by Vivian Arend
“You’ve gotten blasted by a painful reminder—but running away? That’s not you, Matt. You’re bigger than that. If you want to leave now, yes, you leave. Not to escape, not because you want to get piss-drunk over past hurts. Go because while we’ve had a great afternoon, we both think it’s time to say good night.”
The haunted expression in his eyes faded, though a darkness still hovered near. Now his expression looked more like unresolved desire than the urge to kill someone. Matt stepped back without another word. He left, the door clicking firmly behind him.
Hope lifted her fingers to her mouth to trap the lingering heat from his kisses. All her good intentions had been tossed away in a moment, but she couldn’t regret it.
Whatever she had done—they’d both have to live with the consequences. But for now? She was going to hide away for a while.
9
He didn’t want to go home. The temptation to hit the bottle and wipe away the confusion by fading into oblivion was too high. The previous year when Helen had left he’d spent a couple solid weeks drinking himself into a stupor every night before his brothers had intervened and talked him out of that stupidity.
The cheerful chaos of his parents—definitely not what he needed right now either. Not with the simmering undertones of sexual need still buzzing through him.
What the hell had she kissed him for? Matt drove the mostly deserted main street of town, shifting through everything he’d seen and felt that day.
He headed down the road toward one of the residential subdivisions, just on the off-chance. Lights glowed through the windows of Daniel and Beth’s house, and Matt hesitated only for a minute before turning into the driveway and parking in the back beside the garage.
He’d never been in this position before, so it was time to do what he knew was right. Go to family.
Daniel met him at the door before he even knocked. There was music playing quietly in the background, but other than that it was a far more hushed house than he usually was welcomed into.
“You duct tape the boys to their beds?”
Beth’s bright smile poked around the corner. “We left them behind at Gramma and Grampa’s.”
Shit. Now he was interrupting his brother’s private time with his wife. “Sorry. I’ll go—”
Daniel’s hand landed on his shoulder and pulled him farther into the house. “No running away. Come on, we didn’t get much chance to talk during dinner. Have a visit for a bit. The boys are gone for a couple nights.”
This was about the most awkward thing, made worse when he spotted two drinks on the coffee table, firelight shining from the fireplace. “Daniel, it’s fine. Just let me call you later.”
Daniel blocked him. “Stay.”
Beth paused in the door. “You want a drink? And if you want to talk with Daniel alone—I don’t mind, really.”
“Great, now I’m not only interrupting your privacy, I’m kicking you out of the room.”
“She’s not going to complain if she gets to soak in the tub for an hour without anyone banging on the door.” Daniel’s slow perusal of his wife shot another round of daggers into Matt. Either he needed to talk this through or get the hell out of the room and suffer alone.
By the time Matt had grabbed a drink and settled on the couch, Beth had vanished, accompanied by a content smile and a full wine glass.
“She really doesn’t mind, you know.” Daniel lifted the footrest of the recliner and eased himself back more comfortably. “Time of peace and quiet without the boys isn’t that hard to come by with our folks chomping at the bit to pull grandparent duty, especially during the holidays.”
Matt nodded, then suddenly found himself tongue-tied. He snorted. “So after all that, I’m not sure what I want to say.”
Daniel stared at the fire for a minute. “You were quiet during dinner.”
“Yeah.”
“Lot on your plate these days?”
“Right, with these temperatures? You know there’s more navel-gazing going on than anything else until lambing fully kicks in.” Matt paused. “I went and saw Hope this afternoon.”
Surprise flashed onto his brother’s face. “Really? Why?”
“That’s…hell if I know.” Matt collapsed on the couch, staring at the ceiling. “Am I some kind of masochist? The one woman in town I should avoid at all costs and I end up on her doorstep.”
“Now you’ve got me confused. You spent the afternoon with her, but you’re not sure why? What did you do over there?”
Matt opened his mouth then laughed. “We made a quilt top, or at least set up the fixings of one.”
“A quilt…” Daniel smiled at him, the type of smile that edged over into something that looked suspiciously like amusement. “Can I ask a specific question, since you don’t seem to want to confess you came over for any reason other than to shoot the breeze? Why is Hope the one woman in town you should avoid?”
“Don’t be stupid.” Matt shook his head. “Hope Meridan? Helen’s sister?”
“I know the connection. But the woman you spent the afternoon with was Hope, not Helen.”
“She called, by the way.”
“Helen called? You?”
“Hope’s apartment. I answered the goddamn phone.”
“Jesus, you don’t do anything the easy way, do you?” Matt shook his head. The fire crackled with a loud explosive pop before Daniel spoke again. “Helen wasn’t the woman for you.”
“Nailed that in one.”
“But Matt, you spent years thinking you two would be together. You worked at that relationship with crazy dedication.”
“Crazy is right—considering she never really wanted what I wanted.”
“No. She didn’t.” Daniel pulled himself upright. “But she’s gone. And now there’s this other woman you’re feeling interested in, and I’m wondering why you aren’t going after her with the same enthusiasm you put into everything else you do.”
Bloody hell. “You’re not listening. This is Hope who I’m…”
“You’re what? Attracted to? Great. Then ask her out.”
