by C. Fonseca
“And that makes you an even more appealing subject.”
Andi studied Caitlin. How should she respond to a statement like that? “Come on, you should point your lens towards what lies ahead.” She moved past Caitlin, to lead the way.
“I see what you mean. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the view from back here either,” said Caitlin. She whistled softly as she followed.
The woman was exasperating.
As they approached the falls, they heard the thunderous sound of gushing water cascading over the rock shelf and into the stream below. They stared at their reflections as water poured down into the bracken-fringed pool. The fern gully was lush, blanketed by every shade of green blending into each other.
“Andi, this is so very beautiful. It is stunning,” Caitlin said, standing amid the giant tree ferns. A fine mist surrounded them. “The condensation makes your hair seem much darker, glossy and soft.”
Caitlin danced fingers over the nape of Andi’s neck, letting them linger on her skin. Andi swayed into the touch. Caitlin had a disturbing effect on her equilibrium, making her light-headed with the barest hint of seduction.
She ducked away from Caitlin. “If you are game enough to cross the creek, I have something special to show you,” she said, by way of changing the subject.
“I’ve done my share of walking around the Irish countryside. And crossed many a mountain and stream. Lead the way.”
Impulsively, she captured Caitlin’s hand within hers. “Let me help you,” Andi said, even though she was the one who needed help.
They traversed the stream, making their way across the slippery stepping stones, and reached the other side without incident. Still holding her hand, Andi led Caitlin up a steep embankment and through a thick patch of ferns. The greenery cleared, and they stood on a rock platform overlooking a panoramic view of the coastline.
“Wow.” Caitlin let go of her hand and reached for her camera. Andi sat on the rock platform, leaned back against a large boulder, and took in the view.
A loud screeching interrupted their silence. Caitlin jumped, and Andi doubled over with laughter as a large seedpod barely missed Caitlin and landed near her boots.
“What on earth is that racket? And what do you find so funny?” Caitlin asked. She checked the top of her head. “Have I got bird droppings in my hair?”
“Oh, you should see your face, and no, you haven’t.” She tried to suppress her giggles and pointed up into the tree. Straight above Caitlin, two large birds were feeding, cracking open the seeds and sending a rain of debris onto the ground. Their curved beaks and showy crests were visible through a break in the canopy.
“What are they? Parrots?” She pointed the camera upwards; her lens followed the screeching birds.
“Those noisy blighters are gang-gang cockatoos. The male is the one with the scarlet crest; the female has the dark-grey head.”
“Gang-gang? They sound like a gang, gang.” Caitlin looked through the long lens. “They do look very different from one another.”
Andi glanced at her watch. “We have another six kilometres back to the car, but it is an easier walk. No more rivers to cross.”
Caitlin quietly sang the lyrics to “Many Rivers to Cross,” as she pulled on her backpack. Andi rolled her eyes, and Caitlin added, “Okay, so I can do my share of corny. Must be all the fresh air.”
Caitlin seemed relaxed on the drive home, gazing contentedly out the window. Andi reflected on their day together. There wasn’t much not to like. Caitlin was engaging, fun, and as her brother would say, too damn hot.
She thought about her relationship with Martha, the professional snowboarder, one year younger than herself. It had ended abruptly.
In Australia on a promotional exchange, she’d pursued Andi, and it wasn’t long before they’d fallen into each other’s arms and into bed. An unstoppable dynamo, with instinctual athleticism, Martha was fearless and competitive. Andi had been smitten.
Even though her mother blamed Martha for Andi’s withdrawal after their breakup, Andi knew it hadn’t all been Martha’s fault. She’d made it clear that with her career and her family in Europe, she was only in the country temporarily. That she’d based herself in Australia with Andi for nearly two years was remarkable.
Andi had been caught up in a whirlwind. In the summer, they surfed and partied, and in winter, Martha taught Andi to snowboard in the Victorian and New Zealand snowfields. This left Andi little time to focus on her art or her family.
When Martha’s two-year visa expired, she returned home to Germany, never suggesting that Andi accompany or even visit her. Their relationship had been fun, but as far as Martha was concerned, it was time to move on. She’d obviously done just that. It had taken Andi a little longer.
