Pulling a shirt off the hanger, he put it on without facing her. “It was a mistake.”
“But why?”
“I woke up this morning with a feeling of dread, knowing we only had a few days left.” He snapped his shirt with short, jerky movements. “Apparently I’m... I’m not okay with that. I know what we agreed, and obviously I need to man up and accept reality.”
“You wanted me to travel with you?” Now that was a heartbreaker of a concept. “But you said you wouldn’t ask a woman to trail around after you and try to fit her life into yours.”
“Yeah, I know.” Tucking his shirt into his jeans, he grabbed his belt from a hook inside the closet and threaded it through the belt loops. As he buckled it, he turned back to her. “But I thought, if you were involved in the cooking and experimentation with recipes, you’d be happy with your job and I’d be happy with mine, and it would all... work.”
Her eyes misted as she shook her head. “You’ve got the wrong girl.”
His troubled gaze found hers, and gradually his expression softened. “Aurelia, would you at least think about it? I know it’s a big step, but you were ready to reject the blog idea until you gave yourself a chance to think about it.”
“That’s quite a bit different.”
“I suppose, but... just let yourself think about it.” Without waiting for her answer, he left the room.
Taking a long, shaky breath, she gazed unseeingly at the solitaire game spread out in front of her. She didn’t have to think about it.
Because he’d been traveling the world for years, he had no idea the monumental life change he’d asked her to consider. She couldn’t do it. He might be dreading their eventual parting, but it was for the best. She wasn’t the one for him.
Chapter Thirteen
Matthew sometimes ate a quick breakfast that Aurelia fixed for him, but this morning he’d wanted to let her sleep. On days he didn’t eat with her, he usually grabbed something from the bunkhouse kitchen. Today he didn’t feel like eating, period, and for a man who cherished his food, that was significant.
He’d seriously miscalculated when he’d chosen to become involved with Aurelia. She might be the only woman in the world who could make him regret his choices as he yearned to have it all — career, life partner, even family. Desperate not to lose her, he’d come up with a plan, and she’d flat-out rejected it.
Although he wasn’t giving up without a fight, his chances didn’t look good. Her uncompromising expression as he’d left the bedroom had told him that much. She’d given him nothing to work with, no hint that she might consider his suggestion.
If she refused to even consider it, he wasn’t sure how well he’d be able to adjust. He’d always prided himself on being able to roll with the punches, but she had the power to deliver a knockout blow. And he’d given her that power by falling for her. While in the shower, he’d come to the startling conclusion that he was head over heels in love with this woman. There was no changing that, now, either.
He sought refuge in the one place that had always comforted him — a horse barn. Because he’d skipped breakfast, he made it to the barn ahead of the cowhands. Butch and Sundance greeted him enthusiastically, probably because they thought he’d feed them.
“Sorry, guys. If I feed you that’ll just cause confusion.” He stopped to pet them, though. Butch, a tan short-haired dog of indeterminate ancestry, and Sundance, a black dog with curly hair and no pedigree, either, had been strays until the Chance family took them in.
Matthew admired the big-hearted spirit of this ranch and hoped to come back. But if he did, the place wouldn’t be the same without Aurelia. He sighed and started down the aisle between the stalls. Houdini’s was at the far end.
The horses all pricked up their ears and looked expectant as he came by. “Can’t feed you, either,” he told them. “Some of you may be on special diets. I’m not going to take a chance on messing that up.”
A couple of them nickered in protest, but the rest went back to foraging for whatever they’d missed from last night’s meal.
Houdini stuck his head over the stall door, clearly welcoming Matthew. That kind of affection was a very good sign. Matthew couldn’t give himself all the credit. In the days following Lester’s successful ride, Matthew had gradually allowed the other boys to take a turn. The socializing had been very good for the horse.
Houdini also stayed in his stall these days, not so much out of choice as an inability to break out. Matthew didn’t kid himself that Houdini had abandoned his escape-artist leanings. Working with Emmett Sterling, Matthew had devised a latch that the horse couldn’t open, at least not yet.
Standing by the stall door, Matthew scratched along the base of Houdini’s mane and stroked his velvet muzzle. “Females,” he muttered. “Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em.”
Houdini snorted.
“I should probably be grateful, though. I still get to have sex the old-fashioned way, but once you’re in the stud program, you’ll be mounting a dummy instead of a mare. I can’t believe that’s much fun.”
Houdini gazed at him with his liquid brown eyes.
“Yeah, you don’t know what I’m talking about yet, but you will, soon enough. Today might be the day, in fact. I was hired primarily so that you’d become the proud papa of a bunch of registered Paints, so you and I need to see if you’ll be cooperative and mount that dummy.”
Houdini pawed the floor of his stall.
“Don’t get too excited, yet. I’ll have to discuss it with Emmett.”
“Did I hear my name mentioned?” The foreman walked through the open doorway of the barn.
“Just the man I need to talk to,” Matthew said.
Emmett touched his hat in greeting and came toward him with a slightly bow-legged stride. “You’re up early.”
“Lots to do today.”
