by Loraine, Kim
Awareness slammed into her. This was a panic attack. She’d helped Riley through many of them when he was in middle school. Immediately, she moved to his side, pushing her way behind him to wrap his big body in her tiny arms. She cursed inwardly as she slipped on the wet tile floor, her knees hitting hard, but pressed her chest against his back and held him as tightly as she could.
“It’s okay, Donovan. It’s okay.”
His heart hammered against her palm as she tightened her hold on his chest. Controlling his breathing was her goal. She needed to get him calm and to a place where he could talk if he wanted.
“Breathe, you need to breathe with me, okay? Let’s count. One . . . two . . . three . . .”
She stroked his chest with her palm and buried her face in the space between his neck and shoulder, willing him to feel her measured breaths.
Slowly, their breathing synced, chests rising and falling together. His heartbeat slowed.
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” she crooned in his ear, waiting for the moment he would speak.
His hand found hers, grasping and pulling her out from behind him.
“I’m good. God, I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize. Are you sure you’re all right?” Her hand stroked his pale face, her thumb caressing the strong brow as her fingers played in his hair.
Moss-green eyes locked onto hers and he shrugged away from her touch, the arrogant mask falling into place. “I’m fine. Thanks for your help.”
Cold water sprayed down at their feet sending shivers up her spine. “Hot water’s gone.”
“It’s fine, I’ll finish up in here. Meet you on the couch?”
She couldn’t believe he was doing this. Cavalier and calm, distant, as if he hadn’t just been completely out of it on the floor of his shower. She nodded and stepped out of the chilly water.
By the time she sat herself down, dressed in her coziest pajamas, anger simmered right at the edge of consciousness. Unwanted and uncontrollable thoughts invaded her mind. Disappointment that he would shut down like that again, fear of his unwillingness to share anything with her, and self-loathing for having those feelings, all wiggled their way into her head as she waited for him.
He came out of the bedroom, sweatpants hanging low on his hips, chest deliciously bare.
“Want to watch something?” His voice sounding bright, the nonchalance clearly forced.
“Do you want to talk about what just happened in there, Donovan?”
She watched as his jaw tensed, the muscles twitching as he ground his teeth. That was a no if she ever saw one. He stared straight ahead and scrolled through the options on Netflix.
“Fine, you can have a pass this time, hotshot. But if this is a regular thing, if it’s going to happen again, we are having a discussion.”
His eyes flicked to hers and he nodded, jaw still twitching. “What do you want to watch?”
Chapter 22
Valerie shook out her limbs at the edge of the empty pool. She needed a warmup before her first student arrived for the day. This was a special case, a little girl with Down Syndrome. As she dove into the water, her heart raced at the thought of making a mistake, doing something that might offend the student’s parents. Her limited exposure to Down Syndrome afforded her an equally limited view of the challenges her student faced day to day.
As she finished her last, lazy lap, she popped herself up and out of the pool. Toweling off, she watched as a very eager little girl, in a pink and purple polka-dotted bathing suit, bounced out of the locker room with her mother. The two walked over to Valerie’s lane, the mother holding tightly to her daughter’s hand.
“Are you Ashley?” She knelt down and put herself at the little girl’s level.
Ashley smiled and nodded enthusiastically.
“I’m so excited to meet you. Have you ever had swimming lessons before?”
Ashley shook her head.
“My name is Valerie. It can be a hard name to say. If you want, you can call me Miss V, or Val. Sound good?”
Ashley’s mom shot Valerie a thankful look.
“We’ll get in the water in a second, Ashley. I need to talk to your mommy for a minute. Can I show you some stretches to do before we get started?”
Ashley nodded again and watched as she demonstrated a few seated stretches. While Ashley followed her instructions, Valerie walked over to her mother.
“Hi, I’m Valerie.” She offered a hand. “Ashley’s five, right?”
The mother nodded. “Beth,” she said, shaking her hand. “She’s so excited to start swimming. I’m worried it will be too hard for her, though. Her muscle tone is really weak. She’s got a pretty severe speech delay, too, so communication can be hard for her.”
“We’ll get started slowly. You never know, she might surprise you.”
She lowered herself into the shallow end of the pool, where she’d laid out a kickboard and a few floatation devices.
“All right, Ashley. Are you ready? Come sit down here on the edge of the pool and I’ll help you in. The water is really shallow, so you should be able to stand up with no problems.”
Ashley did as she was told, dipping her toes into the water and smiling. For the rest of the lesson, the two worked together well. She was even able to get Ashley to put her face in the water and blow bubbles. Beth beamed as Valerie helped Ashley out of the water. The little girl hugged her mother, dripping wet, and said something Valerie couldn’t understand.
“She wants to come back tomorrow.”
Ashley’s bright smile melted her heart. “Next week, Ashley. I’ll be here for you. In the meantime, you practice blowing bubbles in the pool or in the bath, but only with your mom watching, okay?”
