by Mark Tufo
‘I know you are. All I was going to say was—’
‘Maybe I should just stop? Maybe I should give up trying, ’cause the harder I try for this fucking family, the more fucked up things get.’
‘Don’t talk like that...’
‘It’s true though, isn’t it?’
‘No... no it’s not, and I don’t believe you really think that.’ She took a deep breath, trying to block out everything Tammy had said last night and focus instead on keeping Scott calm. ‘We’re going through a tough time, you in particular, but look how far we’ve come. If you’d said to me before the inquest that we’d be living in a house like this, rebuilding our lives and sorting our family out, I’d have been over the moon. We can put things back together here, I’m sure we can.’
‘Are you?’
She watched his face, waiting for any flicker of reaction. ‘Please, love... please don’t be like this. Everything’s going to be okay. You’re out of that place now. I don’t know what happened to that man, but I know you didn’t do it and that’s enough for me, really it is. And I know it wouldn’t have happened if Tammy hadn’t run off. It’s not your fault. Stop beating yourself up. You’ve got to learn to let go of stuff like this.’
He looked up at her. ‘Finished?’
She nodded and swallowed hard with nerves.
Scott was still staring at her. ‘They kept talking about the accident.’
Michelle’s body language changed. She visibly withdrew, the way she always did whenever the subject came up. ‘That’s all over now... you were cleared after the inquest.’
‘They were implying I might have done it on purpose, trying to make me out to be some real heartless fucker.’
‘They were just doing it to wind you up. What happened was an accident. Sue and Roy should have been watching her. It could have been anyone driving...’
‘But it was me.’
Elsewhere in the house, George started to cry. ‘I’ll go and see to him,’ Michelle said, ‘let him know you’re back. He was asking where you were.’ She got up and made for the door.
‘Been celebrating?’
She froze. ‘What?’
He pointed at the empty wine bottle on the draining board, evidence from last night that she’d forgotten to hide. ‘Have a drink on me, did you?’
‘I needed it to calm my nerves,’ she said, thinking on her feet, hoping he’d just accept her explanation. She’d have to get her story straight and tell the girls to keep quiet about Jackie coming around. ‘I was worried,’ she added, still not sure he was buying it. ‘Terrified. The police wouldn’t tell me anything. They wouldn’t let me see you.’
Scott nodded but didn’t say anything.
‘I’ll go and see to George, okay?’
He nodded again. He watched her leave the room but remained in his chair. He felt as if gravity had increased by a factor of ten since he’d got back, preventing him from getting up. He stared at the hole in the wall he’d made on Sunday afternoon. His sledgehammer was where he’d left it, still leaning in the corner. He didn’t dare pick it up. Start swinging that fucking thing around again and I’ll never stop, he thought. I’ll reduce this whole fucking house to rubble.
Michelle was back quickly, carrying George. She tried to show him Daddy was home, but he was cranky and tired and he wouldn’t look. She waited a couple of minutes until she couldn’t hold it in any longer. ‘Can I ask one more question? I’m sorry, Scott, I just need to know.’
‘What?’
‘What happened to change their minds? How come they let you go?’
‘Two things. First, I already told you, that pervert didn’t die from a punch in the face and a kick in the guts.’
‘Then how...?’
‘How the hell am I supposed to know? You think they’re gonna tell me?’
‘Sorry. I didn’t think.’
‘And second,’ he said ominously, ‘they did tell me something. There was another killing while they’d got me locked up. They found another body, that woman from the café. Someone raped her and sliced her up while I was locked away safe and sound in the cells.’
Michelle stayed well out of Scott’s way all day, as did the girls when they got home from school. He’d hardly slept in the cell last night and yet despite spending all afternoon lying on the bed in the ground floor bedroom, he still couldn’t switch off and get any rest. He could hear Michelle and Phoebe talking in the living room. He wished they’d shut their bloody noise up, but he couldn’t be bothered to tell them. George waddled past the half-open bedroom door a couple of times, and even he seemed to know better. Now’s not the time to be disturbing Daddy.
