by Virna DePaul
She was right. They’d still have to explore the cremation angle, but the common connection between the victims was their strongest chance of finding their killer. “I’ll work on contacting witnesses from McGill’s. I haven’t reached DeMarco yet….”
“The commander said he had a family emergency, but it’s weird we can’t reach him on his cell.”
It was weird and some of the concern he heard in her voice poked at him. Still, DeMarco could handle himself and there was no point in worrying. “I’m sure it’s nothing. We should also start questioning witnesses at the college. See if we can find another connection between our vics that maybe Susan Ingram doesn’t know about or maybe wasn’t copping to. What are you doing after your appointment? Should I meet you at SIG?”
“Why don’t you get started with interviews on campus, focusing on anyone who knew Kelly Sorenson, and I’ll meet you there as soon as I can. I’ll focus on questioning witnesses who knew Cheryl Anderson.”
“Okay.” He almost hung up, but with the vibrant images of their lovemaking still in his head, he impulsively said, “Carrie, last night—”
“Was a mistake, Jase,” she said in a rush. “A big one. I mean, it was fun, getting to experience your brand of magic firsthand, but we work together. It can’t happen again.”
He wasn’t in the least surprised by her words. By the fact she was not only in denial, but in retreat mode. She had to be feeling as shaken up as he was, wanting to put things back the way they were, with each of them in their respective corners and a safe, respectable distance away. He’d let her get away with it for now, but he wasn’t going to lie to her, either. “I disagree with you, but it’s obviously your call.”
“That’s it?” she asked suspiciously. “No trying to change my mind? It must not have been that great for you, after all.”
He looked at the phone chidingly, as if she could really see his expression. “Oh, it was damn good for me and you know it. The best. I just know better than to try and argue with you.”
“That’s never stopped you before.”
“True.” He leaned back against the counter and took a sip of his freshly poured coffee. “But I said it’s your call. I never said I wouldn’t do all I could to change your mind.”
She didn’t seem to have a comeback for that, so he said a quiet goodbye and hung up.
* * *
DESPITE HER BEST intentions, when Carrie disconnected the call with Jase, she was smiling.
I said it’s your call. I never said I wouldn’t do all I could to change your mind.
That was the Jase she knew and loved.
She stumbled at her unfortunate choice in words. She loved what she’d done to him last night. She’d loved what he’d done to her. But she didn’t love Jase. She couldn’t.
So why did it feel as if she did?
Thirty minutes later, she walked into Dr. Lana Hudson’s office at the SFPD. She’d thought she’d had her last appointment with Lana before she’d returned to SIG, but Lana had left a voice mail for her yesterday asking to see her again. Carrie assumed it was just a follow-up to check in with her now that she’d returned to work, and that’s exactly what it was. Of course, Lana also knew other things were adding to Carrie’s stress since she’d returned to work, and Lana had homed in on those like a vulture tearing into fresh meat. Well, with a little more class than that, Carrie thought wryly. Lana was so pretty that the vulture analogy wasn’t all that appropriate.
They spent most of their time talking about Martha Porter’s lawsuit, in which she claimed Carrie had unjustifiably killed her grandson, but then Lana got down to the heart of the matter.
“You’ve got a lot going on, Carrie. More so than you did before with this lawsuit and your house burning down. I’m afraid it’s too much. I’m glad Stevens has you working with Jase, but you’ve always had a bit of a contentious relationship with him.”
Carrie thought about all that had transpired between them. In bed and out. They actually worked fabulously together, and she wasn’t just talking about the sex. She was learning a lot from Jase and couldn’t deny it had been a good move on Stevens’s part to team them up.
“Don’t worry, Lana. Nothing will get in the way of the job, I promise. I feel confident. Strong. Jase and I are making inroads with a difficult case. We’ll get this guy.”