Ashley nodded and wrapped her in a strong embrace.
“I think this is going to work out just fine, Beth,” she said over Ashley’s head.
“I think you’re right.”
As she watched Beth and Ashley head toward the locker room, she caught sight of a familiar face sitting on the bleachers. Her stomach flipped and her heart tightened in her chest as Donovan’s eyes locked onto hers. He was still in his duty uniform, the fitted blue T-shirt accenting his broad and deliciously muscled chest. She didn’t bother wrapping up in a towel as she walked around the pool to him, though her face flamed at the heat in his gaze.
“What are you doing here, hotshot?”
He licked his lips. “Thought I’d come for a swim. I worked a busy shift and the pool sounded good.”
“Mind if I share your lane? I’ve got an hour until my next student.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “Think you can keep up with me?”
“I think it’s you who’ll be keeping up with me.”
“All right, sweetheart. You get us a lane. I’ll get changed.”
He ran his eyes over her bathing-suit-clad body and shook his head.
“What?”
“No woman should look so good in a bathing suit. It should be a crime to walk around looking like that.”
She blushed to the roots of her hair and had to work to stop her smile. “It’s a gift.”
He rose and grabbed his gym bag, checking to see if anyone was looking before dropping a soft kiss on her lips. “My gift.”
Her heart fluttered as he walked away. She was his, one hundred percent.
“Can I take you out tonight, sweetheart? You’ve been here a month. I think that calls for celebration.”
Donovan was in his happy place. Valerie was nestled into his shoulder, her warm skin pressed up against his. He’d spent the early part of the morning worshiping her body as the sun rose and the rest of the world around them slept.
“Although, I’ve already got you in bed, so I guess I don’t need to worry about
that part.”
“What a romantic,” she teased.
“You haven’t seen the half of it, sweetheart.”
She leaned into him then, placing her soft lips on his chest, and nibbled lightly. He sucked in an involuntary breath as she bit down a little harder, sending tingles running up and down his body.
“Mmm, on second thought, maybe we should just stay here all day. I don’t have duty until the weekend.”
She shifted in his arms to glance at the clock on his bedside table.
“Unfortunately, I do. I’ve got to get ready. I’ve got two new students this morning.”
He pouted as she sat up and moved away from him. “More special needs kids?”
He watched as she pulled her hair into a messy bun on top of her head and covered her beautiful body with one of his old T-shirts.
“Yeah. Both of them. That makes five new students in two weeks. Jan’s so excited. They’ve never had an instructor willing to work with special needs students.”
“I think you found your calling.”
Warmth flooded him at the sight of her answering grin as she flicked the light on in the bathroom. “Maybe. It’s something else, working with these sweet kids.”
“Have you thought about becoming a special-education teacher?” He’d been researching local colleges that had special-education programs, collecting information, waiting for the right time to show her.
“It’s crossed my mind. Honestly, I’m kind of scared of the idea. It could be so rewarding, but really hard, too.”
His phone buzzed and clattered on the bedside table. Maddie’s name showed on the caller ID and his heart sank.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’ve got to take this.”
She nodded and waved a hand as she popped her toothbrush into her mouth and closed the bathroom door.
“Maddie?”
“Donnie, you’ve got to come now. You said you’d come.” The fear in her voice cut through him like a million knives.
“What happened?”
“We came back. Mom said we had to.” Her voice was thick with tears and he struggled to understand her. “He . . . I think he might start on me. Mom’s not enough anymore.”
“What?” Icy cold terror gripped him. “You get out of there. Call the police, Maddie. That’s child abuse. They’ll arrest his ass before he even realizes what happened.”
“Mom said they’ll take us away from her, too.”
“Maddie. I’m calling Viv. You pack your bags.”
“Okay. When are you coming?”
“I’m driving up today. I love you guys. I’ll be there tonight.”
Her sobs tore through him on the other end of the line.
“Maddie, it’s going to be okay.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
He hung up the phone with shaking hands and set about packing a small duffel bag with essentials. He had four days off because of all the shifts he’d covered for Sully in the last few weeks. It was short, but enough time for him to get to his sisters and get them out of harm’s way. A soft sigh from the doorway drew his attention from packing.
“Did I scare you off already, hotshot?” Valerie’s voice held a teasing note, but her brow was creased with worry.
His heart jumped to his throat. That look on her face nearly broke him.
“I’ve got to go up to DC today. Something came up with my little sisters.” He shoved the last of his clothes into his duffel bag and zipped it a little more forcefully than necessary.
“I’ll go with you.”
Her statement caught him off guard. He wanted nothing more than to have her with him, to be able to wrap up in her after dealing with his family.
Instead of giving in, he shook his head. “No, sweetheart. This is something between me and my family.”
