To appease Anna, I internally fight with myself not to aid her with dish duty. My friends choose to joke at my expense over my eagerness to help.
“Ha ha. Very funny,” I declare at one point after I’m met with a few snickers.
Jared scoots his chair closer to me and pulls me into him.
“So, Emma . . . what’s wrong with my brother?” Jimmy blurts.
“Excuse me?”
I’m shocked by his statement. Did I say something offensive at some point and not realize it? My eyes dart back and forth between Joe and Jimmy.
“Leave her alone, Jimmy,” Joe defends.
“It’s a valid question,” Jimmy contends.
Not sure exactly what is going on, I timidly comment, “Nothing is wrong with Joe. I’m sorry. Did I say something rude or offensive? I didn’t mean to.”
“No, you didn’t,” Joe reassures.
“Then, why won’t you date him?” Jimmy pushes.
Where is his question coming from? Did Joe say something? Did my friends say something?
“I don’t date,” I present calmly.
“What gorgeous woman like you doesn’t date?” he continues.
I stare blankly at his forwardness.
“Leave her alone, Jimmy,” Joe says with agitation in his tone.
“Emma has never dated,” Maggie chimes in. “It’s nothing personal to Joe or any other guy she meets.”
“Why not?” Allen searches.
“Did someone break your heart?” Jimmy investigates.
When did my dating life become the main focal point of conversation? I know Jimmy and Allen don’t know me, but I’m still not comfortable discussing it with anyone.
“My dating life is not up for discussion,” I state impassively.
Jared sympathetically squeezes my hand.
“Definitely heartbreak,” Jimmy insists.
“Leave her alone, Jimmy,” Joe asserts almost raising his voice.
I’ve never heard Joe get loud before with anyone.
“What?” Jimmy feigns innocence. He takes the warning look Joe gives him and backs off. “My apologies, Emma.”
I silently accept his concession.
With our conversation coming to a halt by Jimmy’s interrogation, everyone temporarily retires to their rooms to change for the night. Joe follows me to his room.
“I’m sorry about Jimmy . . . I . . . .”
“It’s okay,” I offer.
“No, it’s not okay,” Joe consoles, wringing the back of his neck with his hand.
“It’s not a big deal. I’ve had it happen before. He just caught me off guard.”
I have been approached a number of times by every adult member of Maggie’s family as well as Nathan’s. I’ve had random strangers, both male and female of various sexual orientations, inquire as well.
“I swear, I have never said anything that would warrant him to say anything like that,” he nervously admits.
“It’s okay, really.” My feet take a few steps towards him for some reason.
Joe’s body completely relaxes as he moves, closing the gap between us. “I just need to grab something to change into,” he mentions.
“You can change in here,” I offer.
A flirtatious look appears on his face.
“Down boy. I’ve got to take Sadie out one more time for the night.”
Did he just pout?
“Are you pouting?” I question.
“No,” he argues, though he doesn’t change his expression until he can no longer suppress a grin. “I’ll join you ladies.”
“We’ll be fine by ourselves.”
“I know, but I wouldn’t mind getting out.”
We take Sadie for a walk around a few blocks and over to one of the nearby parks for her to run a little. As we take a break on the far, top left of the park while Sadie sniffs around a tree, I decide that I need to know what caused the reason for his moving.
“Why Pasadena?”
“What do you mean?” he says confused.
All I do is give him a look and I know he understands what I mean.
“I like it here.”
“You like it here?”
“Yes,” he agrees.
“And . . .?” I pry.
“And . . . what?”
He’s not going to make this easy, is he?
“Any other reason?” I inspect.
“Uhhhhh . . . no.” The smirk on his face indicates that he’s lying.
Shaking my head, “You’re kidding, right?!”
He ponders what to say, and leaves me with, “All in good time, beautiful.”
When we get back to his building, Joe stands in the elevator with his shoulder touching mine. I decree not to look at him because it might encourage him to do something. From the corner of my eye, I see him staring at me until the box dings at our arrival.
