Grace was left holding a stack of dirty plates, realizing her life had just gotten a lot more complicated.
Chapter Eighteen
Heath sat in Colleen Gardner’s office, tapping his foot on the tile floor and drumming his fingers. When he’d called yesterday for the appointment, Colleen’s secretary had told him since the practice was new, they had plenty of openings. So, after almost canceling more than once, there he sat, ready to ask for help. Which didn’t come easy to a man who’d spent his entire adult life in the company of some of the country’s toughest soldiers.
While he waited, Heath distracted his anxious mind by looking around the office. The space was bright and cheery, with large windows and comfortable furniture. Several unpacked boxes were stacked behind the large mahogany desk. Besides a few thickly bound books, two large bookshelves sat empty. On the wall opposite the windows hung a large diploma from Yale.
His carotid artery pulsed rapidly in his neck, and his clothes were damp with perspiration. An overwhelming desire to escape the office took hold. He stood, ready to run, when the door unexpectedly swung open. Heath’s already rapidly beating heart nearly exploded out of his chest. In walked Colleen, serene as a dove, with cup of coffee in hand.
“Hi, Heath. Sorry to keep you waiting.” She reached over to shake his hand. “The painters bought the wrong color, and I had to firmly tell them they were not painting my waiting room crimson red.” She laughed and sat in the chair opposite him. “Can I get you something to drink?”
Heath sank back in his chair and shook his head. Around him, the room seemed to shrink and spin. He took a deep breath and focused on Colleen and the sound of her voice.
Her hair was pulled back loosely off of her face. She reached for the black rimmed glasses perched on her head and set them on the bridge of her nose then began reading the contents of the folder in her lap. After a minute, she looked up. “Why are you here?”
He struggled to put his answer into words. “I’m tired of running,” he finally said. “I want to learn how to live again.” Her blue eyes watched him with an intensity that made him squirm in his seat.
“How long did you serve?”
“I enlisted at eighteen.” He drummed his fingers on the arm of the chair. “And separated a year and a half ago, so twelve years.”
“Army?”
Was there any other choice? At the recruitment office, he’d selected the Army and never felt anything less than pride at the title of soldier. “Yes, after two years I joined the Rangers. Eventually, I qualified for Special Forces. I was trained as a medic. Toward the end of my enlistment, I served on a Delta Force unit, mostly in Afghanistan.”
Colleen’s eyebrow arched high on her ivory forehead. “Impressive credentials. What have you been doing since you’re separation? What is your life like now?”
His gaze focused on his clenched hands. “I’ve drifted from job to job. I don’t have friends really, except for the guys I served with. The only family I have is an aunt who lives in Florida.”
“What about the Murrays? Do you consider them friends?”
Heath nodded. “They’ve been good to me. Yes, I now consider them friends.” He raised his gaze to stare out the window. “I’m exhausted…trying to outrun the world.”
“You’re also running away from yourself.” Colleen pushed her glasses to rest on top of her head. “I’ve treated many soldiers with PTSD, just like you, but everyone’s journey is different. I can’t offer you a cure or magic pill, but I can help. The process is not easy, and it takes hard work, but I’ve witnessed firsthand how therapy can help. If you agree to work with me, then together, we can take those first steps toward reclaiming your future.” She reached over and put her petite hand over his.
An hour later, Heath left the office with a small weight lifted off his shoulders. One session hadn’t been life-changing, but his acceptance of the problem was a good start.
She insisted he call her Colleen, saying she didn’t want her patients to see her as their doctor, but their advocate and guide. He lacked confidence that he would ever feel totally “normal,” even so, he was willing to work to see how close he could come. Unfortunately, he was sure no amount of therapy would ever take away the intense guilt he carried every moment.
His thoughts turned to Grace. Colleen was pretty, but as far as he was concerned, Grace’s beauty outshone every other woman.
His Harley sat in the parking lot, waiting patiently for his return. As he pressed the start button, the bike’s engine roared to life. The deep, throaty rumble reverberated through his body. His spirits lifted at the view of the open road.
