by Marie James
“Is that what you want?” he asks after a brief silence.
“It’s what has to happen,” I assure him.
“And after those ten videos?”
I shrug. “I may keep going. It’s a helluva lot of money to turn down. I may keep going until July. The summer parties always bring a bigger payout than the ones during the school year. Vic says it’s to keep his subscribers happy.”
Picking up a chip from in front of him, he stabs it against the plate until it’s nothing but shattered crumbs. He refuses to look at me, and I hate that I can’t see the full emotion playing out on his face.
His disappointment is his own problem, Randi. It has fuck-all to do with you and your life.
“People will get tired of seeing us fuck, Jake,” I tell him. “I have to get in as many videos as I can before people want to see a different set of tits.”
“What about us?” he asks without looking up.
“What?” Surely I didn’t hear that right.
He looks up, and the second he does, I immediately wish he hadn’t. Confusion and pain draw his brow in. My heart clenches, and I almost reach for him. Then, I remember how he treated me yesterday, how he spoke to me a few days before that, and I shut those emotions down and see this for what it really is.
Possession.
He thinks he fucking owns me. He thinks I’m his and he gets to say what I do and who the fuck I do it with.
My dad pulled that shit with my mom. She was something he could control, a puppet he could pull out of the closet when he felt like it, an item to be discarded when he wasn’t in the mood. Even though he made vows in a church before family, friends, and God, she was nothing but something he owned. He tried pulling the same shit with me after she died. He was clear in his expectations of me. He dictated when I smiled, when I laughed, and how I acted at the pretentious parties he insisted I attend. It’s the number one reason I left.
“Us, Randi. What happens with us?”
“There is no us,” I spit, hating the vile way the words taste in my mouth.
I had doubts about leaving home. There were times my father could see how close I was getting to telling him to go fuck himself. He’d turn on the charm, be nice, and treat me differently, for a while at least. His true colors always came back. It’s the same with Jake.
“If that’s the truth, why are you crying?”
I dash away the single tear that begins to roll down my cheek.
“I’m not fucking crying.”
I shove out of the booth and leave him sitting there.
It’s no surprise that he doesn’t chase after me. My father never did either.
Chapter 24
Jake
“Please hurry,” I grit out as the cashier at the front of the restaurant swipes my card again.
“I’m sorry, sir.” It comes out more like a snarky clapback than a genuine apology. “The machine has been acting up all week.”
“A good business practice would be to fix it when the problems first arise,” I hiss.
“Carrying a little bit of cash would keep both of us from standing here also, wouldn’t it?”
Finally, the machine beeps, accepting my payment, but as my fucking luck would have it, the goddamn paper jams.
“Perfect. I don’t get paid enough for this shit,” she mumbles and then just walks away.
“Are you kidding me right now?” I yell after her as she disappears behind the swinging double doors in the back.
“What seems to be the issue?” The smiling redheaded waitress who waited on us earlier walks up.
“The card reader is jammed, and I think that lady just quit.”
“Christina?” she asks as she begins to work on the small machine.
“I don’t have a fucking clue.” I frown at the tone. This girl has been nothing but nice and efficient. She doesn’t deserve my attitude.
“Flat-chested brunette?” she asks not looking up from her work.
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Owner’s niece,” she says as she situates the paper and closes the lid on the machine. “She’s salty as fuck. Quits a couple times a day. I don’t know why he keeps her ass around.”
The machine spits out my receipt. After tearing it off, she hands it to me. I tip extra because I’m not an asshole, and she came over to help even though it isn’t part of her job. I appreciate the initiative.
“Have a good day,” I holler over my shoulder as I push the door open and step outside.
I don’t know why I expected her Rover to still be parked around the corner, but my face falls when I see the parking spot occupied by a Lexus.
“Fuck.” I kick at the ground.
***
“Sounds like you should’ve come with us,” Hunter says with a smile from his bed, the baseball he’s been tossing up and catching over and over nearly slips and pops him in the nose. “We had a fan-fucking-tastic time at the bar.”
“I had planned on having a good time with, Randi. Things didn’t work out like I’d hoped they would.”
“Clearly, but if you’d shut that fucking mouth of yours every once in a while, you wouldn’t end up in these types of messes with her.”
“I hate the idea of her fucking other people,” I confess. I don’t know that I’ve said it out loud before, but it being out doesn’t help the collection of emotions simmer any.
“She’s a porn star, Jake.”
“I know that, asshole.”
“And you knew that the day after you met her.” He holds up a hand before I can respond. “And you knew that when you manhandled her into signing that bullshit contract of yours. You don’t get to be pissed about that right now.”
I grind my teeth, jaw tensing until I can’t bear the pain any longer. “I didn’t know how I’d end up feeling about her.”
“But you knew the potential. Hell, Jake. Even I knew the risk with how you were acting less than ten hours after fucking her the first time. That dreamy fucking look in your eyes. I saw it coming from a million miles away. The contract just concreted that knowledge.”
“It was the only damn way I could think of to get to know her better,” I argue.
“How about asking her out on a date. You can learn a hell of a lot over dinner and mini golf.”
