by Sarah Webb
‘So anyway, Sasha said, “Even the elephants think Arietty smells. You see, Arietty spends her day shovelling elephant crap, don’t you Arietty?”
‘At that stage I’d had enough, so I yelled, “I wish I could shovel some over your head right now, Sasha. You’ve always been full of shit. And you’ve always been a bully and you’re still a bully.”’
‘Go, Arietty!’ Pandora says, and I give Arietty a big pat on the back.
‘What happened then?’ I ask, all ears.
‘She opened her mouth to say something else but one of her D4 friends grabbed her and dragged her off the stage and out of the room. It was pretty dramatic.’
I stare at Arietty. I’ve forgotten all about my food. From the way Pandora’s staring at her too, mouth open, she’s exactly the same.
‘No kidding,’ I say. ‘How long did you stay after that, Arietty?’
‘Not long. After dinner, when everything had died down a bit, I tried to make my way towards the door, but loads of girls came up to me and said hi. Said they’d always been in awe of Sasha, but not any more. And every single one of them said how beautiful I looked and how much they loved the elephant video clip. So in the end it wasn’t such a bad night after all, I’m glad I went. But I hope I never set eyes on Sasha Davenport again.’
I give a low whistle. ‘That’s quite a story, Arietty. Well done for sticking up for yourself, I’m proud of you. Now we’d all better tuck in before our food gets cold.’
Pandora looks a little worried.
‘What is it, sis?’ I ask.
‘I’m just trying to figure out how we write that one up on the Shoestring blog.’
I smile. ‘I think we’ll stick to photographs of Arietty in the Farenze.’
Pandora laughs. ‘Probably best.’
‘So it’s you next, Jules,’ Arietty says, picking up her knife and fork and cutting into her tartlet. ‘To wear the dress I mean. Pandora hung it up somewhere.’
‘In the office,’ Pandora says. ‘Along with the silver belt and the Rick Owens jacket. It’s all safe.’
Arietty is still looking at me. ‘You OK about tomorrow?’
My fingers tingle with nerves. I’d almost forgotten. It’s D-Day – Ed and Lainey’s wedding.
I shrug. ‘After your experience, tomorrow will be a doddle.’
Pandora and Arietty both look at me.
‘What?’ I say. ‘It’s only a wedding.’ But even I know that I’m kidding myself. The steak starts to taste like cardboard in my mouth but I soldier on. At least I’ll look stunning and I’ll make quite the entrance with Declan on my arm. And that’s half the battle.
Chapter 24
‘You ready, Jules?’ Declan asks. We’re sitting in his car on the side of the road opposite St Jude’s Church and my hands are shak- ing like a leaf. My stomach was so tight this morning I couldn’t eat a thing. God knows what a glass of champagne would do to me in this state, so it’s just as well I’m teetotal these days.
I’m actually rather proud of myself. It’s been exactly six and a half days since I last had a drink. I can’t deny I’ve had cravings, like at dinner last night, but I managed to stick to soft drinks instead. And in fact being sober while out wasn’t as bad or as scary as I thought it would be. And I didn’t miss the hangover this morning, that’s for sure.
‘One more minute,’ I tell him, then stare out of the window at all the familiar faces passing us by – Lainey’s aunts, uncles and cousins; mutual friends I haven’t seen in a long time; a couple of Lainey’s work colleagues in neat pastel-coloured shift dresses. I’m wearing dark glasses and no one’s spotted me yet.
No sign of Noel, thank God. I never got around to asking Ed, but after the whole Dicey Reilly business, he couldn’t be on the guest list.
‘We’d better get inside before the bridal party arrives,’ Declan says gently. ‘And I think that might be them.’ He nods at the Rolls-Royce that is waiting to pull into the church gates.
My stomach lurches. Declan’s right. It’s now or never. I take a deep breath, open the door and climb out. Declan locks the car and then takes my arm.
‘Ready?’ He gives me a reassuring smile.
‘Ready as I’ll ever be.’
We walk up the path together. I fix my eyes on the church doorway, blocking everything to my right and left, concentrating on looking happy and confident. Having Declan to literally lean on makes all the difference. When Pandora first suggested asking him to be my plus one I thought she was crazy.