Standing in the doorway to his bedroom, I offer, “Go ahead and change. I’ll wait until your done.”
Joe lifts his eyebrows at my words before he strides to the wall of mirrors, sliding one to the left. I didn’t realize that a walk-in closet could be hidden behind it. Interestingly, Joe leaves the door propped open halfway, but I can’t see it — and I don’t dare to look. To be safe, I remain in the crook of the door between the bedroom and the hallway.
Two minutes later, Joe emerges from the closet with pajama bottoms on and a shirt in hand, exposing his naked torso. He deliberately waits to put the shirt on when he’s standing right in front of me. Winking, he methodically shrugs on the tee as I bite my tongue. I stand rigid as he presses into me and leans in for a kiss. Pulling my head away, I shake it in opposition. His knuckles graze my cheek before his lips meet my forehead for a long embrace. He pecks the same place before he reluctantly pulls away and heads out of the room. I close and lock the door behind me for precautionary measures.
Before changing, I venture to the bathroom first. Most women would be uncomfortable sleeping in a man’s bed who she isn’t intimate with when she has her period, but not me. I’ve been using a menstrual cup for years and love it. No messy pads or tampons or the chance of leakage. I just remove the cup, clean it out in the sink and place it back inside.
Sadie watches me change as she lays on Joe’s bed. I put on loose, soft pink, white and grey plaid bottoms that tighten with a drawstring, a white camisole with a built in bra and a light pink cardigan that matches the color on the pants. Choosing to take a little longer, I brush my hair before tying it up, rinse my face, and put on some lotion before snooping in his closet.
Opening the door, I discover that his closet is the same size of his bathroom. It has floor to ceiling dark mahogany wood with hints of a deep sky blue grey, like that of a summer rain storm, on the few strips of wall. The shelving is a variety of open hanging areas and different sized drawers on the two longer walls. The shortest wall is lined with nothing but a shoe rack. Everything is neatly arranged like it’s a department store. Suits, dress shirts, pants, tee shirts and some sweaters hang by their garment type and then by color on one side, the other side is completely empty. The shoe’s are arranged like his hanging clothes, and only fill half the space. I swear he has just as many shoes as I do. A large rectangular unit sits in the middle of the closet. Upon closer inspection, I see that it’s lined with drawers on both of the long sides. The drawers that are filled with items are flawlessly folded, I know because I check. Joe is a boxer brief man — my favorite. There are drawers with ties and belts and some that have cufflinks and tie clips that are all strategically lined up. He’s either one serious neat freak or Anna makes sure everything is where it should be. The thought of Anna having to do his laundry is comical and probably true.
Sliding open the last drawer, I find a collection of watches that are gold and either silver, platinum or both. A red item at the far right catches my attention and my heart flutters at the sight of the bracelet Jade bought Joe on New Year’s. It’s laying alone in its own little container. I know th
at Joe wears a watch practically every day, which means that he sees the bracelet each time. My fingers caress the beads as memories from that first day we met dance into my mind and into my gut. Pull yourself together, Emma.
Not wanting to take too long for fear of getting caught snooping, I head out to join everyone in the living room. I’m happy to find that everyone wasn’t waiting for me when I arrive. Henry and Maggie have yet to emerge from their room.
Jimmy, Allen, Jared and Nathan are deciding on what movie to watch as Jimmy and Allen cuddle in one spot and Jared and Nathan are in another. Sadie curls up next to Joe with her head resting on his thigh before I sit down. Jared motions for me to visit, so I do. I slump down into his left side, placing my head on his chest next to Nathan’s who is burrowed into Jared’s right. Allen tosses a blanket on the three of us, then one to Joe before situating one for himself and Jimmy. Anna makes two trips out to us with drinks and four really large bowls of freshly popped popcorn.