“While she’s fucking a different guy every weekend?” I shake my head. “I would end up in jail.”
“I think that’s going to be an even greater possibility now than if you would’ve just walked away after the first night.”
“No doubt.”
“So what are you going to do about it now?” He catches the baseball one final time and looks over at me.
“I don’t have a fucking clue.”
“Did you text her? Try to reach out to her since she left your ass high and dry yesterday?”
“Fuck no,” I answer. “I don’t want to look like a pussy.”
“So in your opinion looking like a possessive fucking asshole is better?” He chuckles, but the sound has no humor to it.
“Can’t look very possessive if I’m ignoring her.”
“That’s fucking childish, Jake. Why don’t you act like a fucking adult and tell the girl how you feel. Explain to her why you don’t want her fucking other guys.”
I contemplate his words for a long moment before responding. “I don’t know that it would even matter. She seems pretty hell-bent on pushing me out of her life. Besides, I’m not even certain how I feel about her.”
“Fuck,” Hunter says sitting up on the bed and fully facing me. “I swear straight guys have something broken inside of them. How you feel is pretty damn obvious.”
“Is that so, Oh Wise One. Why don’t you enlighten me?”
“You love her.”
Shaking my head, I just stare at him.
“Tell me I’m wrong,” he challenges.
“Love.” I let the word swirl around in my mind. “I don’t even know that love exists.”
“That’s your bitter upbring
ing talking. Not every relationship is full of cheating and sorrow like your parents’.”
“And a relationship that starts with two porn stars is the stuff of fairy tales?” I mutter.
“Look at Shannon Tweed and Gene Simmons.”
I chuckle. “She did soft porn, not full on penetration, and he’s used to groupies and shit all over his dick. Randi and I are nothing like that.”
“Would it be any easier watching Carlos rub all over her naked body even without sticking his dick in her?”
I growl, nearly coming out of the chair to strangle him at the mere thought.
“Exactly,” he says with a wide smile.
“You haven’t proved anything,” I hiss.
All he does is shake his head. “Maybe about relationships in the industry, but that response, the grumble from your chest and the murderous look in your eyes proves my first point. You’re in love with that girl. Either leave her alone or talk to her until you know exactly how she feels about you.”
Staring down at my hands, I’m no closer to figuring this fucking mess out than I was when I first walked in.
“This is where I’d normally drop the mic and walk out, but this is my room. I have a date to get ready for, and I haven’t shaved my nuts in a month.”
“Unbelievable,” I murmur as I stand.
“You can help if you want to stay,” he yells at me as I walk out.
Flipping him off over my shoulder, I slam the door behind me.
“Just my luck,” I hiss as I see Carlos walking up the fucking stairs in my direction.
Expecting confrontation, I tighten my fists until my knuckles pop. With two black eyes and a swollen nose, he almost looks bad enough for me to pity him, but then I remember the sight of his back as he tried to push himself on Randi. Maybe beating his ass right now, taking all of my frustrations out on him, is the best thing that could happen.
Eyes widening when he sees me, he drops his head, staring at the floor and sliding past me to his room without a word.
I blow out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding and close myself in my room.
My phone taunts me from the bedside table.
Talk to her until you know exactly how she feels about you.
Hunter’s suggestion seems like a good idea in theory, but knowing Randi, she’d slam the door in my face before I can even explain why I’m there. Besides, begging and emotional awareness aren’t exactly my strong suit. I blame my asshole father’s take on how relationships should be for my stunted view on things.
Staring at my cell phone and willing it to chime with a text from her doesn’t work. Closing my eyes and praying for her to reach out doesn’t seem to make it happen either.
“Fuck it,” I mutter reaching over and turning off my bedside lamp. “Lots of people go to bed before dark.”
Chapter 25
Randi
“This has got to stop,” I all but beg. Holding out what’s left of my new Victoria’s Secret panties, my eyes burn with the threat of tears.
Havoc tilts his head, blue eyes shining back at me like he’s confused. One ear flops forward while the other stands straight and alert. I swear he knows exactly how cute he is when he does shit like that. Even the damn dog is manipulating me with cuteness.
The ruined panties aren’t the issue, but I’ll be damned if I’ll allow myself to even think about the reasons for my frustrations. Thinking about the other cute, cocky male in my life will get me nowhere.
I’m contemplating buying Havoc lace panties to use as dog toys so he’ll leave my shit alone when my phone rings.
“Hello,” I say brightly even though speaking with Vic right now is the last thing I want to do.
“Hey, doll.” I wait for him to continue. Papers shuffling can be heard through the phone before he speaks. “I have a meet ‘n greet I need you at.”
“What day?”
Better not be today. It’s my only full day off this week.
“Today,” he says. “I’m looking for the address. It’s at the Naughty Bits over on Greenville.”
“Jesus, Vic. How about a little heads up?”
“I’m giving it now. You have two hours before you’re due over there. It’s a pop-up thing. You and Jake just need to act like you’ve had a falling out.”
From where we left things the other day, acting won’t be a problem.
