My eyes remained on the small child, my mother’s eyes meticulously cataloguing his every feature and searching for anything that might be off.
Luckily, all I saw were the normal signs of a child recovering from a mild sickness.
I answered Wyatt without moving my gaze, giving Noah another automatic sweep of my gaze. “The medication makes him drowsy plus he tends to sleep a lot when he’s sick. He’s no worse for wear. He will get over this soon.”
Thank goodness!
I pushed Noah’s hair back and kissed his forehead, lingering for a moment. Noah didn’t move but continued to sleep, his breathing easy.
A silence filled the room. I ignored it until it became too loud for me to continue doing so.
Steeling myself, I moved my eyes to the man who stood like an imposing mountain at the entrance of the room.
He was watching me.
For a moment I swore I saw a softening in his look as he gazed upon the image Noah and I made. But the look was gone much too quickly for me to believe it was anything more than my imagination.
The molten fury simmering in the depths of his eyes was certainly real though. Shit.
The intensity of his look left me momentarily speechless. Finally I said, “We need talk.”
That was an understatement if there ever was one.
His eyebrow rose as if to say, obviously, then said out loud, “Follow me.”
He turned without waiting for my answer or reaction.
I watched his back as he walked to his bedroom.
Giving Noah one last look, I took a deep breath and followed him.
Inside the bedroom, I briefly looked around and noticed that the bedroom had all the essentials – bed, dresser, bedside table – but like the rest of the apartment lacked any true touch from this man. He had obviously only just moved in and had made no effort to infuse the space with his personality as yet.
I turned to him and saw that he had pushed the door to almost closing. He left a small space that allowed us to hear if Noah needed us but also afforded us a small amount of privacy.
There was more heavy silence until he finally broke it.
“What the fuck Hailey? Why? Why did you keep this from me? You had no right. Absolutely no right.”
His words seemed hurt and I swallowed, pushing back the sudden prick of tears. His anger I expected and kind of understood. His sorrow was unanticipated and worse than I imagined.
I couldn’t stand to hurt Wyatt. Not back then and not now. Knowing I did so was being stabbed a knife through my heart. This was all my fault.
My voice was croaked when I spoke for the first time.
“I was going to tell you. Please believe I never meant for so much time to pass before I did. I screwed up,” I said.
His jaw ticked and his anger exploded in venomous hisses that left no traces of the hurt I thought I saw.
“When Hailey? When he was in his twenties and I had completely missed all the important moments in watching him grow up? What the fuck did you think you were accomplishing by keeping my own flesh and blood from me? Think long and hard before you answer me because your answer had better be fucking good or God help you,” he whisper-shouted.
His tone was grating and instantly my hackles rose, a natural defense mechanism I had developed over the years. Heartbreak and motherhood had taught me to toughen up or life would have swallowed me whole and spit out an emotional mess by now.
“Don’t you dare think you can threaten me Wyatt Murphy! I know I was wrong, but you won’t do this,” I returned in an irate whisper.
Our son laid only a few feet away and I had no desire to have him awake to two screaming adults. Wyatt must have had the same idea because his tone remained subdued despite the heat in it.
“Threaten you? Oh no, honey, that was a promise.”
Shit. I probably deserved that too.
He was understandably furious. I couldn’t deny I would have felt the same way if the roles were reversed.
Besides that, it wouldn’t help the already turbulent situation if I lost my cool so I controlled my tone to one which was even and more patient after a few deep breaths.
“When we talked last night, I told you I had something to tell you. This was it. I never meant to keep this from you for so long. I swear to you I didn’t. The fact that I had you as the emergency contact on Noah’s daycare sheet should tell you as much.”
“You expect me to believe that when you lied to me for so long!”
“I never lied to you!” My tone rose along with his but went right back down when I repeated the words, adamant because they were true.
“You lied by omission, Hailey. No matter how you spin it, you kept something from me that I had every right to know.”
“When was I supposed to tell you, Wyatt? You weren’t exactly around,” I responded, gesturing with my hands to solidify my point. “When I found out about the pregnancy, you were already gone and you had been in such a dark place after your father’s death, I honestly didn’t think this was something you would be able to handle. I didn’t know how to break through your walls and I wasn’t going to bring my child up in a broken home with a father that popped in and out of his life.”
“You had no right to make that decision for me. I am his father. I needed to know that I had bought a child into this world,” he said, his hand gestures just has furious as mine.
“You’re right.” I could see that he was taken aback at my agreement and added, “I see that now. I should have tried harder to make you a part of his life and my decision not to is something that I will always have to deal with. I can’t change the past but I am willing to work with you to make the future better for everyone involved here. I am ready to do right by both you and Noah so I am begging you that we try to move past this and focus on what is best for him.”
“And that is knowing his father loves him and is willing to die to protect him,” Wyatt said. “I should tell him. He has the right to know just like I did.”
I panicked and closed the distance between us with haste. I grabbed a hold of Wyatt’s arms and tugged.
