Wicked!

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by Jilly Cooper


  The teaching I witnessed on numerous occasions made me long to be back at school again. From Stroud High, Kathryn Loveridge was inspirational on the Odes of Horace, and Andy Webb on Romeo and Juliet, as was Guy Burge from the Angel, Islington, on English grammar, Steve and Ray Jones from Village High School on all aspects of GCSE history, Paul Davies from Dean Close on the Russian Revolution, Claire Matthews and John Evans from Archway respectively on Macbeth and football, while from Barnwood Park, Ursula Jeakins excelled in French, Gill Moseley on music and Beverley Atkinson, Head of Science, was particularly brilliant on explosions.

  I also had most rewarding input from other wonderful teachers: Veronica Rock, Colin Dodds, Judith Drury, Di Medland, Dominic Hayne, Jose Hellet, Vanessa Macmillan, Anita Bradnum, Suzy Hearn, Sue Dean, who wrote a wonderful pantomime, Jill Barrow, Bob and Fran Peel, Andrew Cleary, Andrew Robinson, Vaughan Clark, Justin Nolan, Ailsa Chapman, Corinne Pierre, Trish Hillier, Carole Roome and Josephine Sutton.

  In order to experience the terrors of teaching, I did give a two-hour lesson at Barnwood Park, in which I tried to explain to different groups the mysteries of writing a book and seeing it through to publication. As homework I set a task of designing a book jacket for Wicked! The results were fabulous and the children delightful. Nevertheless I needed to sleep for three days afterwards and was, as a result, even more overwhelmed with admiration as to how teachers can go so cheerfully through the same process day in, day out, thirty-nine weeks of the year – partly because they get such fantastic support from the non-teaching staff. On this front I’d like to thank Naomi McMahon, Marian Shergold, Margaret Turner, Clare Walsh, Brenda Dew, Ann Cave, Ali Sim and Jane Harrington for the support they in turn gave me.

  I’m also grateful to those unsung heroes, the governors, who put in hours of unpaid work supporting their respective schools, and who were particularly patient in explaining the role they play. They include Peter Nesbitt, David Corbett, Deborah Priestley, Mark Westbrook and Mark Barty-King.

  The true heroes of Wicked!, however, are the pupils. It is impossible for me to express my appreciation of those who helped me and the enthusiasm with which they entered into the whole adventure. Not a day passed without letters decorated with Pooh and Eeyore or Wallace and Gromit winging their way from Bryanston or Queen Anne’s, Caversham, cataloguing the latest high jinks whilst stressing how hard everyone was working!

  A stars must go to Tom Barber of Dean Close, for his marvellous run-down on life at a public school, to Carl Pearson, whose beautiful essay My Dream is reproduced on page 845, to Mabel McKeown and Anastasia Jennings for such entertaining dispatches from the front and to Karina Clutterbuck, who showed me how to turn an ink blob into a peacock feather.

  Other pupils, who regaled me with riotous anecdotes and painstakingly initiated me into the mysteries of mocks and modules, include Henrietta Abel-Smith, Phoebe Adler, Jenny Frings, Alana Nash, Sam Muskett, Georgia Morgan, Georgie Klein, Jessica Seldon, Kit Cooper, Frankie Hildick-Smith, Ned Wyndham, Max Morgan, Teddy Chadd, Theo Hodson, Freddie Miles, Robbie McColl, Sarah Kilmister, James Bowler, Harriet Manners, Georgie Clarkson-Webb, Leo Robson, James Merry, Michael Dhenin, Sam Rogerson, Dean Monahan, Charmaine Moss, Michelle Pickering, Lauren Doble, Harry Flinder, Natalie Torr, Carmelita Winslow, Anthony Scott and many others.

  I cannot emphasize too strongly how genuinely bright and good-hearted these children were and would like to stress that although pupils, teachers, parents and supporting cast behave by turns heroically and simply dreadfully in Wicked!, no character is based on anyone living. Any coincidence is accidental, unless they are as eminent as Her Majesty the Queen or Lord Puttnam and appear as themselves.

