Her heart was thumping painfully hard. Breathing out, she looked up and found Laszlo watching her almost hungrily through the thick dark lashes that fringed his eyes.
‘If I’m a wolf, does that mean you’re a lamb?’ he said softly. Her heart lurched against her ribs.
He was exactly like a wolf: a predatory, single-minded wild animal. And she felt exactly like a lamb that had stumbled into his lair. Only perhaps because finally—privately—she had admitted her love for him it suddenly felt like the most important thing in the world to disagree.
Taking a deep breath, she summoned up a casual smile. ‘Oh, I’d probably be something very prickly and shy—like a hedgehog.’
Laszlo grinned slowly. ‘Hedgehogs aren’t always prickly. When they relax and feel safe their quills lie flat.’
Their eyes met and she had to curl her fingers into the palms of her hands to stop herself from reaching out and pulling his mouth against hers. ‘Then what happens? You eat them, I suppose?’
She blushed as he lifted an eyebrow.
‘That would depend on the hedgehog.’
Janos shook his head. ‘He’s teasing you, my dear. He’s never eaten a hedgehog in his life.’
Smiling weakly, Prudence sat up straighter, flattening herself against the back of the chair. Her skin felt hot and prickling, quite as if she were growing spines, and she had to ball her hands into fists to stop herself from rubbing her arms.
‘What about you, Janos?’ she said quickly, turning away as Laszlo mouthed the word coward at her. ‘What animal are you like?’
Janos put down his papers and frowned. ‘Judging by the state of my memory, I ought by rights to be a goldfish,’ he said ruefully.
They all burst out laughing.
Grinning, Laszlo reached across and squeezed his grandfather’s hand. ‘You’re such a fraud, Papi! Your memory’s better than mine. And as for Prudence—’ He shook his head. ‘Hers is too good! I’d like her to forget the odd thing.’
He paused and, unable to resist the pull of his gaze, Prudence looked up helplessly.
He gave her a crooked smile and then his expression shifted, grew suddenly serious. ‘Actually, there’s quite a lot of things I’d like her to forget.’ He hesitated, as though groping in his mind for a word or phrase, and then said quietly, ‘Quite a lot I’d want to change too.’
She stared at him uncertainly, her stomach suddenly churning with nerves and confusion. His voice was strained—she might even have described it as anxious. But of course that must be her nerves playing with her imagination, for his face was neither.
Something passed through his eyes, and then abruptly he stood up and walked over to his grandfather.
‘Papi! I’ve got some news! Something I want to share with you!’
Looking up, Janos chuckled and shook his head slowly. ‘I knew there was something. I don’t know about a wolf, but you’ve been like a cat on a hot tin roof all morning! Come on, then—out with it. What’s your news?’
‘Kajan is here!’ Laszlo spoke softly but his eyes were bright.
Prudence smiled politely. She had no idea who Kajan was, but his arrival was obviously welcome, for both men were beaming at each other.
‘He arrived last night, after you’d gone up to bed. I helped him set everything up in the top field. Everyone else should be arriving today.’
He hesitated and Prudence felt her scalp begin to prickle, for she could hear the pent-up excitement in his voice.
‘Mihaly wants to christen Pavel this weekend. And they’ve asked me to be his godfather.’ Then he grinned as Janos stood up shakily and pulled his grandson into his arms.
Watching them together, Prudence felt suddenly utterly out of place—as though she had gatecrashed a private party. Inside, her heart felt leaden. Lying in his arms that morning, her body aching and sated, their closeness had felt like the natural, unfeigned intimacy of any normal couple—it had been easy to pretend to herself that theirs was just an ordinary relationship.
But now, like a spectator watching from the sidelines, she felt a stab of despair. Who was she kidding? She had no right to stand up and congratulate her lover with a hug. Nor would she ever see his godfathering skills put into practice with their own children.
Forcing herself to push away that troubling thought, she smiled brightly and said, ‘Congratulations. That’s wonderful!’
Releasing his grandfather, Laszlo turned towards her. She was about to repeat her congratulations when something on his face stopped her.
