by Cameron Jace
“We have the key, Alice,” Margaret says in a sharp businesswoman tone. “The Hatter works for us. We planned it all. The rabbit. The bomb. Everything. We had to push you to the edge of your mind so you would remember where you hid the key—one of the six, to be precise.”
I’m not that surprised. In fact, the more pieces of the puzzle that come together, the better I feel. “When you say ‘we,’ you mean who exactly?”
“Black Chess,” she says. “The Wonderlanders who were tortured by humans in the Circus. No one can’t stop us.”
“But not all Wonderlanders are on Black Chess’s side.”
“I know what the March Hare told you,” she says. “You know how we know? Because the light bulb in his head is real. We can see through his thoughts. He tried to protect in you by not tell you everything because he knew we’ll know. The light bulb is a Lewis Carroll invention.”
“I don’t care how powerful you are,” I say. “Fabiola showed you which side I’m really on.”
“So we’re playing with open cards right now?” she laughs. “Funny you mention cards.” She smirks. “Now that you don’t even have Jack in your life.”
This gets on my nerves. It hurts so much I want to puke my guts out. Damn the Duchess.
“Look, I don’t have much time, and like I said, I have a message for you,” she says. “I know you still have so many questions—hell, I have so many questions. But the bottom line is this. The Wonderland Wars are partially about the Six Impossible Keys Lewis gave you in the past. Don’t ask me why they are important. You will know in time.”
“I figured out that much about the keys, and I figured I don’t remember where I hid them, and that you’ll do your best to make me remember to get to them,” I say. “So tell me what you’re really here for.”
“Let me put it this way,” she says. “Although you found the key, you didn’t really remember where you hid it. Hell, you didn’t even remember the circus in Wonderland happened. From what the Hatter told me, you only remembered what your sisters did to you in real life.”
“So?”
“So, as much as you seem to know about Alice, we’re not sure you’re her yet, but...” She jabs a finger in the air. “The Queen wants you on our side.”
“Are you offering a position in Black Chess, really?” I snort.
“Think about it. You’ll be a free girl. We’ll get you out of the asylum. You won’t have to struggle with Wonderland Monsters each week. What else can you ask for?”
“And you expect me to lead you to the keys, of course.”
“There is a price to everything, and sanity is almost priceless.”
“You’re dreaming, Duchess,” I say. “Whether I am Alice or not, the fact that deep in my memory I know where the keys are obliges me to hold on to them.” I can’t forget how concerned Lewis was about the key he gave me in the Tom Tower. “Besides, tell me one logical reason why I would want to be on the Queen’s side in this war.”
“You want a reason?” Margaret smirks again. She nears the bars and stares into my eyes. “I have one good reason for you, especially if you turn out to be the Real Alice.”
“And what could that be?” I challenge her.
Her answer comes like a heavy tide threatening to swallow me into a sea of sharks. “Because you may not remember it yet, but you were one of us inside the cage in the circus. What humans have done to us was done to you, just the same.” Even though I don’t remember that, it bothers me dearly. “Haven’t you noticed how most people in this world are never on your side? Haven’t you noticed how they were happy thinking you died with the rabbit today? You’re one of us, Alice. You just don’t know it yet.”
Chapter 79
Buckingham Palace, London
Tom Truckle was listening to the Queen’s plan.
“All of you, my dear guests, lunatics, and ex-Wonderlanders, come from so many countries around the world,” she began. “All of you are friends with presidents and the most prestigious men and women in your land. And all of you don’t like any of them, too, because all of you were once in the circus.”
Tom kept listening.
“Having managed to escape Wonderland and faking a new life in this awful world doesn’t mean you don’t want to have your revenge,” she said. “Trust me, if you don’t let the madness out, you’ll end up like the Muffin Man, confused, not knowing who he is, and then die miserably.”
Tom was beginning to see where this was going.
“My plan is simple,” she said. “To get you to replace your human superiors, to replace your presidents, and to rule instead.”
A long silence fell on the room.
“Think about it.” She eyed everyone. “What good has any human done to the world? All this poverty, war, and—ahem—madness they caused. Humans think they can rule, but they’re just jub jubs, doing a lousy job. It’s time for us to rule this world.” She raised her hands in the air, the tension rising in the meeting hall. “It’s time for us to spread the madness!”
Tom shared the claps and enthusiasm of the crowd. He felt silly, but he also felt he needed it.
“And we’re not going to try to make a better job of what the failed humans did,” she elaborated. “We’ll make it worse. We’ll make the poor become poorer.”
“Yeah!”
“The rich become filthy freakin’ richer!”
“Yeah.”
“We’re going to turn humans into second-class citizens, if not animals.”
“Yeah!”
“We, Wonderlanders, are going to rule the world!”
“Yeah!” hailed Tom. How he wished he was really part of this revolution of madness.
“And to start the Wonderland Wars,” she said, “we’re going to spread our insanity bit by bit, until no insane person is locked away anymore.”
