by M. J. Scott
Bryony’s eyes opened and she pulled her hands away from Lily. “Shock,” she said briskly. “But I can’t sense any major injuries. Her foot is already healing. I’m going to wake her up.”
“No!” The protest made no medical sense, but once Lily was awake, then I’d have to deal with her. Work out what she was doing here. Work out if she could be trusted.
“Yes,” Bryony retorted in a decisive tone. “We need to know what happened, Simon. If she’s in shock, she’ll do better awake so we can get fluids and sugar into her, you know that.” She stared up at me for a second, waiting for another process. I folded my arms across my chest, set my teeth. Bryony knew what she was doing.
She moved her hands to either side of Lily’s head, thumbs resting on the pale skin of her temples, fingers splaying back around her skull. “Wake up.”
Lily’s eyes opened almost immediately. Then she bolted upright, looking around the room until her gaze found the window.
“The sun will set,” she said in a rush. “Simon, we need sunlight.”
“It’s early,” I said, trying to sound soothing even as I studied her face for any clue that she might be acting rather than genuinely terrified. “Sunset isn’t for hours.”
“You’re safe here,” Bryony added. “You’re back in St. Giles.”
Lily gave her a glare that should’ve burned her to ashes on the spot. Fair enough, when Bryony had done her best to throw her out of St. Giles previously.
“I need to speak to Simon alone.”
Bryony looked as though she was going to object, but I cut her off. “Thank you, Bryony, I’ll handle things from here.” My heart hammered at a thousand miles an hour and I felt the same way I did when my powers ran low. Shaky and drained. But I didn’t need the sun. I just needed to know why Lily had returned.
“I won’t be far away,” Bryony said in a cool tone. She cast one last inscrutable look at me, then swept out the door, her back indignantly straight.
“Sunlight,” Lily repeated. She’d pushed herself into the middle of the bed, clutching the blanket around her, shivering. “Can you call sunlight?”
There was a sunlamp on the table under the window. Most of the wards had them, an easy way for the sunmages to provide more light when it was needed for a surgery or other purposes. Without looking I set it alight, moved it closer to Lily so the light hit her skin.
“There.” I sat on the edge of the bed, wanting desperately to take her in my arms and hold her until I was convinced that she was really here. Knowing I couldn’t afford to let myself be ruled by emotion. “Sunlight.” I wasn’t ready to ask her why she wanted a sunlamp burning when the sun was high in the sky.
Lily looked around her, as if calculating the reaches of the pool of light shed by the lamp. “Are there more?”
“I can get more.” How many I could keep burning when I was this shaken was a different matter. Besides which, I didn’t want to leave her alone until I understood the situation. “But it’s still daylight.”
She latched on to my arm, fingers gripping hard enough to bruise. “That doesn’t matter. It’s not safe.”
I sat. If she was acting, then she could have a stellar career in one of the theater halls if she ever chose to. Or maybe she had just honed her skills through years of surviving the Blood Court. “Lily, this is St. Giles. It’s safe.”
“No,” she repeated, face twisting. “You don’t understand.”
“What is it? What happened? Did Lucius hurt you?”
“No.” This time the word sounded like a sob. “No, he didn’t hurt me. But something’s happened. I’m sorry, Simon. It’s my fault. I let him. He can—”
She broke off, shivering wildly as she hunched into the blankets. I wrapped my arms around her, trying to lend her my warmth. “He what? Tell me.”
“He can shadow,” she said.
Silence. I thought for a moment Simon hadn’t heard me. Which might not be such a bad thing. If he hadn’t heard me say it, if no one else knew the truth, then maybe it wasn’t the truth. Maybe this was all just a bad, bad dream and I’d been asleep here in the hospital all the time.
But the fear sweat on my clothes and the dirt on my hands and the horrible remembered sensation of being hunted through the shadow told me otherwise. I clung to Simon. Lucius in the shadow . . . the one place where I’d always been safe. More than safe . . . invulnerable. And now he’d found a way in. I’d given him the way in.
