Make Music With Me

by Kristine Allen

  I had faith in their talent. I knew this was only the beginning of great things that were in store for them. Pushing the worry of how we would raise a child through a touring schedule to the back of my mind, I chewed on my nail as I watched the TV.

  Colorful, swirling blurbs represented the tropical storm that had quickly grown into a hellaciously massive hurricane. Chaos remained in its wake as it skirted along the coast of Cuba.

  Projections had it hitting between here and New Orleans. They were expecting it to make landfall by Sunday afternoon. Knowing I had procrastinated long enough, I heaved my ass off the couch to head out to the shed. John was going to be here soon to help me put up my hurricane shutters. They were actually just one-inch treated sheets of plywood we had cut to the needed sizes. They screwed into the anchors around my windows to prevent them from being shattered by flying debris.

  This was the first time I’d actually had to use them, but from the looks of the monster churning our way, I was grateful John had suggested them when I bought the house. Sliding my feet into a pair of slip-on Vans, I trudged out to the backyard.

  I’d dragged three of them out by the time John and my mom found me in the shed.

  “What the ever-loving hell do you think you’re doing?” Mom stood with her arms akimbo as John gave me a stern glare and passed by me. Dragging them out in pairs, he began setting them in front of the intended windows. “Poppy, you shouldn’t have been lifting those. They’re heavy.”

  “Mom, I’m pregnant, not dying. They aren’t that heavy. Besides, I was only bringing one at a time.” The wind blew my hair in my face and I pushed it behind my ear as I marched over to the house with the bucket of fasteners. Ignoring my mother’s rolling eyes at my stubbornness, I dug an elastic out of my pocket and tossed my hair in a messy bun to keep it out of the way.

  “Poppy, if you lift a single one of those up, I’ll have your ass.” John spoke over his shoulder as he retreated into the shed for more sheets of wood.

  It was my turn to roll my eyes. “Ugh! You guys are driving me crazy! I’m not helpless!” Waving my hands wildly around before propping them on my hips, I wrinkled my nose and pursed my lips at both of them. “Smugness doesn’t suit you, Mother.”

  Her grin told me she wasn’t offended or intimidated by my glare. Throwing my hands in the air in defeat, I huffed when she took the bucket from where I had plopped it by my feet.

  “Fine. I’ll go make sandwiches.” Stomping inside, I hated that I had a sliding glass patio door so I couldn’t slam it. Yeah, I knew my behavior was juvenile, but I despised being coddled.

  One by one, they affixed the shutters in place as I made sandwiches assembly-line style. It was eerie how dark my home progressively became as my windows were covered.

  I’d just finished adding chips to each plate when they entered through the front door.

  “You’re just in time. Lunch is ready.” Over my earlier pissiness, I grinned at them as they walked into the kitchen. Placing a bowl of fruit in the middle of the counter in case they wanted some, I popped a grape in my mouth.

  “Looks great. I just want to check your generator real quick and I’ll be back in.” A stern expression took over his face and he pointed at me in mock anger as he passed. “Don’t eat mine before I’m done.”

  Patting my rotund belly, a smirk stole across my face. “No guarantees. I’m eating for two, after all.” His laughter echoed from the garage as the generator roared to life. After a few short minutes it fell silent and he stepped back in the kitchen.

  “Good thing we filled your gas cans last month. I brought them into the garage from the shed, so you should be set.” John took a seat at the breakfast bar and I placed his plate in front of him. As he ravenously consumed the sandwich, my mom spoke.

  “Are you sure you won’t change your mind about coming with us? I’m so worried about you staying here alone.” Brow creased, she worried her bottom lip.

  “I’m sure. This won’t be the first hurricane I’ve been through, Mom. I’m stocked up and prepared for whatever may come of it. I’m far enough inland that the storm surge won’t be a concern. I’ve got the generator, plenty of gas. I’ll be fine.” They were leaving from here to head up to Tupelo where John had a bed-and-breakfast. They’d been trying to get me to go with them all day yesterday and today.

