“Sadly not,” Frank said. “But I hope to attend later in the season.”
Todd nodded, glugging down more wine.
After dinner, the men retired to the smoking room. My brother included. I scowled at the door as it closed in my face. “I don't see why we can't join them.” I turned to my mother, spotting Varick watching me over her shoulder.
“It would only bore you, darling. This is how men feel powerful, boasting about their wealth and their assets to each other.” Mother brushed out the creases from her dress, snapping her fingers at Varick so he was encouraged to follow us. We left the servants clearing the table in the dining room, heading into the corridor.
“How do women get to feel powerful?” I asked and Mother gave me a knowing look. I itched with curiosity as she looped an arm through mine.
“Well...women must be subtle. We must use our looks, our smiles, even our laughter. That way, we can get what we want from men, but they must always believe they are the ones in control. Even when they are not.”
“Why?” I pouted. “Why can't we smoke and talk about our possessions. That sounds much easier.”
“Because those vices are what give women power. We do not need to puff out our chests and show off. We obtain control and that is enough for us.”
“But how?” My brows drew together as Mother guided me upstairs in the direction of my room.
She surveyed me. “Perhaps you are still a little young to understand.”
“I am nearly as old as Ignus, and he is allowed to do as he pleases.” I planted my feet on the stairs, growing frustrated.
Mother brushed a loose lock of hair behind my ear, her lips pursed. Varick hung back on the staircase, always keeping several feet between us now that my mother was with me.
“Oh Mercy, are you really so anxious to grow up?” My mother's brow creased, then she sighed softly. “If you insist, I will tell you. But once it is said, it will be too late for you to remain in childhood. Do you understand? You must be willing to grow up, to do what is necessary once we have had this conversation.”
I chewed on my lip, suddenly unsure. I couldn't imagine what my mother was going to say that would require such a change in me. But then, I had always wanted to be grown up. To be listened to, to gain some real power in my life. I nodded firmly. “I'm ready.”
She ran a finger under my chin, a smile playing around the corner of her mouth. “Come.” She gripped my arm, leading me upstairs to my room. When we arrived, she ordered Varick to remain outside, leading me into my bedroom. Teddy bears still lay on my bed. Daddy gave me a new one every birthday and Christmas. But I felt a touch of shame now as my mother eyed them. I cleared my throat, hurrying across the room and throwing a blanket over them.
Mother eased the pins free from her hair as she dropped onto a stool by my new vanity unit. She sighed, rolling her neck as she gathered her golden locks to one side. “The way we women gain power, Mercy, is by giving men what they need...”
*★*
Frank stayed another two weeks. Every day Mother encouraged me to spend time with him, to practice what we had spoken of. My mind was still reeling from the conversation. I had blushed more than once, but Mother had urged me to suppress the 'childish' reaction. Becoming a woman, meant giving a man my body. And in doing so, he would offer me anything I ever dreamed of. But the idea of doing that frightened me, though I had never admitted that to my mother. She seemed so confident. So certain of how easy it all was. But I wasn't so sure.
After days spent with Frank, practising flirting, brushing his arm as Mother had taught me, placing kisses on his cheek every now and then, he revealed he was making a huge donation to my father. That a new tower was going to be built out on the island to play a role in the V Games. And on another day, he gifted me a fine necklace of silver.
Varick followed us as we explored the castle and Frank eventually grew used to him - enough so to ignore him anyway. Sometimes Varick caught my eye over Frank's shoulder, but I could never tell what he was thinking.
The day before Frank's departure, I took him to the highest point in the castle. Varick waited out in the stairwell, but I wondered if he could hear us anyway. The east tower held an old attic full of bookcases and even a little ladder that led right up to a small platform near the rafters. We sat up there, gazing out at the island through a circular window. Snow drifted lazily down outside, the clouds shielding the moon tonight.
“I shall be sad to leave this place,” Frank said, brushing a lock of hair behind my ear. I blushed on cue. I had grown fond of Frank and his funny accent. I wondered if I'd miss him when he left, but I craved my own company again, too.
