by Beth Wiseman
Alyssa knew this might be the last time she’d be alone with Brendan. She didn’t want to remember their last conversation as being so ugly.
“I’m sorry, too, Brendan.” She kept her eyes on his, not wanting to miss his reaction. He frowned.
“For what?”
“Maybe I pushed too hard about getting married. And I know how deeply you feel things, how much you wanted to be sure our marriage would work despite all the broken relationships around us. But Brendan, there are never any guarantees.”
Brendan kept his eyes on hers. “I know. But somehow in my mind I was sparing you further hurt down the line. Sparing both of us.”
Alyssa put her elbows on the table and cupped her cheeks in her hands. “Then what changed your mind? It was only a few days later that you started sending flowers.” She grinned. “And kittens.”
He smiled. “I can’t believe you didn’t keep the cat.” He shook his head. “Anyway, it was actually Monroe that changed my mind. I mean, not just Monroe. I was already panicked when I realized I’d really lost you. It wasn’t like I could take a couple of weeks, get my bearings, think it all through. You hated me, wouldn’t talk to me, and the void was overwhelming. So, I talked to Monroe.”
Alyssa waited. “Why Monroe? I know he was your best man, but once you knew, why talk to him?” She pictured Monroe standing to Brendan’s left with the other groomsmen and Sherry on the other side with the bridesmaids. Sherry had been oblivious.
“I had to know if he still loved Sherry.” He paused, a faraway look in his eyes. “He said he’d made a horrible mistake and that it didn’t change the way he felt about Sherry. And then he asked me if I would be happier with or without you. It was such a simple question, and I told him I can’t imagine not having you in my life. I just didn’t want to be the guy responsible for hurting you somewhere down the line.”
Alyssa was quiet. The electricity came back on, but neither one of them moved.
Dalton jiggled the doorknob of the boutique, then pounded on the door, his heart racing. All the way over, as he maneuvered the slick streets, he’d had awful visions of walking in and finding Alyssa and Brendan together in a way that would have rocked his world. Alyssa was going to be his wife soon, but he constantly felt like he was still vying for all of her, like there was a part of her longing to be back with Brendan. But when she unlocked the door and ran into his arms, his pulse started returning to normal.
“Thank goodness you’re all right.” She leaned up to kiss him.
Brendan was behind her.
“Are you okay?” Dalton gently grabbed her arms and eased her away.
“Yes. We’re fine.” She pointed a finger at him. “But you weren’t supposed to drive. I asked you not to.”
Dalton sighed. “I had to know you were okay.” And he hadn’t wanted her to spend one more minute with Brendan. He looked past her at Brendan. “Thanks for taking care of her.”
Brendan shrugged. “I didn’t do much.”
“There’s still ice on all the roads, but it’s not sleeting anymore, so it’s easier to see. And they’ve got trucks out putting sand on the bridges and overpasses. I think it’s okay to take the bluff now. There was a generator at the HEB, so we never lost power, and they had a radio going. They’re broadcasting which routes not to take.”
“I gotta go.” Brendan eased his way around Dalton and Alyssa and rushed out the door. He had his head down, but Dalton saw the tears in his eyes. Dalton turned to Alyssa, but she didn’t see him. Her eyes were on Brendan, and Dalton wondered if she was going to sprint out the door after him. She didn’t, but her eyes stayed on her ex until he was in his truck. When she finally looked at Dalton, she had tears in her eyes too.
“Glad everyone is okay,” she said softly. But Dalton was pretty sure her tears weren’t tears of joy. And he wondered if everyone really was okay.
Alyssa waited a few days before she went to visit Sherry. She had almost decided not to tell her friend at all. But then her mother had told her Bob Shanks had asked Amy for a divorce. What if the whole story got out? Alyssa wanted Sherry to hear it from her, not from local gossips. So she showed up at the door with two lattes and a bag of donut holes.
After she’d cuddled with little Monroe for a while and admired the little elf onesie Sherry had bought for him, she handed the baby back to Sherry. “I got stranded with Brendan during the ice storm.”