“Always.” Tall and lean, Emmett was the quintessential seasoned cowboy, his face lined from years of working with horses out in the elements. His neatly trimmed mustache, which was starting to gray along with his dark hair, made him look even more authentic. “What did you need to discuss with me?”
“Houdini’s made good progress with his training in the corral, but considering that he’s destined to be a stud, we should probably find out if he’s mellowed enough that we can get him to mount a dummy.”
“As a matter of fact, Clay asked me about that yesterday, and I promised him a progress report.”
“I’ve never seen the collection process, although I have a fair idea of what goes on. Do you think Houdini’s ready?”
“One way to find out. I can see if Clay’s available this morning.”
“That would be great.” Matthew had met Clay Whitaker, who ran the stud program for the Last Chance, during Matthew’s first morning on the ranch. Since then Clay had been busy dealing with semen shipments and they’d had no chance for a conversation. Clay was also Emmett’s son-in-law following a spring wedding to Emmett’s daughter Emily.
“Even if Clay’s busy, he’ll probably make time,” Emmett said. “He’s eager to get Houdini into the program. The horse has excellent bloodlines.”
“But this will be one portion of Houdini’s training that the kids don’t need to be part of. If they know about it, they might want to, though. Houdini’s become almost like a pet to them.”
“Let’s just avoid the problem,” Emmett said. “I’ll get a couple of the hands to take those boys on a fence-mending detail this morning. Then you can let them ride Houdini this afternoon.”
“That’ll work. I’m going to take a turn on him this afternoon, myself. Now that he’s familiar with a bridle and a western saddle, having me topside shouldn’t faze him. It’s about time to put the finishing touches on this project.”
Emmett gave him a speculative glance. “I didn’t think you were in that much of a hurry.”
“You mean because of Aurelia?” No point in pretending not to know what Emmett was talking
about.
“Yep. I thought you’d want to stay on here until she left for Nebraska.”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea anymore.”
“You two have a spat?”
“Not exactly. We just... I dunno.” Matthew tilted his hat back with his thumb and looked at Emmett. “Our sticking point seems to be travel. I’m going to guess you’re not much of a traveler, yourself.”
“That’d be a good guess.”
“And why is that?”
“No point in it. Everything I want is right here.” He stroked a finger over his mustache. “That’s where you and I are different. You have a hankering for far away places. I like my regular routine and my familiar surroundings.”
“And I get that. For you, it makes perfect sense, because working on a ranch is your dream. But I can’t figure that working in a bank is Aurelia’s dream. She’s never once talked about her job.”
The foreman paused as if weighing Matthew’s comment. “She strikes me as a girl who likes security,” he said finally. “Her job could make her feel secure.”
“Hell, I could give her all the security she wants. If she’d travel with me, she could search out recipes all over the world, and then collect them into an international cookbook. Or two cookbooks. A whole damned series of cookbooks! You’ve seen how creative she is. Doesn’t that seem like something she’d be happy doing?”
“She might, but if she’s spent her whole life in the same place, going on some grand adventure with you could feel like jumping off a cliff.”
“But I’d be there to catch her.”
Emmett’s gaze was sympathetic. “You know that, but she may not believe it, at least not yet. It takes time, son, just like with horses. People can’t change their ways overnight any more than a horse can.”
“But I thought by now she’d trust me more.” He gestured toward Houdini. “He does.”
“Of course he does. You haven’t asked him to leave everything he’s used to.”
Matthew sighed. “Damn it all, you’re right. I pushed her and she pushed back. I guess I should have expected that instead of thinking she’d grab hold of the idea and run with it.”
“Maybe if you back off she’ll come around.”
“Maybe.”
“Or not. You don’t want to force a relationship with a woman if it’s wrong. I did that with my ex, and Jack’s dad Jonathan did the same with Diana.”
“Yeah, I picked up on that story. Where is Jack’s half-brother, by the way? Am I going to get to meet him?”
“Probably not. Summer’s busy for wilderness guides, and he wants to earn as much as he can now that he’s going to be a married man.”
Matthew nodded. “Marriage. It’s quite a step, isn’t it?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Thanks for the advice. You obviously understand women better than I do.”
“I wouldn’t say that.” Emmett’s smile was rueful. “And Pam Mulholland definitely wouldn’t say that. She’s nearly lost patience with me.”
Matthew remembered listening to the cowhands talk about that ongoing drama. Pam owned the bed and breakfast down the road, and she’d had her eye on Emmett for years. Because she had more money in the bank than Emmett, he resisted any suggestion of marriage. He was willing to carry on an affair, but apparently tying the knot would make him feel like a kept man.
Matthew’s issues with Aurelia made him prone to side with Pam, the person with the money. He’d bet Pam was as eager to share hers with Emmett as Matthew was to share his with Aurelia. “The hands all say she’s crazy about you.”
“Don’t know why.” Emmett’s voice was gruff. “I’m just an old saddle tramp. She could do a whole lot better.”
From Matthew’s standpoint, any woman would be lucky to hook up with a guy like Emmett. He was kind, generous, and principled. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re selling yourself short.” He smiled. “But hey, considering how messed up my love life is right now, I have no business meddling in anyone else’s.”