“Sure. Getting the bad guy. That always comes first, right?” Her last words were almost bitter, and Carrie wondered why. For a brief moment, she thought of Simon Granger, fellow SIG agent and now acting supervisor while Mac was on vacation. Simon and Lana had dated for a while, just before Simon had taken a desk job at SFPD, but the day Simon had unexpectedly returned to SIG appeared to be the day their developing relationship had ended. Was it Simon’s inability to let go of his job as a special agent that was the cause of their split? The cause of the bitterness in Lana’s tone?
Carrie suspected it was. She didn’t know much about Lana, but she did know the doctor was a widow and that her husband had served in the military. Two years after his death, Lana still wore her wedding ring. It would be perfectly understandable for her to resist dating yet another man who had a better than average chance of getting killed on the job.
Was Lana right? Did the job always come first? For Carrie, it had always seemed to. She had never thought there’d come a time when it didn’t. But now? Now she wasn’t so sure.
She knew she had no business asking, but she did anyway. “Would you change that? If you could? If you had the power to make Simon leave the job, would you?”
Lana inhaled sharply. No surprise given how Carrie had turned the tables, but the other woman didn’t try to deny anything. “Honestly? I don’t know. I know why he’s a cop. It’s who he is. Who he has to be. I can’t ask him to give it up. But does a small part of me wish he loved me enough to do so? Of course. And that’s the rub. It is what it is.”
Acceptance radiated from her, making Carrie’s heart ache. Love never seemed to work out the way it should. Especially not for cops. And it seemed to be true whether that cop was a man or a woman, which actually didn’t make her feel any better about it.
“What about you, Carrie? Would you give up the job? If it meant you could be with the person you loved most?”
It was Carrie’s turn to be stunned as her thoughts automatically turned to Jase. Once again, she asked herself the question: Did she love Jase? More to the point, would she give up her job for him? She’d have expected her answer to be a resounding no. Was slightly appalled that it wasn’t. It was more like a soft no, but a reluctant one. A tenuous one. But like Lana had said, it wasn’t that simple. “You’re right. It’s not an easy answer,” she said. “I shouldn’t have pried.” She stood again. “Thank you for being concerned about me, Lana, but I need to go.”
“Carrie—” Lana began.
But Carrie didn’t wait to hear more. She walked from Lana’s office, but inside she was running. She wasn’t exactly sure why. Her conversation with Lana had merely confirmed what she’d already known. What she’d reminded herself time and again. When you were a cop, there wasn’t room for softer emotions like love. There wasn’t much room for anything. Not if you wanted to truly be good at your job. Not if bringing justice to victims and catching the bad guys was to be your number one priority.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
BRAD WATCHED AS Tony Higgs and Nora Lopez exited the café and walked to her car. He’d been watching the two of them for weeks. He’d seen the way Tony toyed with the girl who clearly adored him and then mocked her when his friends showed up. Brad was quite familiar with those mocking glances himself. Had been privy to them all his life. Tony and his friends hadn’t tried to hide their disdain for him. As if he was some freak who didn’t deserve to breathe the same air as they did.
He wished he could take care of all of them. Line them up execution style and watch the horror on their faces when he pulled out his knife and began slicing their perfect faces to pieces. First his slutty girlfriend
who liked to parade around in short outfits. Then his friend who looked like he feasted on steroids for breakfast. And then the cocky asshole who got off on using and abusing poor little girls who didn’t know better.
But of course he wouldn’t. That would ruin his plan. He needed to be smart.
As smart as he had been. As ruthless as he had been.
Things were finally making sense, going his way, turning out the way they should.
He could feel the difference in himself. The inner transformation that was taking place along with the physical one.
He wasn’t going to let anything, not pride, not impatience, not jealousy or fear, get in his way.
He wiped down the table that Tony and Nora had vacated. The glass of chai tea Nora had been drinking was half empty. Brad picked it up and pressed his lips against the rim, imagining that he touched the exact spot she’d drunk from.
He’d always felt comfortable talking to Nora. But in the past few days, he’d started talking to his other customers, too. And they’d been responding well. As if he were one of them. As if he were normal. He liked it. Deserved it. Wanted more of it.
