“That place was dangerous, Lila,” Trace added gently, as always trying to be the voice of reason. “It was unsafe and unhealthy. You weren’t taking care of yourself. You need to stay here where we can look after you.”
“But you don’t want me here!” she said with shock.
Trace frowned. “Of course we do. This is your home. Here, people love you and want what’s best for you. I can’t understand why you would want to leave.”
“Because none of you want me! You never wanted me and now that Clay’s dead there is no reason for me to be here!”
She tried to slip between Gavin and Colin, but Gavin grabbed her, holding her in place.
“Sweetheart, what are you talking about?” Colin asked with concern. “What do you mean we don’t want you here?”
“I know it’s true, Colin,” she said staring up into his deep brown eyes. “You don’t have to pretend otherwise. You guys have only put up with me because of Clay. I’ll get out of your way now and you won’t have to worry about me anymore.”
“My God, girl, if you don’t start making sense I’m going to put you over my knee and spank you until I get a straight answer. What the hell makes you think we don’t want you here?” Gavin roared. The other two looked equally furious.
“You couldn’t wait to get rid of me when I finished school. Every time I visited during college, you all did your best to avoid me. You could barely even look at me, none of you. I know you only put up with me because of Clay; I’ve known from the start, when I overheard Trace and Colin.”
Trace and Colin looked at each other in surprise. “Heard us say what, Lila?” Colin asked.
She wrenched her arm free from Gavin’s hold and wiped her arm across her eyes, cursing the fact that she couldn’t stop crying. “About a week after I got here, I overheard the two of you talking. Both of you agreed that you didn’t want me here, that I would just get in the way and ruin everything. Colin was mad because I was taking up all of Clay’s time and Trace figured I’d just get in the way and that I’d ruin all your fun because I was a kid, and worst of all a girl. I heard Trace say that if Clay had to pick up a stray at least it could have been a boy and Colin agreed and said I was such a baby I’d probably whine all the time and act like a brat.”
“Jesus Christ… Oh, Lila.” Colin reached out to touch her, but she shied back into Gavin.
“So I tried my hardest to fit in with all of you, to not whine or act up or cause any trouble because I knew that one word from you guys and Clay would send me back.”
She sobbed, totally done for. This last week had been an emotional roller-coaster and she was exhausted and so very sad. Not only had she lost Clay but she’d lost the three men she loved as well. Not that she’d ever really had them.
“Lila, what you heard were two teenage brats mouthing off,” Trace told her desperately. “We didn’t mean it. God, we were just two selfish kids who didn’t like change. Within a week after that we both loved you. We would never have sent you away. Hell, I can’t believe you heard that. Clay would have kicked our asses if he knew. Honey, he would never, ever have sent you away. You were his daughter.”
Lila knew deep down that he spoke the truth. She knew they’d just been kids mouthing off. But that little seven-year-old hadn’t known and she’d had a childhood of being disposable. She didn’t want to lose the best thing she’d ever had.
“Damn straight Clay would have kicked your asses. Just like I’m going to do right now.” Gavin’s voice was quiet, so cold and angry that she shivered.
Suddenly Lila found herself in the position of peacekeeper as she stood between a seething Gavin and the objects of his fury who stared back with misery on their faces, their postures ones of acceptance. What the hell? They were going to just let Gavin beat them up?
“Wait, what are you doing?” she squealed.
“I’m going to give them the ass-kicking they deserved years ago,” he told her intently. “Now get your butt inside, Lila, I’ll be in to talk to you soon.”
Did he really expect her to just walk away while they fought in the backyard? He stared down at her, arrogantly raising his eyebrow. “Now, Lila, or that talk will involve my hand on your backside.”
Jesus, now he was threatening her?
“Gavin, be reasonable, they were just kids. They didn’t know I was there. I know they didn’t really mean it.”
“They should have been more careful. And you were the kid, not them. They should have been watching over you; instead you spent your childhood with one foot out the door, expecting to be kicked out at any stage. Doesn’t matter that you’re an adult now. You were hurt; you’re still hurting.”
