by Annie Bruce
“I have to go.” He stood up, his tall body gigantic beside the small breakfast table. “Will you be okay?” He reached his hand out to hold hers.
She stood up too. “I’ll be fine.”
“Maggie?” He pulled her into her arms. “Last night was special but we barely know each other.”
She lowered her eyes, still insecure about their relationship and her feelings. “Here it comes.”
“No.” With his finger under her chin he gently guided her eyes to him his. “I want to court you, to woo you. I want to relish pursuing you and doing things right,” brushing his lips against hers for emphasis he squeezed her arms then let go.
She heard the front door close behind him. Hugging herself she put her chaotic emotions aside. Tugging firmly on the quilted cover piled at the end of the bed she spread it out evenly, running her hand across its pillowed surface.
Gathering the last remnants of her clothing and any evidence that a man shared her bed last night, her quest for orderliness was halted by the sight of a shiny round object lying on the floor. She was flooded with the realization that last night they had thrown both caution and protection to the wind.
The rest of the day dragged by without any word from Morris. Maggie knew she was overreacting but as day grew into night feelings of doubt consumed her once again.
She admonished herself for thinking such a thing and tried to shake off the negative feelings that now invaded her mind. The events of last night played over and over again in her head until she was almost dizzy. She couldn’t concentrate on anything all day, her heart and soul ached. The only reprieve was when she talked to her boys on their father’s cell phone.
“How’s it going?” She talked to Joey first.
“I caught a fish, mommy. A really big one.” His voice held such excitement.
Next was Jacob. “Dad and I caught an even bigger fish.” It was a proclamation. “Twice as big as the one Joey caught.”
“Did not!” Joey sounded off in the background.
“Did too!” The words were shouted into the phone.
“Jacob, Jacob.” Maggie had to raise her voice to get his attention. “I’m sure you both caught very big fish. You can show me the pictures when you get home.” Maggie heard the voice of her ex-husband in the background. “Okay you two, calm down and tell your mother about the deer.”
“Oh, mom, it was a big one and dad took a picture and everything.” Jacob was clearly excited.
“I got the closest to it,” Joey’s voice shrilled in the background. He wasn’t about to be left out.
“I’m glad you two are having such a good time. Now let me talk to your father.”
“Dad!” She held the phone away from her ear as Jacob yelled out for his father.
“Hey, Maggie. As you can tell everyone is safe and sound.”
“Yes, and having a very good time.” Their cries of delight echoed in the background.
“Listen, Maggie, I’m sorry about the other day. You know I still love and respect you.” She could hear his voice choke up with emotion. “I know we’re never getting back together but I’ll always love you for what we had. I just want you to know that.”
His words took her by surprise. Maybe he was finally growing up. It was too late for them but hopefully not to late for him to share a meaningful life with someone else.
“Ditto.” It was all she could think to say as she choked back tears. “What time do you think you’ll be back on Sunday?”
“Mid-day, most likely. I’m sure you’ll want to get boys in bed and ready for their school routine again.”
“Sounds good.” Maggie paused. “And, Max–”
“Yes, Maggie.” His voice was tentative, hopeful.
“Thanks for being such a good father.”
“You’re welcome.”
Still unsettled, Maggie wandered around the house tidying up things that didn’t need tidying, dusting furniture that didn’t need dusting, and rearranging flowers that didn’t need to be rearranged.
Her wantonness last night replayed like a video in her mind. There was something about Morris that made her want to do the things she did, that made her feel sensual. He provoked a sexual desire in her that she didn’t even know she had.
Still, he should have called her by now. If nothing else he should have called to update her on the case. Maybe he didn’t want to see her anymore. Maybe he was having second thoughts.
The phone rung just in time, jolting her out of her death spiral of doubt and making her jump at the piercing sound. Caller id registered the cell phone of the man of her thoughts.
Her heart raced. Picking up the phone she answered as non-nonchalantly as possible.
“Hello.” She felt as giddy as a school girl on her first date.
“It’s good to hear your voice.” The warm sound of his voice made her tingle.
“It’s good to hear yours too.”
“Have you had dinner yet?”
“No.” Maggie looked at her watch. “I haven’t even had lunch yet.”
“Well, we can’t have you passing out from starvation. I’ll pick you up in half an hour.”
“Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“Okay, then how should I dress?” Her question reminded her of the first conversation they’d ever had on the phone.
“Wear something comfortable. Jeans and a sweater. It’s still a little cold out, especially at night.” It wasn’t unusual for the weather to warm up and then turn cold again this time of year. Spring came and went on its on schedule in the Windy City.
Morris arrived promptly. Instead of the standard police car he arrived in a luxury sedan that made Maggie wonder how he could afford it on a detective’s salary. Warning bells went off in her head but she quickly dismissed them as remnants from her earlier emotions.
“Ready?”
“Ready.”
Her body melted into the comfort of the front seat as they headed away from the city. Watching the road signs flash by as the car picked up speed there was little traffic on the toll way to deter them.
