by Thianna D
“I don’t. But I want to clear up a few things before we go any further.”
Elly sat down and curled toward him when he wrapped an arm about her. “You understand why we’re doing this today?” he whispered against her hair.
“Yes, sir.”
“Good.” He straightened, but didn’t remove his arm from her shoulders. “Now, tell me how you broke our rules on Monday.”
Elly glanced down at her entwined fingers. “I didn’t exactly break a rule.”
“Excuse me?”
“I merely went for a stroll and took my phone with me.”
“I see. What’s our rule about going for strolls?”
“Tell the other person where you’ll be in case something happens.”
“Correct. Did I ever leave the house when you weren’t home and neglect to mention where I’ll be?”
“No, but —”
“But what?”
“You work next door. I always know where to find you, unless you’ve stepped out when you’re angry.”
“Are you aware I’m out taking a walk?”
“Yes, but I don’t necessarily know where you’re going. You don’t always give your route or destination.”
“And you think that’s no different than leaving without telling anyone?”
“It’s similar. Sort of,” she added in a voice that sounded lame even to her.
“I’d be a lot happier about this if you accepted responsibility for your actions, rather than try to worm your way out of a punishment.”
She turned and stared at him. “Well, maybe I don’t deserve to be punished for this.”
“I see. So, you believe what you did was perfectly acceptable and it would be all right if I did it as well?”
Biting her lower lip, Elly gave a shrug. Truth was she’d be upset if Jerry walked out on her the same way, but making such an admission would severely weaken her case.
“Elly…”
Unwilling to lie, she said, “No. I guess not.”
“Didn’t think so. Now, would you like to tell me why you chose to leave without informing me first?”
With a slight squirm of discomfort, she gazed up into his eyes. “I was upset. I realized I’d hurt you, but had no idea how to make things right, so I decided to go for a walk. I thought you were too angry for me to tell you what I was planning.”
“Why? What did you think I would do?”
She shrugged again.
“Not an appropriate answer, Elly. Tell me.”
“I believed you would either coolly suggest I go ahead, or insist on coming with me. The first would have only made me more upset, and the second would have defeated my purpose for the walk.”
“Do you think either of those reasons justified your actions?”
Sighing in defeat, Elly murmured, “No, sir.”
“So, how would you handle things now, if a similar problem arose today?”
“I’d call and tell you how I felt.”
“Good. And, knowing now that calling me would be difficult for you, I’ll make sure I listen rather than let my emotions rule my tongue. Acceptable?”
Lowering her eyes, Elly clasped his long fingers. Maybe they could get through this without any casualties after all. “Yes, sir.”
“Now for the hard part. First, I want to commend you for using your phone so we could hear what Arthur said and track you. That was clever and smart. The day could have ended much differently if you hadn’t taken those precautions.”
Elly glanced at his face. His expression was serious, yet understanding. “I wasn’t trying to get Arthur to follow me.”
He nodded. “I realize that. However, he would not have been able to get you at all if you’d called me first.”
Only because Jerry wouldn’t let her go off by herself if she was upset. “Perhaps not,” she admitted, though it pained her to do so.
“Right. Except this is your second offense for challenging Arthur as well, isn’t it? You did similar things, which also got you in trouble, when he accosted you in the dog park, didn’t you?”
“That wasn’t the same at all.”
“No. In a way, what you did Monday was worse.”
Her mouth opened and closed in dismay. “But he wasn’t armed this time, so I never imagined he would hurt me.”
“Really? He admitted to following you. I’d say that was warning enough for you not to antagonize him. Arthur Benson is a dangerous man, armed or unarmed, and yet you deliberately challenged him. Didn’t you?’
“I was angry.”
“I understand that, Elly. He was trying to get a rise out of you and he succeeded, but can you even imagine what I went through when I found you hanging from that tree like a corpse? Can you fathom the panic that surged through me when you stopped breathing over three times on the way to the helicopter? We weren’t carrying any medical supplies, other than a first aid kit, into the woods. None. However, I was determined not to let you die. Even so, I swear I lost ten years of my life in my desperation to keep that promise.”
Tears filled Elly’s eyes as she imagined how she’d react if their situation were reversed. “I didn’t mean to make you worry.”
“I realize that, and my worry, as excruciating as it was, isn’t your fault or concern. Your error was in challenging your psychotic husband with the mistaken belief you could escape unharmed. You know better. Don’t you?”
Elly hesitated. “Jerry, I —”
“No. As an adult, you need to take responsibility for your actions, Elly. What you did was wrong, and I think you should begin by admitting that truth, if nothing else.”
Closing her eyes, Elly whispered, “I shouldn’t have insulted Arthur or slapped him, no matter how angry I got.”
“Thank you.”
Elly lifted her eyes to meet his. “We’re getting married tomorrow.”
“Yes. At least I certainly hope so. I want to marry you. Do you still wish to marry me?”
“Very much so.”
“Good. Your worries all assuaged now?”
“Except about this,” she answered waving her hand over the instruments lying on the table.
“You have doubts about this now as well?”
Elly struggled not to roll her eyes as she nodded in the affirmative.