“Have you told him? Please, tell me you didn’t, Wyatt. Not like this. Not without me,” I cried.
“Of course I didn’t. I am still a stranger to him. I’m not going to just spring it on the poor kid,” he replied, pulling away from my touch like he couldn’t stand it.
I breathed a sigh of relief, my body sagging with the feeling. I refused to focus of the aching disappointment of having him visibly pull away from me.
“But doesn’t he already know? He said you have a picture of me.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I do. But I haven’t said the words of who you are to him. But we will together, when he feels better.”
“And if he’s better tomorrow, will we tell him then?” He asked as if expecting me to say no.
I meant what I said. Noah was a growing boy who needed a father figure in his life. He was already noticing the fact that other kids at the daycare had daddies in their lives and he didn’t. I had fielded the questions he had so far but I knew his curiosity would only make the situation more volatile.
He needed to be told that he had a father who obviously cared for him. I would never deny him that. Not again.
“Yes, Wyatt. I just want him to feel good when he gets the news.”
Wyatt didn’t get a chance to respond because we interrupted.
“Mommy?”
The small voice had both our heads turning sharply toward the living room then we were both moving.
I got to Noah first. He was sitting up on the couch, the blanket pooled around his hips. His cute little mouth was stretched in a yawn and his was rubbing his tired eyes.
I pulled him into a hug.
Wyatt stood behind the couch, watching the display with a guarded expression.
When I kept the embrace too long, Noah began to squirm. I let him go, pulled back and smoothed his hair way from his face, feeling for his temperature in the
same movement.
He was cool to the touch.
“Did you have a good time with… Mr. Murphy?” I asked.
Wyatt's jaw clenched at my hesitation.
Noah glanced back at Wyatt and the man’s expression instant change to one of utter devotion. It was like watching the sun suddenly break through the clouds.
It made regret settle in my stomach. I really should have told him about Noah sooner. Because I hadn’t they had both missed out on so much.
“Oh, that we did,” Wyatt said, ruffling Noah’s hair. “Didn’t we, buddy?”
“Oh yeah.” Noah perked up at the attention. “Wyatt – he told me I could call him that – and me are best friends now,” he announced.
“That’s great,” I told him, injecting false joy into my voice. “But you have to say goodbye to Wyatt now. We gotta go baby, get you to bed.”
“Awww Mommy, do we have to? I want to watch Spiderman with Wyatt again. He promised we could.”
“And you will. Just not right now.” I made my voice firm and he settled down with a pout.
I went over to where his bag was on the table and shouldered it.
“Is all his stuff in here?” I asked Wyatt.
“Everything’s in there,” he confirmed.
I looked up to find him watching me with that cold expression so I turned away from it and went back to Noah. I lifted him into my arms
“Say bye to Wyatt. You will see him again soon,” I said.
“Very soon,” Wyatt interjected.
We left a few minutes later.
When the door closed behind us, the sound rang with such finality that I felt like I had just gotten my heart broken all over again.
“What's the matter, Mommy? You look sad,” Noah asked.
I was buckling Noah into his car seat when he asked. He touched my cheek and brought my attention to the wetness there.
A tear had rolled down my cheek that I hadn’t even noticed.
“There must be something in the air. I’m okay,” I lied, quickly wiping the moisture away. My cheeks hurt from the awkward smile I gave him. “Everything is fine.”
Seconds later we drove away from Wyatt’s apartment but I knew this was far from over.
I had built this nightmare, and now I had to figure out how to fix it.
Chapter Nineteen: Wyatt
I paced my apartment long after Hailey and Noah had left.
I had watched her taillights disappear and fought the urge to call them back. There was so much we still needed to discuss. So much I felt.
For her.
For him.
I also knew that Hailey and I needed some alone time to hash this out the right way.
The turbulent mixture of emotions made it impossible for me to sit still especially when it felt like the walls of the apartment were closing in on me.
It didn’t take me long to admit to myself what the real issue was. I missed them – both of them - and not even thirty minutes had passed since they left.
The somber emotion forced my anger into the back seat and for the first time in so many hours, my thoughts weren’t fueled by the heated force of it.
I still couldn’t believe that Hailey had kept such a vital piece of information from me. Yet the more I thought about it, the more I could see her point for view – at least initially.
I had mentally tapped out after my father’s death. It was like hitting an emotional wall I couldn’t climb over no matter how hard I tried. Or how hard she tried. Dad and I had never had a great relationship and I had been resentful of the fact that he was gone for so long so often with his time in the military. To me, it felt like his squad was more his family than we were.
With his death though, I felt that I had to follow in his footsteps. To see what he saw. To do what he did. To feel what he felt. To understand why he chose his country over me and my mother.
In the end this desire had made me turn away from the woman I loved, unknowingly in a time when she needed me most.
All my anger wasn’t directed at Hailey. Some of it was directed at my God damned self. I didn’t regret my time of service but I shouldn’t have left things with Hailey the way I did.