Martha and Caitlin were very different, although they did have one thing in common—they were both visitors to Australia.
Caitlin, like Martha, was likely to return home when her work ended.
If they were to be friends, Andi had to make her wishes clear. But the more time she spent in Caitlin’s company, the harder it was to know just what she wanted.
Caitlin dozed in the midafternoon sunlight that shimmered through the windscreen. Her creamy, smooth skin was flushed from today’s fresh air and exercise. Andi’s fingers gripped the steering wheel as she fought the temptation to reach across and caress her cheek.
As if sensing Andi’s gaze on her, Caitlin opened her eyes and blinked as they adjusted to the strong light. She stretched, stifling a yawn with her hand. She smiled sweetly.
“Decided to wake, did you?” Andi grinned.
“Are we there yet?” Caitlin said and pulled herself into an upright position. “You should have woken me.”
“You looked so peaceful, I didn’t have the heart to wake you. So I just ignored the snoring and the dribbling,” Andi deadpanned as she concentrated on her driving.
Caitlin hurriedly checked her face in the mirror. “I do not snore. And I did not dribble.”
“Gotcha. I’m only teasing. We’re about fifteen minutes from your place. Go back to sleep, if you like.”
Caitlin shook her head. “I’m wide awake now. I actually feel one hundred percent. The combination of sea air, exercise, great food, and good company is working its magic.”
“You look fantastic,” Andi spluttered. “I mean…you do look…very relaxed.”
“Hmm, I am.”
Fifteen minutes later, Andi got out of the Jeep and moved to the rear of the car. She helped Caitlin with the treasures she had claimed from their walk along Shelly Beach by the Lorne pier.
“What do you plan to do with all this?” Andi lifted out a large, gnarled piece of driftwood, blonde and smoothed from the ocean.
“Isabella has a great collection of exotic succulents and bromeliads. This will create an excellent home for several of the plants.”
“Okay, sounds like a good idea.” Andi smiled. They worked in silence, unloading a bag of seaweed and the collection of shells Caitlin had gathered. Andi brushed her sandy hands onto her jeans. “All right. It’s a little after six now. Maybe I should go. I guess—”
Caitlin must have noticed her hesitation. She asked, “Why don’t you come in for a while? I’ve had such a wonderful day, and I don’t want it to end yet. I can offer you a cold drink or a cup of tea?”
“Maybe for a short time. Luc’s at home, so I shouldn’t be too long.”
Andi followed Caitlin out of the garage and into the house.
“Make yourself comfortable. I’ll be back in a minute. Should I find us a bottle of wine?”
Definitely no wine. Andi needed a clear head and a fully functioning brain. “Actually, if you don’t mind, I could use a cup of tea…and the bathroom?”
Caitlin paused at the top of the stairs. “Of course. Do you remember where it is?”
Andi nodded.
Caitlin smiled and said, “Give me five minutes, I also need to freshen up. There are clean towels in the
guest bathroom.”
Andi was glad to have a few minutes alone to remind herself why Caitlin was a bad idea. The more time she spent with Caitlin, the harder it was to remember.
* * *
When Caitlin returned upstairs, she found Andi gazing out the window towards the ocean. It would have been easy to put her arms around her. Although, with Andi’s distant look, maybe it wasn’t the right time. She’d sensed Andi’s withdrawal since their return. It had been such a wonderful day; maybe she was just tired?
“There you are,” Caitlin said. Andi turned around as Caitlin approached.
“I’ve had a great day. I really enjoyed lunch and our bush walk to the falls,” Andi said and turned back to gaze out the window. An awkward silence filled the room.
Caitlin poured hot water into the teapot and carried the tray into the living room. “I’ll pour the tea, and maybe we can sit down and talk.”
She settled into one of the two comfortable chairs by the bay window and patted the seat beside her. Andi moved slowly across the room and sat down, a strained look on her face. She gripped the teacup, her body in a tense, unnaturally upright position.
“This is one of my favourite places to sit in the afternoons. A great place to read, and the perfect place to think.” Caitlin shifted in her chair to face Andi. “You seem distracted. Do you have something on your mind?”