  I was lucky enough to be invited on four occasions by Lord Puttnam to one of the happiest events in the school calendar, the National Teaching Awards. Here I enjoyed great teaching, was beautifully looked after by Carolyn Taylor and Sarah Davey and revelled in the company of the Awards’ irrepressible anchorman Eamonn Holmes and BBC producer, Kate Shiers. I hope I will be forgiven for inserting an extra category into the 2004 Awards.

  A hugely enjoyable event in the independent calendar was the 2004 Headmasters’ Conference in St Andrews, where I stayed at the lovely St Andrews Bay Hotel and found myself in the company of Titans. Here I would like to thank Martin Stephen for inviting me and Roger Peel and Chris Addy for their wonderful organization.

  A large section of Wicked! is taken up with all aspects of GCSE, which I found unbelievably complicated, particularly when I introduced a mature student. I must thank Helen Claridge, Moira Gage, the exam officer of Stroud High, Cathie Shovlin of OCR, Madeleine Fowler and Yvonne Hutchinson-Ruff of Stroud College. They were all heroic in their attempts to explain things. I hope the liberties I’ve taken aren’t too flagrant.

  Education has many luminaries supporting it from the outside, so I am equally grateful to Margaret Davies of Capita, who came in like Red Adair in a skirt to galvanize the LEA in Gloucestershire, to Andrew Flack, Director of Education at Derby City Council, to Dr Judy Coultars, Human Centre Technology Group, University of Sussex, to Jonquil Dodd, Senior Research Officer (Performance) Gloucestershire Education; and from Gloucestershire Social Services: Margaret Sheather, Executive Director, Alan Barton, Complaints Manager and Cathie Shea, Looked-After-Children Manager of Gloucestershire Social Services, Pat Gifford, Education Liaison Officer, Gloucestershire Children and Young People’s Services, and to the staff of the former Causeway Care Home, Stroud. All nobly gave me their time.

  I also had wonderful advice from Anne Clark, Lib Dem Councillor for Cotswold District Council and from Tory Councillors Jackie Hall and Andrew Gravells of Gloucestershire County Council who were both hugely instrumental in saving Barnwood Park School from closure in the nick of time.

  My characters, both human and animal, sometimes fall ill and make miraculous recoveries, so I was lucky to be able to consult Dr Laurence Fielder and Dr Tim Crouch at Frithwood Surgery and John Hunter and his team at Bowbridge Veterinary Surgery. Carole Lee and Judy Zatonski from Greyhound Rescue, West of England and the Celia Cross Trust inspired me on Greyhounds.

  I needed an exciting team-building activity in Wicked! to unite my two schools when they first meet. Hazel Heron of Roedean suggested I spoke to Ian Davies of Pinnacle Training, who in turn suggested a brilliant competition when groups of pupils compete to be the first to build and fly a hot air balloon.

  There is a lot of rugger in Wicked! Here I got wonderful assistance from Matthew Evans of BBC Cardiff, David and Justine Pickering, Ralph Bucknell, Phil Butler and in particular from Stephanie Metson, Marketing Manager of the beautiful Vale Hotel, Glamorgan, known as the Lucky Hotel, because subsequently successful teams so often hole up there before big games. Stephanie showed me the vast indoor arena and entertained me royally.

  On the sartorial front Robert Hartop of Grooms Formal Hire, Andoversford, initiated me into the latest fashion in men’s evening wear, while Mariska Kay and Lindka Cierach advised me on lovely women’s clothes. Duncan Armstrong, my bank manager at Coutts, and Stephen Foakes, my former bank manager, were brilliant on money. Dear Stephen Simpson of Hatchards is again to be hugely thanked for tenaciously tracking down any books I needed. Sounds Good of Cheltenham did the same for CDs. I am extremely grateful too to the resourceful and unflappable Phil Bradley of Cornerstones for driving me from school to school.

