“I think that’s fantastic.” I reached out and caught his hand. “I’m so glad your dad’s supporting you in this.”
“He was actually surprised I didn’t know about my grandfather.” Jack shook his head and looked out at the water. “Sometimes I wonder what he thinks he did with us all those years. If he has his own version of events.”
Chewing my lip, I remembered how much his father used to drink, and I wondered the same thing.
“Try not to look at it that way. Things are getting so much better with him, don’t you think?”
He shrugged. “I don’t want to sound cold, but it’s hard for me to care.”
Pressing my lips together I nodded. “I understand that.” I also hoped that once he was happy, once everything was how it should be with him, his feelings might change.
“Can I have a hug?”
He frowned. “Are you serious?”
“I want to thank you.”
“For what?”
“What you said out there, what you said here, for trusting me, for giving me better memories of us together.” I reached out, awkwardly across the space between the pier and the boat, and he gave me a brief, friendly hug.
I quickly straightened and smiled. “It’s all turning out like it was supposed to, and you’re going to be happy. Trust me.”
He smiled then. “Take care of yourself.”
Anna’s Private Blog: Go to London
When I got back home, I went straight to the shower. Rachel was back when I got out, and she was collecting her things and packing an overnight bag.
“Hey!” I wrapped the towel around my wet hair. “What’s the news? How’s Brad?”
She stopped and gave me a relieved smile. “He’s going to be fine. They released him, but he needs someone there just to make sure nothing happens, he doesn’t lose consciousness or anything.”
“Oh, Rachel! I’m so glad!” I hopped over and pulled her into a hug. She hugged me back tightly.
“I’m sorry I asked you to help with the Jack thing. I know that’s an awkward situation for you.”
Waving my hand, I smiled. “It turned out to be a good thing, so no worries.”
Her brow lined. “I want to hear more about this, but I don’t want to leave Brad home alone too long.”
“Where’s his dad?”
“His buddy was still in town with the plane, and he managed to catch a ride back before he left.”
Nodding, I realized Mr. Brennan would’ve been carless otherwise. “Lucky break.”
“It was.” She pulled the strap over her shoulder. “Otherwise, Brad’s mom would’ve had to come get him. Well, let me take off, but we have a night at Fat Harry’s in our future.”
All the events of the last two days filled my head, and I grinned. “Yes, we do.”
I ate a quick breakfast, and around mid-morning, I sat down and called Julian. I tried Skyping first, but it only rang and rang with him never answering.
It was silly of me to think he’d be sitting at home waiting for me to call, so I grabbed my phone to send him a text.
I’m here, ready to talk. No more interruptions.
Sitting with my back against my bed, I waited. And waited.
I looked up at my ceiling, resting my head against the mattress. I lowered my legs and opened the photo-sharing app on my phone, scrolling through everybody’s party pix, double-tapping the ones I liked.
Still no answer.
You there? I texted one more time, trying to imagine where he might be.
It was Saturday. He could be in the park, down by the shore, painting or… something. In a lab? Without his phone?
The pain in my throat grew tighter, and all I could think about were his last words. He felt like I wasn’t talking, like we were growing apart. The night before he’d texted something about a secret, and now he wasn’t talking.
The whole idea of it, of him being so angry again made my insides start wigging out. It felt like my heart and lungs and stomach were flailing and kicking like a little kid throwing a tantrum. I know that’s weird, but Julian was a part of me, and for him to try and pull away felt like he was pulling everything out of me with him.
I had to try again.
Sorry it’s later than I realized. Brad was just released. Rachel’s over with him.
What else could I text? He wanted me to talk… I hadn’t wanted to text this, but maybe it was a start?
She asked me to run an errand this morning. Jack has his boat, and they were going out. He wasn’t answering his phone, so she asked me to go and tell him about the accident.
I took a deep breath and waited. What happened next I’d planned to explain over Skype, where I could see his face and he could see mine. Where he could see my love for him in my eyes and not read these disembodied letters.
I know I promised never to be alone with him again, but I figured you’d understand because of what happened with Brad. I hope I was right. It was nothing, really.
Chewing my lip, I waited again. Minutes ticked by, and still no response.
I stared at the little blue bubbles containing all my words, and I wanted to scream, “Answer me!!!”
I hated these 700 miles between us so intensely, I wanted to slam my phone against the wall. I wasn’t sure I’d survive this silent treatment from him. What did he think I was hiding?
I slumped down onto my side, lying on the floor. Closing my eyes, I remembered something else he didn’t know.
Found out Friday—I’m accepted into JYA. Still having second thoughts. Even if we don’t get to see each other as much now, at least we still can.
The continued silence of my phone made me feel like I was going quietly insane. I felt like my room was a small prison, and I’d been forced into solitary confinement. Only, I wasn’t sure what crime I had committed, since the judge wouldn’t speak to me.
After a few more minutes of silence, I pushed off the floor and went to the kitchen. At least prisoners were allowed to eat. I boiled water on the stove and made myself a cup of dehydrated black bean soup. While I waited for it to thicken, I toasted a slice of bread and grabbed a Coke out of the fridge. The entire time, I watched my phone like it was a firecracker fixing to explode. Only it never did. Instead it was one of those duds where the wick either went out or got disconnected.