“People will be more likely to show up if there’s a little drama in the air.”
“Okay,” I agree just as an idea strikes me. “Can I bring my make-up?”
A long silence fills the line before he speaks. “Listen, Cici, there’s not going to be many drag queens showing up at this place. It’s an SCP event. Let’s keep it to just porn, okay? Maybe grab a booth at the flea market next month to sell that stuff.”
“Right,” I answer through gritted teeth.
“Make me proud, doll.”
“Ten more videos,” I repeat over and over as I climb into the shower. The three words have recently become my mantra of sorts. I’ve reasoned with myself that if I repeat them enough times that the sickness in my gut will lessen to more of a dull ache, something more manageable than the burn I feel at the thought of sleeping with someone other than Jake for the masses to jack-off to.
***
“Please explain why I’m here again?” Ellis looks around the small sex toy shop as we enter from the backroom.
What looks like hundreds of women form a line from a table in the center of the shop clear out the front door.
“These things are usually pretty slow, so having someone here to talk to will be nice,” I mutter as we walk toward the empty chair at the table. “Also, I need you to help take pictures if someone wants one.”
“It’s not going to be slow today,” Ellis counters as he pulls out my seat for me.
“I think you’re mistaken.” Looking at the line, I notice that they’re all waiting for the woman that’s currently gushing all over Jake to move on so they can have their turn with him. “Looks like there’s a new star in town.”
Busying myself by pulling a few markers and printed pictures from my purse, I’m certain Jake is so engaged with his captive audience that he’s not even aware that we showed up.
“Cici!” Looking up to find the fan calling my name, I spot Hunter standing in front of me. “This is madness, right?”
The air around me changes. Jake and I aren’t even touching, but the atmosphere between our bodies shift, causing the hair on the back of my neck to stand on end.
Even though my eyes stay on Hunter, I can feel the burn of Jake’s gaze on the side of my face.
He mutters something like, “’bout fucking time you showed up.”
Frowning at his best friend, Hunter lifts my hand from the table to kiss it lightly on the back. “Hey, Hunter. Good to see you again.”
Ellis offers his hand to Hunter.
“What? No kiss for me?” Hunter teases.
“I’m not allowed to stray unless Jas is around to get off on it,” Ellis says with a wink.
Hunter’s grin transforms from a simple smirk into a full-blown smile. “Really? Maybe we need to schedule something.”
Ellis laughs, and I can’t help but roll my eyes. “He’s joking. They are one hundred percent monogamous.”
Ellis winks again causing Hunter to chuckle as he swats Ellis’ hand away. “Asshole.”
I smile, genuinely happy that Ellis and Hunter seem to be friends now. I guess hanging out at a drag show together cemented their connection.
“We told you that the other weekend,” Ellis says with an eyebrow raised and an attempt at irritation in his voice. I can tell he’s joking, but by the way Hunter shifts from one foot to the other, I’m not sure he can.
“I was beyond drunk,” Hunter confesses. “I don’t remember shit, except you assholes letting me leave with that drag queen.”
Ellis chuckles, and I expect to see Hunter laughing as well, but when I glance back in his direction, I see a
sneer on his face.
“How did that work out for you?” Ellis is struggling not to laugh now.
Hunter leans in, glaring at Ellis. “You knew it was a woman?”
Ellis snorts. “You mean you didn’t?”
“I didn’t know until I got her to the hotel room and stripped her naked. Clam diving isn’t remotely my thing.”
My eyes widen, a smile tugging at the corner of my lips when I realize Hunter isn’t mad.
“She’s a faux queen,” Ellis explains. He continues when both Hunter and I give him confused looks. “A woman who dresses like a drag queen, including over the top makeup and huge hair.”
“That’s a thing?” I ask.
“Totally a thing,” Ellis says at the same time Jake snaps, “Can you keep it down? I’m working over here.”
“Can I get a couple pictures with you, beautiful?” Hunter says the words to me while glaring at his best friend.
“Of course,” I respond, thankful to have something to keep me busy. “You may end up being the only one interested in touching me today.”
“Hardly,” Hunter whispers in my ear as I walk around the narrow table and slide under his arm. “He misses you.”
I fight and lose the need to keep my eyes off of him. Although he’s signing pictures and soaking up all the attention, I don’t miss the agitated tick in his jaw, the way he’s both smiling and clenching his teeth at the same time.
“I think you’re mistaken. He can’t stand to be near me.”
“Now, now,” Hunter tsks as he hands Ellis his phone. “You shot him down the other day, not the other way around. He doesn’t deal with rejection very well.”
I look back at Jake, trying to find any hurt that I shut down the us conversation. All I find is that playful smirk, the same one he gave me the first night we met. It’s arrogant and so sure, yet he’s aiming it at some redhead who all but has her tits hanging out.
“I’m wondering how I go about getting on your list?” the ginger coos as her friend takes a picture of them.
I could snap the fingers she’s scraping over his stomach right now. Hunter holds me tighter but doesn’t say anything. Yeah, we’re both sort of working right now, and this is part of the job, but the sight of him with his arm around someone else makes my blood boil.