Tom clapped like everyone else. He realized that he might be as mad as everyone else. Maybe he wasn’t destined to direct an asylum. Maybe he was destined to be one of the great Wonderlanders.
He pulled out his bottle and spilled the pills on the floor. He didn’t need them anymore. He didn’t need to suppress his madness and hide from everyone. Instead, he needed to celebrate it like the Queen of Hearts did.
With anticipation, he awaited what was going to happen to the world in the coming days.
Chapter 80
Two days later,
the Pillar’s cell, Radcliffe Lunatic Asylum
“You’re all I have in this world,” I tell the Pillar, having asked Dr. Truckle for permission to visit him.
“I wouldn’t count on that,” he says, smoking his hookah. “At some point, I will leave you in all this mess, Alice. I am just guiding you until you find your purpose.”
“Fair enough. I don’t like you that much anyways,” I tease him.
“Never liked me that much, too.” He rolls his eyes. “So did you make up your mind, whether you’re one of them or against them?”
“I’m on Lewis’ team all the way,” I say. “I saw them in the dream. Lewis, Fabiola, that mysterious girl, Jack, and the March Hare. I am going to find them all and gather them to face Black Chess before they mess up this beautiful world.”
“Beautiful?” The Pillar raises an eyebrow. “I thought it was a mad world.”
“Mad is beautiful,” I say. “It has its flaws, but when shared with the good-hearted it’s beautiful.”
“So you’re going to continue to save lives next week?”
“Like I did this week,” I say. “I know you think it’s just a rabbit, but I am very okay with having saved one.”
“Rabbits are cute.” He took a drag from his hookah. “Just stop following them into their holes.”
I let out a light laugh. “You’re definitely right about that.”
“Did Margaret tell you about who this Hatter may be?”
“Nah. She just made her offer and I refused.”
“And you’re sure you don’t have grudges against people, having been put
in the circus with the others in the past?”
“First of all, I am not sure that happened. Second, there is no point in holding grudges. Some people kill and do horrible things; other people are most lovable in this world. I need to learn how to tune my inner compass to find the good ones.”
“That’s poetic.”
“How about you, Pillar?”
“What about me?”
“Where you in the circus as well?” It’s an important question to me. I wonder if I’ll ever understand his motives.
“I was.” He nods, but he seems wary about talking about it. I wonder what they did to him. “I am surprised you didn’t see me in your dream—or whatever that Wonderland portal was. Which reminds me, do you still have that Wonderland map on your phone?”
“Nah, it stopped working when I woke up,” I say. “Why? Looking for something?”
“It’s just that there was this store that sold music in Wonderland.”
“What about it?”
“Instead of selling CDs they sold flamingos that memorized every tune in a certain album,” he says. “So you go pay for the latest Taylor Swift album and they give you a flamingo...”
“Who sings all the Taylor Swift songs.” I laugh. “That’s bonkers. But you still can buy any song here in real life.”
“That one song I am looking for, you can only find in Wonderland.”
“Really? What’s it called?”
“‘What if God Was Mad Like Us, Just a Nut Like Most of Us.’”
Chapter 81
Alice’s cell, Radcliffe Lunatic Asylum
Back in my cell I sit next to my silent Tiger Lily and enjoy the silence. There is this strange feeling that follows every episode of madness I encounter; it’s that euphoric feeling of: I’m great. I managed to survive another day in this insane world.
What a great feeling.
I plan to sleep today, continue my Mush Room sessions with Waltraud tomorrow, then wait for a new mission around next week. Let’s step it up a notch, Queen of Hearts!
For my own sanity, and safety, I make sure Lewis’ key is still hidden in the wall of the cell. It is, and it should stay safe in here.
I have no idea how I will get the next one, or if I will be able to get back the one with the Queen of Hearts now, but we’ll see what happens.
To put myself to sleep, I sing, “I am mad, mad girl in a mad, mad world, it’s not a bad, bad thing if I am crazy.”
But suddenly, I hear someone sing it in the cell next to me. It’s not a girl’s voice but a boy’s.
I keep singing, and that boy sings with me.
Slowly it dawns on me. “Jack?” I whisper to the wall.
“Who else do you think is mad enough about you he’d voluntarily go in an asylum to be with you?” he says from behind the wall.
I place my two palms on the wall, wanting to hug it, and maybe kiss it. I can’t believe this is true.
“Jack,” I pant. “How did you make it? I thought you were crossing over to the other side.”
“Let’s put it this way,” he says in a smiley voice, “I told the guys in the hell to go to hell.”
“Poetic.” I laugh.
“I also told them I’m mad about you, so they suggested I came here,” he says. “They didn’t think I’d do it.”
“But I don’t think anyone can voluntarily come to the asylum. I mean, it’s ironic that if you tell someone you’re mad, they probably won’t believe you.”
“Not until you walk butt naked across the street in front of them,” Jack chirps.
I laugh hysterically.
Then the evil thought hits me that I may be just imagining it.