  “I’m sure you’ll be fine, it’s my granddaughter I’m worried about.” Huffing, she got up to set her plate in the sink.

  “Your mother’s right. It would be safer, and we’d feel better if you came with us.”

  Shaking my head at them, I held my sandwich in one hand as I ate and used the other to put away the condiments and sandwich fixings. “Yoo woowyin fo nuffin.” I spoke around my food. When I turned back around my mom’s look told me what she thought of me talking with my mouth full.

  Defiantly, I bit off a giant chunk of my sandwich until my cheeks were bulging, and chewed. “Blah, blah, blah.”

  “Child, you’re lucky I love you.” Mom was doing her best not to laugh at me. So of course I flashed a big cheesy grin, making sure my food showed. Yeah, it was childish, but my mom still loves me.

  “Oh Lord!” Chuckles burst from her as she stepped closer and wrapped her arms around me. Bending over to keep my belly out of the way, I hugged her back and swallowed before I choked on it with my own giggles.

  “Well, we better get on the road. I wish you were coming with, but I understand your stubbornness. You came by it honestly.” John shook his head as his eyes twinkled. It was still strange to remind myself he was my biological father. I pulled him into a hug; he returned it and held me tightly.

  “I love you,” I whispered in his ear before we broke apart.

  “Love you too, Poppy.” Before he averted his gaze, I could have sworn I saw a shimmer in his eyes. Clearing his throat, he guided my mom to the door.

  Standing on my front porch, I waved as they backed out of the driveway. My phone rang in the pocket of my hoodie, and I pulled it out to see Levi’s gorgeous face announcing his call.

  “Hey, handsome.”

  “Hello, beautiful. How are you this afternoon?” The excitement was evident in the tone of his voice, telling me the meeting went well.

  “I’m good. But I want to know how things went! Don’t make me wait.” Stepping off the porch, I noticed I’d forgotten my flag so I pulled it from the holder. Rolling it around the pole, I listened to his happy news.

  “They want us in the studio recording our first album by the end of this month. Then they are projecting a tour that starts early next year. They love the original songs we have so far and they want at least five more before we hit the studio, so we’re gonna be busy these next couple of weeks.”

  “That’s awesome! I’m so happy for you guys!”

  “Yeah, the guys are stoked. The only thing that sucks is I was hoping to get back down to see you before everything kicked off. Now it looks like I won’t be able to. I miss the fuck out of you. How soon before you can get up here?” Warmth suffused my face and chest at the thought of him missing me as much as I missed him.

  “Well, it’s gonna be a while. That tropical storm is now a big-ass hurricane, so I’m all boarded up and ready to wait it out. As soon as it’s passed, I’ll start packing.” Glancing up to the sky, I realized dark clouds were already looming. An elderly man walked a small dog past my house and I thought of the waving man down the road. I hoped he’d evacuated, because even without the storm surge, the winds could be treacherous to an RV.

  “Poppy. If it’s looking that bad, why are you still there? Shouldn’t you be going somewhere safe?” Worry bled through his words, taking away the excitement previously present in his voice.

  “I’m perfectly safe. You sound like John and my mom. They were just here putting up my hurricane shutters. Like I told them, I’ve got everything I need and I’m located far enough away from the coast that I’ll be just fine. Besides, it could still hit farther west and we’ll just get rain. They
’re unpredictable.” A fat drop of rain hit me square on my nose, startling me.

  I barely made it under my covered porch before the skies opened up. A loud clap of thunder exploded above me and left me rattled for a moment.

  “Holy shit, that was loud! Where are you?” Concern weighed heavy as he spoke.

  “I’m on the front porch. I grabbed my flag just in time.” Stepping into my foyer, I watched through my storm door as my neighbors loaded up in their vehicle before backing out of the garage. They headed slowly down the road and I wondered if they were evacuating or just going out for last-minute crap.

  As far as I could see in both directions, the street appeared eerily deserted. People had either pulled their vehicles in their garages to protect them or they’d left.