“How?” Simon said eventually. He untwined my arms from his neck, pushed me back gently so our eyes met. “How is that even possible?”
There was the question I’d been dreading. But there was no possible response but the truth. “It’s because of me.”
“How?” he repeated.
“Lucius drank my blood,” I said, looking down. “The night you took me from Halcyon, he fed from me. It was the first time,” I added hastily as he sucked in a breath. “My blood must have done something to him. It’s the only thing I can think of. He fed again, last night, and when I tried to—” I broke off, not wanting to explain why I’d panicked and fled. I couldn’t tell Simon Lucius had kissed me.
Simon’s face paled, making the shadows under his eyes darken. “Lucius fed from you and now he can shadow? He’s become a wraith?”
“No. Not entirely. He can’t go into the sunlight. That’s how I got away.” I shuddered at the memory of burning flesh. “He’s still a vampire but he can shadow.”
“But how? Why would your blood give him that power? Lily, you need to tell me the truth. What are you, exactly? Who fathered you? Are you part Blood?”
He’d drawn away from me, and his face twisted on the word Blood. It was clear he hated the thought. But no turning from the truth now. “I don’t know,” I admitted. “Lucius always refused to tell me. He used to tease me with it, the knowledge. But it has to be something to do with the Blood. They can draw the darkness. Shadowing is kind of like that. Maybe it’s Fae magic crossed with vampire. But I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that Lucius can shadow.” Cold swept through me. I had to grit my teeth to stop them chattering.
I could feel the panic rising again. “He could be anywhere. Simon, I have to get away from here.”
“No. We can protect you.” His voice sounded distant. His expression was closed. And his eyes, when he finally looked at me, were dark and unreadable.
“How? Are you going to guard me every night? Keep the sunlamps burning? Wear yourself out? Don’t you see, this explains why he wanted me back so badly. He wants my blood.”
“If he can shadow, then why hasn’t he used it to come for you before now?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. Maybe he didn’t realize straightaway. Maybe it took time for him to learn to control it or for it to come into effect. Maybe he needed the second dose to see if it would last.” Why was he quibbling over the details? I didn’t care why or how Lucius could shadow. All that mattered was that he could.
“It might wear off.”
Hells save me from optimists. “And it might not. I need to—” I stopped. Needed to what? Run? To where? Nowhere was safe. And even if I could think of somewhere to go, how far would I get with the need—unslaked because of my flight—dogging me? Lords of hell. What was I going to do?
“No,” he repeated. His hand sliced through the air. “No. You’re not leaving again. It doesn’t make any sense, you’d be no safer anywhere else.”
I huddled into the warmth of the blankets around me, drawing my knees to my chest and hugging them. I still felt as though my blood had turned to ice. “It’s not safe,” I repeated. “Not for you, not for me, not for anyone. Not once it’s dark. He could be anywhere.” I wanted to pull the blankets over my head and hide, but it wouldn’t help. I sucked in a breath, trying to will the panic away. “Did you move your family? Are they somewhere they can be protected?”
“Yes. They’re safe.” He sat back on the bed. “You will be too. I’ll make sure of it.”
“You can’t te
ll anyone,” I said, with a sudden horrified thought. “If this gets out . . . that a vampire drinking blood from a wraith can do this . . .”
I saw the moment he understood. If this became common knowledge, then every power-hungry Blood would want to take me. And I was fairly certain that the Fae and the humans would do their best to kill me to stop that happening. His eyes widened.
“We only have one option,” I said before he could say anything.
“Which is.”
“We have to kill him.” I had to kill him. To save myself.
“No.”
His response was automatic.
“Simon, it’s the only way.” I heard my voice, heard the begging in it. He had to believe me. Had to agree.
“It’s a treaty violation.” He was back on his feet, starting to pace.
“Who cares about the damned treaty?”