“He’s right, Lila,” Colin said miserably.
“Go inside now, honey,” Trace added, equally subdued.
Lila placed her hands on her hips and spread her legs. Damn stubborn males.
“No,” she told them all firmly. “I am not leaving until all of you start listening to me. It wasn’t Colin and Trace’s fault that I never truly believed that Clay wanted me—it was mine. It was my shitty childhood. I could have reached out, could have talked to Clay about this, but I didn’t. It’s my fault. Mine.” She tapped her chest. “So if you’re going to take a swing at anyone, Gavin, then it should be me. Go on.” She drew herself up. “Take your best shot.”
Gavin stared at her incredulously. “Do you seriously think I would hit you?”
“No. But I’m not letting you hit your brothers either. Besides, all of you acted like jerks when I left school. Are you going to beat yourself up for that one, Gavin? You all acted like I didn’t even exist. All of you refused to take me fishing, riding or anywhere and then when I decided to leave after college the three of you helped me pack. And now you’re wondering why I thought you didn’t want me here?”
Gavin stepped forward, leaning over her. “Oh, we wanted you here, baby. Ain’t no two ways about that. But we made a promise to Clay to let you experience life away from here before we claimed you. Yeah, we acted like jerks for a while there and I am truly sorry for the hurt and confusion we caused. The reason we tried to keep some distance is because we all knew if we let you close, we’d have you in our bed faster than a jackrabbit on moonshine. So while we didn’t want you to go, we knew we had to let you or you’d have been ours.”
Ours?
“Uhh, what do you mean ours?” she asked nervously as Trace and Colin moved in close behind her. Now she kind of wished she’d gone inside; they seemed to have morphed from angry to, well, intense.
“We, as in the three of us,” Gavin told her. “We want you, Lila, in our bed, in our lives, as our wife.”
Leaning down, Gavin kissed her and fireworks exploded. He pulled back and Trace turned her, taking her into his arms. His kiss was gentler but no less intense. By the time Colin got to her, her head was spinning and she was floating, as though she were on drugs.
Then the world really did shift and turn as Gavin grabbed her, slinging her over his shoulder.
“Hey, wait, what are you doing?” she cried out, wiggling to try to get free.
Smack!
She stilled as a heavy hand landed on her buttocks. Did he seriously just spank her?
“Be still, Lila,” he told her. “We’re going inside to have a talk.”
“Did you just hit me?” she squealed.
Gavin snorted. “That? That was just a little smack to get your attention. Calm down.”
My God, he only seemed to get bossier as he got older.
“I should really clean up the rest of the house first, don’t you think?” she said, desperately looking to put off this little chat. She needed to think through what they’d said. They couldn’t seriously want her, could they?
And yet, they didn’t lie. Not once could she remember them telling a mistruth.
“You’re not lifting another finger,” he informed her. “You’ve done enough already. There’s hardly anything left to do. We’ll do the rest. After we talk.”
“I don’t know if I want to talk.”
“Baby, we need to talk and we can’t put it off just because you’re scared.”
The world swirled around her once more as he placed her gently on the sofa in the living room. She immediately shot to her feet. Gavin softly pushed her back down.
“Let me up,” she said, fighting against his hold.
“Sit down, Lila.” His voice was quiet, but infused with pure, unbendable steel.
“No.”
“Lila, calm down; I don’t want you hurting yourself.”
His reasonable tone of voice just made her angrier.
“No,” she snapped back. “Just give me some space. Let me get past.”
“Lila, stop,” he told her in a deep voice that would normally have her instantly obedient. But she was beyond listening.
As she surged up once more, Gavin caught her gently but firmly by the arm and delivered five quick, fierce swats to her buttocks, effectively slamming her temper into remission as she stilled in shock. Those five swats stung!
“Are you calm now?” Gavin asked as he gathered her up into his arms and sat with her on the couch.
