Jessica nodded and sighed. She took a deep breath, and Michael squeezed her hand.
“Okay,” she said, “let’s get this confrontation over with.”
***
“Dad, your babysitter is here,” Shane said, when he saw Michael and Jessica Daniels standing in the doorway of the bedroom. “Wake up and say hello.”
Will opened his eyes and rolled his head to the side. When he saw Jessica, he rolled his head back and closed them again.
“Whatever you think you’re doing boys, stop right now,” he ordered. “Go away, Jessica. Don’t let these two tug on your heartstrings. They’re master manipulators, which I am blaming on their mother. I know you would never have shown up here if they hadn’t coaxed you into it.”
It was the truth, Jessica conceded, when she heard Will saying the words, and any other time she would not have been worried about confessing to it. She had thought the boys had been exaggerating about Will’s condition. Now she could see they had not even told her how bad it really was.
Jessica walked into the bedroom and smartly smacked the bottom of one of Will’s bare feet, making him yelp. He was wearing sweats that had seen better days at least twenty years ago, and he looked like he hadn’t shaved in several months.
“You could have at least shaved,” she said caustically. “You look like a deranged serial killer.”
Will’s eyes lit with anger for moment as he took in her wet hair. “Look who’s talking. You look like a wet dog.”
Well, they were off to a good start, Jessica thought. She walked to the bed and sat on the edge of it taking off her shoes.
Shane averted his gaze and pretended not to be interested in the woman crawling into bed with his father as he asked the inevitable question. “Uh—are you ready for us to leave now?”
“Not yet,” Jessica said smoothly. “You can leave when Will tells you to go.”
“Tell them to go? You’ve got to be kidding. I’ve been trying to get them to leave me the hell alone for days,” he declared. Then he looked at each son individually for a couple of moments. “Go. Leave now.”
“Not yet,” Jessica said firmly to the boys, grateful they were obeying her and not Will. She swung her legs up beside his on the bed. “Move over.”
“No,” Will said. “Go away.”
He closed his eyes to shut out the sight of her. It was bad enough he had to smell her. She must have just taken a shower and washed her hair. Desire curled inside him, but Will ruthlessly pushed it away. Never again, he vowed. Never again would he push unwanted attention on this woman. She could strip and fondle herself, and he still wouldn’t lay a hand on her.
“Fine,” Jessica said, turning to her side and stretching out her length on what little bed Will was allowing her. “If I fall onto the floor, it will be your fault if I get hurt.”
Will scooted over then, moving his head to another pillow and his body to the other side of the queen bed. “There. Happy now?”
Jessica studied him as she moved her body closer to his. “No. I’m not happy, but I’m not curled up in a ball brooding on my bed either. Stop doing this sulking thing and talk to me. Send your sons away so we can be alone, but tell them you’re okay first. They’ve been worried sick about you. Now I can see why. I didn’t know being stubborn could turn into a chronic illness until I saw you today.”
“I don’t need your false sympathy. Just why the hell are you here anyway?” he demanded. “You’re not interested, remember?”
Jessica rolled to her back and looked up at the ceiling. “I lied. I was scared of you, so I lied.”
“Well, for the record, I will never do anything to scare you again. I’m sorry I did the first time. Now go away,” Will said quietly, the knots returning to his stomach.
“I didn’t mean I was afraid of you physically. I’m afraid of how you make me feel. The last time I was this emotionally involved with a man, he left me and died. Are you planning to die on me too?” Jessica asked, her throat tight.
The genuine pain in her words took the angry bluster right out of him. Will rolled to his side, putting an arm around her without thinking about it. “No. I’m not going to die.”
Jessica patted his arm. “Good. Now tell Michael and Shane to go have dinner and catch a movie, and that they can come back in a couple of hours.”
Will looked at his sons standing in the doorway together, faces drawn tight in concern for both Jessica and him. They had been worried about him for days, and now they were worried about leaving Jessica alone with him. He could see it in the way they were trying not to glare at him.
In his whole life, Will couldn’t remember ever feeling less like a good man. His sons didn’t trust him right now to treat her well. He closed his eyes, breathed quietly a few moments, and tightened his hold on Jessica. His relief to be with her again was profound, and he decided to stop fighting it.
When he opened his eyes, Will looked at his sons with sincere regret. “I’m sorry I worried you. Make sure you lock the door on your way out,” he said softly to them. “Jessica and I are going to be fine. I love you both.”
“We love you too, Dad. Call us if you need us,” Shane said.
“We’ll be fine,” Jessica said. “Your father and I are going to be friends if he’s still alive when you get home.”
Michael laughed nervously. “No killing allowed in my house. You sure you don’t want a chaperone?”
“Go away, Michael,” Will ordered, feeling Jessica’s laughing belly under his arm.
He and Jessica listened to the boys walk down the hallway, gather up keys and jackets, and head out the door. There was a deep silence in the house after they had gone.
Jessica turned her head to Will and let her tears flow at last. She had never wanted anything about her to cause him this much emotional pain. She had never wanted it to bother any man, but her regret for Will’s suffering was ten times more than she usually allowed herself. All she could do was try to explain.
