“I am relaxed,” I reply. “This is relaxing me.”
“Among other things,” Anna comments under her breath.
“What?” Joe asks.
I glare at Anna until an odd sensation forces me to suck in some air.
“Emma, are you okay?” Joe says with worry.
“Fine,” I state on a controlled breath out.
“Yeah,” Anna assures. “She’s just in labor.”
“Anna,” I snap.
“What?!” Joe exclaims.
“I’m fine,” I comment. “It’s nothing.”
“Emma,” Joe says with the authoritative voice that always gives me chills. “Since when?”
“Since when, what?” I say, avoiding the topic.
“Since the afternoon, around two,” Anna shares.
“How do you know and no one else does?” Joe presses.
“Brenda and Gwen know too,” Anna reveals. “They knew better not to say anything . . . knowing that Emma might kick them out.”
“Emma,” Joe pleads.
“I’m fine. We’ve got plenty of time. I need you to stay calm,” I declare.
“How do you know we have plenty of time?” he questions.
“Gwen and Brenda have been monitoring her,” Anna answers for me as another sensation takes over my body. “Looks like he might be coming sooner than you think, Ms. Emma.”
“Why would you say that?” I ask after another breath.
“Because,” Anna begins. “The contractions are close.”
“What’s going on in here?” Maggie inquires, coming into the kitchen with Gabby in her arms. “Everyone’s ready for dessert.”
“Emma has somehow forgotten to mention that she started labor sometime in the afternoon,” Joe shares.
“Really?” Maggie says excitedly.
I smile and nod.
“Hey, everyone,” Maggie calls as she turns to leave.
Five seconds later, everyone has followed her back into the kitchen. They swarm around Joe and me while we try to come to grips with what’s happening, asking questions and making statements that I can’t quite make out since they’re talking over each other.
“Quiet!” Joe shouts. He turns back to me. “Beautiful, what do we need to do.”
“Honestly?” I check, wanting to know he’s not going to freak out.
“Honestly,” he confirms.
“Nothing,” I answer.
“Excuse me?” he checks.
“Nothing,” I repeat. “There’s nothing anyone needs to do other than let this happen.”
“Kitten?” Jared calls anxiously.
“Noth-ing,” I repeat more slowly. “If any of you are going to be anxious and make this stressful, there’s the door.” My arm extends toward the front of the house. “I’m not interested in making this a big deal and . . . .”
“But, it is a big deal,” Nathan counters.
“Please,” I say with a clenched jaw. “I want things to be calm, normal and peaceful. Let me do what I need to do and when I need something, I’ll let you know. Okay?” I look around the room, waiting for each person’s reply as I make eye contact with them, which they do with a nod. “Good,” I say looking back at Joe. “Let’s have dessert.”
Everyone but Joe heads back to the dining room.
“Emma,” Joe says.
“Joseph,” I return.
“She’s serious, Mr. Joseph,” Anna informs, doing her best to avoid chuckling. “I’d do as she says.”
“Thank you, Anna,” I say.
Joe steps closer to me, placing his left hand on my belly and the other on my cheek and sighs.
“I’m okay,” I soothe, placing my hands on top of his. “Really. Just let it naturally happen. Okay?”
Joe places his forehead against mine. “Okay.” His lips kiss me and I can feel the mixed emotions going through him with his touch.
“It’s better to let it happen naturally, remember?” I say.
“Yeah,” he agrees. “I remember.”
“I’m excited and anxious too, but we need to stay calm. Okay?” I return.
“Okay,” he agrees.
An hour after dessert, Joe and I are with Brenda, Gwen and Anna, getting the bathroom set up for delivery. My cervix didn’t really start dilating until just before dinner. With me fully dilated, we each start setting the mood for the bathroom. I rearrange some of the candles that are lit after we change. Wanting to have freedom to move around if needed, I wear only a cotton tank top that fits to my body just below my bottom.
Kim joins us in the room, which I allowed before hand, and Jade is peeking from around the corner.
“Can I come in?” Jade inquires.