“Will you come and visit me?” I asked.
“Of course,” he said immediately. His eyes dropped to my collar bone and he reached for the silver necklace he'd given me, hooking his finger through it. He tugged, drawing me closer and before I knew it, his lips were on mine. Soft at first, then hungry, demanding.
I pulled away, my heart hammering hard in my ears. His dark eyes grew keener.
I cleared my throat, losing my nerve. “Perhaps we should head back downstairs...”
“As you wish.” He gestured for me to go ahead, then followed me down the ladder. At the bottom, he took my waist, pulling me close again. “You are very beautiful, Mercy,” he whispered in my ear.
My heart swelled in my chest. “Do you think so?”
“The most beautiful girl I've ever seen.”
My blush deepened and I turned into his arms, gazing up at him, trying to remember what my mother had taught me. “I suppose you say that to all the girls.”
“Perhaps, but it is only true this time.”
I laughed softly, dancing away from him and heading through the door. Varick stood there, blocking my way. His eyes slid over my head. “I believe it is time I escorted you back to your room, Mercy.”
I ducked past him, but when I turned back, found Frank hesitating to do the same. Varick was a solid wall between us.
“Tell it to stand down, will you?” Frank called to me.
I took Varick's arm and he turned toward me, his eyes flickering with something. Concern?
“Mercy,” he implored, but I laughed him off, gesturing for Frank to walk around him.
Frank took my hand, pulling me away from Varick and guiding me downstairs. “I don't like the way it leers at you.”
I glanced back at Varick, not feeling the same. I adored the way Varick looked at me. It made me feel important. This powerful beast was directed to watch over me. As if I were a princess.
Varick followed us all the way back to my room and Frank hesitated, leaning in to kiss me goodnight.
I turned the door handle behind me. This was my last night with Frank and I longed to feel what Mother had promised me I would when I gave myself to him.
Varick's shadow fell over me. “I will walk you to your room, sir,” he addressed Frank.
Frank stepped back, but I knotted a hand in his shirt. My eyes flicked to Varick. “That won't be necessary.” I turned the handle, my heart beating a frantic rhythm in my chest. Small doubts flickered around my mind, but I smothered them. Mother had promised me this would provide me power. That Frank would give me everything I had ever wanted.
Frank walked in after me, not needing much encouragement. I shut the door, my hands beginning to shake. I didn't feel any of the power I craved yet. But perhaps I would soon...
Frank loosened his neck-tie, his eyes roaming over me. He stepped forward and I instinctively stepped back.
Don't be silly. This is what you want. Isn't it?
I plastered a playful smile on my face, but I didn't feel playful. I felt scared. And a part of me wanted me to scream out to Varick and order him to take Frank away. But I didn't. I just kept walking backwards toward the bed, promising myself this would be worthwhile. That I'd feel in control for once.
Frank took his time undressing me and as the heavy layers of my dress fell around my feet, I b
egan to tremble. He didn't waste time on anymore kisses or compliments, lowering me onto the bed. I felt the lump of the single teddy bear I hadn't stuffed under my bed, now hidden beneath my duvet.
Frank pressed me down and I my heart felt torn in two. I wanted it almost as much as I didn't want it. But my reasons for doing this were suddenly blurred. I had no control here. What had mother been talking about?
Frank's hands locked around my wrists and before I knew what was happening, pain tore through my body. I cried out, but he didn't slow. My heart beat out of tune in my ears. I shut my eyes, feeling a tear rolling down my cheek.
I want this, I want this, I want this.
When it was over, Frank rolled into the space beside me, panting. I didn't move. I felt altered in some way I didn't understand. I didn't feel powerful. I felt small. I felt that something vital had been taken from me.
Frank stood, buttoning up his trousers and I took the time to pull a sheet over myself. He turned, his eyes full of satisfaction.
I sat upright, trying to feel stronger, trying to regain some control. Frank took a tin of tobacco from his pocket, lighting up a pre-rolled cigarette. As he smoked, the ash fell onto the floorboards at his feet.