Andi put the teacup down on the table beside her. She pushed her body back into the chair and rolled her shoulders. “I guess I’d like to clear up a couple of things.” Andi hesitated, as if unsure how to proceed.
Caitlin remained silent and raised an eyebrow as if inviting her to continue.
“I may be mistaken, but I feel there’s something going on here.” Andi gestured loosely between them. “I can’t…I mean, I don’t…damn.” She rubbed her hands on her jeans and then picked at a loose thread on her shirtsleeve and twirled it between her fingers.
“You know I like you, Andi.”
Andi looked up to meet her gaze, her mouth curved slightly. “And I like you, Caitlin.” The moment she said it, Andi looked as if she wanted to take the words back.
With a wry smile, Caitlin said, “Why do I feel like there’s a but?”
Andi hesitated. She looked pensive. “The other night, Luc mentioned Martha…”
Caitlin tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice. “Is Martha your girlfriend?”
Andi shook her head. “Martha was my girlfriend until a year ago when she returned home to Germany.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Andi. Do you still keep in touch with her?” she asked. Obviously Martha had caused Andi some hurt on her departure.
“No, I don’t. Martha moved home and moved on.” Andi stood up and paced in front of the window, her hands thrust deeply in her pockets. “I should have seen it coming, but when it happened, I couldn’t get my act together.” She stared, almost accusingly, at Caitlin. “She left, and I couldn’t function for a while.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that. Breakups are never much fun, are they?” Caitlin wondered if Andi was still in love with her.
Andi shook her head, as if trying to erase an unpleasant memory. “Even before Martha left, I’d been so caught up in a world of partying and playing that I lost my connection with my surroundings. I couldn’t paint. Things lost their sharpness. Colours were hazy…blurred.” She stopped pacing and sat down on the couch. “I’m babbling.”
“I’m so happy that you’ve been able to paint again and hopefully work through some of that stuff,” Caitlin said carefully. When Andi didn’t respond, Caitlin moved her chair closer and clasped her hands. “So tell me what you think is happening here?”
Andi unclasped their hands and stood to move away. “Nothing is happening, Caitlin. Nothing at all.” She rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet—that distinctly Andi mannerism.
“You know, I would never intentionally hurt you. I’ve never lied to you. I told you I am here in Melbourne working on a project. I haven’t made any solid decision yet about the future.”
Andi looked down at her feet.
“Can’t we just take things slowly?” Caitlin asked hopefully. “Get to know each other a bit more? You know I’m attracted to you. I thought you felt the same.”
“It’s not that… God, it’s never been that,” Andi stuttered. She seemed to be on the verge of tears.
Caitlin tried to put her arms around her, but Andi stepped back with her hands up in defence. “I can’t. I just can’t do this now.”
“But you kissed me back,” Caitlin said, frustration edging its way into her voice.
Andi picked up her bag and headed for the door.
“I’ll ring you, Caitlin.” She opened the door, letting in a blast of cold air. “Because if I stay—” Andi took off, and Caitlin heard her footsteps hammering down the stairway.
Caitlin stared at the empty doorway as the wheels of the Jeep spun on the gravel driveway. “Fuck. But if you stayed—what? I didn’t handle that very well, did I? Damn it.”
* * *
Andi parked in the carport and walked over to Luc, who was packing his gear into the builder’s trailer attached to the rear of his Volkswagen camper. She really didn’t want to talk about what had just happened, but Andi knew she couldn’t put off the inevitable for long.
Luc finished securing a pair of ladder racks to the trailer. “You’re home earlier than I expected. Actually, I wondered if I’d see you at all tonight.” He winked. “How’d you go?”
She kicked the trailer tyre. “Really? What did you think was going to happen? I hardly know the woman, Luc.”
“Whoa, you don’t have to take it out on the poor tyre, Sis.” He placed his hand on her shoulder. “So, how did it go? Really?”
“I’m sorry. I had a great day. Lunch at Big Blue was amazing, and our walk to the falls was great. I think Caitlin enjoyed the day too.” Andi avoided his direct look. Her eyes stung with tears on the verge of spilling over. “Do you need help with this?” she asked, pointing to the toolbox.