  I am also indebted to Diane Law at Manchester United, Andrew Yeatman at the Met Office, Marc Stevens at the LSO for answering complicated queries and to Mike Zealey of ISIS, Lyn Sweeney and Sarah Hutchens for checking facts.

  Gloucestershire police, as always, have been marvellous, answering my endless questions with patience, humour and imagination. I’d particularly like to thank Inspector Chris Hill for his advice on royal visits, Marie Watton, DC Liz Smith and Child Protection Officer DC Ian Bennett.

  Last year saw the tragic, untimely death of Gil Martin, horse and lurcher lover and ex-super sleuth of Gloucestershire CID
, who for fifteen years had advised me on all matters criminal. Gil was a brilliant, kind, enchanting man, whose loss to his family and legion of friends is immeasurable.

  One of my heroes in Wicked! spends twelve years in care. On a train to Swindon, I was therefore very lucky to meet Josephine Cook, who told me most movingly about her experiences as a foster child. I am also grateful to Phil Frampton and Paolo Hewitt who each survived heartbreakingly harrowing childhoods in care to produce marvellous memoirs: The Golly in the Cupboard and The Looked After Kid respectively. Both books were an inspiration and both men, I’m proud to think, have become friends.

  I am also beholden to the authors of the following books which provided both enlightenment and factual background: Ahead of the Class by Marie Stubbs, Handsworth Revolution by David Winkley, But Headmaster! by Ian Beer, Why Schools Fail by Jill Clough, Special by Bella Bathurst and the invaluable Good Neighbours by the Independent Schools Council.

  Journalists do not automatically expect kindness from their own profession. Few, however, could have been more charming and helpful than Sarah Bayliss, editor of The Times Educational Supplement’s Friday Magazine, Rachel Johnson, Julie Henry, Amelia Hill, Geraldine Hackett, Quentin Letts, Chris Bunting, Will Woodward, Jo Scriven and Fay Millar of the Brighton Argus. I must also thank The Times Educational Supplement, who produce enough good stories every week to furnish a hundred novels, for keeping me up with events. Our local press were also an endless support. Ian Mean of The Citizen, Anita Syvret of the Gloucestershire Echo, Skip Walker, former editor, and Sue Smith, present editor of the Stroud News & Journal, so often paved the way for me with local schools.

  Gold stars must especially go to Guardian writer Jonathan Freedland and Wendy Wallace of Friday Magazine whose moving pieces on the imminent closing of the Angel, Islington, and the rejuvenation of Village High School, Derby, sowed the seeds of so much of Wicked!

  My friends, as usual, deserve straight As. Caterina Krucker, a lecturer in modern languages, was a shining example of the passion and effort that goes into preparing and delivering a great lesson. Edward Thring was magisterial on bursars, Marcus Clapham great on Greece, Pete Hendy on Ofsted and anything scientific, Andrew Parker Bowles on racing and Bill Holland on music. Peter Clarkson, Associate Lecturer on Art History at the Open University, lent me endless books and his marvellous thesis on the concept of chivalry and mediaevalism in Cheltenham public school architecture, and Paul Morrison was illuminating on developers. John and Anne Cooper valiantly tried to untangle the red tape of education law. Jo Xuereb-Brennan was dazzling on acronyms. My brother Timothy Sallitt and his wife Angela were funny as ever on everything. Other friends who came up with great ideas include Shona Williams, Jill Reay, David Fyfe-Jamieson, Derick Davin, Jane Workman, Peregrine Hodson, Marion Carver, Tim Griffiths, Susannah and Bill Franklyn, Sue Lauzier, Jane Farrow, Bill Holland, Liz and Michael Flint, Rosemary Nunneley, William and Caroline Nunneley, Marjorie Dent, Heather Ross, Anna Gibbs-Kennet, Rupert Miles, Roz Murray-Smith, Anna Wing, Janetta Lee, Joyce Ball and Karina Gabner.

  I must also apologize to all the people who helped me who I have forgotten to include.

