by Monty Python
Silly job interview (5)
Silly noises (36)
Silly vicar (21)
Six more minutes of Monty Python's Flying Circus (29)
Smolensk (34)
The smuggler (5)
Society for Putting Things on top of Other Things (18)
Song ('And did those feet') (4)
Spam. (25)
The Spanish Inquisition (15)
'Spectrum' - talking about things (12)
'Spot the Looney' (38)
Stock Exchange report (27)
Stolen news reader (3)
Stonehenge (13)
'Storage jars' (33)
Strangers in the night (10)
Submarine (26)
'Summarize Proust Competition' (31)
T
'Take Your Pick'. (20)
Tax on thingy (15)
Teddy Salad (CIA agent) (44)
Ten seconds of sex (35)
Test match (20)
Thames TV introduction (39)
Theory on Brontosauruses by Anne Elk (Miss). (31)
'There is nothing quite so wonderful as money' (song) (29)
There's been a murder (22)
The time on BBC 1 (19)
Mrs Thing and Mrs Entity (21)
Thripshaw's disease (36)
Timmy Williams interview (19)
Tobacconists (prostitute advert) (14)
Today in Parliament (20)
Tory Housewives Clean-up Campaign (32)
Toupee Department (41)
Trailer (21)
Trailer (10)
Travel agent (31)
Trim-Jeans Theatre (28)
Trivializing the war (42)
Trotsky (34)
Tudor jobs agency (36)
Tuesday documentary (32)
Tunneling from Godalming to Java (10)
TV4 or not TV4' discussion (37)
Twentieth-century vole (6)
U
Undertakers film (Part 1) (11)
Undertakers film. (Part 2) (11)
Undertaker's sketch. (26)
Undressing in public (4)
Unexploded Scotsmen (38)
'Up your Pavement' (42)
Upperclass Twit of the Year (12)
V
Vicar/salesman (28)
The visitors (9)
Visitors from Coventry (12)
Vocational Guidance Counsellor (10)
Vox pops (6)
Vox pops (15)
Vox pops on politicians (20)
Vox pops on smuggling (5)
W
The wacky queen (2)
Wainscotting (20)
Walk-on part in sketch (10)
The walking tree of Dahomey with David Attenborough (45)
Watney's Red Barrel (31)
What the stars foretell (37)
'When Does A Dream Begin?' (song) (42)
Whicker Island (27)
Whizzo butter (1)
Whizzo Chocolates (6)
Woody and tinny words (42)
Words not to be used again (17)
Working-class playwright (2)
World Forum (25)
World War One (28)
The wrestling epilogue (2)
Y
You're no fun any more (7)
'Ypres 1914' (25)
'Ypres 1914' - abandoned (25)
'Yummy yummy' (24)
Z
Zeppelin (40)
back to PythoNET
SERIES ONE
ONE - Titled: "Whither Canada?"
Recorded on 7th September 1969 and first shown on 5th October 1969.
'It's Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart'
Famous deaths
Italian lesson
Whizzo butter
'It's the Arts'
Arthur 'Two-Sheds' Jackson
Picasso/cycling race
The funniest joke in the world.
TWO - Titled: "Sex and violence"
Recorded on 30th August 1969 and first shown on 12th October 1969
Flying sheep
French lecture on sheep-aircraft
A man with three buttocks
A man with two noses
Musical mice
Marriage guidance counsellor
The wacky queen
Working-class playwright
A Scotsman on a horse
The wrestling epilogue
The mouse problem.
THREE - Titled: "How to recognize different types of tree from quite a long way away"
Recorded on 14th August 1969 and first shown on 19th October 1969
Court scene (witness in coffin/Cardinal Richelieu)
The Larch
Bicycle repair man
Children's stories
Restaurant sketch
Seduced milkmen
Stolen news reader
Children's interview
Nudge nudge.
FOUR - Titled "Owl-stretching time"
Recorded on 21st September 1969 and first shown on 26th October 1969
Song ('And did those feet')
Art gallery
Art critic
It's a man's life in the modern army
Undressing in public
Self-defence
Secret Service dentists.
FIVE - Titled: "Man's crisis of identity in the latter half of the twentieth century"
Recorded on 3rd October 1969 and first shown on 16th November 1969
Confuse-a-Cat
The smuggler
A duck, a cat and a lizard (discussion)
Vox pops on smuggling
Police raid
Letters and vox pops
News reader arrested
Erotic film
Silly job interview
Careers advisory board
Burglar/encyclopedia salesman.
SIX - (Untitled)
Recorded on 5th November 1969 and first shown on 23rd November 1969
'It's the Arts'
Johann Gambolputty... von Hautkopft of Ulm
Non-illegal robbery
Vox pops
Crunchy frog
The dull life of a City stockbroker
Red Indian in theatre
Policemen make wonderful friends
A Scotsman on a horse
Twentieth-century vole.