With a smile, I say, “I don’t mind if your mommy doesn’t.”
Jade looks to Kim.
“If Emma says you can, then yes. I know you wanted to see the twins being born and couldn’t,” Kim states.
“Come on in, sweetie,” I call.
Jade takes a seat next to her mom who is sitting to my left on the other side of the tub. Joe is sitting behind me, rubbing my lower back as Brenda takes a seat at the foot of the tub, Gwen is to my right and Anna finishes getting the essential oils in the diffuser.
As time passes, I shift around the large, caesar-stone tub, moving into different positions to find which one feels most comfortable. Everyone stays quiet, except Jade, which I willingly accept. She’s just randomly talking about different things. It actually helps take my mind off of what I’m in the bath to do.
When it comes time for me to push, I move myself back in front of Joe with my back to his chest and put my feet on the seat in the tub so I’m in a squatting position. Joe offers his hands when I reach for them, needing his support.
“You can do this, beautiful,” Joe whispers into my ear.
I smile and nod at his reassurance.
“I love you,” he adds. “And, Joe Jr. is ready to finally meet us.”
After about twenty minutes of controlled breathing, Brenda shares that Joe Jr.’s head is beginning to crown. She instructs Joe to reach around to feel the baby’s head.
“Oh my God,” Joe exclaims when his hand touches Joe Jr. and me.
I shift, turning to face him. I see the concern on Joe’s face, wanting to support me and not understanding why I’m moving. “So you can see him,” I offer. My hand takes Kim’s and Jade places hers on top. Gwen offers her hand to steady me on the other side as I push again.
“Help guide him out, dad,” Brenda encourages as she moves around the tub to face me. “Cradle his head. The water will help, but help guide him as Emma continues to push.”
“Okay,” Joe replies with a shaky voice.
“You can do it,” I support.
Joe smiles at me like a kid at Christmas.
I can feel my level of energy lowering with the next few pushes until Joe Jr.’s head is all the way out now. Brenda confirms that all I need to do is just push one or two more times and my son will be in my arms.
“Just breathe, Emma,” Joe instructs. “You’ve got this, beautiful. Just breathe and push.”
As Joe Jr. leaves my body, I have no idea what happens next until my son is suddenly resting on my chest. Joe pulls me and our son closer to him and I’m crying — we’re crying. “Hey, you,” I greet, letting Joe Jr. wrap his tiny, little fingers around one of mine.
Joe lowers his lips and kisses his son. “Hey, buddy. Welcome home.”
“He looks funny,” Jade comments, making Joe and I laugh.
“What do you mean?” I ask as Joe Jr. squirms in my arms.
“He looks funny,” Jade repeats. “He looks like a baby, but he doesn’t. His head isn’t round.”
“It takes a little time for their head to round out,” Kim informs.
“Why?” Jade searches.
“In order to come out, a baby’s head and their skull isn’t fully formed,” Kim explains. “They wouldn’t be able to be born, or if they were, they’d injure the mommy, s
o their bones in their skull overlap and then spread out once they’re born. That’s why you have to be careful with Henry’s and Gabby’s heads when you hold them.” Kim illustrates with her hands. “You’ll see, he’ll look different in a few minutes. Plus, he hasn’t been cleaned off.”
“He still looks funny,” Jade giggles. “His eyes look funny.”
“How do they look funny?” I check with a chuckle.
“They don’t look like ours,” Jade explains.
“Like who’s?” Joe searches.
“Like me, mommy’s, daddy’s or Maggie’s,” Jade continues.
Trying not to laugh, I explain, “He’s not going to look like you. Not like that.”
“Why not?” Jade questions.
“He’s supposed to look like his mommy and daddy,” Kim answers. “Emma is our family, but we don’t share the same genes as her.”
“Jeans?” Jade says. “She wears jeans. They might be bigger than mine, but I know we have the same jeans when we went shopping that one time.”