I dipped my head, needing to talk about what had just happened. "I'm not sure how I feel about...everything. I didn't think it would be like that."
Frank took a deep drag on his cigarette and smoke sailed into my nose. "Word of advice, Mercy: men don't give a shit about your emotions." He took another drag as I tugged the sheet higher around me. His gaze was still searching, hungry. And it was in that moment, I finally understood what my mother had meant. I lowered the sheet around my waist and Frank's Adam's apple bobbed. He dropped the cigarette, crushing it beneath his boot as he stepped toward me again.
This was my power. My body. And it wasn't the giving of it that gave me control, it was the withholding of it. Up until this moment, I had had Frank wrapped around my little finger. He had lavished me with gifts, compliments, kisses.
"Goodbye Frank." I pointed to the door.
He didn't move, his breathing increasing. "I've given your family plenty. I get a whole night with you."
I tried not to show my anger at that remark. That was what I wanted anyway. The money. The gifts. The feeling of self-worth. Wasn't it?
"Varick!" I called and he stepped immediately through the door, but not before I'd gathered the sheet back around me.
"Frank was just leaving," I said firmly and Varick took Frank's arm, his gaze endlessly dark.
Frank glanced at me, pressing his tongue into his cheek, looking like he wanted to argue the point. Varick growled low and despite his muzzle, Frank cowered.
"Alright," he muttered, jerking away from Varick and heading toward the door. "I got what I came for anyway."
The door slammed and I flinched, my body starting to shake again. Varick turned around, averting his eyes from me. I came apart in that moment and was so used to Varick's presence that I didn't even think of holding back the tears. I dropped onto the bed, burying my face in the pillows, trying to reason with myself.
I know how this works now. Next time will be better.
A hand pressed to my back, icily cold. I stopped sobbing. I glanced through my tangled hair as Varick sat on the edge of the bed. He immediately retracted his hand and I choked, "Don't stop."
Slowly, he placed his cool palm back on my shoulder, rubbing softly, and my heart grew warm.
"I wanted to grow up," I whispered after a time.
Varick heaved a sigh, but said nothing.
"Is it always that bad?" I asked, hardly able to believe I was asking a Vampire for advice. But of everyone, I knew I would get a straight answer from him.
"No," he said quietly. "But you should be more careful who you choose to let into your bed."
I rolled over, tugging the sheet higher up my body as I gazed up at him. I should have been frightened, but somehow I felt safe with him. "Thank you for helping me," I whispered.
His brows pulled together and I reached out, brushing my thumb over his cheek, running it down to the metal muzzle. "I'll ask Father to take it off. You won't have to wear it ever again."
His eyes burned with hope, but he said nothing, silently nodding. He stood, but before he could leave, I called, "Stay with me. Watch over me while I sleep."
"As you wish," he murmured, pressing his back to the wall.
I shut my eyes, rolling onto my side.
My skin crawled with goosebumps. This was dangerous. I knew how much he hungered for my blood. But I supposed the power was in the withholding...
Jameson
The night crept on at a snail's pace. We'd decided to spend a night in the treehouse to work out our next move. No one wanted to talk about Rockley Jones, or what we'd do when we reached the institute. Pathetically, all I kept thinking about was the way Cass had looked at Silas after he'd refused to make a deal with Rockely. Like he was some hero. Like he wasn't the guy who'd kidnapped her and stuffed a new heart in her chest without asking.
As the hours ticked by, tension grew between us all. I was sat with my back to one wall, balling and unballing my fists.
“Do you think it can hear us?” Rakefield whispered, gazing up at the metal roof.
Lorena was quiet, sitting in one corner, her eyes closed. Probably to block out the incessant questions spewing from Rakefield. It was at least the fifth time she'd asked a different version of the same question. “What if that Reaper is still out there? Do you think it could get in? How are we going to get out of here without it catching us? I'm not leaving this treehouse to get eaten.”