‘And why would he do that exactly?’ I asked her.
‘Because he’s a decent guy and he understands about betrayal and keeping up appearances. Go on, ask him, see what he says.’
So I did. I was expecting him to let me down gently, but Pandora was right. After I explained the background, how I just wanted to show my face, prove that Ed and Lainey hadn’t broken me, he said he’d be delighted to be my plus one. There was one small hitch, he had to collect his daughter from a party at four. He explained that things were difficult with his ex-wife at the moment so he had to turn up in person, but he’d happily walk me up the aisle, drive me to the reception and stick around for as long as he could. It was more than I could have hoped for and I’m deeply grateful for the support. He really is one of life’s good guys.
Declan holds tight as we walk into the church.
‘Bride or groom,’ a dark-haired man I don’t recognize asks us. He must be one of Lainey’s English cousins I’ve never met.
The other usher I do know. It’s Danny.
‘Hiya, Jules,’ Danny says gently, leaning down to kiss my cheek. He looks inquiringly at Declan but I don’t introduce them and Danny doesn’t ask.
‘Where do you want to sit, babes?’ Danny says.
‘With Clara if she’s here.’
He shakes his head. ‘She’s been off work all week. Some sort of flu thing.’
‘Then Ed’s side, please,’ I say firmly. I was up all night thinking about the wedding, and where I sit in the church is one thing I do have control over, so I’m going to call the shots. Plus I know sitting there will get up Lainey and her sisters’ noses.
And sure enough, as soon as Declan and I sit down halfway up the church on the right-hand side, the whispers start.
‘Who’s that on Julia’s arm?’ I hear one of Lainey’s deaf aunts say a little too loudly. ‘Rather fine-looking chap, isn’t he?’
‘Shush,’ someone tells her, but it’s too late. I can feel several sets of eyes gazing at me and Declan, and I bury my head in the wedding missal.
Declan takes my hand in his and squeezes it. I look at him and smile. He said he’d done lots of amateur dramatics in college and was sure he could pull off ‘deeply in love and besotted’. And sure enough, his eyes are soft and doe-like, and a goofy smile is playing on his lips.
I squeeze his hand back and chuckle to myself. My stomach is still a riot of nerves, but I’m coping.
But then I spot two figures at the top of the church talking to the clergyman. It’s Ed and his best man, his cousin, Harry. Ed looks incredible in a traditional grey morning suit, the sky-blue of his waistcoat making his eyes shine like sapphires. My knees almost buckle.
‘You OK?’ Declan whispers.
‘Talk to me,’ I say frantically. ‘About anything.’
‘You look stunning,’ he says. ‘Pandora’s dress looks amazing on you.’
I don’t correct him. I’m delighted for Pandora that he’s remembered what she was wearing at the ball.
‘It looks better on her,’ I say instead. ‘She’s got the height for it.’
He shrugs. ‘It suits you both in different ways. And I love the jacket. And the hair.’
I smile at him. ‘You say all the right things.’ I’m wearing the same Rick Owens that Arietty wore to her reunion, and, inspired by Arietty’s friends, I asked the hairdresser to give me a 1950s-style bun. In mid-height heels – last thing I want to do is to trip today – the silver Bohinc belt (I wa
s humming and hawing about it this morning, but Pandora insisted, said it really finished off the outfit) and the jacket, I feel pretty good. Pandora helped me with my make up, simple eyes and strong ruby- red lips. She also gave me a stirring pep talk.
‘You walk into that church with your head held high,’ she said. ‘Remember you look a million dollars and we’re all rooting for you – me and Arietty especially. If you have any wobbles, any at all, run into the loo and ring me immediately, understand? And good luck, Boolie. I love you.’
‘I’m not going into battle, Pandora,’ I’d said as she squeezed me tight against her chest, as if she’d never see me again. But I appreciated the support.
‘The bride is in the house,’ Declan says in a low voice. ‘Don’t look.’
But I can’t help it, I swing around and catch a glimpse of Lainey and her sisters just inside the church door. The sisters are fluffing up the skirt of her wedding dress and arranging her puffy veil over her face.