Fuck a duck. “That easy?”
“That easy.” Daniel sighed. “One of the biggest blessings of our family—the whole crazy horde of us—is that there’s always someone around, right? Someone to talk to, someone to tease. When we were growing up and needed to let off some steam, there was always someone to fight.”
Matt chuckled. “Usually more than one.”
“The downside? There was always someone around that we got compared to. Poor twins—by the time they hit high school the teachers didn’t give them a chance to muck around. They were already tagged and branded Six Pack Colemans, and all the sins of Blake down to Travis were sitting right there waiting to be dumped on their heads.”
“They still got away with murder.”
Daniel grinned. “Yeah, they did, but you know why? Because they’re damn charismatic. Butter wouldn’t melt in their mouths. They charmed their way out of more bad situations than you or I ever could have.”
“Charmed their way into more girls’ pants than us too.” Matt shook his head. “Fine. So the twins, in spite of being Six Pack boys did things their own way.”
“And…” Daniel threw a cushion at him. “And…connect the damn dots and don’t make me say it for you, numb nuts.”
Matt sighed. “And Hope is not Helen.”
“Right.”
The room grew quiet again. “I thought you’d be more ‘what the fuck are you thinking’ with me coming in here and telling you that Hope’s got my attention. I thought I’d be getting warnings left and right about how I should stay away from her and get my head out of my ass.”
“Hell, no. For a couple reasons. One, I know you, Matt. The harder anyone pushes, the more you resist when you’ve got your mind made up. Part of the reason none of us said much to you the entire time you were seeing Helen.”
Matt started. “You really didn’t like her that much?”
“None of us despised her—just didn’t see the same things you saw. It was as if your version and ours didn’t line up. She wasn’t an evil witch we wanted to protect you from, but she didn’t seem to exactly fit either. She hated family gatherings with a passion—if anything made her stick out like a sore thumb, it was that.”
“I knew she hated the small town, but I never noticed that—the family side of it.”
“Course not. And since I wasn’t sure what made you care about her so much, I could never come right out and tell you she was wrong for you. Not until it was too late.”
Regret hit hard. “I spent a lot of years trying to be what she needed.”
“Like Beth with her first husband.” Daniel stared down the hall, tenderness on his face as he turned back to Matt. “Now, I’m not saying Helen is anything like the bastard. But both Beth and you made the same mistake in dealing with people who were supposed to be special to you.”
Matt waited.
Daniel shrugged. “If they don’t care about you the way you are, then changing for them isn’t going to make them care more.”
“You been reading psychology books? What about the whole being what the other person needs?”
His brother grinned. “You change together—that’s what makes it a relationship. Doing it alone is a sorry excuse for masturbation.”
Matt nearly spat out his mouthful of beer. A glimmer of curiosity rose as he waded through all the information being tossed his direction. “You said you had more than one reason to not warn me off Hope—what’s the second?”
Daniel waggled his brows. “She’s hot.”
“What?”
Daniel glanced down the hall and lowered his voice. “Whatever else happens? Enjoy the sex, because you two look as if you should set off fireworks when you stop dancing around each other.”
“Bloody hell, is the entire town watching us?”
Daniel grinned harder. “I’ll try to keep the betting pool quiet, but you know the minute you do start seeing each other, the cousins will have already—”
“Fuck that.” Matt collapsed back on the couch and covered his face with an arm. “Small towns. Bloody small towns.”
“Hey, give me a minute to top up Beth’s glass.” His brother left the room. Matt crawled off the couch and onto the floor, staring into the fire.
Fine. Hope was not Helen. Hope made his body ache and his brain tangle into confusion, and while he could still name a million reasons why he shouldn’t be considering this, there were so many more why he should.
He liked her. That wasn’t a bad place to start.
But he wasn’t glutton enough for punishment to start anything official right now. Not when it was nearly a year ago that Helen had broken his heart and changed their lives.
After the New Year—that was when he’d do something. Only he needed a reason to get out of Dodge for a while. Daniel strolled back into the living room and placed the wine bottle on the table, picking up his beer and resuming his previous position.
“You got any shipments headed for Banff?” Matt blurted out.
Daniel snorted. “Looking for a reason to disappear for a bit?”
“Yes.”
The honest truth rang clear enough Daniel’s smile faded, and he swore softly. “Yeah, I guess you would be. If you’d like to do a haul, I’d appreciate the help. You’d save me money—if you can get away from the ranch.”
“Twins are home…” Matt nodded slowly. “You know, this works. I agree, it’s time for me to move on, but just not this instant.”
“Come by on the twenty-seventh. You can help me load the furniture, and if you do display set-up at the shops, I’ll pay you for that as well.”
“You don’t need to—” His brother’s expression made it clear it was time to stop protesting. “Fine. Pay me. I’m always in need of extra cash to spoil my nephews with.”
“Or maybe to spend on that new girl in your future.”
Matt rose to his feet and gathered his weather gear. “Don’t say that as if it’s a given thing, me and Hope. You know there’s always the chance she’s going to shoot down this idea. Just because…”
The memory of her kissing him senseless drove the words right out of his mouth. There was something combustive between them.