“Look, you never hurt me the way you’ve been imagining. I knew eventually you’d discover my past, and I admit it had occurred to me that I would need to talk with you after you found out. I was just trying to spare myself getting more involved, so it took your sons’ interference to make me do what was right.”
Jessica pulled a tissue from her jeans pocket and used it on her eyes. “The only hurt you have ever caused me is in reminding me too much of the boy I married long, long ago.”
Will tilted his head down. It had not occurred to him that he would remind Jessica of anyone. She was the first woman like her he’d ever met. He’d just assumed he would be unique to her as well. To be fair, he guessed Steve Lipton had tried to tell him he wasn’t original when he mentioned all the men Jessica had dated.
Male arrogance, Will admitted, was not something a man could easily discard, no matter how old he was. “Help me understand. Tell me about your husband.”
Jessica closed her eyes. The last thing she wanted to talk to Will about was another man when she was lying in his arms. However, she knew Will was not going to rest until he was convinced that what she was telling him was the truth.
Jessica took a breath and just began. “I was still a child when I married Nathan. My husband was my first lover, and a very insistent, highly sexual man. I loved him madly and as his wife gladly gave him whatever he wanted from me. But I’ve never been able, no matter how much therapy I had, to separate what happened to me from the sexuality I experienced with him. They were too close together in my timeline. The violence I endured took his memories from me. For years after the rape, I had no good memories of sex at all. My therapist called it Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. It doesn’t just happen to soldiers. It can happen to anyone.”
Jessica turned her head away from Will’s intent gaze to stare at the ceiling again. “When you kissed me to stop me from talking, you reminded me of my husband Nathan. Frankly, I’m not sure I’m ready to remember him or what he used to do to me. I was pretty shocked
that I tolerated it so long without stopping you.”
“I wasn’t trying to remind you of the past,” Will said softly. “I never meant to hurt you in any way at all.”
“I know. Don’t care about me this much, Everett Williams. Don’t dwell on pain that is thirty years old for me. I have emotional scar tissue on top of emotional scar tissue built up inside me. I refuse to blame myself for your pain, and caring about your mental condition is a responsibility I do not want right now,” Jessica told him.
Will put his forehead against Jessica’s shoulder for a moment, then brought his gaze back to hers.
“Well, I may remind you of your dead husband, but whether you like it or not, you’re my first. You’re the first woman to pick me up in years, the first I wanted to kiss so badly I ached, and simply the first I have wanted to make love to in a long time. When Ellen interrupted us in the courtyard, I was upset at her for doing it, and that was the first time I had really felt divorced. It’s too late to ask me not to care about you. You’re the only woman I want. Now tell me the truth. Do I scare you physically?” Will asked, the question not much more than a whisper between them.
“No. You don’t. What is it with you macho men? I’m not scared of you even though I know you can overpower me with your greater strength,” Jessica said sarcastically. “That’s biologically true with a lot of men, Will. Despite what happened between us and my reaction to it, it never occurred to me that you would intentionally want to hurt me. I’m not lying about that. I wouldn’t have crawled into bed beside you or let your sons talk me into coming here if I was physically afraid of you. If you knew me better, you’d have no trouble believing that.”
“You might change your mind if you knew how violent I can be when I’m upset,” Will honestly. “If I saw those men today that hurt you, I would still want to kill them, even thirty years later. They should never have been set free. I’ve seen your art. I can never pretend otherwise.”
He moved his hand on her arm in soothing circles, and then wrapped a leg across both of hers. He hoped it felt comforting and protecting to her instead of restricting.
“If I found a way to be alone with the men that hurt you, I’d probably kill them without remorse,” Will said, splaying one large hand across her stomach, covering where her daughter would have been. “You could make an argument that I’m not much better than those men.”
Jessica stared hard at the ceiling. Past conversations with other men merged into this one with Will. Most men were good inside, she had learned. Most men felt like Will did. Neither his words nor his attitude were a surprise to Jessica. Other men had tried to love her despite the past, but it just hadn’t worked out for long.
“Will, I believe you would only use your strength to protect me,” Jessica told him, rolling to her side and into his arms. “So hold me tightly and let’s sleep together. Make me feel safe and cared for tonight, and maybe we’ll both get some rest.”
Will put his arms around her, careful not to hold her too tightly, despite what she requested. He pulled her body against his to comfort both of them, and within a few minutes they both drifted off into an emotionally exhausted sleep.
***
When Michael and Shane came home several hours later, they found their father and Jessica sleeping peacefully together on the bed, wrapped in each other’s arms.
“Well, at least he kept her here,” Michael said wistfully. “I’m not waking them up.”
Shane shook his head. “It’s a good sign, but it doesn’t necessarily mean things will work out. If they want each other but aren’t acting on it, then this is just a temporary truce.”
“Well, I’m not listening to your analysis tonight, bro,” Michael said quietly, walking with Shane to the door. “I’m just letting them sleep and wishing for a happy ending. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“No—no there isn’t,” Shane agreed. “Call if you need me. Seriously. I don’t mind.”