I stare at Lainey. I expected to see her in something classic and elegant – a silk sheath dress and neat veil – not this frothy, over the top creation. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not horrible by any means, and with all the tulle on the ballerina skirt and the heavy satin train sweeping out behind her, it must have cost a fortune. But the dress swamps her small frame and makes her look quite wide and hippy, when she’s actually very petite.
And I hate to admit it, but I smile inwardly. Lainey’s sisters, clearly her stylists on this occasion, have done her a disservice. If I’d been in charge – and Lainey always listened to me when it came to clothes – she wouldn’t have looked as though she’d been eaten by Disney’s Cinderella.
The organist starts playing the wedding march and I set my face into a rictus smile as I watch Lainey’s sisters hustle the flower girls in front of them, elbow each other into place and then walk up the aisle slowly, counting out their steps carefully under their breath. Karen’s back visibly stiffens as we lock eyes, and I throw her by giving her a wink. She almost walks into one of the flower girls.
It’s only when I look towards the chancel and I spot Ed’s face, beaming as he watches Lainey walking towards him, that I start withering inside. I can’t tear my eyes off him and I can feel my heartbeat quicken. I try to slow it down by taking a few deep yoga breaths and distract myself by clenching and unclenching my calves in time with the music, trying not to think about how happy he looks. Because he looks ecstatic, his eyes are sparkling and he can’t stop grinning. And as Lainey takes each step towards him it’s as if someone’s nailing a tiny shard of glass into my heart. Finally she reaches the top of the aisle and Ed takes her hand. I have to bite inside my cheek, hard, to stop myself crying.
‘Jules?’ Declan whispers. ‘Still all right? You look a bit pale.’
‘Hanging in there.’ I squeeze his hand. ‘Thanks.’
I’m relieved when the clergyman, a surprisingly young-looking man with short dark hair and a friendly, round face, invites us to sing the first hymn – ‘All Things Bright and Beautiful’ – and I concentrate on singing the words, trying to block out everything else.
Declan’s voice soars out – I’d forgotten what a good singer he is – and several people are looking at him, clearly impressed. I catch Lainey’s mum checking him out and then, realizing he’s with me, she gives me a gentle smile and mouths, ‘Hi, Jules.’
She was always a decent woman, kind. It’s a pity how everything’s worked out. I miss spending time in her kitchen; I miss her.
After another hymn, the clergyman says, ‘And before we move on to the wedding ceremony itself, this is the part every bride and groom dreads.’ He pauses and then continues in a more serious voice, ‘If there be anyone present who may show just and lawful cause why this couple should not be legally wed, let him speak now or forever hold his peace.’
Declan squeezes my hand again. He asked me in the car was I going to say anything at the ‘forever hold your peace’ point of the ceremony. I think he was only joking.
I said, ‘What, you mean about Ed and Lainey betraying my trust and being lying, sneaky toads?’
He’d laughed. ‘Something like that.’
I’d said no. And I meant it. But by God, right at this second I sure as hell feel like saying something.
And is it my imagination, or can I feel eyes boring into my back? I keep my head up and stare straight in front of me, holding Declan’s hand tightly in my own.
And Declan, bless him, leans down and gives the top of my head a tiny kiss. Ha! That will perplex any gossipmongers who are staring at me, just waiting for any sign of longing or regret on my face.
The clergyman says, ‘Good, good, that’s what I like to hear, silence,’ and then launches into the vows.
The vows are hard, I can’t deny it. Lainey’s voice is quivering so much I can barely hear what’s she’s saying and she starts crying as soon as Ed belts out his ‘I do’. My heart softens a little, she’s always been such a marshmallow when it comes to weddings. Then they’re pronounced man and wife and everyone claps and cheers. I join in and try to appear genuine.
‘It’s over now, Jules,’ Declan says in a low voice as we stand for the last hymn, ‘Love Divine’. ‘You put on a good show.’
I give him a smile. ‘So did you. Thanks, Declan.’
He brings my hand to his lips and kisses it. ‘You’re most welcome, my love.’