Scott couldn’t see a clock, but it felt like he’d been lying on the bed for hours. His body ached and he needed a piss. More than anything he needed a shower to get the smell of that damn place off him. He stank of stale sweat, reeked of the disinfected cell where he’d spent most of the last day.
With more effort than it should ever have taken, he swung his legs around and sat up, then waited a second for his head to stop spinning. He stripped to his underwear and threw his dirty clothes in the corner, thinking he felt so contaminated from being in custody that he’d rather burn them than wear them again. Wearing only his briefs, he padded over to the bathroom and opened the door.
Tammy was in there, just stepping out of the shower. She was naked. ‘Fuck’s sake,’ she gasped, frantically grabbing for her towel to cover herself up. ‘Do you mind?’
Scott, his brain still working at half-speed, shook his head and mumbled something about the door not being locked. He’d been taken by surprise, hadn’t stopped to think, hadn’t heard the running water... and now he was just standing there. She’d been a little kid when he and Michelle had first got together, still at junior school, but Tammy was very definitely a woman now.
When he didn’t move, she did. She shoved him back out and slammed the door in his face.
She finished drying herself, taking her time, trying to calm down but just getting angrier and angrier at the way he’d barged into the bathroom without a damn care. It made it even worse when he’d just gawped at her without apology. Any decent man would have looked away with embarrassment, so why not him? And this wasn’t the first time. She’d caught him looking at her before, and he’d always had an unspoken reputation amongst her friends. None of them liked being around him on their own. Katie called him a letch, said he was always undressing her with his eyes. She’d always wondered – though had never dared to say – if he’d done something to that little girl he knocked down, if there’d been more to the accident than he’d let on... There’s no smoke without fire, she’d always thought, and what he’d just done was proof positive that her step-dad was a seedy bastard. She wished he’d get out of their lives altogether. She wished the police hadn’t let him go.
She didn’t bother getting dressed, just put on her bra and knickers and draped her towel over her shoulders. She thought she’d put a show on for him, see how he reacted...
He was lying on his bed with his back to the door, curled up like a frightened little kid. She knew he was awake, and she knew that he knew she was there. She stayed a safe distance back, checked no one else was near, then pushed the door shut behind her.
‘Pervert.’
Nothing for a few seconds, then a mumbled reply. ‘I’m not a pervert. I didn’t mean to walk in on you like that.’
‘You sure? I think you did.’
He felt himself getting tense. He scrunched up the bedding in his fists and fought with himself not to react. ‘I’m sure. I’m sorry.’
‘So, Sunday night, with that bloke,’ she said, knowing she was playing with fire but unable to stop now, ‘what was that all about?’
‘Your mum was worried about you. I said I’d go and look for you. When I saw what he was doing, I lost my temper.’
‘Why?’
‘You shouldn’t need to ask that.’
‘I mean, I know the reasons you
gave Mum, and probably the police too, but is that really all there is to it?’
He looked back over his shoulder, saw that she was only half-dressed, then turned back again and covered his head with his hands. ‘You’re family. It’s my job to protect you.’
‘You sure you weren’t jealous? Maybe you just wanted me for yourself? I know what you really are, Scott.’
He was on her before she realised what was happening. In a single sudden movement he sprung off the bed and pushed Tammy back against the door, covering her mouth with his hand. Their bodies were close now – too close – but there was nothing sexual about this. She cried with fear when she looked into his wild eyes, but with her mouth covered she couldn’t make a sound. He stared at her; no words, just his breathing - low, hard and heavy like an animal poised for the kill. It was only a few seconds but to Tammy it felt like forever. She couldn’t move.
‘I’m not a pervert,’ he told her. ‘Everything I’ve done, I’ve done for this family, it’s just that you ungrateful shits can’t see it. We’re all out of options now, in case you hadn’t noticed. There’s nowhere left to go. So if you breathe a word about this, make any accusations or threats, I’ll break you. Understand?’