She wriggled around, sitting upright not wanting to miss the passing scenery, her nervousness and excitement keeping her on edge.
“Relax. That seat reclines if you want to lay back and rest.”
“I’m fine, thanks.” Nibbling on her thumb in contradiction. “Besides, I don’t think I’ve ever been here before.” She turned towards the passing landscape that was clearly being prepared for planting. “It’s beautiful.”
“I try to get out this way a couple times a year. It’s a nice break from the city.”
“What type of crops are being planted, do you know?”
“Mostly soy beans, corn, some wheat and a few other minor crops.” He rattled off the list in a matter-of-fact tone.
“You seem to know quite a bit about this area.” It was a casual observation meant to keep the conversation going.
“I grew up not far from here.”
Surprised, she cast him a sideways glance. He didn’t look like a kid from the country.
“What made you leave?”
“Lots of things.” His tone did not encourage further pursuit of the subject and she wondered if this place had something to do with the situation with his children.
They drove along in silence until Morris turned off, winding the car carefully along the exit ramp. The sign indicated they were driving towards Utica and a placed called Starved Rock. Where had she heard that name before?
“Oh, I remember.”
“You remember what?”
“Starved Rock. I signed a permission slip for boys to go on a school trip there last spring.” She moved around in her seat to get a panoramic view of the area. “They loved it. Begged me to take them back.” She settled back into her seat and looked over at Morris. “I never found the time.” Regret was a difficult thing to feel, especially as a parent.
The sun was beginning to set, amplifying the colors
on the horizon. She soaked up the moving painting the sunset created as Morris navigated the car along winding roads leading to seemingly nowhere. Passing through a small town before crossing over the river, the signs pointed them towards the Starved Rock Lodge indicating they were nearby.
The trees were just beginning to get their leaves back after a long cruel winter but still bare enough that their foliage camouflaged only their thick trunks and limbs. Soon the car turned left following another winding road that headed unexpectedly downward. With his headlights on as a precaution he carefully navigated the road until suddenly they were in front of a large building.
“This is amazing!” Her voice excited. “You can’t even see it from the road, then poof! It’s there.”
“Glad you like it.”
“Oh, I love it.” She turned back in her seat towards Morris. “This is perfect. Thank you for thinking of it.”
“My pleasure.” His tone was sensual and held a promise of a very romantic evening.
Desire welled up inside, then her emotional brakes engaged. Her mind worked overtime trying to sort through her feelings. She was a grown woman who didn’t have to explain herself to anyone but her own conscience. Why was she feeling so guilty? Life was just too short to miss out on something as good as what she felt when she and Morris were together.
With the car parked he turned towards her and kissed her until her knees went weak. Slowly, lovingly and sensually his lips left their mark on her – body and soul. Grateful that she was still sitting, she struggled to catch her breath. Eyes closed, she felt him pull away and heard the car door open and shut. Composed by the time he opened her door, she reached out and he took her hand in his, pulling her gently out of the car. Their eyes met and her excitement at the prospects of a romantic evening grew and she relaxed in the aura of the happiness between them.
“Thanks.” Reaching up she caressed his face.
“For what.”
“For this.”
His head lowered towards hers and he responded with a kiss that was brief but inviting. “You’re welcome.”
He held the door as she entered the lodge. Absorbing the expansiveness of the interior she was amazed how rustic and charming the place was. She stopped just inside the door to enjoy the moment and felt Morris squeeze her upper arms.
“Pretty special, isn’t it.” His warm breath fanned her ear, his hands caressing her shoulders.
“Yes, it is,” her voice a whisper of fascination as she leaned into him. Extending his arms around her, she felt his heart beat and knew this was where she wanted and needed to be.
“Shall we get something to eat?” Taking her hand, he guided her into the restaurant. They ordered and settled in for a leisurely meal, a pleasure considering that meals for Maggie were usually with clients or two picky but hungry boys.
After the waitress brought their coffee, Maggie decided she needed to know more about the man sitting across from her.
“So, tell me about growing up in the country.” Picking his childhood years she hoped to stay away from any painful subjects.
“Not much to tell.” He looked at her with smiling eyes.
“Oh, no you don’t. You still know more about me than I do about you.” She smiled back. “I need to even things up.”
“Fair enough, what do you want to know?”
“What’s it like growing up on a farm?” She genuinely wanted to know. Being a city girl the only experience she had with farms was a school trip to a dairy when she was eight years old.
“It was a lot of work.” He didn’t sound happy about that part. “Getting up at four in the morning to do chores before school was not my idea of a good time as a kid, especially when I was a teenager. I’m afraid I was a true rebel by then.”
She could only imagine.
“But, it’s a hard habit to break - getting up early that is - and when I enlisted in the army it came in handy.”
“What made you join the army?”
“An offer from a judge I couldn’t refuse.” His tone was serious despite the grin on his face.