Walking out of the church is hard. Ed and Lainey are standing at the doorway, holding hands, waiting to greet their guests as Mr and Mrs Powers. Lainey and I always said we’d keep our own names when we got married, but from the clergyman’s quip – ‘Mr Powers you may now kiss Mrs Powers’ – she’s obviously changed her mind. Or maybe she was never the girl I thought she was.
Standing there, holding Ed’s hand, gazing at him proudly, she looks blissfully happy. Close up she looks glowing, her tasteful make up highlighting her light-brown eyes, her hair in a loose chignon with soft curls around her face. Pity about the dress though.
For a moment I forget how much she’s hurt me and I manage to say, ‘You look beautiful, Lainey. I hope you’ll be very happy together.’
She stares at me. ‘Jules. You’re here.’
‘I promised I’d come, remember? To say goodbye.’
She nods, looking genuinely sad. ‘Thanks. It means a lot to me. To us both.’ She pulls Ed’s arm and he swings around.
‘It’s Jules,’ she adds, her hand still firmly holding his arm.
‘Jules,’ he says. He seems lost for words and his eyes flicker around nervously. There’s an awkward silence.
‘We’d better get you out of the cold, darling,’ Declan says, putting his arm around me. ‘Excuse us.’ And we walk away together. It’s only when I step into the car, I realize I’m quivering all over. I check my face in my compact mirror. I look a little pale under my foundation, but my hair remains perfect and my red movie-star lips are still in place.
I flip the compact closed and sit back in the seat.
‘God I need a drink,’ I say. I’m ashamed to say my hands are shaking a little. Sheila warned me about this, but it’s happening far more often than I’d like. And I’m slowly beginning to realize just what all the drinking was doing to my system, not to mention my mental health. Every day I’m more and more determined to stay off it.
Declan says nothing for a second and from the way he’s staring out of the windscreen I know Pandora’s said something to him. He starts the engine and pulls out.
‘Did you eat anything this morning?’ he asks.
‘No, I couldn’t face it.’
‘You’ll feel better once you’ve eaten.’
Declan grabs two bacon rolls from a deli in Dun Laoghaire. We eat them on the way to the reception and I start to feel much better. We don’t say much at first, focusing on eating. We’re early and Declan finds a parking space just outside the yacht club and we sit in the car, watching the front door.
‘Everyone must be still outside th
e church,’ Declan says. ‘Maybe they’re doing a group photo or something. But I thought it was best to get you out of there before you keeled over.’
After wiping my mouth and fingers on a napkin I say, ‘You were right, I really needed to eat. You’ve been so sweet to me today, Declan. I wish I could find someone like you.’
He looks at me, a smile on his lips. ‘Are you ready for someone like me?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Pandora told me a little about the groom. Sounds like you had a pretty tempestuous relationship.’
I think about this for a second. With Ed, all the drama that came with arguing, breaking up and then making up seemed normal, but I guess it’s anything but.
‘I guess we did,’ I say. ‘How are you doing for time?’
He glances at his watch. ‘Not great. It’s already half three I’m afraid. But Rachel’s party is only up the road. Dads are expected to be a bit late.’
I laugh. ‘If you’re sure.’
We watch for a while as guests start to arrive. I spot Danny struggling to get a huge flower arrangement through the door and I make a decision.
‘I’ll be OK,’ I tell Declan. ‘Just the drinks reception and the meal to endure now. You’ve been an absolute angel, but it’s time to fly solo.’
‘Are you sure?’
I nod. ‘Yes.’
‘I’ll go inside with you,’ he says. ‘Explain to a few busybodies that I’m a fireman and I have to leave early for my next life-saving shift.’
I grin. ‘I dare you to say that.’
He chuckles. ‘You’re on. Do I look like a hunky fireman?’ He sticks his jaw out and sucks in his cheekbones.
‘Absolutely.’
And he’s as good as his word. He manages to tell two of Lainey’s aunts his fabricated story in the bar before kissing me soundly on the lips (I hope Pandora doesn’t mind), and saying, ‘I love you, babe. Can’t wait for tonight, hot stuff,’ and leaving me to my fate.
As soon as he’s gone one of them asks me, ‘Was it hard for you today, pet? I know you were very fond of Ed.’ She pats my arm.
