by Amie Knight
It set off some giggles on my part. Because this whole conversation with Pops was embarrassing and crazy as hell and yeah, even funny.
Looking over at Pops, I noticed he was wearing a lopsided smile behind his cup of coffee and I laughed even harder. The man had no shame.
My eyes made their way back over to Oliver and then back to Pops again and again. My guys were ridiculous. But they were mine. And I wouldn’t have changed a hair on their heads.
I was sweating my ass off. Well, not really. I wished I were sweating my ass off. Instead I was just sweating. The weather was warming. Spring had sprung and Pops wanted to get a head start on cleaning up the garden in the backyard to get it prepped for all the vegetables and herbs that would go in soon.
So I was getting rid of weeds and tilling the soil with Amor while Pops chased a squirrel around the yard that he swore was eating our vegetables.
“So, what’s going on with you and the young Oliver?” Amor asked. She was on her knees in the dirt and I was worried she was never going to be able to get up.
I debated denying or just outright lying, but if I was done lying to myself then I needed to be honest with everyone else, too.
“I don’t know, really. Things are changing quickly, but I’m not quite sure where we stand.” I was on my knees next to Amor, plucking weeds and throwing them in the bucket that sat right between us.
“Hmm. Well, it’s always been obvious to me where he stands. Oliver is the type of boy who wears his heart on his sleeve, Hazel. You just haven’t been looking for it. Sometimes you just gotta open your eyes.”
She was so right. There had been a spark between Oliver and me for years. I’d held my eyes closed so I wouldn’t see it, but nevertheless it still prevailed.
That spark. It was there. Always. In the not so casual way his hand would brush against mine. In the searing intensity of a thousand gazes he’d thrown my way over what felt like a lifetime of years. In the deliberate way he said my name, full of intention—promise.
That damn spark. It was going to ignite and burn me up.
Because Oliver Knox may have been the virgin between the two of us, but he made me feel like a novice. Like I was before. Before this scarred and beaten up version of me. And I didn’t even remember that girl, but I knew this was what she would feel like—sparkling, shiny, brand fucking new. And that scared the ever-loving hell out of me.
“Yeah, you’re right. I liked to keep my eyes closed. I have a hard time letting people in.” It was frustrating even to me. I just didn’t know how to break the cycle.
She sighed heavily before leaning back on her haunches so she could look at me. “Speaking of letting people in, your mother came over again the other day while you were at work. She wanted to speak to Jack.”
“Yeah? How did that go?” I kept digging at the weeds, so she couldn’t see how her words affected me.
“Just like every time she comes over. He says he’s not ready until you are. And sends her away.”
I wanted to rejoice that Pops had my back, but I also wanted to cry because I had a feeling Pops wanted to see her and spend time with her.
“She’s his daughter.” Her voice was so small and quiet, I might have missed it had I not been paying close attention.
I leaned back and pulled my gloves off and threw them in the grass. “I know,” I said, getting ready to get up and leave. I loved Amor, but she didn’t get to do this to me. Pops said I could do this when I was ready and I wasn’t yet. She wasn’t going to guilt me into it.
Amor placed a hand on my shoulder to hold me in place. “Listen to me, young lady. I love your grandfather. And when that girl comes over here and wants to be with him, it hurts him to turn her away. Now, personally, I think she’s a no good piece of work, but she’s telling Jack she’s changed now that your father is locked up. And Jack wants to believe her. He wants his daughter back. He wants you to have your mother back.”
She squeezed my shoulder lovingly. “All I’m asking is for you to think about giving her a chance for him. And if she turns out to be the piece of shit I think she is, you can cut her loose with no regrets and so can he. And if by some miracle, she proves us all wrong, then you’ve gained a whole lot and you haven’t lost a damn thing by trying.”
I bowed my head and closed my eyes, feeling at my wits’ end. My brain literally couldn’t handle anything else. First Oliver, now Amor. I had a lot to think about. And I didn’t like to think about things. I liked to play video games and avoid them.