‘Thanks.’
He stared at her with such bleakness that she felt cold on the inside.
And then his face twisted into a smile as his grandfather patted his arm and said shakily, ‘I’m very, very proud of you. I’m sorry, my dear!’ Janos glanced at Prudence. ‘It’s just that this is quite a moment for both of us.’
She smiled at Janos. ‘Of course it is! And I’m very pleased for both of you.’ Her gaze flickered towards Laszlo and she said carefully, ‘What are your duties? Is it quite a hands-on role?’
His eyes fixed on her face and she saw a ripple of some nameless emotion stir the surface.
Then, glancing away, he shrugged and said stiffly, ‘It can be.’
His voice was flat, with no trace of his earlier joy, and she could almost see him withdrawing from the conversation—withdrawing from her. She stared at him in misery and confusion.
‘I’m sure Mihaly will want you to be involved,’ she said slowly. ‘He obviously thinks a lot of you.’
He shrugged. There was a short, tense silence and then, not looking at her, he said coolly, ‘I’m his cousin. Relatives are always chosen to be godparents.’
‘I didn’t know,’ she said stiffly.
‘Why should you?’
The coldness in his voice held a warning. It felt like a slap to the face and, biting her lip, she looked away. She felt suddenly foolish and tired—for how could she ever have imagined that they were close?
Oblivious to the tension in the room, Janos beamed. ‘He’s following a great tradition, Prudence. Both his father and his father’s father had many godchildren between them, and I know Laszlo will be the same. He is much loved.’ His face softened and he glanced at Prudence conspiratorially. ‘And this will be good for him. Being shut up in this castle with only an old man for company has made him far too serious about life.’
Avoiding Laszlo’s gaze, Prudence licked her lips. ‘He can be a little intense,’ she said carefully.
Janos snorted and Laszlo looked up and shook his head. ‘I am still in the room, you know,’ he said drily.
Prudence eyed him sideways. His mood seemed to have shifted again, and not for the first time she wondered what actually went on inside that handsome head of his. She watched in silence as he sighed in mock outrage.
‘Some of us don’t spend all day just looking at pretty pictures, Papi. So, now that my character is slain—laid bare and lifeless for all to see—can we move on? I’ve got a lot to organise.’
He was smiling again and Janos laughed.
‘Is that right? I’ll remind Rosa of that later!’ Reaching into his jacket pocket, he pulled out a small leather-bound notebook and a fountain pen. ‘We’re all going to be very busy for the next few days. You too, my dear,’ he said, smiling warmly at Prudence. ‘Outsiders don’t generally get to go to Romany gatherings, but you’re our guest, so you’ll be welcomed as one of the family.’
Prudence felt the blood drain from her face. She glanced anxiously across at Laszlo, to gauge his reaction to Janos’s words, but he was leaning forward unconcernedly, scratching Besnik’s ears. Perhaps he hadn’t heard—for surely if he had he would be making some sort of objection? After all, he wouldn’t actually want her mixing with his family. It had been nerve-racking enough meeting Mihaly.
Janos looked up and frowned. ‘I imagine Kajan will be wanting a bolimos after the christening?’ He turned towards Prudence. ‘Kajan is the most senior member of the Cziffr
a family. Between the two of us, we brought Laszlo up.’
Feeling slightly sick, Prudence nodded weakly. If only Laszlo would pay attention!
She felt a swell of relief as he looked up distractedly and frowned. Thank goodness! Now he would intervene and tell Janos that she couldn’t possibly come to some intimate family gathering.
But after a moment, he simply nodded and said, ‘Yes. I was thinking we might hold it in the barn. We’ll need that much room for the tables and the dancing.’
Janos glanced across to where Prudence sat, quietly frozen, looking at her hands. ‘A bolimos is great fun. It’s like a huge feast and party combined. And the whole kumpania turn out for one. Men, women, children... So you’ll have a chance to meet everyone.’