  “Babe, maybe you should consider leaving. Unpredictable means it could end up being even worse than you’re thinking. And if your mom and John are worried and they’ve lived there forever, they may be on to something, you know.” There was a rustling sound, the phone sounded muted, then it rustled again and he was back. “Jesus Christ. I just turned on the Weather Channel and they’re saying they expect it to be worse than Hurricane Harvey was. Poppy, I’m serious, you need to get the hell out of there.”

  “We’ll see. I think everything will be fine.”

  “You think? Dammit, there’s more to this equation than just you, for you to ‘think’ everything will be fine. You’re over six months pregnant, Poppy. Fuck.” Frustration was heavy in his tone as my phone beeped in my ear.

  Checking the screen, I saw that my mom was calling. “Hey, hon, let me call you back. My mom is calling and they’re on the road.” Whoa. I called him hon. My face once again felt warm with a combination of happiness and awkwardness. No matter how right this felt, it was going to take some getting used to.

  “Okay. But please call me back ASAP.” Promising I would, I took a deep breath and clicked over.

  “Hey, Mom. Everything okay?”

  “Poppy, sweetheart, you need to pack a bag and head up to meet us in Tupelo. The news is all saying the hurricane is rapidly picking up speed and may hit as early as tomorrow. The likelihood of it hitting the panhandle is increasing by the hour. Please. I’m very worried about you.”

  Huffing out an exasperated breath, I looked to the heavens for assistance.

  “Mom. Please. I really don’t want to deal with the traffic now. If they’re saying that, then everyone and their dog will be rushing north in a panic. I’ll end up spending the hurricane in traffic. I’m just as safe here as I would be on the road. You two just drive carefully and don’t worry about me. I promise, I’ll be fine.” Moving inside to get away from the rain that was splattering on the porch, I closed and locked the door.

  “I don’t like it, sweetheart. Please keep in touch, at least. Okay?” Mom meant well, but I really felt everyone was worrying for nothing. Acceding, I gave her and John my love and ended the call.

  Returning the call to Levi, I waited as the phone rang twice then cut off. I’d tried several more times after that, and it kept going to voicemail or just cutting off. Frustrated, I huffed and told myself I’d try again later. The storm must’ve been fucking with the signal.

  As I passed through the kitchen, I set my phone on the counter and grabbed a bunch of grapes. Plucking them off the stems one by one, I chewed as I looked around my house thoughtfully.

  There weren’t a lot of “important things” in my house. I wasn’t big on knickknacks and such. Yeah, I had decent furniture; it was all new when I moved in. I could probably sell it and make a little cash.

  Making a mental note to see what all Levi had before I decided to sell anything, I figured I could start packing my off-season clothes. It wasn’t like I had much else to do. So I grabbed the plastic totes I had picked up at the store last night and headed into my room.

  Hell, while my house may not have a lot in it, I couldn’t say the same for my closet. Maybe this would be a good time to weed out my wardrobe. As I pulled down the shoeboxes off the top shelf, I came across the box of my dad’s things Mom had thought I would want to keep.

  I’d avoided it for years. My heart had hurt too bad to look through it. Maybe it was time. Dropping awkwardly to the floor and wiggling until I was comfortable, I slowly opened the brown cardboard box.

  Sadness engulfed me as a picture of me, Mom, and Dad stared back at me. Lifting it with shaking fingers, I traced around my dad’s face. Even though I was only about eight in the picture, I remembered it like it was yesterday. It was the first time I’d gone deep sea fishing. I’d caught a little black tip shark. We let it go, of course, but I’d thought I was such hot shit. A watery smile flickered on my face before I set the picture aside.

  There were a few handmade Father’s Day cards, his favorite goldfish tie I’d bought for his birthday when I was about ten, a pocket knife that had belonged to his grandfather, a few jewelry boxes with cufflinks, his college ring, and an old necklace with a simple gold cross. Carefully I set them in one of the totes on the floor next to me.