She nodded, still silent.
“God, baby, don’t ever threaten to leave again. Please,” he begged her, his voice breaking. She was amazed by that. Gavin was always so strong, so invincible. He didn’t hesitate or falter. And yet he sounded terrified at the idea of her leaving. Suddenly, she wanted to be the one comforting him. “I don’t think my heart could stand it,” he told her.
A hand touched hers and she looked up to see Trace sitting beside them. Turning her head she saw Colin perched on the coffee table, looking at her in concern.
“Please stay with us. Nothing needs to happen,” Colin said sadly, his eyes filled with such pain that she immediately reached for him. “We won’t force you into anything. But no matter what, you will always be a part of this family. The last thing we want is for you to not feel welcome in your own home.”
Gavin squeezed her hand. “I wish now that you had acted up as a child. Then you would know that Clay would never have kicked you out of our lives, no matter what. You were such a perfect child. I never saw it for what it really was—a fear of being rejected. Honey, if you’d done something naughty, Clay would have just punished you, then forgiven you. You might have ended up with a sore butt but he would never have rejected you. You were his daughter.”
She sniffled, wanting desperately to believe them. But it was so hard to turn around beliefs she’d held for years.
“He never spanked me. Well, once, when he caught me cooking on the grill. He gave me a couple of pats on the butt, but they didn’t really hurt.”
“He told me about that,” Gavin admitted. “He was afraid you’d hurt yourself. You scared him.”
“I did?” she asked.
Gavin nodded. “You often scared us all. You were so fearless, so independent. I found myself wishing you’d rely on us a bit more. I can remember once when I saw you running across a corral, trying to reach Clay. You missed seeing a hole in the ground and came crashing down.
“I came racing towards you, totally expecting you to start screaming. But you just stood up and brushed your hands off. When you looked up at me, I could see the tears in your eyes. But you just told me that you were alright. I wanted to take you into my arms and give you a hug, but you were acting so brave, I didn’t think you’d appreciate it.” He ran his hand over her hair.
“Wasn’t until later that day when you were in your bathing suit that Clay saw how bruised you were. Any other eight-year-old would have been crying and wanting reassurance but not our little miss independence. So tough.”
She shook her head. “Not really. Most of the time I was terrified but I didn’t want to let any of you down.”
“God.” Trace ran his hand over his face. “And in the end we all let you down. You thought you weren’t loved when we have loved you forever.”
She bit at her lip, staring at them all. “I-I love you guys, too. All of you. It was part of the reason I had to get away. I never, ever imagined that any of you would want me. Let alone the three of you. I couldn’t stay here and watch you guys be with other women.”
“We don’t want anyone but you,” Gavin growled. “We haven’t for years. Stay here with us, be with us. Let us show you how much we love you.”
“This all feels like a dream,” she said. “Are you sure it’s what you really want? Are you sure we can make it work?”
Gavin ran his hand up and down her back. “We’ve known for years we wanted to share the same woman. We’re closer than brothers, baby girl, we have a bond that goes beyond that. We all know that it will take work. But we will make it work. And you are the one woman for us.”
Tears welled in her eyes. “I want to believe, I do. It’s just...”
“You’re scared to trust,” Colin said. “Scared to believe. And we’re to blame for that,” he said bitterly, anger and pain filling his eyes.
“Well, the only way you’re going to believe us is if we earn your trust,” Gavin said. “And to do that, you need to stay here. You need to learn that no matter what happens we are here for you. With a lot of love and support we’ll show you that you’re meant to be here with us.”
“What if things don’t work out?” she asked. “What if you come to hate me?” The last thing she wanted was to lose them forever.
They wrapped her up within the three of them, surrounding her.
“Nothing in life is guaranteed, Lila,” Gavin said. “We could go on as we are and never take a risk. But would any of us ever be truly happy? What the four of us could have together is worth the risk. We’ve been miserable without you. We’re all willing to do whatever is needed to make you happy.”