“Okay, I’ll think about it. I promise.” I patted her hand still on my shoulder. I knew she meant well. “I’m just a little overwhelmed with everything.”
She leaned over again, picking weeds and putting them in the bucket. “You know what I do when I’m overwhelmed and need advice? I call up my best friend of forty years. And we have cake and champagne and talk until I feel better.”
I nodded, wiping some sweat from my brow. I did need to talk to Scarlett. We had so much to discuss and it wasn’t fair to put it off any longer.
“Hey, Pops!” I looked around the yard. “Pops!”
“Over here! Behind the shed!” he yelled.
I walked over there, wondering what the hell he was doing back there. I spotted him stalking a damn squirrel.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“This is the guy! This one, right here!” He pointed to the squirrel.
What in the ever-loving hell? “What guy?”
He threw his hands out in frustration. “The guy that ate my vegetables last year, Hazel!”
I laughed. The man was crazy. “How the hell do you know? Every squirrel in the world looks alike, Pops.”
He sliced his hand across the air. “Nope. It was that one.” He pointed at it again and the poor thing was just sitting there minding its own damn business. “You see that white spot on its nose? I’d recognize it anywhere.” His tone was so accusatory I had to laugh.
I patted him on the shoulder. “Okay, old man. But what are you gonna do about it? He’s just a little guy.”
“Nothing,” he said. “I just like to know my enemies.” He held his pointer and middle fingers on his right hand, put them near his eyes, and then pointed them at the squirrel, making the universal I’m watching you sign.
Shaking my head at his crazy, I finally talked to him about what I’d come over for originally. “Do you mind if I cut your Hazey day a little short? I need to talk to Scarlett about something and I’m working the rest of the week.”
“That’s fine. Or you could just invite her over here.” He started walking away from the poor squirrel and back to the garden, so I stepped in beside him.
I squinted my eyes at him. “Why? So you can turn your hearing aids up and listen to our conversation?”
He stopped in the middle of the yard and put his hands on his hips and had the gall to look offended. “One time! A guy does that one time and has to hear about it the rest of his life.”
I giggled as I kept walking into the house. “See you later, Pops!”
I texted Scarlett and asked if I could come over so we could talk and she replied with a quick, please, yes, now! I was lucky her and Luk hadn’t left for their honeymoon yet. They’d had to schedule a honeymoon around Ella’s sitters schedule and they couldn’t go too far because of Scarlett’s condition and it turned out that all paid off for me right now.
So I jumped in the shower and bathed as fast as I could. Threw on a pair of shorts and a hoodie and was out the door and in my Eldorado in record time. It cranked right up because Pops had a guy who put a new alternator in it for me.
I pulled up to Luk and Scarlett’s place. It was a cute little bungalow style house that his mother had owned before she’d passed away. Luk had decided to stay there because he hadn’t wanted to disrupt his sister’s life anymore than it already had been at the time. Scarlett loved it there, so it was all good.
I rang the doorbell and Ella, Luk’s little sister who had Down syndrome,
answered the door. “Hey, Hazel,” she said, excitement in her pretty brown eyes.
“Hey, Ells!” I wrapped her in a hug since I knew that was what she liked and asked, “Is Scarlett home?”
“She sure is,” she said, backing out of the doorway and letting me slip past.
I walked into the house to pure chaos. There was a bunch of big dudes who I assumed were football players crowded around the TV and Luk in the kitchen fixing up what looked like some appetizers.
“Hey, Luk,” I said loud enough so he could hear me over the guys.
He looked my way and smiled. “Hey, Hazel! Sorry about the noise!” he practically yelled back. “We’re watching some games from last season. Scarlett said you were coming over. She’s in the bedroom hiding.”
“Thanks.” I walked past the group of guys and was almost out of the room when I heard, “Hey, Hazel!”
I didn’t even want to turn around. I knew it was Mason and I was still mortified about my drunk rambling at the wedding, but I couldn’t avoid him forever.
