by Natalie Dean
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
He kneeled beside me and wrapped his fingers in my hair, forcing me to look up at him. “What was that?” he whispered.
“I’m sorry,” I said again.
“For what?” he insisted. He wanted to hear me admit my adultery, but I’d never give him the satisfaction of that.
“I’m sorry I did not do this sooner.”
He seemed confused, and I took that moment of confusion to slice into his cheek with the glass shard. Reynold howled in pain and jumped up, his hands pressed to his cheek as blood soaked the collar of his shirt. I stood and ran for the fireplace, grabbing the tool holder and raising it above my head. I brought it down on his skull with an audible crack, and he hit the floor, knocked unconscious by the single, mighty blow.
The brass holder slipped from my fingers and hit the ground with a loud ‘thud.' The monster had fallen, and now all I needed to do was escape the castle.
Chapter 11
Reynold’s chest was still rising and falling slowly, but that brought me little comfort. He was still alive, and that meant I had to move quickly. I didn’t know how long I had before he woke up and I didn’t want to be around when he did.
The rain was pouring down outside, and the flash of lightning guided my way. As I rushed up the stairs, Heidi caught sight of me, her eyes wide in terror. She was wearing her nightgown and had clearly been getting ready for bed.
“Ma’am?”
I stopped and turned, looking at her, my bottom lip quivering. She rushed over to me and gasped softly. “You’re bleeding!”
“I’m…I’m alright!”
“Where is your husband?” she asked quickly, lowering her voice.
“He’s…he’s in the parlor. I knocked him out.”
Her hand flew to her mouth, and her eyes grew even wider, if that was possible. “What?!”
“I had to, Heidi! He was going to kill me!”
“What are you going to do when he wakes up? We need to call the police!”
I shook my head and took her hands. “You know as well as I do that he has the authorities wrapped around his finger. The only way out of this is if I leave.”
“Ma’am…”
“I’m sorry, Heidi.”
She shook her head and slowly wrapped her arms around me. “Are you running away with the farm hand?”
I nodded and pulled away, smiling softly. “He loves me, Heidi. He loves me, and he loves my baby. This is my only chance at happiness.”
She nodded and cupped my cheeks. “Then you need to take it.”
I nodded and kissed her cheek tenderly. “You were a good friend, Heidi. A wonderful friend.”
“As were you. I will cherish our time together.”
“Take care of my books?”
“You know I will,” she said with a sad smile. “Now, go.”
I nodded and ran to my room, grabbing a single suitcase. It was the suitcase I’d come here with, and now it was the suitcase I was leaving with. I put a few silk dresses inside but made sure to save room for all my jewelry and gold. I had no intention of keeping these things for myself. This was our currency. This was how we would start our lives somewhere else.
Along with the jewelry, I managed to fit a decent amount of money that I’d been sneaking from Reynold. I closed the suitcase, locked it up and ran down the stairs and out the front door. Everything was a blur, and I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but I didn’t care. I was finally free.
The rain hit my skin and washed away the blood. It washed away the fear and left nothing behind but the promise of a new beginning. I was a new a woman. I shed the skin of the fearful, crying girl and now I was reborn as a woman who would fight until the bitter end. I had finally become someone I was proud of.
The earth was soft and I sunk into it, losing my shoes at some point, but that didn’t slow me down. Liam’s cabin was in my sight, and I wouldn’t stop until I reached it. I stumbled through the mud and finally fell against his door, beating on it and glancing back over my shoulder. I didn’t feel fear at that moment. If Reynold came after me, I would fight him again, and this time I wouldn’t hesitate to leave him unconscious.
Liam threw the door open and pulled me inside without saying anything. “Mariana! What are you doing in the rain? You’ll catch your death!”
“I did it,” I whispered, bursting into hysterical laughter as tears rolled down my cheeks. “I did it, Liam!”
“What?” He asked, brows furrowed in confusion.
“I knocked him out! He hit me, and he…he figured out that someone had been in the house! He was starting to realize what was going on and I felt like he was going to kill me! So I knocked him out!”
“What?! Oh, Mariana! Are you alright? Are you okay?” He asked, cupping my cheeks and turning my head from side to side, inspecting me from all angles.
“I’m alright! I’m okay! I’m better than I’ve ever been!” I exclaimed, still laughing.
He brushed the tears of relief away and pulled me into a long embrace. We held each other, taking a moment to absorb everything. It had happened so fast, and I was still running on pure adrenaline. When he finally pulled away, he gripped me by the shoulders.
“We have to go.”
“I know. We need to leave now. I don’t know how long he’ll be out.”
“The rain will cover our tracks. He won’t be able to use the hound dogs to find us.”
I nodded and watched as he grabbed a rough, leather satchel that sat ready in the corner of his humble cabin. He returned to me and took my hand, starting to pull me towards the door.
"Don't you need to pack?"
"I've been packed for months," he said, pulling me out the back door.
