said I don’t want to go.” His voice felt more like a growl than Will deserved, so he swallowed and finished in a more agreeable tone. “Have fun without me.”
“Truth is, I’m not having any fun without you.”
He shot out of his chair like a grenade had exploded beneath it.
“Ashley.” The word came out on a breath, and he cleared his throat, taking in every inch of her from her soft, blond hair to the pink toenails peeking through the tips of her shoes. “What are you doing here?”
She tugged the matching pink sweater closed under her chin, then forced her hands back to her sides, her gaze resting somewhere over his shoulder. He couldn’t bother to look at what held her attention as he drank in the sweet sight of her.
She bit her lips until they vanished and blinked a few times. Her shoulders rose and fell with deep breaths. Finally she wrinkled her nose and smiled. “I came to see you.”
He tried to put his hands in the pockets of his pants, but he’d suddenly forgotten how to use his arms.
There were no words to respond to her. Every thought that ran through his mind was just as inadequate as he was for her.
I’ve missed you.
I’m a wreck without you.
I want to hold you.
I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me.
Say the word, and I’ll move to Charity Way for you today.
I need you more than I need to be on the teams.
So he tried to change the subject. “How’s Joy?”
Her teeth flashed under the fluorescent light. “She’s wonderful. She’s back with her family, who were looking for her.” She stepped into the tiny office, two steps cutting the distance between them in half, and his breath caught in his chest. “Chief Donal brought them to Lil’s for the reunion.” Her cheeks flushed as she dropped her gaze. “I’ve never cried so hard in my life.”
He gulped down the real questions he wanted to ask, offering instead, “Did the ICE agents find the man who was putting pressure on Swift?”
“Not yet. But Jimmy spilled everything about his operation and contacts hoping for a deal.”
His fists clenched as he crossed his arms, one of his eyelids twitching. Swift deserved so much more than the plastic bullets that had taken him down but not seriously injured him. But the ICE agents had been clear that they needed his contacts. And if they could use him to take down a larger network of human traffickers, it was worth it to go easy.
Hopefully the court system wouldn’t be as kind.
Another step brought her to the edge of the rickety metal desk. The smell of citrus shampoo and fresh laundry floated toward him, making him light-headed.
“Why are you here, Ashley?”
He’d never been so thankful for a piece of furniture in his life. Without the desk, he would certainly have scooped her into his arms and kissed her soundly. But she slipped even closer, pressing her hands to the desk as she leaned toward him. Couldn’t she tell that he was seconds away from pushing the thing out of his way and pressing his lips to hers anyway?
* * *
Ashley took a deep breath, and prayed for the strength to say what she had to say. After all, if she wasn’t honest with him, she’d always regret it.
“I came to see you.”
“You said that already.”
She held up her hand to ward off further interruptions. “I meant it. I had to tell you something.”
But the words were gone.
This was so much harder than she’d imagined it would be. She’d practiced the speech—how she was going to tell him exactly what was on her mind. Except standing in the same room with him, her only thoughts revolved around having those arms, which were filling out his brown T-shirt quite nicely, holding her close.
“Do you remember when that brick hit me in the head and you tore off your sleeve to stop the bleeding?” His features like stone, he nodded. “No one has ever done anything like that for me.”
“It wasn’t a big deal.”
“It was the first of many big deals.”
Now it was his turn to hold up his hand to stop her speech. “Please, don’t. Ashley, we both know that you deserve better. Better than a guy with no past and an uncertain future.”
“Is that honestly who you think you are?”
He shook his head and stared at the ceiling while letting out a slow sigh. “You’re doing amazing work in Charity Way, Ashley. But it’s organized and ordered. I don’t know what continent I’ll be on from one day to the next or how long I’ll even get to be a SEAL.” He threw up his hands. “I don’t even know my parents’ names.”
“I don’t care.”
“But you will. And I won’t be the reason for your unhappiness.” He still couldn’t meet her gaze, so she skirted the desk and grabbed his wrists until he looked into her eyes.
Butterflies swarmed like the first time he’d kissed her—and the second.
With any luck there would be a third time.
“Matt, I’ve been scared for a really long time. What Paul did to me made me not just afraid of falling in love again, it made me afraid of life. I was scared that I wasn’t enough to help other women. I was scared that I was too weak to help myself, let alone anyone else. So I put on this facade of strength. I wore courage like a coat, trying to convince everyone—including myself—that I could handle anything that came my way.”