She nodded, tears streaming down her face and over his hands. He relaxed his grip, ready to cover her mouth again if she dared cry out.
‘I get it,’ she said, and he backed away. ‘But if you touch Mum again, I’ll tell the police you tried to rape me.’
‘You wouldn’t fucking dare.’
She leant against the door for support, legs like jelly, doing all she could not to let him see. ‘Try me.’
He just smiled. ‘Go on, fuck off.’
Scott spent the night alone on the sofa in the living room. He told Michelle he couldn’t sleep and he didn’t want to keep her awake. She knew better than to argue.
Chapter 68
It was getting really late but Heather didn’t care. Dad thought she was in bed. He and Jamie were watching football downstairs, yelling at the TV so loud that they hadn’t heard her slip out the back door. Chez was watching the same match at his place, so she hadn’t stopped there for more than a few minutes. He’d tried to get her to stay, but she’d got more self-respect than to hang around in his kitchen waiting for a quick half-time shag. She’d toyed with the idea of trying to see Tammy earlier, but she’d decided to keep her distance. If everything Jamie’s mate Joel had said was true, she’d be giving that whole family a wide berth from now on. Much of what Joel said was usually crap, but he’d been right about that Polish girl at the weekend. That Tammy was a nice enough girl, but from what she was hearing, her step-dad was a fucking nutter. Probably best to cool off a little. She’d have to give her some distance at school tomorrow.
It was a frigging pain in the arse being a teenager in Thussock. There was bugger all to do, mid-week especially. Being a girl was harder still, because girls were few and far between here. Most of the other girls on the estate stayed home most of the time, ’cause the boys here were predators, only after one thing. Having Jamie around had made it a little easier for her, but she’d had enough of all that mucking about. Chez was the only bloke she had sex with now. He was a real man (when the football wasn’t on). She’d had enough fingers and fumbles with inexperienced kids to last a lifetime.
She walked back home trying to work out if she’d ever be able to afford to learn to drive. Dad kept trying to talk her out of it, because all he thought about was the cost. He did have a point, though – driving tests and lessons cost a bloody fortune, and she’d have to go elsewhere for them because there weren’t any instructors in Thussock. And then there was the cost of a car and fuel and insurance and all the associated bills... she knew Dad was right, but there was one thing he wasn’t taking into consideration, and that was the value of her freedom. Being able to get away from Thussock whenever she wanted and go and see the few mates she was still in contact with who’d already managed to escape... now that was priceless. She’d been thinking about maybe getting a scooter. She daydreamed about it as she walked the dark streets back home.
It was raining. Just a light mist, but wet enough to soak her and dense enough to reduce her visibility. The light from each streetlamp was little more than a hazy corona, a yellow-white flower head, and the few windows illuminated from lights inside barely made any difference at all out here. Heather plunged her hands into the pockets of her quilted purple jacket and walked a little faster. Tammy said she liked this jacket. Chez bought it for her off the Internet. Tammy said some of her friends in Redditch had jackets like it and that she’d wanted one herself. It made Heather feel good knowing she’d got one up on the girl from the city.
She wasn’t that far from the estate, just near the community hall, when she heard a noise she wasn’t expecting. It sounded like animals scavenging around the bins. Wait, no... she could hear something else now. It sounded like someone crying. Not sobbing their heart out or anything like that, just a low, quiet, intermittent moan; an occasional sad sob.
‘Hello?’
No answer.
‘Is anyone there?’
There was nothing on at the community hall tonight (there was nothing on most nights), and all the lights were off save for the yellow security light over the front door and a couple of streetlamps nearby. The small car park was empty but she thought she could see something moving over by the metal wheelie-bins at the side of the building. Probably just a fox or a rat, something disgusting like that. Or was she just imagining it? She told herself to get a grip and get home, to stop freaking herself out over nothing.
‘Hello?’ she called out again, just to be sure.