So I turned around and gave him a wave. He was sitting on the couch, Ella at his side. He smirked at me and I kept right on trucking to the bedroom.
I knocked three times softly. “Hellooooo!”
The door flew open and two arms were around me in less than a second. “Oh my God. I’m so happy you’re here. There is way too much testosterone in this house right now and Ella won’t even hang out with me. She’s too in love with Mason.” It made me smile how put out she was by this.
“Is it like this every weekend?”
She shrugged while climbing on the bed. “Sometimes.”
Her baby bump was getting so big and I found myself a little envious. I didn’t know if maybe it was because Oliver and I were at the beginning of something, but it was the first time I’d ever entertained the thought that I might have a kid. And when I thought of it, I found that I wouldn’t mind it so much. I might even want it. And that was why I had to talk to Scarlett right now.
I sat on the bed next to her and we leaned back against the headboard and put our feet up.
“How’s my baby?” I said, rubbing her belly. It really was getting huge. I couldn’t believe my best friend was having a baby. I sometimes felt like we were still little girls, playing pranks on Oliver and making mud pies in her backyard.
She gave me a sneaky smile. ”He’s doing great.”
What? Oh my goodness! “Did you just say he? I thought y’all weren’t going to find out!”
Shrugging she said, “I couldn’t wait anymore. Besides, I want to decorate a damn nursery and buy clothes.”
“Gah. I’m so excited. A boy!” I leaned over and hugged her tight, and she wrapped her arms around me, too. We were having a boy. It was so exciting.
And then I felt something push against my stomach and then again two seconds later. I pulled out of the embrace, big eyes and open-mouthed. “He kicked me. He knows his aunt Hazel is here,” I said, feeling ridiculous. Because my eyes were stinging, damn it, and my heart just felt so full, like emotion was going to spill out of me everywhere.
Scarlett’s smile fell. “Oh, honey. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I said, using my sleeves to dab at my eyes. “I’m just so happy for you.”
She gave me a sad smile. “That’s sweet, but are you sure? You’re not usually so sensitive.” She tucked a piece of loose hair behind my ear.
It was time. I needed to tell her everything. My heart and my mind were at odds, but it was time I started following my heart. “A lot of shit has happened lately. I think I’m just overwhelmed. I really need to talk about it.”
She threw up her pointer finger. “One minute. This calls for emergency snacks.”
She turned over and opened her bedside table drawer and the amount of sugary snacks that she pulled out of it shocked even me. And I was used to Scarlett’s candy addiction.
Plopping a giant bag of open Skittles and another giant bag of peanut M&Ms between us, she said, “Okay, please continue.”
I started by telling her about my mother coming back. I figured that was easier to tell her than about Oliver. So I started there. Scarlett had always known that my pops had custody of me because my parents weren’t good parents, but she didn’t know the extent of the abuse and I never told her. It just seemed like too much for her to handle. But I came clean. I told her about the beating, me hiding the closet, and then I told her how my father was in prison and now my mother wanted a second chance.
“Do you think she deserves one?” she asked, her hand clutching mine.
“I don’t know. Part of me wants to believe her. And the other part of me thinks she wants to take advantage of Pops or something.”
“What does Pops want?”
I swallowed hard, not wanting to admit that maybe Amor was right. “I think he wants a chance to have a relationship with his daughter but not at the expense of our relationship.”
She nodded in understanding. “Then maybe you have to try for your pops.”
“Yeah,” I breathed, knowing she was right, but still terrified out of my mind. “I’m just scared. I wasn’t in a good place then, Scar.” I wiped my sweaty hands on my shirt and saliva pooled in my mouth knowing what I had to tell her. “I used to hurt myself then. But I haven’t in a long time and I don’t ever want to feel that way again.”
Two intense lines formed between her eyebrows as she frowned. “Hurt yourself how?”
I bit my lips, trying to think of a way to tell her, but I couldn’t. The fear on her face made me want to hide. I didn’t want to do this to her. But I wanted her to know everything. I pulled the sleeves of my burgundy-colored hoodie up until they were both at my elbows and I showed her the insides of my arms.