He swept a hand through the air. “The Fae. The humans. All of us.”
“Lucius doesn’t.”
“That doesn’t make it right.”
“So you’d rather he wins?” Lords of hell, why was he arguing with me? He’d wanted to stop Lucius. Now he knew that there was more reason than ever to do so. I started to drop the blanket, then realized I was naked beneath it. Hells. I clutched the blanket closer and climbed out of the bed, facing him. “He’s going to be unstoppable. He can be anywhere. Kill anyone. He could come after you or your family or . . .”
“Or what?”
“Atherton,” I said, fear twisting my stomach even tighter. Lucius would want Atherton dead. “What if he goes after your work?”
Simon’s prowling ceased abruptly. “I need to strengthen the wards.”
“Wards don’t stop me,” I reminded him. “They might not stop him.”
“It’s the best we can do. I can’t protect Atherton with sunlight. Let’s go.”
“Go where?”
“Downstairs.”
I didn’t like the thought of being down in the dark. Lucius could get to the tunnels if he was able to move through the earth for long enough. He wouldn’t have to wait for daylight. “Can I stay here?”
“No,” Simon said. “You’re coming too.”
“Why?”
He looked at me. “For one thing, I don’t know if I can trust you.”
My mouth snapped shut as the words registered. I took a step back, feeling sick.
Stupid. Why had I assumed he’d welcome me back?
I cast around the room and saw my clothes piled on a chair. I pulled them on quickly, tugging my hair into a loose knot. When I was done, Simon was standing by the door.
“Ready?” he said. He looked unhappy, tension riding his shoulders and stiffening his spine.
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. He didn’t want me back. Well, then. Time for another exit. But not until Lucius was dealt with.
We walked in silence through the hospital, me trailing a little behind him, my shock and disappointment churning in my stomach. But as I walked, resentment joined them. I had risked my life for him. I had gone back to Lucius to stop any more of his precious humans being hurt. I had spied on Lucius to try to help him. I had let Lucius touch me. And he didn’t trust me?
I came to a halt abruptly.
Simon took a few more steps before he realized I had stopped. He turned back, frowning. “What’s wrong?” he said impatiently.
My hand tightened around my dagger. “What do you mean you don’t trust me?”
His eyes narrowed. “We don’t have time for this.”
I lifted my chin. “Make time.”
“Gods and fucking suns,” he muttered. Then he strode forward, grabbed my arm, and virtually dragged me toward the nearest doorway. He flung open the small door, pulling me through behind him before slamming it shut.
It was dark in the tiny room. Dark and airless. I heard his breath rasping and felt my own heartbeat rise in response. He was angry. His spicy scent was spiked with it, but stronger than the anger was the musky kick of desire.
The need flared with a rush that should’ve lit my skin. My own wanting followed in its wake, scarcely less fierce.
“You tell me why I should trust you,” he said, voice stony in the darkness.
“I came back,” I said.
“You ran away from Lucius. Lucius, who you returned to.” He sounded like he was speaking through gritted teeth. My eyes were adjusting to the lack of light and I could see him a little. He was staring at me, mouth twisted, hands on hips.
“I went back to him for a reason. To stop people dying.”
“And now you’re back here. With a tale of how he’s a monster and you’re scared. Some would say it’s very convenient for his assassin to return to me with a story that would make me take her in again.”
Idiot man. I drew in a breath. “If he’d sent me back to kill you, you’d be lying dead back in the ward,” I snapped.
He made a frustrated sound. “Gods, Lily. We’re right back where we started.”
“Only if you want to let Lucius win,” I said. “If you believe what he wants you to think. Can’t you believe something else?” Both of us were breathing heavily. I felt like I should have been able to see sparks arcing through the darkness between us.
“Like what?” he said.
I didn’t think. I just stepped forward and kissed him, hard. Then shoved him back. “Like that.”
“Lily,” he said warningly.
“Simon.” I echoed his tone exactly. He made another of those frustrated noises and then he moved.