Someone stood up. It was a man. What the hell was he doing hiding behind the bins? Her pulse started to race but then she relaxed slightly when she realised she recognised him, though he looked completely different out of uniform. It was one of the local police; the young, good-looking one. She didn’t know his name but they’d spoken on many occasions, usually when he was looking for Jamie or one of his dickhead mates when they’d been causing trouble. But this was different. Tonight it looked like he was the one in trouble.
‘You okay?’ she asked.
He just looked at her, didn’t say anything. Concerned, she walked across the car park to where he was standing... where he’d been hiding. Shit, was this some kind of police operation like she’d seen on TV? Had she walked into the middle of a drugs bust or something? But there was no one else around and he wasn’t trying to stop her.
‘Is something wrong?’
He nodded and beckoned for her to come closer. She saw that he had tears streaking his face, glistening in the security light. Poor love. He looked so vulnerable, so frightened... afraid almost. His uniform shirt was hanging out and his hair was all ruffled like he’d just got out of bed.
‘What’s the matter?’
‘I don’t know,’ he said.
‘Are you hurt?’
‘No.’
‘Are you in trouble?’
‘Yes.’
Bloody hell, he was lovely. His unexpected vulnerability just added to the appeal. She thought about Chez slumped in front of the TV at home with a can of lager in his hand and a fag hanging from the corner of his mouth. Why couldn’t he be more like this man? His broad, powerful shoulders, strong features, cute hair... Heather had had sex loads of times with loads of kids, but she’d never been loved, never felt protected, never had someone make her feel wanted, not even Chez... especially not Chez. She looked into the policeman’s eyes, so full of life, and dared to dream about how he might make her feel. But she was just a school kid letting her mind run away with itself. Nothing was ever going to happen between a girl like her and a man like him.
‘You okay?’ he asked, and the fact he cared enough to ask made the warmth and wanting inside her increase. She just wanted to be close to him now, to hold him and to be held.
So she wrapped her arms around him.
To her surpr
ise, he reciprocated, holding her tight. It felt wrong, but it also felt so right.
She could feel his hands around her waist, could feel his breath on the side of her face, could smell him... She was starting to think he wanted her like she wanted him, but they couldn’t, could they? What would people say? Somehow that made her want him even more. She felt herself moisten when she saw he had an erection.
Her first time had been around the back of this building with a spotty little kid at a youth club Christmas disco a few years back. It had been freezing cold. The sex had been fast and painful, devoid of any emotion or attachment – everything her first time shouldn’t have been. Even now Chez was little better. Sure he told her he loved her and said the things he thought she wanted to hear, but it was still usually an empty fuck on his terms and for his benefit. She wasn’t particularly experienced but, right now, standing here holding the policeman like this, staring deep into his eyes, feeling his gentle hand caressing the side of her face, she felt supremely confident. She wanted to feel him inside her so very badly.
It was wrong. It was dangerous. They were out in the open. She was much younger than him and he’d get into all kinds of trouble if anyone found out... but Heather and PC Hamilton did it just the same. They stripped, then fucked fast and hard and beautifully against the wall of the Thussock community hall.
Chapter 69
Scott prised one eye open then closed it again. Then he sat up fast, panicking. Déjà vu. It was late afternoon but it felt just like it had a couple of mornings back... someone banging angrily on the front door, waking him up. He hadn’t gone into work today, calling in sick so he could catch up with some sleep while the kids were at school. Michelle had been keeping her distance, giving him space, so who was at the door?
At first he didn’t want to answer it, couldn’t stand the thought of going through all that again if it was the police, but he knew he didn’t have any choice. He was the only one in the house and any refusal to talk would inevitably be construed as an admission of guilt. Mouth dry with nerves, wearing only a T-shirt and briefs and shivering with cold, he walked towards the front door. He could see an outline through the frosted glass. If it is the police again, he thought, I’ll sue the fuckers for victimisation. It didn’t look like it was, though. There were no patrol cars with flashing blue lights on his drive this time.