She sucked in a huge gulp of air, her breath catching before she pushed aside the bags between us and grabbed my wrist, studying my arms with intensity.
“Oh, Hazel,” she cried softly and rubbed her thumbs across the worst of my scars on each arm. “Oh, why didn’t you tell me?” Tears slid down her cheeks and my heart split right open and my own eyes leaked.
“I didn’t want to make you sad. I didn’t want you to worry,” I defended.
She catapulted herself at me, her arms so tight around my neck, I didn’t know if she was trying to strangle me or hug me.
“Worry me. Make me sad. But always tell me, Hazel. Always,” she cried into my neck. “And promise me if you ever feel like doing anything like that again, you will call me instead.” She pulled out of our hug just enough to look me in the eyes. “You are so precious to me, Hazel. And you will be so precious to my baby boy, too.” More tears spilled down her face and onto her pink shirt. “Always come to me. Promise me.”
How could I not promise? She threw in my future nephew, for heaven’s sake. She knew what she was doing. I pulled her back in and hugged her just as hard as she hugged me. “I promise,” I breathed into her mass of red hair.
Letting out a long breath, she leaned back against the headboard on her side of the bed. “Goodness, girl.” She held up a finger. “Let me bring out the big guns.”
She leaned over into her nightstand and pulled out an entire bag of little white donuts and opened them up, grabbing one.
She tossed the bag between us and I leaned back against the headboard and laughed. “You have donuts in your bedside table?”
“Yep. I’m pregnant, Hazel. I can eat whatever the fuck I want and no one can say anything.” She took a bite of the donut and little powdered sugar landed on her shirt, but she didn’t notice at all. Instead, she closed her eyes and moaned as she chewed.
I giggled again. “Well, do you have anymore snacks over in that little table because I’m not done with all of my confessing?”
Her eyes snapped open. “There’s more?” Powdered sugar puffed out of her full mouth like smoke.
“Yep.” I grabbed a donut and shoved it in, hoping to work up the courage to tell her.
“Well?” she asked, wa
tching me chew.
I swallowed the donut and it sat heavy in my stomach. But here went nothing. “I think Oliver and I have a thing.” Holy hell, I wanted to smack myself in the face. What the hell? I was the worst.
She raised her pretty red brows. “You and Oliver have a thing?”
“Mmmhmm.” I nodded, looking around the room for a way out that wouldn’t be climbing over her. Jumping out the window behind me was looking pretty good at the moment.
I was contemplating if I wanted to risk it when Scarlett’s high-pitched, hysterical laugh scared the shit out of me.
For a split second I thought she might be crying. And she kind of was, but she was mostly dying laughing combined with a few random snorts that shouldn’t have been as adorable as they were.
“You think you and Oliver”—she paused to catch her breath—“have a thing.” She laughed out.
I shoved another donut in my mouth, completely confused. Because I’d expected her to have questions. To maybe ask what thing we had. But noooo, she was laughing like a damn cackling hyena.
Her laughter grew softer and she clutched her belly and tried to catch her breath. “Oh, Hazel, you and Ollie have always had a thing.”
“What?” I asked, powdered sugar flying out of my mouth this time. What the hell was she talking about?
“Girl, Mom and I have been calling you and Ollie Hollie for years. Probably since Ollie was twelve or so. He’s always had a thing for you. And you’ve had a thing for him for a long time, too. And I think everyone knew it but you.”
“What? Y’all call us Hollie?” I didn’t understand.
She giggled. “Yeah, it’s y’all’s couple name. Hazel plus Ollie equals Hollie.”
I tried not to smile, but I couldn’t help it. It was kind of adorable.
“So, have you finally admitted to yourself that you love my brother?”
Rolling my eyes, I said, “I don’t know about love yet. It’s early, you know. But I think I want to see where it goes.”
She launched herself at me again. “I’ve been waiting for this day my whole life.”