“Tell me.”
Surprise had her jaw dropping for a second time. She would have thought the answer was obvious. “I don’t want to be so sore I can’t sit tomorrow, nor do I want to walk down the aisle with eyes so red everyone will realize I’ve been crying.”
“Because we’re getting married?”
Exasperated, she gaped at him. “Yes. It’s a special day for me, Jerry.”
“It is for me, too. But are you saying you wouldn’t mind having trouble sitting or look like you cried all night if tomorrow were any other day?”
“I wouldn’t mind quite as much, but I wouldn’t be happy about it.”
“All right. Tell me this. How many times, since we’ve been together, were you unable to sit or still red-eyed the following day?”
Elly stopped to consider his question for a moment. With Arthur, it had been every time he punished her, but with Jerry, she was usually fine, if not better, immediately after the correction. Perhaps a little sore, but never bad enough she had difficulty sitting the next day. Not even when he used that horrible hairbrush, which he rarely did. However, he’d never taken his belt to her, and though he’d threatened to bring out the paddle more than once, he hadn’t actually done it. And, she’d rather not start experimenting today.
Even so, her current concerns didn’t alter his behavior from the past. “Your punishments normally aren’t that harsh.”
“And yet you believe today will be different?”
Her stomach jittery, she rose to her feet. “Those are new,” she replied, indicating the belt and paddle.
“Yes, they are, but I am the same person. Do you think I will injure you now because I’m using another implement?”
/> “Injure? No. Hurt me? Hell, yes. Your hand and that horrid hairbrush are harsh enough. I don’t need to discover how unpleasant the belt and paddle are today, too.”
“Then it comes back to trust, Elly, which was your initial concern as well. We agreed I am to make all punishment decisions, which would include their severity and duration. Do you wish to withdraw your consent?”
Elly put her hands behind her back. “I’m scared, Jerry. You can’t fault me for that.”
He sat back against the couch and spread his arms out along its upholstered edge. “I don’t.”
“But you’re talking as if my fears about this are unreasonable. If I don’t agree it’s because I don’t trust you.”
“Fair enough. You tell me why you’re so nervous this morning. What is it about today or these implements that suddenly make you afraid of how I will punish you?”
Her eyes burning, she swiped at her cheeks. “I’m not sure. All right? Maybe I’m being ridiculous, but that doesn’t change how I feel.”
Learning forward, he placed his elbows on his thighs. “Then tell me how you feel, Elly. I can’t help unless you talk to me.”
“I realize I made mistakes, Monday, and I was wrong to say some of the things I did both to you and Arthur, but I was upset, and I don’t think I should be spanked for it.”
“I see. Is this just today you’re talking about, or are you stating you’d prefer a non-disciplinary marriage?”
“Would you agree to such an arrangement?”
“I think it would be a mistake, but I love you, and don’t want you unhappy or afraid of me every time I arch an eyebrow or ask you to stand before me. So, I’d be willing to discuss the possibility.”
“I’m not afraid of you,” she whispered.
“Elly, these are merely tools. Each of these items can be used to dispense pleasure as well as punishment. How much they hurt depends on how I use them. So, it’s not the implements that worry you, even though you think they’re responsible.”
“You’re twisting my words.”
“No. I’m not. But I am being honest with you. A marriage cannot exist without trust. We can put all the caveats you want in place to ensure you’ll be safe with me, but the truth is unless I honor those limitations, as you wish; they’ll mean nothing. You need to believe I will do what’s best for you. If you can’t do that, I’m not sure we should get married. At least, not yet.”
Tears streaming down her cheeks, Elly turned away from him. A part of her acknowledged he’d identified the problem. She needed to accept and respect his decisions, even in this. If she couldn’t, then their marriage would be a sham. “You’re right,” she conceded. “I know you are, and I want to say I will submit to whatever you think is best…”
“But…”
She turned to face him. “I don’t think I can.”
“Fair enough.” He rose to his feet. “I’ll start making calls.”
“No!” Realizing her objection emerged more vehemently than she intended, she softened her tone. “I don’t want that, either.”
“Then tell me what it is you do want, Elly, because right now, I’m at a loss.”
Unsure what to do with her hands, she clasped them together. “Deep down, in my heart, I believe you would never want to hurt me. Except, when I see these ‘implements’ laid out on the table like items of torture, I’m too afraid to give my consent.”
“So what do you want to do instead?”
“I’m not sure, but I think it would be easier if you acted more like you did yesterday. I wasn’t happy about it at the time, but I think I need my ability to say ‘no’ taken away from me again. Don’t allow me a choice. Just take charge and force me to trust you.”
“I didn’t force you, Elly. I did temporarily squash your option to say no, but you could’ve put a stop to what I was doing at any time, despite what I said. You knew I would honor your request. In my mind, trust is given, not forced. Besides, that’s not how I do things.”
“I realize that, but I think I need you to make another exception today. I want to be with you, Jerry, but I can’t simply lie across your lap and submit to this punishment. I’m too scared.”
“And you think my forcing you to accept a paddling against your will can reassure you in some way?”