Daniel burst out laughing. “And I’m glad you stopped that bull, because I’d be sorry to have to end such a fine visit by rubbing your face in the snow for being a stupid shit.”
“Who’s the stupid shit? Talking to me when you’ve got a naked woman sitting in your bathtub?”
Daniel thumped him on the back then pushed him out the door. “You’re so right. Now leave.”
The love of family carried Matt all the way to his truck and kept him warm as he adjusted the heaters and cranked everything to high. Now he only needed to do one more thing.
He put through the call while waiting at the first set of lights.
“Matt?” Anxiety tinged Hope’s voice and he hurried to reassure her.
“Hey. I’m sorry for… Well, I’m not sorry for kissing you.”
Her light chuckle reassured him more than a rapid absolution would have. “I seem to remember I kissed you, Matt Coleman.”
“How about we say we kissed each other and make it square?”
She laughed louder. “Is this another built-in guy thing? Like the remote-control gene?”
“What you talking about?”
“Needing to receive credit for initiating the attack.”
Maybe. “Yeah, well, I’ll give you total credit for kicking my butt in your own unique way.” He paused. “You’re right. You were right—I would have left your apartment and spent the night moping and getting smashed.”
“You sound sober. My therapy worked?”
Holy shit, yeah. “Worked a little too well, I think.”
There was a creaking sound in the background, then the music kicked up—this time delicate flutes tickling his ear. “How can me kissing you work too well?” she asked.
“I want to do it again.”
Dead silence.
“Hope?”
She sighed. “Honest? I want to do it again as well. But that’s probably not the best idea.”
“Because I went out with Helen?” He hadn’t expected her to have the same concerns he did. Matt turned onto the secondary road that led toward his trailer.
“Went out? Matt, you asked her to marry you. Yeah. Sticking with being friends would be much easier.”
“But friends don’t kiss.”
She huffed into the receiver. “Nope.”
“And I want to kiss you, Hope. I want to touch you, this time without fighting to keep my hands off private places. I want to taste your soft skin and feel—”
“Jesus, Matt, you trying to drive me crazy?”
He was making himself crazy, his body reacting to the thought of what he was describing. “But I also want to help you finish that quilt, and maybe make a few more things for your shop.”
The line went silent for the longest time. Matt worried she might have hung up on him. When she did speak, it was quiet. Even. “I don’t know what to say.”
“I guess, in a way I don’t know either. I’m going out of town for a week, but when I get back, is it okay…I mean, would you mind if I gave you a call?”
“Wait…”
Matt clung to the wheel with two hands, wondering what was up. Praying he wasn’t going to get ditched before he made a real move. Shit, thirty years old and still fumbling with the girls. He needed lessons from his younger brothers or something.
“You have to wait until I open my present before I’ll answer you.” Paper crinkled in the background.
It took a moment before he remembered placing the gift against the wall when he arrived unannounced that afternoon. “You didn’t open it yet?”
“I was waiting, because… Well, when I give a gift I like to be there while the person opens it. But I don’t think you should come back tonight, so I’m breaki
ng my rule this once. Hang on. What the heck did you use to seal this thing?”
“There was no invisible tape left at my place, so I used packing tape.”
She laughed, the sound light and happy like a million sparkling stars. “Duct tape forever.”
“You bet.”
Paper crackled in the background for a minute then her soft voice returned. “A quilt hanger. It’s very pretty, Matt. Thank you.”
He resisted offering to come over right away and put it up. “So, can I call you when I get back?”
“Matt…”
Waiting was killing him. He was back to being fifteen years old and wondering if the girl he liked would—and he didn’t want to think about that. About the memories of waiting for her sister. Those he needed to scrub from his brain. Instead, he thought about Hope’s rosy-red cheeks when he’d opened the door that day, the surprise in her eyes that had shifted to something more.
He wasn’t going to beg, but as Daniel had pointed out, he didn’t usually do things halfway. “I’d like to spend time with you. No pressure. Just get together and enjoy each other’s company.”
“I’m not sleeping with you.”
Jesus. Instant hard-on. Probably the exact opposite of the reaction she’d been hoping for, but the images in his brain were all soft skin and luscious lips, skimpy seashells and sultry eyes—that nearly naked woman from last summer he remembered in far too great detail. “Okay…”
“I mean, oh fuck this.”
There were crazy noises going on in the background, and he struggled to figure out what the hell she was doing, especially after that announcement. “You okay?”
“No. To be perfectly honest, I’m not.”
The quiet calm he’d associated with her was noticeably absent from her voice.
She went on, picking up speed. “I spent the morning by myself feeling a touch blue before concocting the best make myself busy plan I could—pulling together a couple quilt tops for samples in the shop. Then this guy I’ve been trying hard to put out of my mind drops in out of nowhere, turning my relaxing afternoon into an exercise in sexual frustration.
“I’m a dozen kinds of worried about this idea, and yet I’m still thrilled. I’m sure that somewhere along the line I’m going to end up in tears, or you’re going to figure this was the worst idea of your life but frankly? I can’t even pay attention to the red flags waving frantically in my face because I really want to see you again.”