Sherry’s eyes grew wide. “You’re kidding. And why are you just now telling me?”
“Nothing happened. We just stayed in the room in the back of the boutique until it stopped sleeting and the trucks got sand on the roads.”
“And?”
Alyssa bit her bottom lip and shrugged. “And we talked.”
Sherry pulled her baby close, then reached for the latte on the table beside her. “And?” she asked again.
Alyssa had recalled her time with Brendan over and over during the past week, and she’d analyzed the whole thing repeatedly. “Apparently Brendan was afraid he’d end up hurting me if we got married. Maybe I pushed too hard about getting married.” She shrugged. “And there’s his parents, their messed-up relationship and all, and . . .” She stopped, took a deep breath. This was harder than she’d thought. “I don’t know. It’s probably still a cop-out. People hurt each other. That’s life.”
Sherry scooted to the edge of the couch and got up. “Let me go lay Monroe Junior down. I’ll be right back.”
By the time Sherry returned, Alyssa had talked herself out of telling Sherry.
“People do hurt each other.” Sherry plopped down on the couch beside Alyssa. “It’s what we do with those hurts that defines us and our future.”
Alyssa nodded, wondering if Sherry would feel the same way once she found out about Monroe and Amy’s little indiscretion.
“Do you think I’m doing the right thing by marrying Dalton? Am I rushing into this because I’m trying to hurry the healing process?”
Sherry smiled. “I’m not the one marrying him. It’s what you think that matters.”
“Dalton loves me. I know he does. And I love him.”
Sherry put a hand on Alyssa’s leg. “Who are you trying to convince? Me or you?”
“I don’t need convincing. He’s the perfect man for me.”
“Then marry him.” Sherry flung her pigtails over her shoulder. “But just know that once the newness wears off and you truly settle in as husband and wife, there better be enough there to sustain you. Because marriage is hard. Everyone looks at me and Monroe and constantly comments about how happy we are. But we work at it all the time, each and every day.”
Oh, Sherry. If her friend only knew what was coming. How could Alyssa not tell her and let her hear it from someone else?
“Sherry, there’s something I have to tell you.” She gazed into her best friend’s eyes. “Something Monroe told Brendan.”
Sherry hung her head for a few moments, then looked back up with a little smile. “No. There’s nothing you need to tell me.”
“Yeah, there is. It’s about Monroe.” She put a hand on Sherry’s leg, but Sherry placed her hand on top of Alyssa’s and shook her head.
“It’s what we do with the hurts that defines who we are and our future,” Sherry said again. “And I choose to forgive.”
Alyssa swallowed the lump in her throat. “You know?”
Sherry nodded. “I know that Bob left Amy because she and Monroe slept together.”
Well, that confirmed what Brendan had told Alyssa.
“I can’t control Bob and Amy’s future, only mine and Monroe’s.”
Alyssa didn’t know what to say.
“People hurt each other.” Sherry’s voice was gentle. “You can forgive, or you can let the hurt wrap around you until it sucks the life out of you.”
“I admire you, Sherry.” Alyssa was sure she was missing the forgiveness gene, at least when it came to Brendan. She wanted to ask her friend what her secret was. How do you forgive so easily?
“Uh, don’t admire me. I’m human, and I reacted accordingly. There was crying and screaming. And fear—lots of fear.”
Alyssa’s thoughts about her own life were all over the place. Was her inability to forgive Brendan defining her future?
“I was absolutely terrified that we couldn’t get past it,” Sherry added. “But we are. We are getting past it. Things aren’t perfect. But we both believe our marriage is worth it.” She scowled. “Though I admit I still have moments when I want to take a baseball bat to his head.” She nudged Alyssa with her shoulder. “Pray about it.”
“I am. I just hope I’m doing the right thing.”
“Only you know the answer, sweet friend.” Sherry leaned closer and put her arms around Alyssa’s neck. “I’ll be praying too.”