The six of us stop waiting for Maggie and Henry after ten more minutes and commence the movie. In less than ten minutes, Jared and Nathan have eaten three-fourths of their bowl of popcorn and I only get two handfuls. I shift on the couch to where my legs rest across Jared, but my head is now on Sadie’s belly so I can reach the popcorn Joe has resting on his lap. Maggie and Henry finally join us just as I reach to grab another round of popcorn over my head.
At some point, I cross my cardigan and arms over my chest when I notice my protruding nipples. Seconds later, I feel something being draped over me. I look up to find Joe placing a blanket that was on the back of the couch across my upper body. We smile when our eyes meet. As I shift to cover myself better with the blanket, I feel Joe helping by pull my hair to the side when I lift my head. His fingers kiss my skin upon contact. With everyone’s attention on the movie, Joe discretely glides his fingers up and down the side of my neck, causing my body to quiver in pleasure. I convince myself not to look at him, but soon I’m compelled. He returns the glance with a smile as his fingers never falter their movement, even when I look away. I notice that when someone moves or shifts, Joe’s hand freezes in place like he doesn’t want to be seen.
When the movie is over, the three couples rush to their rooms mumbling shouts of goodnight. Sex-capades time. I, on the other hand, take note that Anna is nowhere to be found and begin taking the glasses and bowls into the kitchen.
Joe laughs at me and comments when I pass him on my first trip to the kitchen. “You can’t help yourself, can you?”
I scrunch my nose at him.
Placing the dishes down and rolling up my sleeves, I hear Joe enter the kitchen not long after me. He brings in the rest of the bowls and glasses as I combine all of the remaining popcorn into one bowl and snap on its lid before placing the empty ones in the dishwasher. I wash the glasses by hand, since I know that they are crystal and then wipe down the counter.
Just as I head towards the living room with a damp sponge in hand, Joe tenderly snags my arm. “Leave it. It’ll make Anna feel needed. Important.”
I nod my understanding to his statement and replace the sponge in its proper place. I turn looking for a towel and am meet with Joe standing in front of me holding one. With a smile and diligent precision, Joe proceeds to gradually dry each one of my hands before tossing the towel on the countertop.
With our eyes locked, he delicately steps forward, compressing his body into mine at the waist. With my arms already crossed in front of me, he affectionately runs his hands up and down my arms from my shoulders to my elbows. Joe lowers his forehead to mine, pressing ever so lightly. I shake my head gingerly in opposition. He cups my chin despite my protest.
“No,” I whisper, placing my hands onto his forearms.
“Please,” he begs, regardless of my objection.
“No,” I stay firm in my conviction.
“Please,” his voice cracks as he reaches for my lips.
Pulling my head away last second, I say, “I can’t.”
“Why,” he pleads.
I wish I could tell him why, but right now I’m not even sure. How can something that feels so good, be so scary at the same time?
“We can only be friends,” I tell him.
Joe groans as he places his forehead back on mine rocking it. We stand like this for several minutes before he wraps me in his arms, holding me like he never wants to let go. I lightly place my hands on his hips as we stand motionless and not talking. All I can hear is the sound of our breathing. I could fall asleep like this.
Wake up, Emma my brain shouts. Shit. I’m doing the one thing I said I can’t do. I’m letting him in. This needs to stop.
Jerking away suddenly, I call to Sadie with trembling words and she follows me. I stand in Joe’s bedroom contemplating what to do as I reprimand myself for allowing things to go the way they did.
“Do you need anything?” Joe questions, snapping me out of my trance.
I shudder at the sound of his voice not expecting it. “No. Thank you.” I turn to face him and he’s already within inches of me.
Placing his left hand on my face with his fingers wrapped behind my neck, Joe tells me, “I’ll be in the den if you need me.” Before I say anything, his lips fall upon my right cheek. “I won’t stop wanting you, beautiful.” He scans me for a reaction, and I’m not sure what I give him as he kisses my forehead again.
Joe stops in the doorway and before leaving, bids, “Goodnight, beautiful.”
“Goodnight, Joe.”