He spent the next few hours riding down country roads, enjoying the fresh air and freedom. His mind drifted to the future. When his employment at the ranch was over. Where would he go next? With his inheritance, he didn’t worry about money. Maybe he’d stay in Liberty Ridge in order to continue his sessions with Colleen.
By the time he pulled onto the Murrays’ drive, darkness had already settled over the ranch. He parked next to the bunkhouse and noticed lights still shining bright in the barn. Country music floated out of the open door. Curiosity got the best of him, so he went to see who was working late. His stomach flipped at the sight of her.
Grace stood in the aisle, brushing her mare, Silver. She wore a baseball cap, and her ponytail poked through the opening in the back. As she ran the brush over the horse’s silky hair, she made an enticing picture.
She must have heard him because she lifted her head.
Instead of her trademark smile, her full mouth turned down in a frown. Dark circles framed her brown eyes. “Hi.”
Her voice was so quiet Heath could barely hear her over the music. He walked over to grab another brush and went to work on the other side of the horse. “Hi, yourself. Why are you out here so late?”
“I needed a break from my mother and her constant barrage of wedding talk. I’m on a train going full steam, and all I want to do is jump off.”
They both worked in silence, the only sound the whoosh of brushes rubbing against the horse’s hair and the song playing on the radio. Heath walked around and gave Silver a quick rub on the nose. He stood beside Grace and placed a finger under her chin. As he lifted her face, she stilled. “You don’t seem very happy.” He searched her eyes for an answer to her sad mood. “Why?” His heart stabbed with pain at seeing her upset. He’d move mountains to put a smile on her face.
“I don’t know who I am anymore. You told me the other day not to change, but it’s too late. If you asked me what I want for my life, I honestly can’t answer.” She returned to brushing the horse. “I’ve spent years turning myself into someone I’ve discovered I don’t really like.” Stepping back, she set the brush on a wooden tack box.
“You’re a confident woman who has spent too much time making other people happy.” Heath moved toward her. He had so much he wanted to say—paint a picture of how she looked through his eyes—kind and caring, beautiful on the inside and out.
“Where were you ten years ago?” Shimmering tears glided down her face. “I might have fallen in love with you.”
“Then I would be the luckiest man alive.” As the radio played a country love song, he took her hand and pulled her close. “Dance with me.” His mind scolded him this was a bad idea, even worse than when he’d dated the daughter of Fort Bragg’s Garrison Commander. His heart disagreed and told him Grace was exactly where she needed to be, in his arms.
Her body fit comfortably against his, and she rested her head on his shoulder. Tim McGraw and Faith Hill sang their famous duet about unending love. With Heath’s arms wrapped around her waist, Grace fingered the hair at the base of his neck. He’d happily stay in that embrace for the rest of his life. “Do you love him?” His hands tightened their hold.
“I’m not sure I even know what love is anymore.” Grace’s hips swayed with the music. “Ever since I’ve moved home, I’ve felt this shift inside me. This place is reshaping me i
nto the person I used to be. And you know what? I like it.” She lifted her head to meet his gaze.
Heath slowed until his feet completely stilled. He became lost in the depths of her dark brown eyes. Right now, he needed to walk away before they made a mistake. Caution rang in his head, but he silenced it. He was under her spell. He wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anything in his entire life.
She took off her baseball cap, tipped her head, and leaned into him, their lips finally touching with a searing heat.
****
Grace jumped off the edge of the cliff, and she was free falling. Hungry for his touch, she offered him an invitation as old as time. Heath’s mouth moved over her, and his hand grabbed hold of her ponytail. The soft hairs of his beard tickled against her lips, cheeks, and chin, just like she had imagined.
Inhaling deeply, her nose filled with the masculine scents of sweat and exhaust. Delicious. They increased her hunger for him.
