by Cowan, Debra
“Why would it be in the system? Oh, wait, I remember. Like a lot of cities after 9/11, Oklahoma City and Presley began storing samples of blood from rescue workers, like firefighters. That way, if something happens and they can’t be identified by sight, they can be identified by DNA.”
“Right.”
“James’s DNA would still be in the system even though he was fired?”
Gage nodded. “The city can barely afford to pay people to enter all that data. They sure aren’t going to pay them to take it out.”
Satisfaction filled him. He finally had the bastard. It didn’t feel real yet, but it was. “Robin also said they’d gotten a warrant to search his house and turned up a gun along with some records. She thinks the ballistics will match the bullet that killed Julio.”
“Did she say anything about the records?”
“Only that her first glance revealed details about fires. She thinks I’ll be able to tell if the information concerns the arson ring blazes.”
“Oh, Gage, I’m so glad for you.” Her eyes filled with tears as she hugged him tight. “Your grandparents will be overwhelmed.”
“That isn’t all.” Keeping her close, he drew back to look at her. “I’ll have my life back, baby. We’ll have our lives back.”
Her bright smile faded.
“This isn’t over yet, but I can see the end of it.” He stroked a hand over her hair. “I may have to go back into Witness Security for a while, until Larry James is apprehended, but once he is, I’m coming back for you. We can be together.”
“Gage.”
The low warning in her voice had dread piercing through his euphoria, but he wanted her to know he was serious about a future with her. He’d kept quiet since the night they’d first slept together, but he wasn’t keeping quiet now. “I know you think you can’t trust me, but you can.”
“I can’t…do it again.” She stepped out of his arms. “I can’t be with you.”
Her words didn’t surprise him. Tension over this had been bubbling from the moment he’d told her he wanted things to be the way they were before.
“I’ve tried to give you space, Meredith. To show you I mean it when I say I’ve changed.”
“It’s not your sincerity I doubt. It’s your commitment to me—to us. That a relationship means more than your…dedication to your job.”
She’d been about to call it his obsession, he realized. And she would’ve been right, back then. “After what happened, the way I was last year, it’s understandable why you’d still think so, but—”
“Before I returned your ring, I spent so much time trying to figure out what was wrong with me.” Her voice shook and he couldn’t tell if it was from pain or anger. “But I wasn’t the problem.”
“No, you weren’t. It was all me.” His heart clenched that she’d ever thought the fault had lain with her. “My job meant too much to me.”
“I didn’t leave because you cared about your job. I left because that was all you cared about.”
She walked to the other side of the bed and he felt every inch of distance like a blow.
“Watching our relationship die nearly wrecked me. For weeks after I broke our engagement, I was out of it. Once I had to leave a surgery because I didn’t trust myself not to botch it. I’m not willing to go there again. I’m not strong enough to handle us falling apart a second time.”
Hadn’t she noticed any difference in him at all? He told himself to be patient. They could work this out. “I’m nuts about you, Meredith. And I know you still feel something for me.”
“That wasn’t enough before. Why would it be now?”
“Because now I know what I gave up. I’m willing to compromise, not expect you to do it all. I finally understand how badly I hurt you and I’m not going to break your heart again. Look at me. You can see I’m telling the truth.”
Her eyes, full of anguish, searched his. “I believe you.”
“Then why won’t you say yes?”
“Right now, you don’t have to give your attention to anyone or anything except me. But once you’re settled back into your life, your job, that will change.”
“Things aren’t going to be the way they were before, baby. Whatever it takes, I’m not going to lose you again.”
“Please don’t say things like that. We’re…over. We both need to move on.”
Irritation streaked through him. “If that’s what you want, then why did you sleep with me?”
“Because I wanted to be with you,” she said quietly. “It doesn’t mean I think we can work.”
“Then what does it mean?”
“I…Goodbye, I guess.”
The sorrow in her voice didn’t stop anger from roaring through him. “Did you ever even consider giving me another shot?”
“I can’t.”
“You mean you won’t.”
She hesitated. “Yes, that’s what I mean.”
His gut twisted into knots. “Is that why you slept with me? Because you figured it would never go anywhere? Damn it, Meredith, I can’t prove I’ve changed if you won’t let me in!”
“This isn’t easy for me, either, Gage. In some ways, we’re very good together, but not when it comes to forever. Not when it comes to putting us as a priority.”
“That’s on me and I’m different now.” He shoved a hand through his hair, fighting not to panic. It couldn’t be over. “I don’t know how many ways to say it.”
“I can’t let you hurt me like that again.”
“How long do I have to pay for my mistakes?”
“This has nothing to do with punishing you.” She wrapped her arms around her waist, her eyes troubled. “It has to do with protecting myself.”
From him. “I get it, okay. I should probably do the same damn thing, but I want to work through this.”
After a long moment thick with pain and regret, her gaze lasered into his. “How do I know things will be different?”
His heart thumped hard. Was she softening? Would she give him another chance? Hesitantly, he reached out. When she didn’t shy away, he stroked her cheek. He fixed his gaze on hers.