With a deep sigh, I carried my late lunch back to the living room and sat on the couch. I didn’t want to watch television. I didn’t want to read or go out. I didn’t want to do anything but hear from Julian.
Lunch finished, I lay on my side staring at the silent device. An hour had passed, and I knew he had seen my messages. There was no way he hadn’t. He wasn’t answering me, and I didn’t know why. I decided to try one last time.
Please talk to me.
Seconds passed and my phone buzzed. A little squeal leaped from my throat, and I flipped it over fast. Three short words ripped out my heart.
Go to London.
My brow lined as pain radiated all the way to my bones. Sliding back onto my side, I lay on the couch like a trauma victim. I couldn’t even cry. I didn’t know what to say. My eyes closed, and I saw myself screaming “No!” as he turned and walked away.
Anna’s Private Blog: Goodbye, New Orleans
My brain carried on the last few weeks of school as if it was completely disconnected from my broken heart. Maybe it had always been disconnected, because it sure seemed to lead me wrong most of the time when love was involved.
Brad continued to improve, but Rachel still stayed with him most of the time. In an effort to distract myself from the intense pain radiating from my hollow chest every minute of every day, I threw myself into final projects, film editing, reading, and writing. Until finally it was all done. I handed in my last assignment, ready to say goodbye for the summer.
Dr. Arati was my last class to meet, and she pulled me back to the one unresolved issue on my plate.
“We never had that chat about JYA.” Her posture was calm, expe
rienced. “I need to send them your final decision this week.”
Julian’s last text echoed in my memory like some horrible death sentence. He still wasn’t talking to me, and I still hadn’t been able to get any answers. What had happened? How could he push me away so completely?
“My parents are really excited about it.” It was the only response I could give her. It was the truth. I hadn’t told anyone about me and Julian, but my parents knew I’d gotten the internship, and they were already working out the financial arrangements.
“But you’re not so excited?” She gave me a warm smile, her black eyes full of empathy.
“I’m not sure how I feel. I’m honored, of course, and I’m sure it would be an unforgettable experience.” My eyes dropped to her shoes.
“But?” She gently prodded.
For a few moments, I was silent. He had told me to go. It was the only thing he’d said to me in almost three weeks. My parents were beside themselves buying me all sorts of devices and gadgets. Apparently the wall outlets are completely different in Europe. In truth, nothing was stopping me from going except my destroyed heart.
“Anna, I know this can be a hard decision at your age. It can feel monumental—especially if you have someone special you’d be leaving behind.”
Lifting my chin, I made a decision then. “I’m sorry it took me so long to decide, but I’m going.”
My professor seemed taken aback, but she quickly recovered. “That’s wonderful. I’ll send Liam your answer today—right now—and we can start getting your paperwork sent over.”
Relief wasn’t what I felt. Resignation was closer to the emotion moving through my body. In the center of my chest was that hole where my heart had been. It continued to radiate misery through my stomach, but somehow, I felt like I wasn’t going to die if I just kept moving.
“Thank you so much, Dr. Arati.” I hugged my books and took a step toward the door. “I’m really so grateful for this opportunity.”
She smiled and gave me a hug. “Let me know if you have any questions or problems. I’m here as your adviser.”
* * *
Finally, I was back at home. All of my furniture and clothes had to be packed because Rachel was getting a new roommate, but it wasn’t an enormous amount of stuff. I’d only taken up half of a half of a duplex, which was as small as it sounded, and I’d never been much of a hoarder.
The most important thing I brought back with me was the painting hanging above my bed—me holding my hair back, surrounded by all shades of green waves. I took it off the wall and held it a few moments, studying the careful brush strokes, lightly touching the curling greens around my torso and head. Julian had painted it from memory, he said he’d painted it from feelings, and the thought of him creating it, capturing me on canvas stroke by stroke was the only thing that kept me going. He loved me then; he still loved me now. I was certain of it, and no matter how angry he was, I could make him see that.
Mom was giddy and emotional that I was “back in the nest” for a few weeks before I left for London mid-July. Dad just laughed at her and teased me about being a bird. Both wanted to know when Julian would be home from Savannah. I wanted to know as well, but since we’d stopped communicating, I had no clue.
The prospect of hanging around the house alone not knowing where he was or what he was doing was unbearable. Lucy and Robert hadn’t moved to Birmingham yet, so I shot her a text.
Back from college! Any chance we can meet up?
I was anxious to see her again before we all went in different directions, and even though she wasn’t staying at her dad’s anymore, she’d most likely know what was going on with her brother. She replied quickly.
Of course! Let’s do The Hangout tonight, dinner?
Meet you there at 8.
* * *
The Hangout was more of a tourist-trap, but most of the local kids went there anyway. It was a huge restaurant right on the Gulf, with outdoor seating and live music. The bands played in a giant courtyard area that included games and vendors selling glow sticks and ray guns. On the other side of the space was a sandy playground with rides for kids.