Prudence forced herself to smile. ‘That’s really very kind of you, but I don’t think I should intrude—’
Frowning, Janos glanced up at the clock. ‘Nonsense. Laszlo—make Prudence see sense. I am going to find Rosa, and then we’ll all have a glass of champagne to celebrate.’
Wordlessly, Prudence watched him leave, and then, turning to Laszlo, she said breathlessly, ‘Why didn’t you say something? You know I can’t come!’
He narrowed his eyes. ‘Seriously? You’re worried about intruding? Shall I remind you of how you got your job back?’
‘Of course I’m not worried about intruding,’ she said crossly. Why was he being so obtuse? ‘If you won’t say something then I’ll have to speak to your grandfather...’
He frowned. ‘It’s just a christening and a party.’
She looked at him incredulously. ‘But you don’t know who’s going to be there. What if someone recognises me?’
He shrugged. ‘They won’t. But even if they did, like I said, they wouldn’t say anything.’ He studied her for a moment with that mixture of bafflement and irritation she knew so well, and then, at last, he said softly, ‘Besides, they won’t remember you. There were always loads of gadje girls hanging round the site. I doubt they could tell any of you apart.’
Prudence shivered. She felt numb inside. How could a few randomly combined words cause so much pain? And how could he be so insensitive, so brutal when he’d been so loving just hours ago? But then, love had nothing to do with his earlier tenderness during sex. His kisses and caresses were simply designed to excite and arouse. Any impression of feeling was a mistake on her part.
‘I see.’
Her response was automatic. She’d just needed to say something—anything to slow the suffocating, relentless misery rolling over her. And it worked, for anger was slowly supplanting the exhaustion.
‘Let’s hope that’s true for both our sakes. And now I think I’ll go and look at some pretty pictures!’
She stood up quickly, but he was quicker.
‘I’m sorry!’
His voice was so taut, so savage that it took her a moment to understand that he was apologising.
‘What?’ she said dazedly. ‘What did you say?’
She watched him shake his head, saw muscle tighten beneath his shirt and thought that she must have misheard him.
And then he said quietly, ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. I didn’t mean what I said.’
His words seemed to be scrabbling out of his mouth, and with shock she saw that there was fear and misery in his eyes.
‘I’m sorry,’ he muttered again. ‘Don’t go. Please.’
Prudence regarded him in silence. Even though he’d hurt her so badly, she felt an urge to reach out and comfort him. Stifling it, she lifted her chin. ‘Why did you say it, then?’
He shook his head again. ‘I don’t know. To hurt you, I suppose.’
She stared at him. ‘Why do you want to hurt me?’ she said slowly. ‘I thought we were past all that. You said you wanted me to forget and that you wanted to change—’
Laszlo grimaced.
‘And I meant it,’ he said shakily. ‘But then, when I told my grandfather this morning about being a godfather, I just kept thinking about all the lies I’ve told him and how badly I treated you—’ His face twisted. ‘I just don’t think I can stand up in front of all those people and make promises.’
Prudence swallowed. She felt helpless in the face of his uncertainty, for Laszlo had always been so sure, so secure in his beliefs.
‘Why not?’ She looked up at his face and then, taking a breath, reached out and took his hand. ‘Why not?’ she repeated.
He stared down at her hand almost in bewilderment, and for a moment Prudence thought he would push it away. But instead his fingers tightened on hers and she had to bite back tears.
‘Surely you, of all people, don’t need to ask me that?’ he said quietly.
His eyes fixed on her face and she realised with astonishment that she did. She had actually forgotten what had happened between them. Her breath stilled. Forgotten and forgiven—for of course she loved him, and what purer form of love was there but forgiveness?
‘Mihaly wouldn’t have asked you to be a godparent if he didn’t think you could do it.’
He looked away, his face creasing with frustration. ‘I told you. Mihaly chose me because I’m family. And family comes first,’ he muttered hoarsely.
Prudence’s eyes blazed. ‘And who knows that more than you? Janos told me how you stayed with him the whole time your grandmother was ill. And you’re still here now, taking care of him.’
She paused, her words and the emotion behind them choking her.