We stepped into the rain, and he led me towards a small wagon with a canvas roof. It was packed with supplies, but there was enough space for someone to sit. He kissed me and helped me inside. "Stay here. I'll be back," he promised, rolling down the canvas flap.
He disappeared, and I settled on the hard floor, leaning against a crate of dried meats. I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to calm my racing heart. This was the first moment that I'd been able to stop and take in everything that had just happened. I wasn't a violent person, but I was proud of the action I'd taken against Reynold. I was certain that if I hadn't knocked him out, he would have killed me. I would never apologize or feel guilty for what I'd done. Even if he died, I would stand by it.
I heard the jingle of metal on metal, and the sound of rain hitting the waterproofed canvas. It was the sound of freedom, and it was comforting. The soft neighing of the horses was lulling me to sleep. I didn't realize how heavy my eyes felt until I finally allowed myself to close them. I was emotionally drained and was finally starting to feel the physical effects of it.
The wagon jolted forward, and I opened my eyes just enough to see the blur of mud and grass through the small gap at the bottom of the makeshift door. I lifted my arm to grab hold of one of the boxes when my eye caught the glint of gold in the moonlight.
My wedding ring still sat on my finger. It was a big, ostentatious thing with a large diamond that caught the eye of every jealous woman in the room. It was a way for Reynold to boast his wealth without having to say a single word. It was a shackle that told everyone that I belonged to him and I'd be damned if I wore it a moment longer.
I pulled it off my finger and chucked it out the canvas door, watching as it disappeared into the mud. I could have kept it and sold it, of course, but I didn't want to carry it with me to my new life. We would be fine without it. In fact, I had a feeling we would be much better off without it.
I could not know for certain, but what I did know was that my hand and my soul felt lighter without it.
Chapter 12
We traveled for ten days. We were alone and always looking over our shoulders for hostiles or Reynold. I tried to help as much as I could, but Liam wasn’t having it. He insisted that I rest inside the wagon. Winter wa
s settling in around us and gave us reprieve from the scalding sun, but even as we moved south, the temperatures dropped dramatically at night. We had enough blankets to keep us warm, but it was still a struggle to sleep and keep our heads straight.
On the eleventh day, we came to a settlement at the base of a mountain. Large wooden pillars were erected around it to protect it from anyone who might be out to do the community harm. We were welcomed inside with open arms and little suspicion. Over the first few days, we learned that the community was made up of people who’d come from the East and settled in California to better their lives. Out here there was the promise of gold and cheap land. A man could make something of himself if he tried enough.
The fact that so many people were transplants made it easy for us to fit in. We were welcomed and even offered a modest house in exchange for a few dresses and some gold. It was a small cabin on the edge of town that was owned by another couple, who hadn’t been able to make it work out here. They returned to New York without taking a single furnishing and left the house to their neighbors who were happy to sell it.
This truly was our new beginning
The sun was up, and so was I. I stood by the fire, stoking the flames and trying to get it to warm the rest of the house. I stood and put my hands on my hips sighing softly as the flames finally started to crackle and lick the edges of the stone fireplace.
Our life was simple here, and I was glad for it. I’d traded all my silks and finery for simple linen dresses and livestock. My mother would have been horrified to see me cleaning my own house and cooking my own meals, but I was happy, and that was all that mattered. This was the life I had always wanted. I just never realized it was an option.
I sighed happily and leaned against the smooth, wooden broom handle, gazing out the small window in the living area. Our house was only two rooms with a small, unattached kitchen that you could only get to by going out the back door. The house was far smaller than anything I was used to, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was the happiness it was filled with. Liam was just outside, watering the horses. We’d managed to buy a few more since moving to Fort Range, and Liam was turning our land into farm land. Soon we would have enough crops to sell and feed ourselves, but until then we would live off what we’d brought.
I jumped when I felt a strange pressure in my belly. It was soft like a flutter of excitement but different. I put my hand on my growing stomach and rubbed the taught skin adoringly. That was when I felt the tiniest shift. My baby was kicking!
Heidi told me that one day I would feel something strange in my belly. She told me about how babies kick to let their mothers know they were alright and that they were excited to meet them and come out into the world. I wasn’t sure how much of it was true, but I liked to believe it all was. I wanted to meet my child, and I could only hope they wanted to meet me too.
I ran out the front door, a flannel shawl wrapped around my shoulders. My breath turned to fog before my eyes and Liam rushed over to me.
“Darlin’, you should be inside. It’s too cold out here.”
It was still early in the morning, and the sun hadn’t quite melted the patches of ice that were scattered across our land. “No. Liam, you must feel this,” I said, grabbing his hands and putting them on my belly.
He looked at me, confused for a moment. When understanding started to dawn on his face, I knew he’d felt it too. Those feathery flutters were back and even more insistent now that Liam was touching my belly.
“Do you feel it?” I whispered, my voice filled with awe.
“Is that your baby?” he asked, his voice choked with emotion.
I shook my head and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him close. The heat of his body felt good against me. “No. It’s our baby,” I whispered, running my fingers through his thick hair.