Soon, he’d have the nerve to ask Nora out. She’d look at him with the same adoring eyes she normally reserved for Tony, but unlike him, he’d return that affection. He wouldn’t hurt her or laugh at her the way Tony did. And he’d make her see what she’d been too blind to see before.
That they were destined to be together.
* * *
BY THE TIME CARRIE MET up with Jase at Sequoia College, he’d interviewed almost twenty people in his hunt to find a link between Cheryl Anderson and Kelly Sorenson. Hours later, neither one of them had come up with any leads. No one had ever seen the two women together. And no one had recalled seeing anything strange or suspicious where either woman was concerned, either.
“So maybe they really didn’t know each other. He picked them out simply because they went to the same college. But how can we narrow it down from there?” Carrie muttered, more because she was thinking out loud than because she was really asking Jase for an answer.
She’d avoided talking to him directly ever since they’d met up. Had only communicated with him to share the facts and nothing but the facts so they could avoid duplicating each other’s work. Yet she couldn’t deny the intense pleasure she’d felt at seeing him again. Her body and heart always responded to Jase’s proximity, but now that they’d been intimate, it was difficult to keep memories of their night together at bay. Even worse, she found herself getting alternately angry and sad at the thought of never experiencing his touch again. If Jase felt the same conflicting emotions, he was doing a good job of hiding it.
“We need to look into other ways to link them,” Jase replied. “If we don’t come up with something soon, we have to seriously consider the possibility of a copycat. There are more differences between the murders of Cheryl Anderson and Kelly Sorenson than there are similarities.”
“But the similarity that is there, the cutting off of the eyelids? It’s such a distinctive detail. I’ve never heard of that happening before, have you?”
“Just because we’re trying to keep The Embalmer’s M.O. a secret doesn’t mean some facts haven’t spread to the general public. Cops can get sloppy, too. Talk to people they shouldn’t. Hell, The Embalmer might have bragged about his crimes and gotten someone else interested.”
“That’s true,” Carrie conceded. “I can’t imagine he’d like that very much, but it’s a possibility.”
“It actually makes the most sense,” Jase insisted. “The first three victims all had light brown hair. They were all teachers of some sort. Kelly Sorenson had darker hair and wasn’t a teacher.”
“There’s still the connection of Susan Ingram having Cheryl Anderson as a professor,” Carrie reminded him.
“Yeah, but without anything else, that means nothing. So let’s see what else we can dig up. Let’s look into where they’ve been. Things they’ve bought. Movies they’ve seen. We need to request copies of their canceled checks and look at their credit-card charges. Find out if there’s a link that way.”
“Okay,” Carrie said. “I’ll do that as soon as I get back to the office. I’ll meet you there?”
He remained silent and for the first time, Carrie looked at him directly. He studied her with an intense expression, as if he wanted to say something. As if he wanted to push things. Not things having to do with the case, but things having to do with them. She held her breath, not sure what she’d do if he brought up the previous night and what they’d done, but luckily he just nodded. “Yeah. I’ll see you at the office.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“I’M TELLING YOU, I don’t think she’s ready for this.”
Leaning back in his desk chair—which was actually Mac’s desk chair—Special Agent Simon Granger focused on keeping his face impassive as he listened to Doctor Lana Hudson. It wasn’t the first time she’d advised someone to go slowly with Carrie. Apparently, she’d made the same recommendation to both Mac and Commander Stevens before they’d decided to give Carrie the lead on The Embalmer case. “I know what you told me,” he said. “But Carrie assures us she’s fine and there’s been nothing to indicate otherwise. She’s an experienced agent. There’s no reason to think she can’t handle a serial case.”
Lana leaned aggressively over Simon’s desk, her palms planted firmly on the smooth wood surface. His muscles tensed at her proximity, and his nostrils flared at her familiar scent. He struggled to concentrate on what she was saying. He focused on her left hand, the one that still bore her wedding ring.