SEVEN - Titled: "You're no fun any more"
Recorded on 10th October 1969 and first shown on 30th November 1969
Camel spotting
You're no fun any more
The audit
Science fiction sketch
Man turns into Scotsman
Police station
Blancmanges playing tennis.
EIGHT - Titled: "Full frontal nudity"
Recorded 25th November 1969 and first shown on 7th December 1969
Army protection racket
Art critic - the place of the nude
Buying a bed
Hermits
Dead parrot
The flasher
Hell's Grannies.
NINE - Titled: "The ant, an introduction"
Recorded on 7th December 1969 and first shown on 14th December 1969
Llamas
A man with a tape recorder up his nose
Kilimanjaro expedition (double vision)
A man with a tape recorder up his brother's nose
Homicidal barber
Lumberjack song
Gumby crooner
The refreshment room at Bletchley
Hunting film
The visitors.
TEN - (Untitled)
Recorded on 30th November 1969 and first shown on 21st December 1969
Walk-on part in sketch
Bank robber (lingerie shop)
Trailer
Arthur Tree
Vocational Guidance Counsellor (chartered accountant)
The first man to jump the Channel
Tunnelling from Godalming to Java
P
et conversions
Gorilla librarian
Letters to 'Daily Mirror'
Strangers in the night.
ELEVEN - (Untitled)
Recorded on 14th December 1969 and first shown on 28th December 1969
Letter (lavatorial humour)
Interruptions
Agatha Christie sketch
Literary football discussion
Undertakers film
Interesting people
Eighteenth-century social legislation
The Battle of Trafalgar
Batley Townswomens' Guild presents the Battle of Pearl Harbour
Undertakers film.
TWELVE - (Untitled)
Recorded on 21st December 1969 and first shown on 4th January 1970
Falling from building
'Spectrum' - talking about things
Visitors from Coventry
Mr. Hilter
The Minehead by-election
Police station (silly voices)
Upperclass Twit of the Year
Ken Shabby
How far can a minister fall?
THIRTEEN - (Untitled)
Recorded on 4th January 1970 and first shown on 11th January 1970
Intermissions
Restaurant (abuse/cannibalism)
Advertisements
Albatross
Come back to my place
Me Doctor
Historical impersonations
Quiz programme - 'Wishes'
'Probe-around' on crime
Stonehenge
Mr. Attila the Hun
Psychiatry - silly sketch
Operating theatre (squatters).
back
It's Wolfgang Amamdeus Mozart /
Famous Deaths
As featured in the Flying Circus TV Show - Episode 1
* * *
The cast:
MOZART
John Cleese
VOICE OVER
Graham Chapman
EDDIE
Edic Idle
FOSTER
Graham Chapman
* * *
The sketch:
(Opening Scene: Mozart sitting at piano tinkling with the keys. He finishes tinkling.)
Mozart: Hello again, and welcome to the show. Tonight we continue to look at some famous deaths. Tonight we start with the wonderful death of Genghis Khan, conqueror of India. Take it away Genghis.
(Cut to Genghis Khan's tent. Genghis strides about purposefully. Indian-style background music. Suddenly the music cuts out and Genghis Khan with a squawk throws himself in the air and lands on his back. This happens very suddenly. Judges hold up cards with points on, in the manner of ice skating judges.)
Voice Over: 9.1, 9.3, 9.7, that's 28.1 for Genghis Khan.
(Mozart still at piano.)
Mozart: Bad luck Genghis. Nice to have you on the show. And now here are the scores.
(Scoreboard with Eddie Waring figure stnding by it. The scoreboard looks a little like this:)
St Stephan
29.9
Richard III
29.3
Jean D'arc
29.1
Marat
29.0
A. Lincoln (U.S. of A.)
28.2
G. Khan
28.1
King Edward VII
3.1
Eddie: Well there you can see the scores now. St Stephen in the lead there with his stoning, then comes King Richard the Third at Bosworth Field, a grand death that, then the very lovely Jean d'Arc, then Marat in his bath - best of friends with Charlone in the showers afterwards - then A. Lincoln of the U.S of A, a grand little chap that, and number six Genghis Khan, and the back marker King Edward the Seventh. Back to you, Wolfgang.
(Mozart still at piano.)
Mozart: Thank you, Eddie. And now time for this week's request death. (taking card off piano) For Mr and Mrs Violet Stebbings of 23 Wolverston Road, Hull, the death of Mr Bruce Foster of Guildford.
(Cut to a lounge setting. Mr Foster sitting in chair.)
Foster: Strewth! (he dies)
(Mozart still there. He looks at watch.)
Mozart: Oh blimey, how time flies. Sadly we are reaching the end of yet another programme and so it is finale time. We are proud to bebringing to you one of the evergreen bucket kickers. Yes, the wonderful death of the famous English Admiral Nelson.