I turn around and watch my Tiger Lily. She is just standing still. She isn’t talking to me, so Jack must be real.
“I missed you so much, Jack,” I tell him.
“Me too,” he says. “How about we go on a date tomorrow?”
“Date? Where?”
“I managed to slip my name to Waltraud,” he says. “So I’m right behind you in the Mush Room list. Not a bad place to meet.”
I am floored. Laughing. Happier than ever. I love this goofy and weird guy. He just wants to be with me. What else can I ask for?
“It’s a mad world, Alice,” he says. “But together, we…”
“Together we can make it through.” I cut in.
“And you know how we’ll do it?”
“Have no clue,” I chuckle.”
“By being madder.”
I almost cry out of joy. With all things not making sense, Jack here next to me make the most sense of all.
And even if I am imagining him, I don’t mind. I love you, Jack Diamond, and together we’re about to stand up against Black Chess in the most nonsensical—but greatest—war of all time.
Epilogue
Director’s office, Radcliffe Lunatic Asylum
Dr. Tom Truckle, still sipping his favorite mock turtle soup, was watching the Pillar with intent through the surveillance camera.
The Pillar was smoking his hookah as usual. He was wiggling his feet and singing along to a song called “What if God Was Mad Like Us.” Tom actually liked the tune.
What was new? The Pillar was happy as usual, not giving a damn about this world.
But Tom was still puzzled, staring at the invitation he’d received from the Queen to attend the Event.
The invitation that hadn’t been for him.
The invitation that had originally been to professor Carter Cocoon Chrysalis Pillar.
Why had the Queen of England invited the Pillar to the Event? That puzzled Tom a lot.
He wished he could figure it out, watching the Pillar in his cell twenty-four-seven. But the Pillar never did anything strange or hinting to a clue.
Until now...
Dr. Tom Truckle watched the Pillar stand up and pull out a secret drawer in his favorite couch. From inside, he pulled out a mask of a clown, then he pulled out a long leather coat, and lastly a ridiculously long hat.
That among a number of teacups.
Tom squinted, horror filling his eyes. This couldn’t be. This just couldn’t be.
The Pillar sat back on the couch, smoking his hookah and staring at something his hand. Something Tom couldn’t see without zooming in.
Tom zoomed in, and he could see it.
While the Pillar was humming “What if God Was Mad Like Us,” he was holding a golden key in his hand. He kept staring it with a wide smirk from ear to ear on his face, fiddling with the key and smoking his hookah.
The END...
Alice will return in Hookah (Insanity 4)
Thank You
Thank you for purchasing and downloading this insane book (probably three of them at this point—big grin). I’m so happy, and grateful, to be able to share this story with you, and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed making it up!
Talking about making things up, not everything is a figment of my imagination. All locations, including Ha Ha Street, and Piccadilly Circus with its Statue and Arrow, and the incredibly mysterious Garden of Cosmic Speculation, are real (and yes, part of it was modeled after Wonderland, and the public can only access it one day per year, but it doesn’t belong to the March Hare, of course). Maybe you’ll have the chance to visit them someday.
The historical facts about the Circus and the Invisible Plague are sadly true. But in order to not spoil the next book, I’d prefer to elaborate on them later.
And, of course, all the tidbits from Lewis Carroll’s Wonderland riddles are straight from the book, although I have added a few of my own interpretations.
But make no mistake; Zashchishchaiushchikhsya is a real Russian word, which Lewis Carroll was fascinated by in his one and only trip out of England.
I’ve also created a special Pinterest page for you, where you can see for yourself all the places and riddles Alice and Pillar visited—and a few images of the Invisible Plague, the Garden in Scotland, and a few other interests. You can access
it HERE
Hookah (Insanity 4) will be released soon, so please stay tuned to my Facebook Page:
http://Facebook.com/camjace
or
http://cameronjace.com for more information.
If you have a question, please message me on Facebook; I love connecting with all of my readers, because without you, none of this would be possible. http://cameronjace.com
Thank you, for everything.
Like I said, I’m delaying every detail until the next book to avoid spoilers. But I’d to address the beautiful people of Britain and apologize if I got a wrong fact here and there. I’m not English but it’s been a pleasure delving into Lewis Carroll’s masterpiece and hunting its roots all over London, Oxford, and his hometown. A mysteriously beautiful country, indeed.
And wow, it’s been more than two years since I first published my first book, and how lucky I was that all you believed in that story—and me. I am forever in debt.
Thanks again for being mad.
Cameron.
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About the Author
Cameron Jace is the boy next door who managed, by some miracle, to be come the bestselling author of the Grimm Diaries series and the Insanity series. A graduate of the College of Architecture, and a devout collector of out-of-print books, he is obsessed with the origins of folk tales and the mysterious storytellers who first told them. Three of his books made Amazon's Top 100 Customer Favorites in Kindle 2013 and Amazon's Top 100 kindle list. Cameron lives in California with his girlfriend. When he isn't writing or collecting books, he is reading or playing his guitar.