His hands moved down her back, and then gripped the sides of her waist, squeezing with slight pressure. A deep moan sounded from the base of his throat. He parted his lips, gently exploring her mouth with his tongue.
She responded with a new sense of urgency. Grace’s heart thumped against her ribcage. She pressed her hands on his broad chest and grabbed a fistful of his shirt. When he pulled away, she sighed.
“I’m sorry.” He kissed her forehead. “I should never have kissed you.” His voice cracked mid-sentence.
His words stung. “You’re sorry for kissing me? Why?”
“Grace,” he whispered. “Do you know what you’re doing to me? I want to do so much more than just kiss you.” He paused, reaching over and twirling a lock of her hair around his finger.
She knew he felt the same magnetic pull between them, which increased her boldness, but he was fighting the attraction.
“I’m not worthy,” he said. “You have to understand that I will never be worthy of you.”
She took his hand in hers. The heat of his body engulfed her, until she burned so hot with longing. “Don’t say that. You’re constantly on my mind.” Right now, she’d put her heart on the line. “If I call off my wedding, would you give us a chance?”
Heath lowered his gaze. He dropped her hand and stepped away. “Don’t hang your hopes and dreams on me. I can promise you only heartache and pain.”
The weight of sorrow crushed her chest, and tears welled in her eyes. “You don’t know that.” She opened her mouth to plead her case, but when she saw the pain etched in his face, she bit back her words.
“I can’t be the kind of man you need.” With shoulders slumped, he started for the door.
She followed him, her heart beating rapidly. “Don’t push me away.” What else could she do to make him stop and listen? “Don’t we owe it to each other to explore what’s going on between us?”
Picking up her hand, he brushed his lips over her knuckles.
Shivers danced across her now cool skin.
“All I can offer you is my friendship. Nothing more. If you want a man who will give you safety, stability, and a family, then you should marry Tyler. He can care for you like I never could.”
“Is that what you want?” Stunned by his rejection and suddenly angry, Grace folded her arms over her body. “For me to be married and out of your life?”
Heath closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He reopened them before turning to walk outside, disappearing into the darkness of the night.
Grace stood frozen and watched him leave. Her first instinct was to follow, but she stopped her impulsiveness. Heath had been clear that although he may be attracted, he had no interest in starting a love affair. How silly to think he’d fallen in love.
Still standing in the aisle, Silver let out a breathy sigh. Grace approached the horse and led her back into her stall. She closed the gate, slid the metal bolt into place, and leaned on the low, wooden wall. “What should I do?” she asked the horse, who munched loudly on her oats.
Silver looked at her and continued to chew.
Her horse acted totally oblivious to the troubles of the human heart. Her first kiss with Tyler had been her Cinderella moment—a culmination of years of her dreams to win his heart. And when he slipped that diamond ring on her finger, the fit was perfect, like a glass slipper.
Her attraction to Heath had come unexpected, leaving her unprepared. Like a summer storm that had a person seeking shelter. Their kiss had ignited a lightning bolt, which rocketed toward earth and struck her heart. Over the past month, a rumble of distant thunder sounded in the distance. She’d seen the warnings. But now the storm was forming above her, refusing to be ignored.
In her younger years, her goals were simple—get away from the ranch and mature into a classy woman who could turn Tyler’s head. Everything she had done since high school had been for the purpose of changing who she was. How pathetic. Why hadn’t she been happy to stay a free-spirited girl? Who had she pleased by changing? And in the end, was she better off after all the effort?
She was done making decisions based on pleasing others. How could she ever be truly happy until she learned to value her own spirit? From now on, she’d listen to her own heart.
Turning off the radio and then the lights, she closed the stable door for the night and went up to her bedroom. She sat in front of her laptop and opened her email. A message from Tyler waited. He’d written that he loved her and was sorry for how he’d acted the last time they were together. Feelings of guilt took root and grew in her core. While Tyler composed words of love, she had been kissing another man.