Michael threw his arms around his brother and hugged him hard before letting him go. “You really are the best man I know next to Dad.”
“Geez, Michael. I was tired of the leggy blonds anyway. Take them. Take them all. Just stop with the hugging already,” Shane said on an embarrassed groan when Michael laughed and let him go.
Chapter 9
Because he’d spent several depressing days sleeping, Will awoke at four in the morning still wrapped around Jessica. He used the bathroom to shave and brush his teeth before he crawled back into the bed to hold the still sleeping woman again.
He lay awake for almost an hour just holding her and studying her face as the room brightened with morning light. He used the time to learn every surface and memorize every line, crevice, and hollow. If he never saw Jessica Daniels again after today, Will thought, he would now always remember enough to carve her face.
At almost exactly six thirty, her eyelids finally fluttered and opened. Probably her normal wake up time, Will thought smiling. She didn’t look surprised to see him, but she did bring up an exploring palm to his now smoothly shaven face.
“Thanks for not making me wake up to a serial killer,” she said, smiling softly.
Will laughed at her teasing. “I figured I owed you that much for staying the night.”
He brushed her hair back and cupped her cheek. “You have an expressive face, Jessica Daniels. I really would like to kiss it good morning.”
Before she could formulate an answer through the brain fog, Will’s peppermint flavored mouth was on hers, his teeth nibbling her lips, his tongue sweeping the area his teeth grazed. Desire shot through her like a lightning bolt bringing instant and complete arousal with it. She curled her fingers into the material covering his shoulders.
Never taking his mouth from hers, Will rolled onto Jessica like they were already lovers, lining their hips together, suggesting the best of all possible ways to wake up. His heart beat in time to the blood rushing through all of him.
This woman, Will thought moving instinctively against her, this woman was definitely the one he wanted.
Jessica could feel Will’s erection straining against her through his thin sweats that revealed everything he could offer. And he could certainly offer a lot, she concluded, sighing in happiness to be under him. Will’s weight bore down on her as he kissed her more deeply, and Jessica groaned at the increasing pressure of his mouth. Then it was simply the most natural thing in the world to part her legs and let Will and his impressive hardness fall between them, to shift under Will until his erection was cradled intimately against her.
Yes, she thought. God yes, and now.
When Will rocked hard between her thighs, the only thing Jessica wanted more than him inside her was to have their clothes magically gone so she could feel his skin on hers. She ran hands down Will’s back, pulled his hips into hers, and almost climaxed when Will pushed hard enough against her to move both her and the bed. She groaned against his mouth and was thrilled when he kissed her harder in response.
The hell with worrying, she thought dizzily, honestly wanting Everett Williams more than she could remember wanting a man in a really long time. Tired of holding back, Jessica realized there was no longer any choice about being less involved.
Her heart expanded with the decision and beat frantically in anticipation.
But when she started to pull off his shirt, Will deliberately moved out of the reach of her hands. Just as quickly as he had rolled onto her, Will rolled off and moved to the other side of the bed, putting all the distance he could between them.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice ragged with the effort to breathe in his aroused state. “I got—carried away. I didn’t mean to crawl on top of you like that.”
Stunned, Jessica could only look at Will as if he was insane, and then she realized he meant they were really stopping.
Well, she was wide awake now, Jessica decided, staring at the ceiling in shock when she could no longer bear to look at Will’s guilty expression. She was bre
athing like an exhausted marathon runner and aching in places she knew she would feel all day. Her legs still trembled with arousal and wanting him back between them. She cursed Will and his misgivings for ruining the most sincere moment of desire she could ever remember feeling.
“Will, if you didn’t interpret my actions just now as an indication of my willingness, you are definitely not as smart as I thought you were,” Jessica said tightly. “Or else you still have a hell of a lot to learn about women even at your age.”
“I refuse to force you or coerce you into doing anything else with me you don’t want,” Will said firmly. “Seducing you when you aren’t fully awake was not fair either. That’s why I stopped.”
“Did I act like you were forcing me? Was I not part of the damn seduction?” Jessica asked, not caring that her emphatic tone revealed how far beyond rational thinking she was. “What the hell did your wife do to let you know she was okay with your sexual advances? I did everything but beg you to be inside me. If you hadn’t moved away, I was only a few seconds from doing that. You felt me reaching for your shirt to undress you.”
Will sighed, and gritted his teeth. “Okay, yes. I knew you wanted me, but this is not the right time. I’m not going to take advantage of you. And being with you is sure as hell not the same thing as being with Ellen.”
“Oh, you made that very clear just now,” Jessica said harshly. She sat up and swung her feet to floor, giving Will her back so he wouldn’t see how much his rejection had hurt her. “I get that I’m damaged goods, a fragile woman, someone you can’t be passionately honest with now. Don’t you think I’ve been down this road before?”
“That is not what I meant,” Will said, surprised and hurt by her interpretation of his self-control. “Look—can we talk about this tonight? I know you have to go to work shortly.”
Jessica stood, grabbed her shoes, walked to the chair and started putting them on. “No. We can’t talk tonight. I have plans tonight.”
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