“No,” Kim giggles. “Genes as in the things that make you look like you. There are many similar genes that Emma has as us; two eyes, one nose, hair, fingers, but the other genes that say what her eye color, hair color and other specific traits like that are different from ours. She wasn’t born into our family.”
“Oh,” Jade says when her realization clicks.
“Family is what you make it. It’s not always people who look like you,” I remind.
“Yeah,” Jade says sheepishly.
“Did you forget, silly?” I check.
“Yeah,” Jade says with a smile.
“That’s okay,” I state. “That just means you lead with your heart rather than your eyes.”
Jade’s smile widens.
“Hey, can you do us a favor?” Joe asks sweetly.
“Sure,” Jade agrees, perking up.
“Can you go downstairs and let everyone know that he’s got ten fingers and ten toes for us?” Joe directs.
“Can I come back afterwards?” Jade searches.
“Of course,” Joe and I say at the same time.
“Okay,” Jade says excitedly, jumping up and running out of the room. She pops her head back in two seconds later. “Hey!”
“Hey what?” I reply.
“What’s his name?” Jade checks.
Joe looks to me and I smile and nod. “Joe Jr.,” Joe answers.
“Okay,” she shouts leaving the room.
About then minutes later, I feel the contractions again and the ladies remind me that the placenta is working its way out and that I need to push again. Thankfully, it’s not as strenuous of a task as pushing my son out. As Joe Jr. rests against my chest and Joe supports me from behind, I finish with my last few needed pushes.
We stay in the water for a while, letting the placenta stay attached to Joe Jr. until it stops pumping blood and fluids. With Gwen’s and Brenda’s help, Joe and I get out of the tub and get changed while Joe Jr. is measured, weighed and has a few of his vitals checked. He gets a clean bill of health.
Feeling exhausted, I climb into bed as Joe gets our son from the ladies and joins me under the covers. The three of us relax and Kim assists with showing me how to get Joe Jr. started breast feeding, demonstrating how to get his mouth and throat stimulated with our fingers for him to latch on. The sensation of his suckling is different and takes a few moments to get used to. Joe helps Jade onto the bed and she curls close, watching with awe and excitement. She kisses Joe Jr. on the cheek several times and successfully manages to get him to hold onto one of her fingers as he feeds.
At some point, Kim coaxes Jade to go with her and we’re left alone in the room with our son. A few minutes later, Elaine and John are knocking softly and peeking in as I burp little Joe. Elaine’s and John’s excitement are infectious, giving Joe and I a little burst of needed energy. They inform us that the rest of the family should be here shortly — our New York clan.
The rest of our friends and family, who are already present, take turns joining us in pairs or groups of three or four, offering their sentiments and taking turns holding Joe Jr.. As a few people trickle back into the room, Joe Jr. and I drift off to sleep, too tired to stay awake for everyone.
One Hundred Fifty Six
It takes a few days to get used to our new schedule with Joe Jr. for Joe and me and to not feel exhausted all day. At first, most of our time is spent in our bedroom. Eventually, we venture out to the living room, patio or the kitchen areas on occasion just to move around. I make Joe leave the room to get us food or to take the dogs outside. He’s reluctant each time to leave as if he’s going to miss something. I tease him that Joe Jr. isn’t near ready to be walking or talking, so there isn’t much for his son to be doing. Joe watches in awe each time I breastfeed Joe Jr. and thoroughly enjoys when there’s extra trickling out — boys and their boobs.
By our fifth day, both Joe and I feel comfortable with Joe Jr., being able to change his diaper, feed him and hand him off to the other or whoever wants to hold him as if he’s not a thin piece of glass that can break with the slightest touch. Each little thing Joe Jr. does, we’re oohing and ahhing, and end up taking pictures or videotaping him. The slightest change in Joe Jr.’s facial expressions are the best.
Our friends and family make daily visits and some of them even spend a number of days at our house, even those who live in the area. John and Elaine have stayed with us, leaving all the space between the two penthouses on Colorado to the rest of Joe’s family who have flown out to see us. I’m so thankful that we’ve got staff to help — I’m not sure how women do this all on their own, especially single moms. My heart goes out to them. Joe and I have decided to donate money and support to families in need once we get back into a more regular routine.