“What do you mean?”
“It was either the army or jail. I decided that the army was a better option.”
“From almost a criminal to becoming a cop, that’s amazing.”
“Yeah, it is. At least I understand what it’s like to be on both sides of the law. I didn’t realize at the time but basic training turned out to be like a prison sentence of its own. But, looking back it was the best decision I ever made - even if it was forced.” He paused to sip his coffee. “Until now.”
Her mind raced with questions and images of him as a young boy growing up, missing the meaning of his last words.
“Until now?” Then their meaning hit. She turned a bright red, partly from embarrassment for being slow to catch on and partly from the pleasure that was spreading throughout her body. She returned the intensity of his look and asked, “Where do you want to go from here?”
Their eyes locked in a dance of pleasure. “Wherever and as far as you want to.”
Blushing even more she felt a connection with him on a level she’d never felt with any other man before, including her ex-husband, even though they had shared the experience of having two children.
Morris reached across the table for her hand. “I don’t want just a one-night stand with you, Maggie. I’d like to see you as much as you can stand to have me around.” He was one of the most intense, honest men she’d ever met. Their eyes fused in desire until the waitress interrupted them with the bill.
Pulling his wallet out, he put enough money on the table for the bill and a very nice tip for the waitress. He was very generous, especially on a detective’s salary.
“What’s on your mind?”
“What makes you think there’s anything on my mind?”
“You get this look.”
“What look?”
“You furrow your brow and wrinkle your nose when you’re concentrating.” He stood up and gestured for her to do the same. “Shall we go and sit near the fireplace?”
Her mind flashed back to the last time they were in front of a fireplace. Images of their lovemaking invaded her thoughts making her forget his question. The knowledge that they didn’t use protection that night still haunted her. She needed to make sure that didn’t happen again, at least not until she knew where this relationship was going and what they both wanted from it.
She felt her back straighten as she realized the implication of her thoughts. It excited and scared her at the same time. She didn’t even know if the opportunity would present itself again, even though Morris was leaving the immediate future in her hands.
Still, a cop for a boyfriend. Was that really such a good idea for a woman with two young sons? The thought of him getting hurt nagged at her as they walked towards the large room that held such rustic promise.
They moved to a comfortable sofa near the fireplace. A man and his son were playing chess at a table on the far side of the hall. Other than that, they had the place to themselves.
After they were seated he turned and leaned towards her. “You didn’t answer my question,” his voice just above a whisper.
“Maybe that’s because there isn’t anything on my mind.”
“One night my parents were coming home from an out-of-town trip. They had gone to an auction to sell some of our livestock. They wanted to sell the farm and retire. I was already in the army and my sister had long since been married.” He paused, a pained look on his face. “My parents were killed in a collision with another vehicle. The other driver was drunk and walked away without a scratch.”
Maggie listened with heart-wrenching attentiveness.
“He only served three months and was released due to overcrowding in the prison. A year later he killed the parents of another family and left two young orphans in the hospital for six months.”
“I’m sorry.” It was the only thing she could say. She didn’t know why he was telling her all of thi
s now but she wanted him to know how much she ached for him. She wanted to help him forget the pain of losing his parents so tragically.
“It’s the reason I became a cop.”
She sat quietly, glad he was sharing with her. There was so much she still didn’t know about him. The only time she’d seen him drink was that night at her house. Tonight at dinner he declined offers of beer and wine and now it made sense.
“My sister and I decided to sell the farm after our parents’ estate was settled. Property values had gone up dramatically over the years and my parents were very frugal. They didn’t have much debt. So, my sister and I came into quite a large sum of money.”
An overwhelming sense of discomfort fell over Maggie. He felt he had to explain himself to her, having sensed what was going through her mind.
“You didn’t have to tell me any of this.” Her tone was slightly defensive but also held a twinge of guilt.
“Oh yes I did.” He took her hand in his. “One of the things I’m good at is reading faces. It’s come in handy over the years.” His seriousness gave way to playfulness. “It also helps that you’re so expressive.” She tried to pull her hand away but it stayed firmly in his. “The last thing I want you thinking is that I’m a cop on the take.”
“But, I didn’t–”
“I would think the same thing if I didn’t know any better.” His smile sent a mixture of relief and excitement through her.
Like a comforter on a cold winter’s night, his presence enveloped her with a sense of belonging, a sense of warmth and love that refueled her and empowered her to go on, easing all her fears.
He leaned over and brushed his lips against hers. Her hand held onto the back of his neck, not wanting him to pull away. Drawing his head closer she kissed him deeply, longingly, lovingly. When it was over she rested her forehead against his as they both struggled to breathe.
“We’d better stop this now or get a room before it’s too late.” His tone half joking, half serious.
“Then get a room.” Her spontaneity surprised them both. It was what she wanted all along and she decided not to fight it any longer. She was falling in love with this man and it brought a sense of joy to her weary heart.