Closing her eyes, she gave a reluctant nod. “Yes. It may sound oxymoronic, but I believe having you subject me to your authority without my consent will help get me over this.”
“How?”
Elly took a deep breath, and gazed directly into Jerry’s eyes. “By showing me the worst I can ever expect from you. You’re always so reasonable and reassuring; I’m afraid what will happen when you eventually lose your temper with me. I’m afraid what you’ll do if you ever decide to tan my hide for real.”
He said nothing for a moment as he considered her proposition. Finally, he gave a nod. “All right. Let me think about it. In the meantime, I will leave these three implements on the table as a reminder. I’d like you to give some thought to what you truly seek from me, Elly. If you decide you want me to discipline you without further discussion or your consent, I want you naked, nose in the corner and awaiting your punishment when I return for dinner. If at any point, you think you made a mistake with your request, phone me. This will be a marriage, Elly, not a dictatorship, but I also want to make sure I’m giving you everything you need, so I will do this for you, but only if you meet me halfway by putting yourself in the corner. If you aren’t there when I come home, I’ll take it as your decision to call off the wedding. Acceptable?”
“Why do I get the impression you’re still making me choose to accept this?”
Straightening his back, he gave her ‘the look.’ “Because making the choice is part of your punishment.” Then rising to his feet, he stood before her and gently put his hands at her waist. “I love you, Elly Benson, and I will do everything I can to prove it to you. However, I will tell you now; this will not be a light chastisement. So, you should go into this knowing your worst fears might indeed be realized this day. This is going to be the harshest punishment you will ever receive at my hand, so once it’s over you’ll know what to expect the next time you scare me into soiling my trousers.”
Drawing back, she examined his face. He wasn’t smiling. “You’re joking, right? I mean about your trousers?”
“Brent brought me a change of clothes and fresh underwear to the hospital on Monday, so go ahead and ask him why.” Leaning forward he kissed her, gave her butt a gentle pat and turned to go into his clinic.
* * * * *
Elly stared at the door for several minutes before Muffin’s hopping outside drew her from her reverie. Letting the dogs in, she gave them both a treat and began pacing the living room floor. Realizing she was only making herself crazy, she gave up and called Char.
“Hi,” Char answered. “How are you? I wanted to call you, but I didn’t know if Marcus had given you permission to talk, yet. Are you okay?”
“No. I mean Marcus cleared me yesterday, but I’m not okay. I’m in a lot of trouble right now, Char.” With those words, Elly started to cry again.
“More trouble than you were on Monday? I don’t think that’s possible, Elly.”
“This is a different kind of trouble. I basically challenged Jerry to do his worst, and if I don’t follow through, he’ll call off the wedding.”
“What? You’re kidding.”
“I wish I was. Monday, I asked him if we had to get married.”
“Okay, now I know you’re joking.”
Elly chuckled reluctantly. “Nope. I said if we did get married, I wanted to eliminate ‘obey’ from my wedding vows.”
“Wow. Did he agree?”
“No. He seemed to think I might have some trust issues. Then today, when I wouldn’t consent to a spanking because he planned to use some implements that upset me, he was ready to cancel the wedding because he believed I still didn’t trust him.”
“So, what did he pull out?
The cat of nine tails?”
“No. His belt and a paddle. The CB paddle.”
“Oh, Elly, you’ve got to be kidding this time, right?”
“Nope.”
“Elly, Jerry is one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. He’d cut off his right hand before he’d ever seriously hurt you. A belt can be sexy and fun, if it’s applied the right way, and though the CB paddle packs a sting, it doesn’t last long. Trust me. I know.”
“That’s why I called you. I figure if anyone could talk me off the ledge, it would be you.”
Char paused for a moment. “So, how were things left between you?”
“He went back to work and ordered me to be standing naked with my nose in the corner when he got home, or he’d call off our wedding.”
“Wow. Okay, I’ll ask Brent to phone him. Fear of a spanking is not reason enough to cancel your wedding.”
“No. Don’t. Brent’s intercession would only make things worse. Jerry expects me to contact him if I’m having problems.”
“What do you want me to do, then?”
“Tell me I’m being silly.” Char didn’t say anything. “Char?”
“I can’t Elly. Even though Jerry won’t seriously hurt you, he’s going to make you wish you never uttered your challenge.”
“I know. I feel trapped.”
“I could have Brent offer you a demonstration, so you’ll understand what to expect, but then you’d be sore before Jerry even started. Even if you kept your jeans on, I suspect Brent’s lightest smacks would be worse than Jerry’s hardest. He’s been at it longer, and I enjoy getting spanked, so he tends to give me all he’s got.”
“Um. Not helping, Char.”
“Elly, you love Jerry, don’t you?”
“Yes, of course.”
“And you know he loves you.”
“Yes.”
“Then you need to trust him. Just do your best to be respectful and obedient, and I’ll see you smiling when you glide down the aisle tomorrow. Okay?”
“I’ll try. Thanks.”
“Got your back, girlfriend. I wouldn’t steer you wrong.”
Chuckling, Elly whispered, “You’re a good friend, Char, even if you are living with one of the scariest men I’ve ever met.”