Her lower lip quivered, but she never looked away from the storm brewing in his eyes. “And then you came along. And you told me I didn’t have to be strong all the time. You reminded me what it felt like to really rely on someone else. To let down my guard long enough to remember that when I’m weak, God is strong. And sometimes when we really need help, He sends navy SEALs to the rescue.”
His eyebrows drew together. “You are one of the strongest women I’ve ever met. And if I hadn’t left you alone, you’d never have needed to be rescued.”
“Is that what this is about? Do you really think that my getting kidnapped is your fault?” She shook her head slowly. “That is entirely my fault. I knew I shouldn’t go anywhere without you. I knew you’d come back. But I told myself I had to be strong without you. I didn’t realize how much better I am with you.”
He reached out a hand, sliding his fingers along her cheekbone until his palm cupped her face. “I’d always come back for you.”
Her knees shook, and she grabbed at his arm to stabilize herself. “I know. I was being so stupid.”
He took two small steps in her direction, a muscle in his jaw jumping with each movement. She mirrored each of his strides, slipping closer and closer to the wall. If she didn’t have something to lean on soon, she’d crumble into a heap of nerves.
Or simply fall into his arms and never want to leave.
“Matt, you’re the first person who’s ever let me be strong enough to admit my own weaknesses.” She bumped into the wall at her back and pressed her hands flat against the smooth surface as he rested his palms on either side of her head, holding her inside the confines of his arms.
What could have reminded her of a terrifying night in a cell instead wrapped around her like the warmth of a blanket on a chilly night.
“I think you’re pretty incredible, Ashley Sawyer.”
“You, too.” She slipped her hands around his waist, the softness of his T-shirt contrasting with the solid wall of muscle it covered.
He leaned forward in a slow push-up, and her heart swelled, her eyes only on the gentle curve of his lips. But he stopped several inches short, pain sweeping across his face.
“Is your leg bothering you?”
“My leg?” He dipped his chin to stare at their toe-to-toe feet, his forehead brushing hers before looking back up to meet her gaze. “No. I’m cleared for duty.” The lines on either side of his mouth deepened. “But I’ll retire so I can be with you in Charity Way.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I’d never ask you to retire from the teams. It’s too much a part of you. I’ve already worked it out with Lil that Carmen will take over as the director of the house for the time being. I’ll find a place here to get involved—”
“I love you.” He cemented his words by pressing his lips to hers as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her so close that she lost her breath. But breathing seemed a second-class necessity at the moment.
After several long seconds, he pulled back, and she gasped for the air her lungs had been deprived of.
When she could manage words again, she said, “I love you, too. I told Tristan—”
“Tristan.” He cut her off again, this time much less pleasantly. “He’s going to hate this.”
“He’ll learn to live with it.” She pressed a hand over his racing heart. It was speeding like that because of her. Of course, hers was doing the same because of him. “I told him he was going to have to get over his objections because I’m not getting over you.”
A slow smile spread across his face, and she pressed up to her tiptoes to kiss his smooth-shaven cheek. “He just wants someone who will take care of me. And no one can do that like you. I told him you’ve been part of our family for years, and that’s not going to change. Ever.”
His smile grew with each passing second until he shook his head and pulled her in for another toe-curling kiss.
“I could get used to this,” he whispered against her mouth.
“You better.”
EPILOGUE
Eight months later
“Miss Ashley is waiting for you, Mr. Tristan.”
Matt glanced over his shoulder at the young boy who peeked around the door frame.
“I’ll be right there, Julio.” Tristan clapped a hand on Matt’s shoulder. “Are you ready for this?”
Matt swallowed, despite his dry mouth, and searched for any sign of hesitancy in his best friend’s eyes. “I am. Are you?”
Tristan glanced at his feet and the brown dress shoes Matt had seen him wear only one other time in their entire friendship. When his gaze rose, his eyes were as blue as his sister’s. “I didn’t think anyone could ever be good enough for Ash.” He stuck his hands into the pockets of his tan dress pants as a grin tugged across his face. “And you’re not. But watching you two together is like seeing two pieces of a puzzle that fit just right.”
Thumping his friend on the back, Matt matched his grin. “She is pretty amazing. Sometimes I still can’t believe she fell in love with me.”
“That makes two of us.” Tristan’s laughter filled the groom’s dressing room at the beachside resort. As Matt adjusted his tie for the last time and straightened the cuffs of his white shirt, Tristan turned serious. “I know it took me a little while to come around about you guys being together, but there’s no one else in the world I’d rather see her marry. You’re my brother and the best man I know. I don’t have to tell you to take care of her, because I know you will.”