“But none of her cases have been like this. The homicides she handled were all cold cases. The rest, a domestic violence case or two. A family abduction. Nothing so dangerous, so twisted, as a serial killer. I think it was a mistake to give her such a big case so soon after the Porter incident.”
“She needs to move on and she’s earned this chance. Mac thinks so and so does the commander. I’m not going to stand in her way.”
Lana straightened and shook her head in disbelief. “Fine, Captain Granger.”
Captain Granger, my ass, he thought, frowning. I’ve seen you naked, lady. He clenched his fists and ruthlessly pushed away the thought that he’d probably never see her naked again. “I’m not a captain anymore, Lana. I’m just a special agent again, remember?”
Lana paused for a moment, then opened her mouth to continue. He interrupted her.
“I’ve kept tabs on her. Before she came back, she went to the range twice a week. Her shooting is as accurate as ever.”
She still didn’t look convinced. “That’s true, but you know as well as I do it’s not the same as pulling your weapon on the street. Lots of officers draw their weapons. Few shoot it. We can’t be sure what happened at the Porter scene, but bottom line, he got a drop on her. And then she killed him. It’s too soon to know how that’s going to affect her.”
“Are you telling me you think she’s unfit for duty?” God, he hoped not. For the case’s sake. And for Carrie’s. He didn’t know her that well. Hadn’t allowed himself to.
Lana hesitated for several seconds. Then she shook her head. “No. No, I’m not saying that. But she hasn’t forgiven herself for failing to subdue Kevin Porter without killing him. Yes, she’s been healing. Getting stronger. Still, I can’t help wondering if this case may be too much pressure. Maybe you can give her more time....”
Granger. Only slightly more personal. She hadn’t called him Simon since she’d broken things off with him.
“Well, unfortunately, time is something we don’t have.” Simon stood up, noting that Lana immediately took several steps back. He towered over her, but he knew she wasn’t afraid of him. At least not physically. He took some satisfaction knowing he could still rattle her emotionally. In fact, he wanted to do more than just rattle her. He wanted to crowd her. To make her admit that she was still feeling the same attraction he was. But he didn’t. Couldn’t. He needed her to com
e to him on her own. Still, he kept the desk between them. Just in case he was tempted to reach out to her. “The only way she’s going to truly get past the shooting is to get back to the job. To the team. She worked her ass off to get where she has, and there’s no way we’re not going to support her.”
It was a little strange thinking of himself as a SIG member again, but he hadn’t been able to handle the change. He’d needed the action of the streets. The challenge. So he’d given up his appointment to captain and returned to SIG. And that had been the day Lana had broken up with him.
She stood her ground, but her features softened slightly.
“She needs time to deal with what happened, Granger. Whether we like it or not, women are raised differently in society, and that influences our response to certain situations. It’s a known fact that women are far more likely to be affected by having to kill someone than their male counterparts....”
Simon didn’t buy it. Carrie needed to face her fears and move on with her life. Just like Lana. “She’s strong. Stronger than most men.”
“Yes, she is. But people who reach that level, your level, of discipline are generally obsessive. Big thinkers who need to control most aspects of their lives. That makes them more predisposed to develop post-traumatic stress disorder, which is exactly what she has.”
Simon let out a frustrated sigh. Returned to his seat. “Look, we’re never going to agree on this. I know she’s blaming herself. Shit, we’ve all had to deal with guilt at one time or another. But we’re more experienced. We’ve had years on the job to deal with this kind of thing, to balance the bad with the good. Shit, it was her first op.”
Uh-oh. Lana’s eyes lit up, and Simon knew immediately he’d made a mistake. By acknowledging Carrie’s vulnerability, he’d only reinforced Lana’s argument that she shouldn’t be working on a case like The Embalmer. Hell, he’d had the same doubts initially. But it hadn’t been his call. He trusted Mac and Stevens’s decision and he’d stand by them. He’d stand by Carrie, too. She deserved this chance.