“You better, because I’m sure not getting any answers.”
Please, God, show me a sign.
Alyssa walked up the sidewalk with a heavy heart. Her father came out of the house and onto the porch. He put his hands on his hips and shook his head.
“That boy is up to his old tricks again.”
Alyssa felt a bit lighter all of a sudden. “What?”
“Brace yourself. Once again, it looks like a funeral home in there.” Her father scowled. “Let me know if I need to have another talk with him. I know how much it upsets you.”
Alyssa rushed past her father and ran into the living room. There were seven vases, each filled with a dozen red roses.
“That boy is never going to give up,” her mother said when Alyssa walked into the living room. “And roses are expensive.”
Alyssa wanted to be as upset as her parents, but she was having a hard time controlling the burst of joy she felt that Brendan hadn’t given up.
“There’s the card.” Mom pointed to the vase on the coffee table.
Alyssa fumbled with the small envelope. God, is this the sign I’ve been waiting for? Does this mean I should be with Brendan instead of Dalton?
She eased the card out and read:
Dear Alyssa,
You are the light of my life, the woman of my dreams. I want to spend the rest of my days loving you. I hope these flowers brighten your day.
I love you very much.
Dalton
Alyssa swallowed hard. She’d asked the Lord for a sign. And there it was—scrawled at the bottom of the card.
Dalton.
Brendan looked out the window on Christmas morning and smiled. Everything was covered in snow, and he would have done anything to share this experience with Alyssa. She’d always dreamed of a white Christmas. Pushing aside the vision of her and Dalton having Christmas dinner together with one or both of their families, he walked to the kitchen to check on the turkey. He breathed in the aroma, then pulled his phone from his pocket and held it for a few moments, tapping it against his hand.
“Smells good in here.” Brendan’s father walked to the far end of the kitchen counter where he kept all of his mother’s medications, and he poured Wednesday morning’s pills into his hand. “Merry Christmas.” His dad smiled. “Mom is having a good day.” Then he filled a glass of water from the sink and went back to their bedroom.
His mother was finally done with her chemo, and the doctors said her prognosis was good. Brendan was thankful for that on this cold Christmas morning. He was thankful for his parents’ renewed relationship too. It was far from perfect, but things were a lot better. And today he was going to try to keep the cup half full and remember all that he’d been blessed with. Even if those blessings didn’t include Alyssa.
He put on his jacket and walked out onto the porch, gazing out over the covered pastures. For Texans who rarely saw snow, this was a real treat, especially on Christmas Day. He pulled up the contact list on his phone and scrolled down until he got to Alyssa. She used to complain that he never texted her. And that was true. He’d always wanted to hear her voice as opposed to a text. But in light of their new situation, a text seemed more appropriate.
Your prayers were answered. Enjoy the snow, and Merry Christmas.
His finger hovered over the Send button for a while. He hadn’t seen or talked to Alyssa since they’d been stranded together.
He jumped when his phone buzzed in his hand.
Merry Christmas to you too. xo
His pulse picked up when he saw her text, especially the xo—meaning “hugs and kisses.” But that was just Alyssa, and Brendan figured she probably sent that with all of her holiday greetings. Or did she? In celebration of the season and the day, he was going to allow himself to read just a little bit of meaning into it.
Alyssa sat on the edge of her bed and typed in “I miss you” on her phone. Then she erased it. Then she typed it out again. And erased it again. She wondered if Brendan had caught the xo and if he had attached any meaning to it. She knew she was on the right path, and things were great with her and Dalton, but she was praying every day that God would take away the lingering hurt she still felt about Brendan.
I hope you and your family have a blessed day. I was glad to hear that your mother is doing better.
She hit Send before she changed her mind. Then she went downstairs. When she heard Dalton’s truck coming down the road, she tossed her phone onto the couch and went out to meet him. He got out of the truck, kissed her, then gathered up several wrapped presents from the seat beside him.
“I thought my ring was my present,” she said as she playfully ran her fingers across the top of one of the boxes.