A small, irrational part of me wanted to pick up the nearest chair and hit her with it. But I held the urge at bay. It wasn't quite my style to slam-dunk a frightened woman with a piece of furniture. But for her I might have made an exception.
Her next question made me want to walk straight out of the treehouse and let the Reaper eat me just to get some peace and quiet in the afterlife. “What if it's out there picking the lock?”
I stood and walked out onto the metal balcony ringing the structure. Unsurprisingly, I did not find the Reaper picking the lock.
The warm night breeze enveloped me and I relaxed as the heat in my veins slowly cooled off. Didn't happen easily. My body was like a furnace with all the frustration coursing through me.
Cass had kissed me, which had potentially been the second best moment of my life. Then she'd told me we were never going to be together. Which I understood. But still. I was just a lock-lipped idiot, unable to tell her the truth. The plus side? She maybe still had feelings for me. Which was akin to winning the lottery after my fears about her and Silas. Didn't mean she wasn't keen on him. But she had history with me. And she'd slept with me. Which was ten reasons to pick me wrapped into one.
Optimism was definitely harder to come by these days, but I battled to hold onto it. Pros: Cass still cared about me, still found me attractive, and still wanted me (sans the 'me betraying her' part). I had also somehow overcome the inability to kiss her. But perhaps only when she kissed me first... Cons: I was stuck in a jungle full of man-eating creepazoids and the girl of my dreams was being wooed by someone else. No point listing the other reasons. I'd be standing there all night if I did.
A scraping, metallic sound caught my ear. Like hinges creaking...or bolts twisting. I snapped my head up, squinting at the cables above us. A dark shadow sat over one of the bolted down ends of the cables, unscrewing it.
Oh holy shit no. Damn you Rakefield for being right!
I swept my eyes over the treehouse, hunting for bolts inside the cage that might also be holding us in place. None. Not one. And what did that mean? Meant some idiot had designed this thing. Some goddamn moron who I'd like to meet down a dark alley one day with a baseball bat. Was that a little extreme? Nope. Not a touch. 'Cause if that Reaper unscrewed those cables, we were going to take a ride on the jungle express. Destination: death.
I ran back
inside, my eyes falling on Lorena. “Gun.” I held out my hand, my heart sprinting into top gear.
“Que- why?” She stood, clutching her guns like they were little ducklings she was trying to protect.
“Gun,” I reaffirmed. “Now.”
She looked to Silas who was leaning against the console, his brow creased. “What's wrong, Jameson?”
“I don't want to cause a panic,” I muttered, nodding toward the door in hopes of a more contained response to this. Especially considering Rakefield's worries had now been brought vividly to life. And I wasn't looking forward to her reaction when she found that out.
Silas frowned and I sighed. Well, can't blame a guy for trying. “There's a Reaper out there unbolting us from the tree. So I'm guessing we have minutes, maybe even just seconds before he gets the cables free and we all plummet to our deaths.”
Rakefield wailed. Lorena darted toward her, laying a hand on her back.
Firefly stood up and hurried to my side. Yep. Guess she knew exactly who to be beside in an emergency. My chest puffed out as she arrived, but she strode past me, heading outside, tossing a crimson lock over her shoulder. My shoulders went slack. Oh.
I marched toward Lorena, holding out my hand for one of her guns. Her eyes flashed, but she reluctantly passed me a pistol. “Do you know how to use it?”
The question was practically laughable when it came to me, so I walked away without a word, heading after Cass.
I brushed shoulders with her, gazing up at the beasty above. Time to shine.
I climbed up the side of the treehouse and dragged the hatch open in the mesh roof.
“Jameson!” Cass cried.
Aiming my gun, I took a shot at the Reaper. It screeched, darting sideways and somehow evaded my bullet.
“Hey!” Cass called for my attention.
I glanced down, finding her following me, clambering her way up the treehouse. Reaching down, she gripped my hand and I pulled.
I dragged her to my side, one-armed. Like a boss. Without warning, she climbed me like a cat before launching herself from my shoulders. Dream team? Check.
Wolf Games: Island of Shade (The Vampire Games Book 5) Page 12