Did she really want to move to Liberty Ridge, or was she looking for an excuse to call off the wedding? Too late to think about that now. She typed Tyler a quick reply, and then shut off her computer. Going over to her dresser, she picked up her engagement picture and studied it. What she needed was an escape, a chance to think, without distractions. She needed to get away from Heath, from her mother, and from anyone else who might influence her decision.
Tomorrow, she and Granny were driving to Oklahoma to visit the Cherokee History Museum. The trip would be the perfect escape.
After she changed into a large T-shirt, she lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. Above her hung a dream catcher, which had been a gift from her dad when she was ten years old. Grace took it off the wall. Her fingers glided across the strings and feathers. He had given it to her after she’d been plagued by a long stretch of nightmares. After Dad had tucked her in, he’d told her the tradition behind the dream catcher, saying it would capture her bad dreams and make them disappear in the morning light. Once the Native American charm had been placed above her bed, she’d only had pleasant dreams.
Now, when she snuggled under the covers, her thoughts drifted to her trip tomorrow to the museum. She wondered what the curator would have to say about her family’s Bible. Maybe taking a look into the past would give her direction for her future.
Chapter Nineteen
Heath tossed a two-by-four on the ground and went to sit under the ash tree nearby. Taking a drink of water, he surveyed his efforts. In another hour, the heat would force him to stop working on the gazebo. The weatherman had predicted a storm for this afternoon. That would be a welcome relief because the ranch needed a good, soaking rain. The once-green grass had faded into a lifeless brown. The only color in the yard now came from the rainbow collection of well-watered flowers in Joslyn’s garden.
He’d seen Grace leave this morning, carrying a suitcase. She’d given him a wan smile before climbing in her car and driving away. Last night, he’d swallowed the bitter truth—he had no chance of a future with Grace. When he’d told her to marry Tyler, the words had nearly stuck in his throat.
He’d overheard Joslyn say Tyler was home from Mexico earlier than expected. Was Grace on her way to Dallas to see him? Tonight, she’d probably be wrapped in his arms. Frustration over his own inadequacies made him want to punch something—or someone. Tyler’s face came to mind.
After taking another drink of water, he picked up the hammer and nailed the last floor board into place. The gazebo was almost done. Only a few final touches and he could start painting. He hoped when everything was said and done, the structure would be a place of joy for Grace. More than anyone else he’d ever met, she deserved her dreams to come true.
“Looks real good.” Bruce approached Heath and came to stand beside him. “You’ve done a fine job in a short bit of time.”
“Thanks. I’m enjoying the project.” He noticed Grace’s father wasn’t standing as straight as he had before. Bruce’s shoulders hunched forward slightly, and the outer corners of his eyes drooped. “How have you been feeling lately?” Heath’s concern grew at the sight of him. “I hope you haven’t been working yourself too hard.”
“Oh, I’m fine. Thanks for asking.” Bruce breathed in deeply, and then exhaled. “Just feelin’ a little more tired than usual. Sure glad you’re here. Eases the load.”
Heath strolled over to the stairs of the gazebo. “Almost time to paint. It’ll be ready in plenty of time for the wedding.”
“I sure hope you haven’t done all this work for nothing.” Running a hand over the rail, Bruce shook his head. “If you ask me, my daughter’s getting cold feet.”
A lump caught in Heath’s throat while he kept his expression neutral. “What makes you say that?”
“She has not been happy lately. I can’t tell if she just misses Tyler or she’s second-guessing her decision to get married.” Bruce glanced at him. “You’ve been spendin’ time with Gracie, lately. What do you think?”
That she should run away with me. “She’s probably just stressed.” He decided not to share his real thoughts with Bruce. Don’t want to expose the fact I’m in love with his engaged daughter. “Marriage is a huge life decision. I saw Grace leave this morning. Is she visiting Tyler?”
Bruce smiled and patted him on the back.
The strength of Bruce’s hand always took him by surprise. Even tired and worn, the large rancher was as sturdy as an ox.
True Horizon Page 17