  A thick photo album was wedged in the bottom of the box. Struggling to get it worked loose, I was triumphant when it finally popped out.

  Opening it, I found it started with pictures of my parents when they were in college. There was rarely a pic of them that didn’t include John.

  Knowing what I did now, the truth was so evident in John’s expression when he was looking at my mom or had his arm around her. The adoration shone on his face. I wondered how my dad, Sam, never saw it. Or maybe he did.

  Continuing to flip the pages, I watched my mother’s belly grow big with me; then there were the pics of me as a baby. The ones of my dad holding me showed how proud he was of me—how much he loved me.

  There was even one of John where he was looking down at me cradled in his arms. He looked like he was going to cry. I couldn’t imagine what it had been like for him. Knowing in his heart that I was his, but unable to say anything because it may break his best friend’s heart. It gave me a little more perspective into my own situation. It also made my worries seem a little trivial.

  I had made the mistake of being a chickenshit and not wanting to break the news to Levi of what we had done. You know, created a baby because we relied on what I had foolishly thought of as the infallible method of birth control I was on. It made me an even bigger asshole that I procrastinated calling him because I would’ve had to admit I was wrong for running off like a big fat baby.

  I was glad Levi finally knew. It was as if a weight had been lifted off my chest. Of course, his eventual happiness at the news didn’t hurt.

  When I thought about everything that I had experienced in my life, I realized a few things. I could have easily let all the horrible loss in my life spiral me into a depth of depression I could never recover from. Actually, I almost did. Twice. Instead, I had been given another chance at love and the greatest gift of all.

  The gift of life.

  Though I had prayed to be pregnant with Lucas’s baby so I would still have a part of him with me, that didn’t happen. Instead, I became pregnant with his twin brother’s baby. And I fell in love with that brother. That didn’t mean I didn’t love Lucas. Just that our love had an expiration date neither of us was aware of. And if all these events, no matter how tragic, hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have Levi or, soon, our baby girl.

  Every action has a reaction.

  Every painful step in my life led me to where I was today.

  The baby I had yet to meet held my heart captive in her tiny little hands. She wouldn’t be here if things hadn’t played out the way they had. She was nothing to be ashamed of.

  Which lead me to my other realization—this baby deserved to be loved. She deserved to have grandparents who loved her. My mom and John were able to look past the circumstances and accept her for the gift that she was. Knowing Linda and Mac, they would probably be the same.

  A lightness settled over me as I continued to flip through the pic
tures depicting special memories and milestones in my life. Sad smiles at moments I’d forgotten, laughter at ridiculous things I’d done, and overwhelming love for the amazing life I was reminded of with the help of fading photographs. Then there were tears for the void in my chest when I thought of my baby never knowing my dad. Steeling myself, I reminded myself she would have four very loving grandparents. And if she was lucky, she’d been able to meet her grandpa in heaven before she was sent to be my little girl.

  As I neared the back of the album, a plain white envelope fell into my lap. Picking it up, I read the familiar script on the front of it.

  To Poppy

  Not to be opened before age 18, or upon my death if it occurs after that age.

  It was like getting a message from the grave and I’d be a liar if I said it didn’t unnerve me. The crisp, neat handwriting looked as if my dad had written it yesterday.

  My hands shook as the weight of the tattered envelope seemed to increase by the second. Turning it over, I slid my finger under the flap and tore it open. My heart leapt into my throat as I slid the unadorned sheets of paper out and unfolded them.

  My beautiful, precious Poppy,

  If you’re reading this, then sadly, I’m not in your life anymore. Whatever age you are when that happens, know that I will have celebrated every single year with you as the happiest man in the world. I pray that we are all old and gray when the day comes that I leave this earth, but let’s be honest, we never really know. Do we?

  The most important thing I can tell you is that you and your mother were the shining stars of my life. Never doubt or worry for a single second that I haven’t appreciated every moment I was able to share with you. I love you so very much and I have been so blessed to have you as a daughter.