My back hit the wall with a thud and the stone felt icy against my heated skin.
Desire weakened my knees. “Simon—”
“Don’t talk.” It was a command, his voice smoke and darkness and anger. His body was so close, heat radiating from him, his breath rasping.
“Simon?”
“Don’t talk.”
He kissed me, devouring me. Heat streaked through me like a lightning bolt. But there was no light here. Just heat and darkness and desperation.
“Can’t we light—”
“No.” It was a harsh noise, almost a groan. “No. No light. I can’t look at you right now. I just need . . .” Something tore in the darkness and for a moment I wasn’t sure whether it was my shirt or his until the air hit my breasts.
Mine. then.
Well, two could play at that game. I yanked at the linen under my hands, letting my full strength come out to play. The soft fibers parted like tissue under my hands.
Simon’s hands were rough on me and I wanted to be rough too. Wanted to work out this desperate sense of hunger and fury and fear that I wouldn’t know this again. Wouldn’t taste him or touch him or feel him hard against me ever again.
If sheer desire could meld us together, we should have fused to the stone on the spot, but we were still only flesh and bone, however heated.
His mouth left mine as hands tore at clothing and yanked and pulled until there was just flesh to flesh.
The stone was hard at my back but not as hard as the feel of him between my legs. I gripped him tighter, raised one leg to wrap around his hip, gasped as he lifted me and sank home all in one savage movement.
We stayed suspended then, face-to-face in the dark. I could just see him, sketched in shades of gray as his eyes searched my face. A face I knew he couldn’t really see in the darkness.
His eyes closed briefly and I bit my lip, feeling him buried deep within me, hot at my center, but still not hot enough to melt the icy core of fear in my chest. What if he really couldn’t trust me again?
“Simon,” I said again. A lost sound in the dark.
“Don’t.” He gripped me harder, tight enough to hurt.
But it didn’t really, though bruises would mark my skin in the morning. It had gone beyond pain. I just wanted his hands on me, his body in me, his mouth taking me away from what we faced. What I was about to do.
He thrust then, one hard strike that pushed me against the wall, stone biting i
nto me even as I pushed back against him, wanting what he was giving me.
My hand tightened in his hair, pulling. His mouth came back to me and I nipped at his lip, tugging it with my teeth and curling my inner muscles around him until he thrust again, filling me with heat to chase away the darkness.
And again.
And again.
Again.
More.
Now.
Pleasure washed through me, sparks lighting behind my eyes with colored whirls like a pyrotechnic display.
I met his every thrust, trying my best to let him fill me completely.
I don’t know how long it took, how long we moved there in the dark, silent except for the sounds of flesh against flesh and gasping breaths. It felt endless.
It felt like no time at all.
And then inevitably, I began to tremble in his arms, coming apart, until all I could do was hold on more tightly as the pleasure took me.
He followed me with a strangled cry that might have been my name or a plea to whatever gods were listening.
We stayed there, foreheads resting together, breathing deeply as we both came back from wherever it was we had gone.
Then, oh so gently, he eased away from me, lowered me, his hands staying only until it seemed that I could stand on my own.
That last touch was enough to break my heart.
But I couldn’t speak. Couldn’t move at all as he fastened his breeches again and turned and slipped out the door.
Chapter Twenty
Unholy fucking insane.
There were no other words for it.
I didn’t look back as I headed for the hidden ward. What in the name of all the gods, had I been thinking?
First I told Lily that I couldn’t trust her, and then I—suns, I couldn’t even put a name to what we’d done in the dark. Other than it had felt wonderful and terrible at the same time.
I wanted to do it again.
I wanted her to be gone. My life had been simple before. Now it was an unholy mess.
But mess or no mess, I couldn’t forget the feel or taste of her. Couldn’t shake free of her. Trust or not.
I shoved my way through the inner door and slammed it behind me. Lily might be following—I hadn’t dared look and see—but she could find her own way in.