With a sigh, she fell back against Gavin’s chest. They were her fantasy and it wasn’t every day that she had the opportunity to make her fantasies come true.
“Please, Lila, we know this is a lot to take in,” Trace said. “We realize we’re not the easiest guys in the world to get along with. Just say you’ll stay for a while. We can take things as slow as you want. You’re our whole world and we will do anything to keep you. We’d even try to change if that’s what you needed. Make ourselves more metro.”
She burst into laughter, tears running down her cheeks as she held her sides. “Metro? Do you even know what that means?” She wiped her cheeks. “No, I don’t think you guys could ever pull off metro and I don’t want you to change who you are. Then you wouldn’t be you.”
Another giggle escaped her.
“What?” Gavin asked.
“Just thinking of you using gel to style your hair, and getting a pedicure.”
“Oh, that’s funny, is it?” Gavin mock-growled as he tickled her.
She roared with laughter. “No, Gavin. Stop! Stop! You’re going to make me pee!” she squealed.
“Well, what do I get if I stop?” he teased.
“A kiss! A kiss!” she yelled.
Immediately he stopped. “Well, all right then.” He leaned back and she caught her breath, staring at his lush lips. She licked her own, feeling her skin go red, her nipples press against her bra.
Leaning in, she took his mouth with hers. Damn, he tasted good. His scent surrounded her, spurring her on. She placed her hands around his neck, pushing her breasts against his chest, trying to find some friction.
“That is so hot,” Trace moaned, bringing her back into the now. She leaned back, breathing heavily.
Gavin ran his hand up her thigh, until he came close to reaching her pussy. Wow, she wanted him, all three of them. But as much as she desired them, she didn’t want to immediately jump into bed with them.
Because she knew once she went to bed with them, everything else was going to take a backseat and she wanted to build a relationship with them that would last.
She’d only slept with two men in her life and neither of those experiences had been all that marvellous. Truthfully
, she was really intimidated by the idea of sleeping with them. She knew they were far more experienced than she was.
Gavin’s touch grew bolder, eating away at her self-control. She gritted her teeth and forced herself to pull his hand from her leg.
He looked at her in surprise.
“I can’t sleep with you,” she blurted out. All three men went silent and turned to look at her, their gazes shocked. “Yet,” she quickly added. “I can’t sleep with you yet. Don’t get me wrong, I want to. Dear Lord, how I want to,” she muttered, rubbing her thighs together to try and ease the ache in her pussy. “But being with the three of you, it’s so much to take in, and I just, sex will just, when I have sex with you all, I want to feel secure in us.”
They were silent for a long moment and she wondered if she’d ruined everything. Then Gavin nodded and Trace smiled. Surprisingly, it was Colin who looked serious.
“I understand, baby girl,” Gavin said, drawing her attention away from Colin. “I even agree that it’s a good idea.”
She flung her arms around his neck, holding him tight. “Thank you.”
“Whatever you need, baby girl, we only want what’s best for you,” he told her.
Sitting back, she took in a deep breath. “Thank you. I know it’s going to be hard, on all of us.”
“You know what they say,” Colin said with a sigh. “Love hurts.”
Trace elbowed him. “I don’t think they were talking about a hard-on, idiot,” he told him.
“Hey, you don’t know that,” Colin protested. She was glad to see him smiling once more.
“There is something else we need to talk about,” Gavin said seriously.
Lila sobered. “What’s that?”
Colin clasped her face in his hands. “Before we brought you back to Haven, we made it clear that you were under our protection. That means when we give you an order for your safety, like Gavin did outside, we expect you to listen and obey. If one of us had thrown a punch we could have hit you and done some real damage.”
“None of you would ever hurt me.” She knew that with every fiber of her being.
“Not the point, baby girl,” Gavin told her. “The next time you disobey you might end up hurt and that is not something any of us will allow. You should be over my knee right now, getting your butt tanned.”
Lila's Loves Page 5