“Because while I was gone, I woke up every day wanting you with me and I don’t want to wake up that way for the rest of my life. I know what it’s like to be without you,” he murmured. “I don’t want to ever feel like that again. I can’t make you believe me. Or trust me. The only thing I know to do is stick around and show you.”
He saw the uncertainty in her eyes, held his breath in hope she would agree, even reluctantly, to give him another chance.
Then he saw her decision and her words shot his wish all to hell. “Don’t. This is hard enough for both of us already. It’s not fair to you or me.”
His chest felt like a wide gaping hole; his voice turned sharp. “Why are you completely closing the door? Because I can’t make any guarantees about us? Neither can you.”
“We just don’t work. You know it, even if you won’t admit it.”
“In the past, maybe that was true. Not now.”
She shook her head, her blue eyes dark and sad.
“You can really just walk away?”
“I have to.”
“Well, I can’t. I won’t.”
“Don’t make this any more painful for either of us.” Her voice quavered and tears filled her eyes. “If you really do still care for me, let it go.”
“That’s exactly why I can’t.”
She moved past him, not even pausing at his words. As he watched her leave the room, desperation and near-panic choked him. Was she truly finished with them?
He didn’t want to believe it was over, but he didn’t see how he could believe anything else.
Chapter 11
A little before eight the next morning, Meredith, Gage and Robin were shown into an empty courtroom the Attorney General had found to use as a waiting room. Meredith and Robin would wait here while Gage gave his deposition to Ken Ivory. Per Ivory’s instruction, the three of them
had arrived before court convened at nine o’clock.
As Meredith watched Gage and the AG walk through a corner door leading to the jury deliberation room, she was one big throbbing nerve.
Gage would be deposed first about her killing Marshal Nowlin and then how the marshal had tried to kill Gage. When it was time for her deposition, she would trade places with him.
Once he was out of earshot, Robin turned to Meredith, concern in her blue eyes. “Sheesh, I nearly got frostbite in the car on the way down here. What’s going on with you two?”
Tears tightened her throat. After her talk with Gage, she’d spent last night in Robin’s other guest bedroom. Meredith had seen hurt in his eyes the first time she’d broken up with him, but if memory served, it hadn’t been as raw or bleak as what she’d seen yesterday.
She and Gage had ridden to the courthouse with Robin at his insistence. He wanted more than himself watching out for Meredith. They had talked little during the drive and when they had, it was about things concerning the trial.
Her heart ached. “Once all this is over, he wants to try again, but I said no.”
“So, that’s why he looked like he wanted to shoot someone. Are you doubting your decision?”
“No. I don’t know.” She didn’t think she should second-guess herself, but it was difficult not to. “I feel like I made the decision I should have, but it’s not the one I wanted. I really do believe he’s changed, that he wants to make our relationship a priority, but I can’t trust he’ll stay that way.”
“After he settles back in and goes to work, you mean?”
“Yes. All I can think about is how he became obsessed with his job and put it ahead of everything else, including me. I can’t let him hurt me like that again.”
Robin gave her a quick hug. “I’m sorry.”
“Thanks.” Meredith wiped at her teary eyes. “I’m so ready for this to be over.”
The pain was sharp and deep. One of the first things she’d learned in med school was to detach emotionally from certain situations. She had to distance herself now, from Gage, or she wouldn’t be able to make it through the trial. And she needed to be here for him one last time.
Robin and Terra had offered to attend court with her for moral support, and Meredith was so grateful for her friends. They’d been through a lot together.
Terra’s divorce, losing her friend and mentor to a serial arsonist, marrying the sexy cop she’d met on the case. Robin being jilted at the altar and nearly being killed in a fire. Meredith’s breakup with Gage and her subsequent belief that he was dead. And now as she walked away from him for the second time.
Maybe Gage was right and being with him had been her way of saying goodbye. She’d foolishly believed they could spend these last several days together and she wouldn’t hurt when it was over, but her heart felt just as shattered this time as it had the last.
She glanced at Robin, who wore a smart-looking navy pantsuit. “How long do you think his deposition will take?”
“Hard to say.” Though Robin wasn’t on duty today, she wore her badge, gun and holster clipped to the waistband of her slacks.
“I’m going to make a trip to the ladies’ room.”
“Why don’t you go to the one used by the jury? Even though no one has spotted James, it’s better if you don’t go out to the public restrooms. While you’re gone, I’ll call Terra and check on her ETA.”
Meredith nodded as she walked past the jury box and through a door made from the same dark wood as the rest of that in the high-ceilinged room. The facilities were across from the deliberation room where Gage was being deposed.
After a quick trip, she started back to the courtroom. Startled by a noise behind her, she glanced over her shoulder and saw a dark-haired man easily more than six feet tall. He was replacing a vent cover high on the wall.
At first, she tagged him as a maintenance worker. She smiled, then looked again. There was something familiar about his sharp-edged cheekbones, the slitted, cunning gaze—Larry James!
She’d seen his picture on the television enough the past couple of days to be sure. Managing not to betray the fact she’d recognized him, she played it cool and kept walking. She’d tell Robin, then Gage—
Something hard slammed into the side of her head and she crumpled to the floor in a burst of pain before everything went black.