My mind had been void of anything else but my need to join and be like my dad, so I abandoned everything else.
Was Hailey right then? Had I been in a mental space that prevented me from being the best father I could have been to Noah? Would I have tried to come back to be part of his life? Or would I have done just as my father had?
All the evidence pointed to me having done just as my father had done at the time. Did I have the right to punish Hailey for believing the evidence and going with her gut?
We would never know how things would have turned out now and all this should haves and could haves were leaving my mind in a tangled mess.
I needed to clear my head so I threw on a hoodie and sneakers and went for a run.
During the many minutes my feet hit the pavement in the rhythmic but punishing stride, I couldn’t help but notice the parents and guardians minding kids. It was something I didn’t focus on before but now their pairings were glaringly obvious.
I saw kids smiling and talking animatedly. They ran. They skipped. They laughed. They were radiant in their innocent enjoyment of life and what it had to offer.
There was even this one kid who threw a tantrum on the sidewalk of the park and left his mother with an embarrassed, rueful expression.
I wanted to experience all those moments with my own son - the good, the bad and the ugly.
I wanted to take him for hikes through the park and I wanted to teach him to ride a bike. I wanted to take him out for ice-cream and to learn what his favorite foods were. I wanted to be there to cheer him on when he excelled and help him dust himself off when he failed.
I wanted to be a part of my son's life in every possible way. No matter what I felt for his mother, that wouldn’t change.
Hailey. Jesus, I was lying to myself if I said that even in my anger I didn’t want to be close to her. Because I did. I wanted her and Noah and I to be something, something more.
Like a family.
I came back to my apartment when it was dark outside and long passed the time kids should be out on the streets. I immediately headed for the shower and left the warm water do its work on my overheated muscles.
Later, I ordered a pizza and bit into the first slice while throwing back a beer. I was watching the television, the volume on mute as I watched Noah’s favorite cartoon character throw webs and swing his way across the city.
Suddenly I had to talk to Hailey. I couldn’t properly function until I heard her tell me he was okay.
It was already after ten PM. Still I couldn’t stop my fingers from dialing her number.
She answered on the second ring.
“Hello?” The greeting was hesitant.
She sounded like she was already in bed and my mind instantly went to the gutter, imagining her in nothing but my tee shirt and waiting for me to do naughty things to her body.
My dick began to harden and I had to forcible suppress the image to keep my body under control.
“Hi, Hailey.” I, too, was suddenly hesitant. Now that her voice was ringing in my ear and my body was reacting to the sexual fantasy, I lost my direction for a moment.
“Is something wrong,” she asked when the silence stretched too long.
I shook my head to clear the webs and answered, “Uh, no, everything is fine. I just called to check in with you guys. How's Noah doing? Did he settle down okay?”
“Yeah, he’s fine. Kids get sick. This is not the first time he has come down with a bug. I really doubt it’s serious but I will book an appointment with his pediatrician tomorrow just to make sure.” She paused then asked, “Would you like to come?”
I jumped the opportunity to see Noah again… and Hailey.
“Of course,” I said. “I would love to come.”
“I’ll call you when I know the details,
” she promised. “And I will keep you updated on how he is in the meantime.”
“Great, thanks,” was my reply then my mind flat lined.
There was rustling on the line, like she was moving in her sheets. The erotic image popped right up in my head again and my pants tented.
There was another pause and she filled it by saying, “He couldn’t stop singing your praises. You’ve made quite the impression on him. He really likes you. That’s a good sign that thing will work out, I think.”
Talk of developing a relationship with my child dampened my lust and I focused on working things out with Hailey instead trying to imagine what color panties she was wearing.
“I would love that – for things to work out. I want to have a relationship with him. And I have to admit I am scared of what it means to be a father. I have no clue what I am doing or should be doing. I don’t want to make any mistakes.”
She laughed softly. “Parenting is not a perfect science. You’re going to mistakes. You just have to learn from them and keep at it. I think you’re going to be a great dad for what it’s worth. Plus, I am here to help make sure you guys develop a sturdy father-son relationship.”
“Thanks for saying that.” I sighed. “I didn’t mean to go off on you like that this afternoon. It was just a lot to take in, you now?”
“I know and I understand. I would have probably not handled it much differently if I was in your shoes.”
“I want us to be like a real family,” I told her.
“I’d like that too.”
For the first time since I found out I had a son this morning, my mind settled because for some reason I knew it was going to be like she said. It was all going to work out.
It had to.
Chapter Twenty: Hailey
I wiped my sweaty palms down the front of my full-length jeans as I watched Noah and Wyatt get ice-cream from the vendor.
It was bright and sunny Saturday morning and we were all at the nearby park. Other families were running around and spending quality time together.
A few days had passed since Noah had recuperated from the stomach bug. After the doctor had given us the all clear yesterday, Wyatt and I had talked and agreed to tell Noah the truth today.
Baby Makes Three: A Brother's Best Friend's Secret Baby Romance Page 66