Emmett chuckled. “Are you saying we’re the blind leading the blind?”
“Could be. Maybe we should concentrate on matters we do know something about, like horses. Much simpler.”
“Ain’t that the truth.”
But as the morning progressed, Matthew had trouble following his own orders. No matter how hard he tried to shove thoughts of Aurelia to the back of his mind, they kept intruding. Maybe it was partly because he was in the sperm collection shed, and a guy faced with that procedure couldn’t help thinking of sex. After the past week and a half, Matthew couldn’t think of sex without thinking of Aurelia.
Clay Whitaker, a conscientious guy who obviously knew horses and the science of sperm collection, gave his complete attention to convincing Houdini he should mount the cloth dummy.
“I can see why he’s not going for it,” Matthew said. “It’s like the equine version of a blow-up doll.”
“While a hot babe waits in the next room behind a locked door,” Clay added.
Matthew laughed. “Exactly.” A teaser mare in season was tethered in a wooden pen at the back of the shed where Houdini could smell her but couldn’t get to her.
“At least he’s excited by the mare, which is helpful,” Clay said. “Houdini wants her with the heat of a thousand suns.”
“But he’s not buying the cloth dummy aspect,” Matthew said. “Frankly, in his place, neither would I.”
Clay laughed. “There are many times while I’m doing this job that I want to turn the stallion loose and let him have some real fun.”
“Don’t blame you.”
“But if I did, I’d get fired, and rightly so. That mare is not the one who’s supposed to get Houdini’s semen. We have customers who are willing to pay a good amount of money so that Houdini impregnates their mare and not ours.”
Matthew wiped his forehead on his sleeve. “How long should we keep this up?”
“Truthfully? I think at this point we might be wasting our time. Besides, it’s nearly noon and Aurelia will be serving lunch. Let’s try him again tomorrow morning. He might have a change of heart between now and then.”
“Works for me.” Timing and patience seemed to be the order of the day. “Sorry we couldn’t get him up there.”
“No worries. He’s a thousand percent easier to handle than he was two weeks ago. I would have been amazed if we’d succeeded the first time. But once we convince him, then it’ll get a lot easier. Some satisfaction is better than none.”
“I’ll take your word for it.” Matthew had always been an all-or-nothing kind of guy.
“I’ll lead the mare out the side door if you’ll lead Houdini out the front.”
“Sure thing.” But Houdini planted his feet when Matthew tried to coax him out of the shed. Obviously he didn’t want to give up when he thought he might still get a shot at the mare. Matthew decided to wait until Clay and the mare were out of the shed.
As the pretty little brown and white Paint mare left, Houdini trumpeted his disappointment.
“I feel your pain, my friend,” Matthew said. “It sucks to have the doors of paradise slammed in your face.”
For the first time since Matthew had arrived at the Last Chance, Aurelia dreaded seeing him come into the dining room for lunch. Sure, her heart beat faster as it always did, but bubbles of happiness no longer fizzed in her veins. When his gaze met hers, his expression was guarded.
She hated that, but didn’t know how to fix it short of leaping on the bandwagon he’d rolled out for her this morning. Because she wasn’t planning to do that, their relationship was bound to be strained. She served the meal, a rice and chicken dish with roots in a Creole recipe she’d found and he’d helped her modify.
Usually she could hardly wait to get his reaction when he finally was able to taste the results of his consultation and her cooking skills. But today, any comments on her food would remind them both of their discussion this morning. She wished she could erase i
t from her memory and return to the easy camaraderie they’d enjoyed before he’d come up with his suggestion to completely alter her life.
Still, she couldn’t bear not to speak to him at all. She’d figured out from snatches of conversation that the boys had been sent out to repair the fence line while Matthew did some additional work with Houdini that didn’t include the kids.
As she was clearing the plates, she paused beside his chair. “Did your morning go well with Houdini?”
“Not as well as Clay and I had hoped.”
Then she understood. Clay was in charge of the semen operation for the ranch, so if he’d been working with Matthew, the two of them must have tried unsuccessfully to collect some from Houdini. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
As she imagined two big strapping cowboys trying to milk semen from a stallion, she had to press her lips together to keep from laughing. No doubt they weren’t amused by their lack of success. She was liable to insult them if she wasn’t careful.
“We’ll try again tomorrow morning.”
“Good.” She hurried away before he could tell she was trying to control herself.
Later, after the dining room emptied, she came out of the kitchen with a damp cloth to wipe down the tables. Matthew stood there, the only person left in the dining room. Apparently he wasn’t going to walk into the bedroom and check his email as he usually did without asking first, and neither would he quietly leave the house and avoid the conversation completely.
She shouldn’t be surprised that he’d choose to deal with her in a straightforward way. He was that kind of man, someone who faced things head on. He said what he thought and asked questions when he needed an answer. She admired that.
His first comment had nothing to do with email. He went straight to the heart of the matter. “I thought I’d better check and find out if you still want me to come up after dinner.”
Her breath caught as she realized how easily their connection would slip away if she told him not to bother. But even though they were more awkward with each other now, she wasn’t ready to let him go. Not yet.
The Way to a Cowboy's Heart Page 14