His hands hadn’t left my stomach, and I could feel how much he wanted to be a part of mine and my baby’s life. I looked up at him and brushed my fingers across his cheek, wiping away a bit of dirt that was clinging to his beard.
“You are this baby’s father. If that’s what you want, then I want it too. I would never force you to take on something you don’t want, but I love you, and I want you to be there for me, and I want you to be there for this baby. This is our life, Liam,” I whispered. “You swept me off my feet, and now you have me. I want this. I want this desperately.”
He listened and nodded as I spoke, leaning in and offering a tender kiss. His kisses would never stop taking my breath away. Even these innocent pecks on the lips were like heaven. He brushed a strand of golden hair from my face and smiled.
“I want that too, darlin’. I know it’s scary out here. I know we don’t have much, but I promise you, I will work myself to the bone if I have to, to give you and our baby everything you deserve.”
“I know you will, but you won’t have to. If there’s food on the table and you come home to us at night, we’ll be happy.”
He nodded and kissed my knuckles before putting his arms around me and leading me back into the house. I followed him easily and tossed my thick braid over my shoulder. “Come warm your hands by the fire.”
Liam did as I said settling into a chair near the flames and rubbing his hands together. I settled across from him and smiled when he glanced up at me.
“Do you ever worry, Mari?” he asked.
I didn’t need him to explain his question. I knew exactly what he was asking. I frowned a little and looked him over. It had been just under a month since I’d left my husband unconscious on the parlor floor. I hadn’t reached out to anyone back home for fear that they would find Liam and me. We weren’t terribly far, but that was probably a good thing. Reynold would have probably expected us to go as far as Utah and wouldn’t bother searching nearby.
“Of course I worry. Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat at night, and I swear I see him at the foot of our bed. I worry every day about the fact that he might come get me and drag me back to that place, but that’s no way to live my life. I’m so very tired of looking over my shoulder all the time, and I refuse to do it anymore. Whatever happens will happen, and we just need to live our lives. I’m not giving him any more control over me,” I said firmly.
He nodded and stood, kissing the top of my head. “You’re a brave woman, Mari.”
I just smiled and rested my head against him. I had finally found a reason to fight.
Chapter 13
We were settling into our new home well. Everyone around us welcomed us with open arms and would often invite us over for meals. We were quickly becoming a welcomed part of the community. The town was small, and all of the women fawned over me and my round belly. Spring was coming, and they were excited that my child would be the first baby of the season to be born.
Every day someone would come to our quaint and cozy cabin to drop off knitted booties and thick quilts made of animal fur. The townspeople were so kind that it was almost overwhelming. I’d never been shown kindness like this before. Up until this point, my life had been a revolving door of stuffy parties and sneering looks. Women turned their noses up to me and men undressed me with their eyes. There had never been warmth like this in my life until I met Liam. He’d rescued me from being sucked under the current of upper-class society and brought me to shore.
There was a tickle in my throat as the wind blew pollen from the trees. Things were starting to bloom, and I was happy my child would be born amongst the orange blossoms, even if they sent me into sneezing fits.
It was late Saturday morning, and the sun was high in the sky, throwing its warmth over the bustling crowd of people who’d gathered to trade their wares in the marketplace. Our farm was doing well and we’d even been able to hire a young girl from town to help us sell our harvest. It was one of the first warm days of spring and I was happy to be out and enjoying the day.
I waddled slowly, my hand resting on my round belly. I looked like I was about to pop! I had a basket full of fresh fruit and spices l
ooped over my arm. I was determined to carry my own basket, even though many people around me had already tried to insist that they help me.
“Mari!” The young woman who helped us run our stall in the marketplace waved her hand excitedly, the simple gold wedding ring on her finger catching the midmorning sun.
I closed the space between us, wrapping her in a hug before anything else. “Hello, Kristine. How is our harvest doing today?”
“Great! We’ve already made twelve dollars!” She pulled the crumpled bills out of the metal box and presented them to me proudly.
“Wonderful!” I was excited to see that we were doing so well. Kristine recently found out that she was with child and I wanted to pay her more to help prepare for her baby’s arrival. “Is there any good gossip going around town?” I asked curiously, settling on a wooden barrel.
“Nothing too enticing, but there was something strange that happened yesterday.”
“Oh?”
“There was a man looking for you.”
The words made my heart drop into my stomach. I didn’t need Kristine to tell me anything else to know exactly who was looking for me. I considered excusing myself and running off to find Liam, but that would have just upset her.
There was a thick lump in my throat, but I managed to swallow it down before taking the blonde girl’s hands and squeezing them.
“Kristine, it is crucial that you do not tell that man where I am,” I whispered, keeping my voice down.
Kristine’s brows furrowed and she ducked her head. “I told him I didn’t know you but Mrs. Abernathy is very old and I do not think she realized how dangerous he seemed. She may have…she may have told him where you live.”
“No…” My voice was weak and shaking. “When did he come looking for me?”
“When the market first opened.”