  My marvellous publishers Transworld are a constant joy to deal with and I was particularly touched that Gail Rebuck, Larry Finlay and Patrick Janson-Smith kept in touch during the long haul, and never chided me for delivering late.

  At the risk of adjectival overkill, I am convinced I have the sweetest, most encouraging editor in Linda Evans, the nicest, most charismatic publicity directors in Nicky Henderson and Patsy Irwin and the kindest, wisest, most cheering-up agent in Vivienne Schuster of Curtis Brown. No author is so blessed. Nor should Laura Gammell, Anneliese Bridges and Stephanie Thwaites who assist them, be forgotten. Nor Richenda Todd, my brilliant copy-editor, and Deborah Adams, who gave splendid help at proof stage.

  On the home front, it is hard to describe my gratitude to my PA Pam Dhenin for masterminding the production of such a vast ungainly manuscript. I thank her for her tolerance, huge encouragement and for never complaining about my appallingly indecipherable writing as draft after endless draft was followed by interminable corrections and checking. Great chunks of the manuscript were also typed equally brilliantly and heroically by Annette Xuereb-Brennan, Mandy Williams, Pippa Birch and Zoë Dhenin, who all deserved A stars for pitching in with suggestions, and producing the most beautiful typescript at phenomenal speed. Zoë Dhenin is also to be thanked for checking endless facts and tracking down everything from hotels in Baghdad to Croatian Christian names.

  Other A stars should be awarded to my wonderful housekeeper Ann Mills and to dear Moira Hatherall, who restore order out of chaos, prevent the house disappearing under a tidal wave of paper and provide so much comfort and laughter.

  Most of all I must thank my sweet family for putting up with force ten sighs and utter neglect for months on end. My husband Leo, our son Felix and his wife Edwina, our daughter Emily and her husband Adam Tarrant, our grandson Jago, and five excellent cats, all provide an essential mix of love, fantastic copy and endless good cheer.

  Table of Contents

  Cover

  About the Book

  Title

  Copyright

  About the Author

  Also by Jilly Cooper

  Dedication

  Cast of Characters

  The Animals

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapter 47

  Chapter 48

  Chapter 49

  Chapter 50

  Chapter 51

  Chapter 52

  Chapter 53

  Chapter 54

  Chapter 55

  Chapter 56

  Chapter 57

  Chapter 58

  Chapter 59

  Chapter 60

  Chapter 61

  Chapter 62

  Chapter 63

  Chapter 64

  Chapter 65

  Chapter 66

  Chapter 67

  Chapter 68

  Chapter 69

  Chapter 70

  Chapter 71

  Chapter 72

  Chapter 73

  Chapter 74

  Chapter 75

  Chapter 76

  Chapter 77

  Chapter 78

  Chapter 79

  Chapter 80

  Chapter 81

  Chapter 82

  Chapter 83

  Chapter 84

  Chapter 85

  Chapter 86

  Chapter 87

  Chapter 88

  Chapter 89

  Chapter 90

  Chapter 91

  Chapter 92

  Chapter 93

  Chapter 94

  Chapter 95

  Chapter 96

  Chapter 97

  Chapter 98

  Chapte
r 99

  Chapter 100

  Chapter 101

  Chapter 102

  Chapter 103

  Chapter 104

  Chapter 105

  Chapter 106

  Chapter 107

  Chapter 108

  Chapter 109

  Chapter 110

  Chapter 111

  Chapter 112

  Chapter 113

  Chapter 114

  Chapter 115

  Chapter 116

  Chapter 117

  Chapter 118

  Chapter 119

  Chapter 120

  Chapter 121

  Chapter 122

  Chapter 123

  Chapter 124

  Chapter 125

  Chapter 126

  Chapter 127

  Chapter 128

  Chapter 129

  Chapter 130

  Chapter 131

  Chapter 132

  Chapter 133

  Chapter 134

  Chapter 135

  Chapter 136

  Chapter 137

  Chapter 138

  Chapter 139

  Acknowledgements

 

 

 


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