As the days pass, Joe and I are amazed at our son’s development. Aside from the changes in his physical appearance, all of the new things we see that he’s doing like making steady eye contact, smiling when Joe and I talk to him, and how Joe Jr., Sadie and Jasper are like three peas in a pod are fun to watch. Jasper even seems to reserve much of his playfulness for when he’s outside.
Each day, I learn something new about Joe Jr. and his development. It’s an endless stream of surprises and beautiful moments.
“What are you wearing?” I ask Joe with a giggle. “Is that my shirt?”
“No,” Joe objects. “I had Anna make me one.”
Joe is too cute, wanting to be able to bond with his son, comfortable enough with himself to have his own newborn bonding carrier. I give Anna credit for being able to make a men’s version.
“It’s comfortable,” Joe admits and allows me to be able to do things while still hold him like you do.”
“I think it’s cute,” I reply.
“Really?” Joe checks.
“Really,” I giggle. “I like that you want to bond with your son as much as you can. Maybe this will give us some more time in the shower . . . you know, just the two of us.”
“You don’t like it when I bring him in?” Joe asks with disappointment.
“I do,” I confirm. “But, I like when it’s just us too.”
Joe smiles. “I’m sorry, beautiful.”
“For what?” I check.
“For not realizing that you’d want to just have some us time since we’ve been spending the past two weeks with him,” Joe explains.
“It’s okay,” I assure. “I know he’s only two weeks old and you want to connect with him. It’s okay that you’re excited that he’s here. I like that. I know it’s different for you since he was inside me for nine months.”
Joe smiles and kisses his son.
“Do you think you won’t be able to bond with him enough?” I check.
Joe’s expression gives away some truth to my question.
“He knows you,” I explain. “All the times you’ve touched me, talked to me and him when he was in my belly. He knows you more than you think.”
&nb
sp; “Really?” Joe checks excitedly.
“Yes,” I giggle. “Next time he’s awake, I’ll videotape him as he hears your voice from a distance . . . he smiles. He senses you too even before you speak.”
With it being Halloween, Joe and I dress Joe Jr. up in two different outfits. His first one got a bit dirty — his diaper exploded and there was stuff everywhere. I didn’t know a baby could have that much stuff come out of them.
When it comes time for Joe and me to go to dinner for our birthday, I struggle a little separating from Joe Jr.. He’s been with me every day since he was born, not counting the nine months he was in my belly. I try to use the excuse that I’m still not comfortable celebrating my birthday, but Joe calls me out on it, knowing that it’s a lie.
“We’re only going to be gone for a few hours, beautiful,” Joe reminds.
“I know,” I sigh, slipping on my heels. “Why can’t he come with us.”
“He, and you, need to get used to being away from time to time. Something you’ve mentioned to me, remember?” Joe reminds. “I love him too, but you need you time and we need us time too.”
“I know,” I agree reluctantly.
“He’s not going anywhere,” Joe coaxes. “He can’t even walk yet.”
I nod.
During the entire drive to the restaurant, we talk about Joe Jr.. It’s a short drive since we’re visiting a local restaurant in Pasadena that we haven’t been to in a little while.
After Joe pushes in my chair behind me and gets himself settled, he says, “We can not talk about certain things until we get home.”
“Like what?” I explore.
“Like a little someone who is well taken care of while we’re here,” Joe mentions with a smile.
“Why not?” I protest mildly.
“Because, the next few hours are about us,” Joe reminds.
“Okay,” I agree hesitantly. “Like what? Business?”
“No business. It’s our birthdays,” Joe reminds. “Besides, we’ve already talked about some of that and won’t be handling certain things until we head back for Jared’s and Nathan’s wedding.”
“Okay,” I sigh.
“Let’s talk about us,” Joe suggests.
“What about us?”
Just Breathe Series (Trilogy Box Set) Page 138