“Oh, right. Sorry.” Her aqua eyes flitted away, causing him to wince at the hurt that passed over her face.
He wanted to tell her, to give her the chance to tell him it was okay, that she wanted him no matter how screwed up his life really was. Instead, he shut down, closed off his heart, and acted like it didn’t matter.
“I’m heading out as soon as I get my shit packed. I’m sorry, we’ll have to postpone our date.”
“Is everything okay?”
He shook his head, eyes trained on the floor for fear of letting his walls down.
“Can I do anything to help?” Her voice was calm and soothing.
He sucked in a harsh breath. What could she do? He needed a fucking minute to clear his head.
“Make some coffee? It’s . . . I need to make a phone call and then hit the road.”
Her lips pressed into a thin line and she nodded. Within minutes, the smell of fresh coffee drifted into the bedroom as he brushed his teeth and threw his toiletries into a small black bag.
His Aunt Viv hadn’t answered her phone and his stomach clenched at the idea of seeing his sisters, terrified, victimized, hurt. Anger sizzled through him when he thought of his mother and her unwillingness to leave. His father had never tried to hide the abuse, never seemed ashamed, and nobody ever said anything about it. Keeping the wife in line, that’s what he was doing, what his father before him had done. When Donovan had left at eighteen, he swore his life wasn’t going to be colored by his father’s shameful morals.
Valerie stood with her favorite coffee mug cupped in her hands, her eyes soft and sympathetic on him as he lugged his duffel on one shoulder and set it down at the front door. A small smile appeared on her lips as she poured a little cream in to top off the travel mug on the counter.
“Good luck with whatever’s going on. I hope you know I’m here. I’ll listen when you’re ready to talk to me.”
His chest swelled with so much love for her, he thought it might burst. “Thanks, sweetheart.”
He grabbed the coffee mug and pulled her to him, crushing his lips to hers. He poured everything he was feeling, but couldn’t say, into the kiss, hoping against hope that she’d somehow read him, know his heart. Slowly, they parted, the loss of her warmth and softness an acute pain.
His phone buzzed against his thigh from the pocket of his jeans. Aunt Viv, calling back. He flashed Valerie an apologetic glance as he walked away, grabbed his bag, and left. He waited until he was in the elevator before he swiped across the screen to answer the call.
“Viv, you need to go get them.” He didn’t give her the opportunity to greet him. Instead, he jumped straight to the important part of the impending conversation.
“Again?”
“Yes. I’ll be there in a few hours.”
“I’ll wait at the bus stop and intercept them before they get home.”
“Call Child Protective Services. He’s threatened them.”
Viv gasped. “I never thought he’d go after the girls.”
“He’s a bastard.”
“I’ll see you soon, honey. Thanks for coming for them.”
He gritted his teeth against the wave of fierce anger cresting over him and started the jeep. He watched in the rearview mirror as his comfortable life disappeared from view and he headed back to the place most of his nightmares came from.
The drive to DC should have been beautiful. The sky was clear, rather than the typical overcast of late summer, while a steady breeze kept the ocean waves moving smoothly up and down. Perfect weather for sailing, for spending his day on the water, soaking up the best part of the summer. The late morning sun glistened over the ocean water, causing flashes of golden light at every wave. A familiar feeling of disappointment settled over Donovan as the coastal road turned to a highway.
Three hours alone with his thoughts was plenty of time to build on his worry for his sisters, his hatred of his father, and hi
s anger and frustration with his mother. In search of a distraction, he switched on the radio and grinned when The Beatles’ Here, There, and Everywhere started playing.
His mind immediately went to Valerie, his shower singer. He didn’t have the heart to tease her about her accidental serenades on mornings when he was home. She’d hop up before he was out of bed and start singing, almost before the shower started running. She had a typical set list. She usually started with something from a Disney movie, a couple of songs from musicals, and always ended with The Beatles. Before he could stop himself, he was singing along, feeling a little lighter at the thought of having her to come home to.
Three and a half hours later, he shifted and stretched his aching back as he sat parked in front of his parents’ old row house. The neighborhood he’d grown up in hosted lots of middle-class families of firefighters and police officers. His Aunt Viv’s old Chevy Nova sat parked on the side of the street a few homes down. Clearly, she’d wanted to go unnoticed as she waited for his sisters’ school bus.
After taking a steadying breath, he stepped out of his jeep and headed into his childhood home. He braced himself for the onslaught of harsh memories, the sounds of blows finding their marks on his mother, the crash of their belongings hitting the floor as she fell into tables, cupboards, and counters.
His mother opened the door before he could knock, her thin face marred by a split lip and a black eye.
“Donnie, baby! I didn’t know you were coming.”
She wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders and he crumbled. As angry as her refusal to leave made him, he loved her so damn much.
“Momma.” His voice broke and he tightened his arms around her small frame.
“Baby, what brought you here?”