Seventeen
As I attempt to lift my heavy eyelids, I discover a hazy darkness surrounding me. Blinking slowly several times, my half-opened eyes won’t focus to give me any clear indication of what’s around me and where the blurry, flashing lights above are coming from. My body feels heavy. Still unable to open my eyes all the way, I perceive that I’m laying down somewhere. A cool dampness near my left cheek reveals itself as a slight gust of air brushes past my face. Sliding my right arm up the side of my body like a snake, my fingers creep to my lips. Drool — or, at least I hope so.
Two large and oddly shaped figures materialize in front of me. They are so close, only a foot or two away. Voices suddenly emanate from the now more defined silhouettes. Their speech sounds muffled and trails off into the distance even as I try to concentrate on their words. Who are they? What are they saying? Why can’t I understand them? One of the voices almost sounds feminine.
Another indistinguishable sound gradually becomes more apparent as it grows louder and the ringing in my ears subsides. It’s the engine of a car. My brain finally starts to put the fuzzy pieces of evidence together. I must have fallen asleep in the back seat. A familiar smell creeps into my nose that reassures me — my mother’s perfume.
“Mom?” my throat squeezes out in a raw, breathy, hoarse tone.
Wake up, Emma.” Her voice replies in a low sluggish tone.
What is she talking about? I am awake.
A sudden rush of nervousness enters my belly. The car feels as if it’s flying down the road like a rocket ship as the speed of the flashing lights zooming above my head all blur into one.
“Mom,” I try to shout, but not a single sound escapes my mouth this time. Confused, I try again. “Mom!”
She doesn’t hear me. I don’t hear me.
A single, bright white light races towards us, growing larger by the second. Mom turns her head towards me smiling. Why doesn’t she hear me? How does she not see the light?
Again, with all my might. “Mom . . .!” my voice trails in my head like a deafening siren, stabbing my ears like a knife.
Time stops in this very moment. I can see everything with complete clarity as I stare in horror into my mother’s eyes. No. Joe’s eyes. I can’t move. My mouth is left open, screaming without a sound. I can’t hear anything besides a piercing ring that echoes in my brain.
My body lurches backward as I scramble to grab anything.
“Wake up, Emma!” the voice beckons.
&nb
sp; Ignoring the command, my nails dragging over the flesh of my mother’s body, reaching to yank the bloody, metal object from her stomach. Black liquid oozes from her mouth as her eyes appear lifeless.
“Mom!” I finally hear the sound of my own voice as I claw at the protrusion in her abdomen. Tears run down my face, blocking my vision as I jerk at the metal object to remove it from her cold, stiff body. “Mom . . . I can’t get it out.”
I’m thrown backward when the voice echoes, “Emma, wake up!”
With my mother’s body no longer within reach, I scramble to get a hold of one of her legs. Using all of my strength, I pull myself over and grab onto the metal.
“I need to get it out,” I cry as I’m snatched away again. “I need to . . . .”
“Wake up, Emma!” the voice orders.
My eyes fling open as I scream out in horror. Disoriented, my body shakes as tears stream down my face. “I need to get it out!”
“It’s okay,” a voices cracks.
I feel a tender, warmth drape itself around my shoulders.
“I need to get it out!” I sob. “I need to get it out! I need to get it out!”
“I’ll be right back,” the voice instructs.
“I need to get it out!” I repeat, trembling as all I can see is the image of my mother’s lifeless body and the blood that is everywhere — it’s all over my hands. I sit rocking with my legs curled into my chest and my hands out-stretched, not wanting to get anymore blood on me. “I need to get it out,” I mumble to myself. “There’s so much blood. I need to get it out . . . .”
“I’ve got you, Kitten,” a different voice claims as something wraps around my body. “I’ve got you. It’s okay.”
“I’ve got to get it out . . . There’s so much blood.” I inform it. “I’ve got to . . . .”
“I know you do. But, you can’t. It’s not real. Remember?” the voice reminds me gently. “Come back to me, please.”
“It is real. Don’t you see the blood? Look . . .” I attest.
Just Breathe Series (Trilogy Box Set) Page 24