Gage rubbed his nape as he walked out of the room where he’d been deposed by Ken Ivory and into the courtroom where he expected to find Meredith and Robin waiting. The room was empty.
Outside the main door, he could hear the increasing din of voices in the eight-story building. The tap and click of shoes echoed on the polished marble floor.
Where were Meredith and Robin? If Meredith had gone into the deliberation room, he would’ve passed her. He knew neither woman would leave this area. Most likely, one or both of them had gone to the restroom.
Stepping into the jury box, he eased down into the nearest chair and closed his eyes. Meredith had made it clear she was in no mood to talk, but they needed to. He intended to. He just wasn’t sure if he should leave her alone a few hours or try to talk to her now.
“Son?”
At the familiar masculine voice, Gage jumped to his feet and pivoted. “Gramps? Gran?”
Owen and Millie Parrish rushed toward him. He met them halfway.
The tall, white-haired man and petite woman with frosted hair swept him up in a tight embrace.
“It is you! Thank goodness!” His grandmother’s voice was tremulous.
He pulled back slightly to look at the older couple. “What are you doing here? Did you come for the trial?”
“Mr. Ivory wanted us to come. We didn’t know why until just now.” Owen Parrish’s voice cracked.
Gage’s grandmother touched his face, her soft hands shaking. “I can’t believe it. You’re alive.”
She burst into tears and grabbed him to her. His own eyes stung as he met his grandfather’s gaze. Looking as if he were having trouble holding back tears, too, the older man put a hand on Gage’s shoulder.
After a long minute, Millie stepped away. She kept touching Gage, on the face, on the arm.
His grandfather hugged him hard. “Mr. Ivory filled us in on what’s happened the last year. How are you doing?”
“Have you been eating?” Gran asked. “You look thin. And you need a haircut.”
Chuckling, he urged them each into a chair in the jury box before taking the seat between them.
He quickly caught them up on his life for the past year, including how Meredith had found him wounded at her family’s lake house and probably saved his life.
A fresh set of tears started in his grandmother’s eyes.
He hugged her again. “I’m fine, Gran. And thanks to the investigation at Meredith’s house fire, there’s evidence to put away the scum who masterminded the arson ring. That means I don’t have to stay in the Witness Security Program.”
“That’s the best news we’ve had in a year,” his grandfather declared.
Millie’s blue gaze pinned Gage. “And what about Meredith? How were things between y’all while you were together? I know you still have feelings for her. Is there any chance—”
“She’s said no. Twice.”
“She can’t forgive you for putting her second to your job?”
“I think she has, but she’s afraid I’ll make the same mistake. She doesn’t trust me.”
“You did let work take precedence over everything, Gage,” his grandmother reminded softly.
“I know. And I regret it. Living in WitSec has taught me a hard lesson. I won’t make a mistake like that again.”
“And you’ve told Meredith this?” Owen asked.
Just as Gage was about to answer, the door leading from the jury deliberation room jerked open. Robin looked quickly around the courtroom, her face chalk-white.
Dread hammering through him, he slowly got to his feet. “What is it?”
“Mer
edith went to the jury’s restroom. When she didn’t return after a few minutes, I went to check on her. She wasn’t there. I looked in the offices for the clerk and bailiff, and the court reporter. Finally, I found one of her shoes down the hall, near the door leading to the stairs. There’s no sign of her.”
“It’s James, that SOB.” Gage knew it without a doubt. He started toward the petite detective.
His grandfather rose, too, his deep voice concerned. “What can we do? Where should we start looking?”
“The best thing would be for y’all to stay here.” Robin glanced at Gage. “I need to tell Ivory.”
“We’ll cover more ground if we help,” Owen pointed out.
Robin glanced at Gage, her expression saying she was leaving the decision in his hands.
He shook his head. “This guy’s out to get me, Gramps. He won’t care who he hurts. It will be better if we don’t have to worry about y’all, too.”
The older man started to protest, but Gran put a hand on his arm. “We don’t want to make things more difficult. If there’s something we can do from here, tell us.”
“Okay, thanks.”
“Parrish!” Ken Ivory appeared in the doorway behind Robin.
The Attorney General’s face was tight with worry. “I’ve contacted security and the police department. A SWAT team is being deployed right now. They’ll be here shortly.”
“We can’t wait on them!” Why were they standing around here talking? Irritated, Gage shoved a hand through his hair. “We need to find her now. Whatever Larry James is planning, he’ll do it and get out. He won’t stay to play hide-and-seek.”
“Security has covered all the exits,” Ivory informed him. “And when the SWAT team arrives—”
“I’m not waiting on them. I can’t.” Gage started around the man and Robin, who both stood in front of the door leading to the deliberation room.
Robin snagged his elbow. “Hold on—”
“The longer we wait,” he gritted out, “the better the chance he’ll get her out of here. Or do something worse. He wants me and the other witnesses dead. He won’t care if he kills anyone else in the process. It’s my fault Meredith’s involved in this. I won’t stand here and do nothing.”