Lucy and I sat at the outdoor bar, listening to the band and catching up. The sun was just starting to set, but under the lights of the outdoor patio, we didn’t notice the growing dusk. It was hot and sticky, but we were both dressed for the weather—she in in a filmy, dark blue handkerchief-print maxi dress. I’d picked up a knee-length, spaghetti-strap green dress at one of the beach shops. It had little white shells scattered like polka dots all over it, and it reminded me of her ring. I touched the dragonfly still on my finger.
“Look at you! So fresh and pretty.” Lucy hurried up and clutched me in a hug. Her long hair was swept over one shoulder.
“Just like you!” I squeezed her back. “Married life seems to be agreeing with you.”
“I love it very much.” She smiled, taking her seat. The waiter came and took our drink orders, but she only got a Diet Coke. I just asked for water. “It’s like I have a thing now.”
“What do you mean?”
She laughed. “Everybody’s got something they love. This is what I’ve got. Robert and my family. I’m hoping…”
My mouth dropped. “Are you pregnant?”
“Oh, god no. We’ve got to get through medical school, but I can’t wait.” The waiter returned with our drinks, and once he’d gone, she leaned forward on the table. “Tell me all about London! I’m so excited for you, I can’t stand it.”
A line pierced my brow. “How did you know I got in?”
“Rachel, of course! She emailed me asking if I knew anybody looking for a roommate next semester.”
“Oh, yeah.” My lips twisted into a frown. “One of the bad parts is losing a great roommate.”
“But not as bad as being so far from Julian?” She took a sip of her drink.
Shrugging, I looked out toward the Gulf, wondering where he even was right now. I stabbed my straw up and down in my water.
“Hang on.” Lucy’s hand fell, hitting the table and making me jump. “What is that supposed to mean? Are you and Julian fighting?”
My eyes rose to her bright blue ones. “Honestly? I don’t know. He’s been pulling away since spring break, and for the last month, he hasn’t returned any of my texts.”
She hopped off her stool and quickly ran around to hug me. “Anna! You must be going crazy—is there anything I can do?”
Her unexpected display of affection made my breath hiccup. My eyes heated, and I was afraid I might cry. “I don’t think so. I just want answers. I want to know what happened, whatever it is he’s not telling me, or whatever he thinks I’m not telling him.”
She leaned back, studying my face, her eyes full of concern. “You don’t have any idea what it could be?”
“No… I mean… he said something about a secret. I didn’t know what he meant, but he said he felt distance between us. We didn’t see each other much during spring break, and when we went back, it was like that space just got bigger.”
“He barely made it in for the wedding.”
My mind traveled back to the reason. “He was angry with me. I hadn’t told him… some things.” Oh, god, was that all it was? Jack? But it didn’t make any sense, we’d worked that out. I told him about the sailing trip. Yes, I’d promised not to be alone with him again, but he had to understand it was for Rachel. And I’d told him right away.
From the corner of my eye, I noticed Lucy jump. She suddenly sat very straight and reached across the table for my hand. “Brace yourself. He just walked in.”
Pain squeezed in my chest, and for a second, I forgot how to breathe. My eyes followed hers looking behind me, moving to the right. “Does he see us?”
She nodded in the direction of the small bar behind us, and I turned, stealing a glance over my shoulder. What I saw made me jump out of the chair. He was there, facing the bartender, wearing jeans and a gray tee, but what had me ready to run was the brunett
e in the strapless dress hanging on his arm.
“He’s here with Renee?” My whisper was almost a hiss.
“What can I do?” Lucy’s voice was equally low, and I felt her reach for my arm.
Just then, he turned around and our eyes met. In my peripheral vision, I could tell Renee was smiling, but I couldn’t tear my gaze from his. I was sure my heartbreak was pouring from my eyes, but I couldn’t read anything in his. His expression was completely neutral.
My feet moved on their own, as if my body were drawn to him. I didn’t make a conscious decision, I simply couldn’t stop myself going straight to where he stood, until we were facing each other. He took a half step away from her, and Renee’s smile melted into a frown.
I was the first to speak. “What are you doing here?”
He didn’t answer, but Renee did. “Hi, Anna. Just get in town for the break?”
I didn’t even acknowledge her. “Why won’t you talk to me?”
At that, his brow lowered, and he seemed almost angry. Instead of answering, though, he caught my arm and pulled me away from the bar. “I’m not doing this here.”
He released me and kept walking through the patio space to where the small playground was located. I followed him, not sure if that was what he meant, but unable to let him go without an explanation. He kept walking through the gate, across the parking lot, and over the boardwalk. I followed him out to the sand, away from the crowd, until at last he stopped and turned to face me. His expression was still that neutral almost-irritation, like he would patiently listen to whatever I had to say, but his decision was already made. I’d seen him treat his mother this same way, and it panicked me.
“Julian, you have to talk to me. What happened back there?”
Finally, I got a response. His eyebrows pulled together, and I saw real anger. “I have to talk to you? I’m not the one still keeping secrets.”
Shaking my head, I pushed my hair back from my cheeks. “I don’t know what you’re talking about! I don’t have any secrets from you.”
Mosaic (Dragonfly #4) Page 20