(Cut to a modern office block, as high as possible. After a pause a body flies out of the top window looking as much like Nelson as possible. As it plummets there is a strangled scream.
Nelson: Kiss me Hardy!
(The body hits the Found. There is the loud noise of a pig squealing.)
* * *
Return to the sketches index
Italian Lessons
As featured in the Flying Circus TV Show - Episode 1
* * *
The cast:
TEACHER
Terry Jones
GIUSEPPE
Michael Palin
MARIOLINI
John Cleese
FRANCESCO
Eric Idle
HELMUT
Graham Chapman
* * *
The sketch:
(Cut to a night school Teacher looking down out of classroom window. He crosses to a long wall blackboard with line of pigs drawn on near end. He crosses one off, walks along blackboard to other end which has written on it 'evening classes 7-8p.m. '. He writes 'Italian' below this and turns to camera.)
Teacher: Ah - good evening everyone, and welcome to the second of our Italian language classes, in which we'll be helping you brush up your Italian. Last week we started at the beginning, and we learnt the Italian for a 'spoon'. Now, I wonder how many of you can remember what it was?
(Shout of 'Si, Si, Si,' from the class whom we see are all Italians.)
Teacher: Not all at once ... sit down Mario. Giuseppe!
Giuseppe: II cucchiaio.
Teacher: Well done Giuseppe, or, as the Italians would say: 'Molto bene, Giuseppe'.
Giuseppe: Grazie signor ... grazie di tutta la sua gentilezza.
Teacher: Well, now, this week we're going to learn some useful phrases to help us open a conversation with an Italian. Now first of all try telling him where you come from. For example, I would say: 'Sono Inglese di Gerrard's Cross', I am an Englishman from Gerrard's Cross. Shall we all try that together?
All: Sono Inglese di Gerrard's Cross.
Teacher: Not too bad, now let's try it with somebody else. Er... Mr... ?
Mariolini: Mariolini.
Teacher: Ah, Mr Mariolini, and where are you from?
Mariolini: Napoli, signor.
Teacher: Ah ... you're an Italian.
Mariolini: Si, si signor!
Teacher: Well in that case you would say: 'Sono Italiano di Napoli'.
Mariolini: Ah, capisco, mi!le grazie signor...
Francesco: Per favore, signor!
Teacher: Yes?
Francesco: Non conosgeve parliamente, signor devo me parlo sono Irallano di Napoil quando il habitare de Milano.
Teacher: I'm sorry ... I don't understand!
Giuseppe: (pointing to Francesco) My friend say 'Why must he say...'
(Hand goes up at back of room and a Lederhosen Teutonic figure stands up.)
Helmut: Bitte mein Herr. Was ist das Won für Mittelschmerz?
Teacher: Ah! Helmut - you want the German classes.
Helmu: Oh ja! Danke schön. (he starts to leave) Ah das deutsche Klassenzimmer... Ach! (he leaves)
Giuseppe: My friend he say, 'Why must I say I am Italian from Napoli when he lives in Milan?'
Teacher: Ah, I... well, tell your friend ... if he lives in Milan he must say 'Sono Italiano di Milano...'
Francesco: (agitatedly, leaping to his feet) Eeeeeee! Milano è tanto meglio di Napoli. Milano è la citta la più bella di tutti ... nel mondo...
Giuseppe: He say 'Milan is better than Napoil'.
Teacher: Oh,
he shouldn't be saying that, we haven't done comparatives yet.
(In the background everyone has stared talking in agitated Italian. At this point a genuine mandoline-playing Italian secreted amongst the cast strikes up: 'Quando Caliente Del Sol...' or similar. The class is out of control by this time. The teacher helplessly tries to control them but eventually gives up and retreats to his desk and sits down. There is a loud pig squeal and he leaps up.)
* * *
Return to the sketches index
Whizzo Butter
As featured in the Flying Circus TV Show - Episode 1
* * *
The cast:
VOICE OVER
Terry Gillam
INTERVIEWER
Michael Palin
FIRST PEPPERPOT
Graham Chapman
SECOND PEPPERPOT
John Cleese
THIRD PEPPERPOT
Terry Jones
* * *
The sketch:
Voice Over: (during an animation) Yes, mothers, new improved Whizzo butter containing 10% more or less is absolutely indistinguishable from a dead crab. Remember, buy Whizzo butter and go to HEAVEN!
(Cut to a group middle-aged lower-middle-class women (hereinafier referred to as 'Pepperpots ) being interviewed.)
First Pepperpot: I can't tell the difference between Whizzo butter and this dead crab.
Interviewer: Yes, you know, we find that nine out of ten British housewives can't tell the difference between Whizzo butter and a dead crab.
Pepperpots: It's true, we can't. No.
Second Pepperpot: Here. Here! You're on television, aren't you?
Interviewer: (modestly) Yes, yes.