Dalton eased the gifts away from her. “Who said these were for you?”
She smiled, then pointed toward the snow-covered yard. “I’ve waited for this my entire life—a white Christmas. Isn’t it beautiful?”
“Not as beautiful as you.” With his hands full, he leaned down and kissed her again. Then they walked into the house.
“Your phone is buzzing on the couch.” Her father nodded toward the couch as he walked over to Dalton. “What have we here?”
“From Santa,” Dalton said as he stowed the gifts under the tree. They shook hands, and Alyssa picked up her phone. There was another text from Brendan. She knew she was venturing into dangerous territory, but it was Christmas, and she felt more sentimental than usual.
Thank you. Everything is going good. Mom is better, but not drinking. Dad only drinks a little. So, I have lots to be thankful for.
Alyssa excused herself and took the phone with her to the bathroom. She sat on the edge of the tub and stared at the screen. She typed out ”I miss you” again, and hit Send before she chickened out again. Maybe she was challenging the Lord’s plan for her, but she still tossed and turned a lot of nights, thinking about Brendan.
She stayed in the bathroom as long as she could get away with but she didn’t hear back from him. She had to consider the fact that it really was over, that Brendan had moved on.
And that was as it should be.
Dalton took an extra helping of turkey and dressing even though he was stuffed. But this had been Alyssa’s first year to make the dressing herself, so he wanted her to know how much he loved it.
“This time next Christmas, you’ll be celebrating as husband and wife,” Alyssa’s mom remarked as she refilled everyone’s tea glasses and put a pumpkin pie and chocolate pie in the middle of the table.
Dalton smiled at Alyssa. She seemed quiet today, but maybe it was because she’d gotten up early to start on the dressing. It wouldn’t have been a deal breaker, but Dalton was glad that Alyssa was a good cook. She was everything he wanted in a wife, in fact. It had been really hard to live within the boundaries that Alyssa had set for them physically, but come July, he’d be able to really show her how much he loved her. July seemed like a lifetime away, though.
While the women cleaned the kitchen, Dalton and Alex got more firewood from outside and built up the fire while Mr. Pennington got comfortable on the couch. Then Dalton joined Mr. Pennington on the couch, Alex settled into the recliner, and it was finally football time.
It was times like this when he was glad he was a guy—though he’d never dare say anything like that in front of Alyssa.
Before the women joined them, Dalton felt a buzz next to his leg. He glanced down and saw Alyssa’s phone. He waited to see if his team scored before he picked it up to take it to her. He stood up with the phone in his hand, his eyes still on the game, but when the quarterback totally missed his mark, he headed toward the kitchen. He glanced down as he got to the doorway, and his chest tightened when he saw the text was from Brendan. He put the phone in his pocket and took a detour to the bathroom.
His chest tightened even more when he read the entire conversation from that morning. There was something about the snow, then Alyssa wishing him a Merry Christmas. Dalton could understand that, but was the xo really necessary? Then came a couple of generic texts—her wishing his family well and him thanking her.
But it was the last text from Alyssa that caused Dalton heartache: ”I miss you.” Then he read Brendan’s response.
I miss you too. I would spend the rest of my life making up for what I did on our wedding day if you just gave me half a chance. You are my forever love. If Dalton is what you want and you really love him, then I have no choice but to let you go. But if there is any chance for us, please let me know, Alyssa. I’ll spend eternity loving you. xoxoxoxoxo
Dalton closed the lid on the commode and sat before he fell down. He didn’t think of himself as a bad person, but he sure felt like one when he deleted the entire text from Brendan.
Alyssa kissed Dalton at the end of the day and sent holiday greetings to his family, and they talked about how great it would be to have both of their families together at their house next Christmas. It all sounded picture perfect, but to Alyssa it was like a photo negative that might not ever get developed. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, she was waiting for Brendan to text her, to change her life, to alter what had been set in motion. But by eleven that evening, she decided it wasn’t going to happen. She’d told him she missed him, and he hadn’t responded.