“No thanks, it’s sorted. I’m parched, though. In twenty minutes, Zip and I will be ready for a cold beer. Won’t we, girl?” he said, patting the eager pup.
“Great idea, I could use a drink myself. I’m going to grab a quick shower and change, and then we can sit out here on the veranda. How about food? Are you hungry?”
“Starving. I’ll ring Birdie’s and order a couple of wood-fired pizzas while you shower. The usual for you?”
“Yes, that’s fine,” she said. She climbed up onto the porch and picked up Koda. “How’s my girl? Glad to see me, are you?” she asked as Koda headbutted her and purred loudly. “Oh Koda, why do things have to be so complicated?”
Luc called after Andi, “Oh yeah, Koda must be starving too. She and Zip have been my furry assistants all day, sleeping under the work bench, playing in the sun, chasing butterflies.”
Andi crooned to the Burmese cat, “Helping Uncle Luc, were you? What a good little cat. Come on, you can keep me company while I take a shower.” Koda’s rough tongue grazed her knuckle. “Okay, maybe not in the shower. I know you don’t like the water.”
Andi called out to Luc, “Make it a small vegetarian. I had a big lunch.”
“No worries,” he said, reaching for his phone. “You know me, I’ll finish the leftovers.”
Half an hour later, Luc and Andi sat on the veranda, enjoying a beer. Zip was under the table, and Koda sat perched on the end of the long wooden bench, waiting for Luc to share one of the prawns from his pizza marinara.
“Please don’t feed her any garlic. She sleeps right near my head and licks my hair.”
“Spoiled cat,” he exclaimed affectionately and fed her another seafood morsel. “So, are you going to spill? What had you so upset when you got home?”
That was the million-dollar question. Why was she so upset? She wasn’t sure herself, but Luc was perceptive, and she couldn’t pretend. Although she didn’t fully un
derstand her own feelings, Andi was grateful for his concern and his company.
Andi frowned and pushed away the rest of her food. “I think I blew it,” she said. “We had a great day together, but then I let my insecurities and fears take over. Now I don’t even know if she’ll want to be friends.”
“What happened? You like her, don’t you?” He raised his eyebrows. “She seems to like you too. She’s kinda touchy-feely around you all the time. And she’s hot!”
Andi gulped her beer and then pressed her forehead against the icy glass. “I have no argument about that,” she agreed. “I mean, I’d like to live in the moment, listen to what my body and my feelings are telling me, but—”
“But? What’s the problem, then?”
“I guess I’m not prepared for a fling. Caitlin has a job, a family, and a life in Ireland. Where will that leave me when she goes home?”
Luc raised his hands in disbelief. “What is it with you girls? You share a kiss—you have kissed, haven’t you?” he joked. “And you already want to move in together and exchange rings?”
“Ah, my brother, the expert on lesbian behaviour.” Andi couldn’t help but smile. “I wouldn’t go that far. And yes, we’ve kissed.” She closed her eyes, remembering the silky softness of Caitlin’s lips as she lightly nibbled Andi’s bottom lip, before pressing their mouths together in a passionate kiss. The tip of her tongue swept gently…
Luc cleared his throat. “Eh. Earth to Andi.” He grinned. “So you kissed, and if that look on your face tells me anything, it was some kiss.” Luc finished off the last of Andi’s pizza and wiped his hands in satisfaction. “Look, I know you’ve been burnt and you’re scared, but don’t you think you’re jumping the gun a little? If you haven’t even been on a real date or slept together, how do you know if the two of you are even compatible?”
Embarrassed, Andi shook her head. There was definitely chemistry and that initial jolt of electricity between them. Maybe she should consider giving it a go.
As if reading her mind, Luc said, “If you don’t give it a chance, you’ll never know. Where will any of us be tomorrow?” There was a hint of sadness in his voice, and Andi knew he was thinking about Susie. “So Caitlin may go back to Ireland…and then again, she may not. You may want to get to know her a little better, or you may not. Sometimes you do have to leap before you look.”