His words still lingering in the room, Tristan disappeared, heading for the bride’s room, where he’d meet Ashley and walk her down the aisle.
Tristan was right. Matt didn’t need to be reminded to take care of her.
He’d put his life on the line to protect Ashley. And by the grace of God, he’d never again get as close to losing her as he had the year before.
As he walked onto the beach, passing rows of white folding chairs filled with their friends and family, he smiled. In just a few minutes he’d be joined by his bride.
When he reached his pastor on the open beach, they shook hands. “You’re looking pretty pleased with yourself right about now,” Pastor Rick said.
“Am I?” He didn’t bother trying to lose his smile. “Well, you know Ashley. I’ve got good reason to be happy right now.”
Rick laughed just as the string quartet began their tune. On the boardwalk by the resort, little Greta appeared, leaving a wake of white flower petals as she sashayed down the red aisle. When she reached him, she looked all the way up and whispered, “She looks just like a princess.”
His heart twisted at that moment, and his breath caught somewhere in his chest. There she was, a vision in white walking toward him and looking as if she was holding on to Tristan’s arm for all she was worth.
When she stood before him, he held out his hand and she grabbed it with trembling fingers. For her ears only, he said, “Don’t worry. I’ve got you.”
The light in her eyes and the joy in her smile released the tension in his chest as Rick started the ceremony. And then he was repeating the words he’d practiced, promising to love and honor and cherish her always. Promising her a future filled with his love. Because that’s all he could give her.
He couldn’t change his past. But the truth was that his childhood didn’t matter anymore. He wasn’t the men who had raised him, and the statistics didn’t define him. Because where he was uncertain, God was sure. Where he was weak, God was strong.
“You may now kiss your bride.”
Matt didn’t need to be told twice, pulling her into his embrace and beginning to make good on the promises he’d just spoken.
* * * * *
Keep reading for an excerpt of Navy SEAL Rescuer by Shirlee McCoy!
Dear Reader,
Thank you for joining Ashley and Matt on this adventure. I hope their story has encouraged you to embrace and boast in your own weaknesses, so that Christ’s strength can rest on you. Take heart, friends, for we serve a good God, capable of mighty things. I hope you’ve been reminded of that through this story.
I knew from the start that this story would feature Matt, a United States Navy SEAL, and Ashley, the sister of a SEAL, but human trafficking wasn’t always a part of their tale. As I began reading about the plight of women and children caught in slavery and trafficking, my heart broke for them, just as I knew Matt’s and Ashley’s would. I think caring for victims of human trafficking falls under Jesus’ instruction to care for “the least of these.” If you’d like to learn more about human trafficking and how to take a stand against it, I encourage you to visit www.ijm.org, home of the International Justice Missi
on.
I hope you’ve enjoyed Matt and Ashley’s book. I’d love to connect with you through my website:
www.lizjohnsonbooks.com
Twitter:
@lizjohnsonbooks
Email:
[email protected]
Or Facebook:
www.facebook.com/lizjohnsonbooks.
May you rest in God’s strength every day,
Liz Johnson
Questions for Discussion
What was your favorite part of the book or your favorite character? Why?
From the beginning of the book, we see that Ashley has a very close relationship with her brother. Do you have a brother? Are you as close as Ashley and Tristan?
How do you think their father’s death when they were younger affected Ashley and Tristan?
Matt had a very different childhood than the Sawyers. How would you compare your own early years to theirs?
Ashley’s family accepted Matt as one of their own because he was Tristan’s best friend. Have you ever welcomed someone into your family like that? How did that affect you?
Matt and Ashley both carried secrets that motivated them to care for others. Have you ever had a secret like that? How did you deal with it?
When the time was right, Matt and Ashley shared their secrets with each other. Why do you think they knew it was safe to tell one another?
How do you decide when it’s safe to tell a friend your secrets?
In daily life we may never deal with a man as duplicitous as Jimmy Swift, but we will likely meet people who say one thing and do another. Have you ever dealt with that? How did you handle the situation?
Do you think Tristan handled it well when he found out that Matt was in love with Ashley? How would you have responded in his place?
Toward the end, Ashley had to accept her own weakness and allow God to be strong when she couldn’t be. Have you ever had to come to terms with this in your own life? How have you dealt with it?