‘Look at me!’ she commanded. ‘You even let me stay to make him happy. Despite everything that had happened between us you let it go. For him.’ She shook her head. ‘You’re strong and loyal and kind. And I think you’ll be a wonderful godfather.’
There was a moment’s charged silence and then Laszlo lifted her hands to his lips and kissed them tenderly. ‘So. When did you become my number one fan, pireni?’ he murmured unsteadily.
Lost in the golden softness of his gaze, she let out a long, shaking breath. ‘I’m not saying there’s not room for improvement...’ she said slowly.
He smiled and she saw that his misery and confusion was fading and his confidence had returned too, and also a peace that hadn’t been there before—as though something...some burden...had been lifted from his shoulders.
‘Is that so?’ he asked lightly. ‘Perhaps you could give me a little bit of guidance. Point me in the right direction!’
He ran his hand lightly down her arm, his fingers brushing against her breast. She nodded, grateful that his words required no answer, for her mind was struggling to think of something other than the touch of his hands on her skin.
But even as she let him pull her closer her relief was tinged with confusion. Not so many days ago she had hated Laszlo. Now she was championing his cause, and with a joy almost like a jolt of pain she realised that for the first time ever he had needed her.
She felt his hand moving rhythmically over her back, lower and lower. But what did any of that matter really? She might love Laszlo, but for him this relationship was only ever going to be about great sex. Nothing would change that. But she could change how she reacted to that fact like when she’d been a child and she’d wanted a star for her birthday. Eventually she’d got over it and settled for a dolls’ house. That was what you did when you wanted the impossible. You took what was offered instead. And if all Laszlo could offer was passion, then she wasn’t going to dwell on the impossible.
‘Why are you shivering? Are you cold?’
‘No,’ she said and swallowed.
Gently, his breathing not quite steady, he pulled her closer. She felt the warmth of his body against her and some of her confusion seemed to go away. And then his arms tightened and, leaning against him, she reached up and pulled his mouth onto hers, kissing him with fierce desperation.
Blindly, he pulled her closer, pressing her against him, deepening the kiss, tasting, teasing, tracing the shape of her lips. Prudence whimpered. Her skin was squirming with tensi
on, drops of pleasure spreading over her skin in rippling concentric circles. She could feel her body melting; feel his hardening, the swollen length of his arousal pressing against her pelvis.
His grip tightened in her hair and she felt him shudder—and then he groaned softly and pushed her away.
‘Wh—what’s the matter?’ She took a step backwards, gripping his shirt to steady herself. ‘Why have you stopped?’
Laszlo gave a strangled smile. ‘I want to tear all your clothes off.’ He glanced over his shoulder. ‘But Rosa will be up here any minute. We need some place private.’ He felt a flash of panic: he sounded like some gauche teenage boy.
‘So take me somewhere private. Somewhere I can tear your clothes off,’ she said slowly.
Groaning, he lowered his mouth and kissed her fiercely. And then from the hallway there was the sound of voices and laughter and he tore his lips away from hers. They stared at each other, panting, and then finally he held out his hand.
‘Come with me!’
CHAPTER NINE
HAND IN HAND they ran, giggling like teenagers, past an open-mouthed Rosa, along corridors and up staircases, until finally he stopped and they stood panting in front of a door.
Heart thudding, feeling a knot of tension in her stomach, Prudence stared at him. ‘Where are we?’
He was silent, and then abruptly he leant forward and, tipping her head back, kissed her hard—kissed her until she couldn’t think or speak or breathe.
He lifted his head and stared into her eyes. ‘Somewhere private,’ he said softly. ‘My bedroom.’
With infinite tenderness he ran his fingers over her trembling cheek, his eyes fixing on hers.
‘You don’t need to worry about being disturbed. No one comes up here but me.’
She stared at him for a long moment, her chest tightening, for she knew he was trying to let her know that this was important to him. Wordlessly, she nodded, her breath sharpening at the blazing, possessive intensity of his gaze, and then his head dropped and his mouth captured hers, parting her lips and kissing her passionately.
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